Jetsfan80 Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 1. What's sad about 4 black people in a Cadillac going over a cliff? They were my friends. 2. A horse walked into a bar. Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation. 3. A visibly exhausted and distressed man walks into a bar and orders a strong drink. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "No, all days are 24 hours long" the man replies, amazed at how uneducated the bartender is. 4. Your friend is so gay, he has consensual sex with other men, and enjoys it. 5. There's an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community. 6. How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it and the other to hold the ladder so the first man won't fall and hurt himself. 7. A man walks into a bar. His alcohol dependency is tearing his family apart. 8. Why did the black man buy 3 boxes of condoms? Because he practices safe sex and they were on sale. 9. Your mama's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease. 10. Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks around a bit, eats some grass, and then wanders off. 11. A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies "My wife is dying of terminal cancer." 12. Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No. Well, it's really nice. 13. Your mom is so fat that when she dives into a pool she displaces a proportionately larger volume of water than people with less body mass. 14. Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? Repeated absences and stealing. 15. Roses are gray. Violets are gray. I am a dog. 16. A man walks into a bar. "Ouch", he says. 17. Haikus are easy, But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator. 18. What did the black guy, the latino guy, and the asian guy all have in common? Believe it or not, they all liked cantaloupe. 19. How many jews does it take to change a light bulb? A light bulb cannot be changed; it either is or isn't. Do you mean replace a burned-out bulb with a new one? With design, logistics, manufacturing, marketing of just that single bulb - there are many people involved. It could be argued that we all play some part in the process. 20. Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says "Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house". The other man replies, "Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidize her drug habit." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted June 19, 2014 Share Posted June 19, 2014 LMFAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Division Marduk Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 What's white and can't climb stairs? A fridge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Two chemists walk into a bar. The first asks the bartender, "Can I have some H2O?" The bartender pours him a glass, and the second chemist says, "I'll have some H2O, too." The bartender hands the second chemist a glass, and as he takes a sip, he spits out the liquid inside. Prone to anger, the chemist begins to yell at the bartender. "This is peroxide, you f**ker," he screams. "You know what I meant! Do you think this kind of sh** is funny?" In a fit of rage-fueled litigiousness, the chemist calls a personal injury lawyer, who files suit against all parties responsible. The bartender is subsequently fired by the bar, which wishes to distance itself from him for reasons of liability and public relations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 How do you make a plumber cry? Kidnap his family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RutgersJetFan Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RutgersJetFan Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Why didn't the black man who worked in the bakery know how to make the rolls? Because he's the manager and he delegates those jobs to the employees. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Why did the fat guy cry at the Buffet? Because on the way there his wife called and said his best friends dick taste good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fishooked Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Why did the fat guy cry at the Buffet? Because on the way there his wife called and said his best friends dick taste good. LMFAO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Why did little suzy drop her ice cream cone? She was hit by a truck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Why did the fat guy cry at the Buffet? Because on the way there his wife called and said his best friends dick taste good. I don't get it. Was he upset that there was no best friend's dick at the buffet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Division Marduk Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Why did little suzy drop her ice cream cone? She hgot hit by a truck. Why did little suzy drop her ice cream cone? She was hit by a truck. Changing hgot to was makes all the difference! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slowmoe57 Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Nice! But I do prefer this one: A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Why the long face?". The horse does not respond because it is a horse. It can neither speak nor understand English. It is confused by its surroundings and gallops out of the bar, knocking over a few tables in the process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I don't get it. Was he upset that there was no best friend's dick at the buffet? Both Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Why didn't the child cry when the fat man took his candy? Because the fatman was the childs Uncle and could not take him to the zoo in a diabetic coma. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Why did the fat guy cry at the Buffet? Because on the way there his wife called and said his best friends dick taste good. Why didn't the child cry when the fat man took his candy? Because the fatman was the childs Uncle and could not take him to the zoo in a diabetic coma. Is it just me or do Crusher's anti-jokes seem awfully specific? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Is it just me or do Crusher's anti-jokes seem awfully specific? It's just you. Why did the fat man ignore the anchor salesman? Because he's fat and it's not like his boat is floating anyplace anyways., Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 It's just you. Why did the fat man ignore the anchor salesman? Because he's fat and it's not like his boat is floating anyplace anyways., Again... this seems strangely specific to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Again... this seems strangely specific to me. I know. I am not a fan of observational humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 Again... this seems strangely specific to me. Why did everyone make fun of the big boned guy? Because he really wasn't big boned. Just fat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 I know. I am not a fan of observational humor. A short handsome I-Talian man go's to a high school football game and sits slightly to the right in front of a fat man. He cheeers and claps. Because the team he rooted for won? No, because he was happy the fat bastard did fall on him and crush him to death. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted September 18, 2014 Share Posted September 18, 2014 What's worse than biting into an apple and seeing half a worm? The holocaust. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted September 18, 2014 Author Share Posted September 18, 2014 Crusher's humor matches the tone of this thread so well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kleckineau Posted September 20, 2014 Share Posted September 20, 2014 Until I read this thread I thought "The Aristocrats" was the funniest joke ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted September 20, 2014 Author Share Posted September 20, 2014 I still remember the last words my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket. He said, "Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 Knock, Knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 I love anti-jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SenorGato Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 What's the fastest thing in Japan? Light Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SenorGato Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who is driving? Not enough information was provided to answer with absolute certainty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 An Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew walk into a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irish Jet Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 An Irishman walks out of a bar... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted September 22, 2014 Author Share Posted September 22, 2014 What did Steven Hawking say to the prostitute? "My illness prevents me from achieving an erection." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted September 22, 2014 Share Posted September 22, 2014 What did Steven Hawking say to the prostitute? "My illness prevents me from achieving an erection." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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