Song Feedback For A New Tune I wrote

[Blake Allyn]

Hey gang green.  I wrote this song and wanted to see if any of you could give me some constructive criticism.  I appreciate the feedback.  If you do listen it would be nice if you hit the subscribe button as it helps with the search engines.  Happy thursday and please dont draft fournette!

 

 

[southparkcpa]

Join your local chapter of the Nashville songwriters association.

Tons of guys just like you work out their tunes in front of other singer sonwriter types.

Best way to get feedback.

 

I will say that the recording quality was "not so good" did you use your Iphone?

Try strumming a little "less", maybe a few hard stops, it sounds too busy.

We cant hear the words..so the story gets lost.

 

[jetophile]

Oh, my, this is so bad it's great. May God keep your Gordon Gano soul, Steve Stone.

[Bombdirt]

My two cents, for what it's worth: 

I like the harmonica parts, and they fit well with the song, but the solos get a little pitchy in spots. You might try reworking the harmonica solos so there's a little less movement in them--might match up to the guitar a little better. 

It could be my ears--long since fried and racked with tinnitus from years of playing in obscenely loud and untalented bands--but I had trouble making out some of the lyrics in spots. I like your vocal style, but a little more annunciation might help. 

For me, the hook is the most important part of a song. That's what gets people humming along and gets the melody stuck in their heads. You have a solid hook going here, so I would accentuate it a little more so the choruses stand out from the verses. Maybe add a second guitar or some light strings, or possibly some percussion or harmony vocals in those spots. Make that chorus pop. 

I can't comment much on the mix; I'm listening on crappy laptop speakers. Once I eventually get off my ass today I may grab my headphones and give it another listen. 

Overall, I think you've got a good song here with a little polish. Keep it up. 

[Blake Allyn]

48 minutes ago, Bombdirt said:

My two cents, for what it's worth: 

I like the harmonica parts, and they fit well with the song, but the solos get a little pitchy in spots. You might try reworking the harmonica solos so there's a little less movement in them--might match up to the guitar a little better. 

It could be my ears--long since fried and racked with tinnitus from years of playing in obscenely loud and untalented bands--but I had trouble making out some of the lyrics in spots. I like your vocal style, but a little more annunciation might help. 

For me, the hook is the most important part of a song. That's what gets people humming along and gets the melody stuck in their heads. You have a solid hook going here, so I would accentuate it a little more so the choruses stand out from the verses. Maybe add a second guitar or some light strings, or possibly some percussion or harmony vocals in those spots. Make that chorus pop. 

I can't comment much on the mix; I'm listening on crappy laptop speakers. Once I eventually get off my ass today I may grab my headphones and give it another listen. 

Overall, I think you've got a good song here with a little polish. Keep it up. 

Thanks for the feedback.  I appreciate it.

[The Crusher]

Will listen for food.

[Blake Allyn]

29 minutes ago, The Crusher said:

Will listen for food.

What kind?

[The Crusher]

4 minutes ago, Blake Allyn said:

What kind?

A lot.

[Blake Allyn]

1 minute ago, The Crusher said:

A lot.

deal

[The Crusher]

1 hour ago, Bombdirt said:

My two cents, for what it's worth: 

I like the harmonica parts, and they fit well with the song, but the solos get a little pitchy in spots. You might try reworking the harmonica solos so there's a little less movement in them--might match up to the guitar a little better. 

It could be my ears--long since fried and racked with tinnitus from years of playing in obscenely loud and untalented bands--but I had trouble making out some of the lyrics in spots. I like your vocal style, but a little more annunciation might help. 

For me, the hook is the most important part of a song. That's what gets people humming along and gets the melody stuck in their heads. You have a solid hook going here, so I would accentuate it a little more so the choruses stand out from the verses. Maybe add a second guitar or some light strings, or possibly some percussion or harmony vocals in those spots. Make that chorus pop. 

I can't comment much on the mix; I'm listening on crappy laptop speakers. Once I eventually get off my ass today I may grab my headphones and give it another listen. 

Overall, I think you've got a good song here with a little polish. Keep it up. 

Give it another listen with ear phones on. I listened with my Bose sports ear buds and the vocals were pretty clear to me. I really liked the lyrics and the overall feel of it. "Wishing while Im fishing" was a very cool line. Harmonica fit the song perfect but the solos could use some polish. Thought the vocals were nice and also fit song well but needs to be mixed a little better with the instruments.  All in all a very nice rough draft of a catchy tune.

[Blake Allyn]

4 minutes ago, The Crusher said:

Give it another listen with ear phones on. I listened with my Bose sports ear buds and the vocals were pretty clear to me. I really liked the lyrics and the overall feel of it. "Wishing while Im fishing" was a very cool line. Harmonica fit the song perfect but the solos could use some polish. Thought the vocals were nice and also fit song well but needs to be mixed a little better with the instruments.  All in all a very nice rough draft of a catchy tune.

Thanks man.  It is for sure very sloppy. I feel like it needs a guitar lead part and some drums too. 

[The Crusher]

1 minute ago, Blake Allyn said:

Thanks man.  It is for sure very sloppy. I feel like it needs a guitar lead part and some drums too. 

no doubt but i liked it for what it is. Very nice.

[southparkcpa]

2 hours ago, Bombdirt said:

My two cents, for what it's worth: 

I like the harmonica parts, and they fit well with the song, but the solos get a little pitchy in spots. You might try reworking the harmonica solos so there's a little less movement in them--might match up to the guitar a little better. 

It could be my ears--long since fried and racked with tinnitus from years of playing in obscenely loud and untalented bands--but I had trouble making out some of the lyrics in spots. I like your vocal style, but a little more annunciation might help. 

For me, the hook is the most important part of a song. That's what gets people humming along and gets the melody stuck in their heads. You have a solid hook going here, so I would accentuate it a little more so the choruses stand out from the verses. Maybe add a second guitar or some light strings, or possibly some percussion or harmony vocals in those spots. Make that chorus pop. 

I can't comment much on the mix; I'm listening on crappy laptop speakers. Once I eventually get off my ass today I may grab my headphones and give it another listen. 

Overall, I think you've got a good song here with a little polish. Keep it up. 

This guy has a great hook...

 

 

 

[southparkcpa]

6 hours ago, Blake Allyn said:

Hey gang green.  I wrote this song and wanted to see if any of you could give me some constructive criticism.  I appreciate the feedback.  If you do listen it would be nice if you hit the subscribe button as it helps with the search engines.  Happy thursday and please dont draft fournette!

 

 

BTW..didnt mean to be overly critical. I belong to the Charlotte chapter of songwriters and I see and hear this stuff all the time

and really enjoy it.

I play a taylor 810 and bang around, not a song writer myself but support the local scene best I can.

In fact..a local singer songwriter sang a father/daughter tune he wrote  and I loved it.

I asked him to sing it at my daughters wedding.  It was the tune I danced with my daughter.

If you'd like...PM me an email Ill send you the mp3.

 

JOKE:

How do you get a songwriter off your porch?

 

Pay him for the Pizza.

 

 

 

 

 

[Blake Allyn]

14 minutes ago, southparkcpa said:

BTW..didnt mean to be overly critical. I belong to the Charlotte chapter of songwriters and I see and hear this stuff all the time

and really enjoy it.

I play a taylor 810 and bang around, not a song writer myself but support the local scene best I can.

In fact..a local singer songwriter sang a father/daughter tune he wrote  and I loved it.

I asked him to sing it at my daughters wedding.  It was the tune I danced with my daughter.

If you'd like...PM me an email Ill send you the mp3.

 

JOKE:

How do you get a songwriter off your porch?

 

Pay him for the Pizza.

 

Nah man I want you to be honest.  I dont want fake praise.  Every criticism is a step forward.

 

 

 

 

[Bombdirt]

59 minutes ago, southparkcpa said:

This guy has a great hook...

 

 

 

BWAHAHAHAHA this dude is awesome. How have I never heard this before?!

[The Crusher]

4 minutes ago, Bombdirt said:

BWAHAHAHAHA this dude is awesome. How have I never heard this before?!

Honestly?  Wow. Been around forever. Just tremendous.

[chirorob]

10 minutes ago, Bombdirt said:

BWAHAHAHAHA this dude is awesome. How have I never heard this before?!

Man, we were singing him back when I was in college, early 90's

[jetrider]

Needs a bridge. It's all verses and solos. Otherwise it's good, keep writing.

[southparkcpa]

1 hour ago, Bombdirt said:

BWAHAHAHAHA this dude is awesome. How have I never heard this before?!

Go to Amazon Music or Itunes Music to stream and listen to his REAL stuff.  His REAL stuff is yanked from Youtube.

 

ITS UNREAL.

 

He plays in NY from time to time.  Its college material, but great stuff. John Valby..google him.

[southparkcpa]

1 hour ago, The Crusher said:

Honestly?  Wow. Been around forever. Just tremendous.

 

57 minutes ago, chirorob said:

Man, we were singing him back when I was in college, early 90's

I use Amazon music, Im in my early 50's and had him BLASTING in my home Friday night.  I was thinking how immature I am.

Damn proud of it.  Ive seen him at Uni Buffalo, few bars on LI etc.  hes great live.

[jetophile]

1 hour ago, Bombdirt said:

BWAHAHAHAHA this dude is awesome. How have I never heard this before?!

Fukk this sh it.

 

[Bombdirt]

2 hours ago, The Crusher said:

Honestly?  Wow. Been around forever. Just tremendous.

 

2 hours ago, chirorob said:

Man, we were singing him back when I was in college, early 90's

 

1 hour ago, southparkcpa said:

Go to Amazon Music or Itunes Music to stream and listen to his REAL stuff.  His REAL stuff is yanked from Youtube.

 

ITS UNREAL.

 

He plays in NY from time to time.  Its college material, but great stuff. John Valby..google him.

No, I'd never heard of him--probably because I grew up in the Midwest. Looks like he's primarily an east coast guy. 

[joewilly12]

Dont quit your daytime job 

[munchmemory]

14 hours ago, southparkcpa said:

Go to Amazon Music or Itunes Music to stream and listen to his REAL stuff.  His REAL stuff is yanked from Youtube.

 

ITS UNREAL.

 

He plays in NY from time to time.  Its college material, but great stuff. John Valby..google him.

After a show, I interviewed Valby for my campus newspaper (back in the Stone Age of the 70s).  Very quiet off stage.  Nice guy who spent time with us "kids" drinking cheap beer in my dorm.

[southparkcpa]

1 hour ago, munchmemory said:

After a show, I interviewed Valby for my campus newspaper (back in the Stone Age of the 70s).  Very quiet off stage.  Nice guy who spent time with us "kids" drinking cheap beer in my dorm.

Thats awesome, he's great... Where did you go?  I was a music major at SUNY Fredonia, then went to Pace U for my "CPA"  work.

 

 

 

 

 

[jetophile]

Wake up, peeps, this is a total troll job - and not by me.

[Blake Allyn]

1 hour ago, jetophile said:

Wake up, peeps, this is a total troll job - and not by me. 

Lol yeah posting a song is a real troll job.

[jetophile]

3 minutes ago, Blake Allyn said:

Lol yeah posting a song is a real troll job.

Whatever, Blake Spence. Any particular reason why you're targeting Jets websites? 

[Blake Allyn]

9 minutes ago, jetophile said:

Whatever, Blake Spence. Any particular reason why you're targeting Jets websites? 

Blake Spence?

[jetophile]

Bye.

[The Crusher]

23 hours ago, munchmemory said:

After a show, I interviewed Valby for my campus newspaper (back in the Stone Age of the 70s).  Very quiet off stage.  Nice guy who spent time with us "kids" drinking cheap beer in my dorm.

Good heavens munch. I was in middle school during the seventies! No wonder you have  sage like knowledge of pop culture. 

[munchmemory]

2 hours ago, The Crusher said:

Good heavens munch. I was in middle school during the seventies! No wonder you have  sage like knowledge of pop culture. 

You have no idea how much I hate you right now.  

 

[Blake Allyn]

Might like this one better

 

Barking With The Dogs

[jetophile]

Please don't click on anything related to this moron. Hoodie Allen would totally kick your ass in a street fight. Thanks, Steve Stone, we hardly knew ye. Ban ad nauseum.