Herman Edwards Essay Contest

[Maxman]

I just read JetMo's post of the week. Hysterical. I have seen Sperm Edwards and Scott Dierking do the Herm Talk thing. Always cracks me up. So here is what I am thinking. A contest.

Fast forward a few months, it is the day after the Chiefs just got knocked out of the playoffs. Explain (in Herm Speak) why the K.C. Chiefs just lost their 1st playoff game despite finishing the regular season 16 and 0.

Do this in 10,000 words or less. The writer of the winning essay will receive 2,000 vbookie points. To be used for, well, vbookie stuff. Feel free to include pictures of Herm in your post. Pictures always make simple minds like mine feel at ease.

Good luck!

[shutout]

I just read JetMo's post of the week. Hysterical. I have seen Sperm Edwards and Scott Dierking do the Herm Talk thing. Always cracks me up. So here is what I am thinking. A contest.

Fast forward a few months, it is the day after the Chiefs just got knocked out of the playoffs. Explain (in Herm Speak) why the K.C. Chiefs just lost their 1st playoff game despite finishing the regular season 16 and 0.

Do this in 10,000 words or less. The writer of the winning essay will receive 2,000 vbookie points. To be used for, well, vbookie stuff. Feel free to include pictures of Herm in your post. Pictures always make simple minds like mine feel at ease.

Good luck!

Not possible...not when its Herm Edwards. I mean, c'mon,the man uses more than 10,000 words when he wakes up and says good morning to his wife.

[shawn306]

This can not happen Max.

16-0

Herm Edwards

Kansas City Chiefs

One of these three doesn't belong.

[Boozer76]

Herm's prepared essay for the press conference:

First off I'd like to congratulate the players on a hard fought season. We had alot of guys out there playing their hearts out all year, and they really should be commended for that. It was a disappointing loss this weekend. We came in with a full head of steam, practiced great all week, and by all accounts were ready to go play football. The players left it all out on the field but unfortunately it was good enough against (insert opponent here). I'm proud of our guys, and I look forward to coming back next year to try and reach our goal of winning a championship. Any questions?

Herm's actual press conference:

I'd like to congratulate our players on a hard fought season. They played hard all year, gave it their all, playing hard you know, leaving it all out there.............you know you can't get by in this game without playing hard. You can't just coast along and expect to win.........Obviously you got to give it all out there.......playing hard you know. Guys gotta play. This weekend was tough.......you gotta give the other guys credit too ya know.......they're out there to play hard too.......they weren't just gonna give it to us.....ya know.....they brought it all on D. Different looks, different schemes. We gotta prepare for all that but it ain't no picnic. Obviously....ya know.......it's like being in a restaurant. You go in there ready for your steak dinner but then you got to worry about the potatoes.......what's it gonna be... mashed, baked, boiled.......nowadays you even see smashed potatoes. Don't even get started with scalloped. It's flustrating at times. Football's alot like those potatoes......got alot of choices......gotta be prepared (reporter interrupts "Herm are you talking about potatoes?") HELLO!!!! We playing football here!! We came out with a plan to win but didn't come out right. You wanna talk about potatoes or football? (Long Pause with serious face staring down reporter)

Like I said.....it's all about team.....it's all about stepping up to the occasion....we got 53 guys that all needed to step up. Obviously we didn't step high enough. When you step on that bus ride to the playoffs they don't give you no ladder......Sometimes you gotta dig deep and jump. But we didn't have no shovels. At the end of the game we had our opportunity. Being on the 7 yard line with 2 minutes left and all our timeouts down by 4, we felt we could take some time off the clock so as not to give our opponent a chance to catch us. I considered calling a time out, but Al Saunders insisted we didn't need to. As a HC you have to trust your guys, and I trusted Al to make the right decision. Unfortunately we ran out of time before getting a play off on 3rd down, but that just how football works sometimes. As for player reports, Larry Johnson's been playing half the season on 2 broken ankles. We didn't know this until after yesterday's game, but we always fielded the team that we felt gave us the best chance to win. Priest Holmes was always there in case we needed him, but luckily we didn't have to come to that. I love this organization, I love my players, I love my coaches. We gonna come back next year with bolder and stronger ingredients to make this team a winning organization again.

[BwanaZulia]

Haters!

[Jetlag]

BTW any essay without the word "flustrate" or any form of it, is null and void for this contest. Proceed...

[NIGHT STALKER]

Herm's prepared essay for the press conference:

Herm's actual press conference:

I think you nailed it... Herm would have used maybe a few more "obviously" bullets in there, but overall, you got him down pat.

[ThunderbirdJet]

Well, I'm proud of these guys. They gave it all they got. This wasn't like chasing a chicken, ya know. Chickens are hard to catch, but they aren't mean like that kid was. That kid was a rooster. I mean, he was hard to catch like a chicken, but he was mean too. He could peck an eyeball out. I'm talkin that kind of mean. When you do catch him, if you can, you better close your eyes, cause he's mean.

Coach, would you change the game plan if you had to do it again?

The game plan was good. We had the bus map, we were at the bus stop, and sure enough, that bus came. We got on that bus, and it looked like the right bus, and I still think that was the right bus for us. Did you ever notice that the buses all look the same? That's right, they do. You have to be sure you get on the right bus. We had a couple of guys that got off the bus too early though, and you can't get to where you're going when you do that.

Coach, on that 3rd and 12, down by 4, with three minutes left.... did you think about calling a pass play?

I don't like looking in the rear view mirror. When you do that, you could crash into something. That call came from my OC, and I'm not about to rear view mirror him on that. It was his call. Sometimes, you just have to let someone else drive the bus. I'll take the heat for letting him drive though.... that's what it's about. We're all in this together.

Why did you put Trent Green back in after he tore his ACL?

He told me he wanted to go back in. He's a warrior. I understand the doctors are optomistic he may be able to walk again. I'd never put an injured player in danger. That just isn't me. I wouldn't do that. I love these guys. Trent is like my son. If I knew his leg wuz gonna fall off, I never would have put him back in there. But, you have to play the guys that give you the best chance to win. He is the potato to our meat. Ya can't have no meat without no potato. He's our potato, and that's that.

[rajensen088]

Eric Mangini used 'at the end of the day' several times already. Same blabbering bromides only more boring. For all the Herman Haters, when the rumors began to swirl about Herman Edwards possibly being available, Gary Myers reported, no less than four teams contacted the Jets about Edwards availabality.... not a single NFL team contacted the Patriots to inquire about Eric Mangini's availablity.

Give the Herm hating nonsense a rest. You all sound like Jennifer Annison crapping on Brad Pitt after he dumped her for someone more attractive and with a better future.

[StillerPaul]

LMAO, this is one of the best thread ideas i've seen in a while. I'll check in here often when i need a laugh.

[shutout]

For all the Herman Haters, when the rumors began to swirl about Herman Edwards possibly being available, Gary Myers reported, no less than four teams contacted the Jets about Edwards availabality.

4 teams contacted us for Herm after the season opener? Damn,we really should have filed tampering charges.

[Maxman]

Holy crap....some good entries in here. Cmon people, let's here more Herm Speak. This stuff cracks me up.

[Bugg]

I don't know what happened. We were talking all week about the warrior chasing the potato in the corner. I have the list right here; I don't lie. Don't understand how we talked all week, catching the chicken, even told you guys, what we were gonna do and they stopped it. I'm flustrated, obviously.

[mr nyjet]

i kept telling the team all week ' men, you gotta remember to sweep the corners. ' we forgot to sweep the corners.

we got on the bus with our letter from the commish. but we got off at the wrong stop. we forgot to score more points than the other guys. you can't win in this league unless you score more points than the other team.

next year, we're going to start camp on day one, and we're gonna make sure we sweep the corners and don't get off the bus at the wrong stop. we're gonna practice chasing the chicken every day in camp. if we can learn to catch the chicken, we won't get egg on our face.

[Sharrow]

Give the Herm hating nonsense a rest. You all sound like Jennifer Annison crapping on Brad Pitt after he dumped her for someone more attractive and with a better future.

Thats not a very good comparison. The only way that would work is if Anniston was dating John Lovitz and he left her to go to Anna Nicole Smith pre-weight gain, who then 9 months later became fat Anna Nicole Smith.

[Bugg]

Thats not a very good comparison. The only way that would work is if Anniston was dating John Lovitz and he left her to go to Anna Nicole Smith pre-weight gain, who then 9 months later became fat Anna Nicole Smith.

Think most peple were more than okay with giving Herm a chance at the start. But it's been clear for a while that he's a dolt and joke.In media circles, he's referred behind clsoed doors as a glorified cheerleader. He brings nothing to the table other than BS. And but for the miracle of Pennington saving his butt in Year 2, he long would've been the DB coach for Dungy's Colts. You can knock Al Groh's Jets, but Edwards took a playoff-ready team and held it back. How many 3rd and 8 draws to Martin does it take to understand what a buffoon this jerkoff is? If 4 teams were interested in him, those 4 owners have to talk to their GMs and ask what the eff were they thinking.

[Bugg]

Eric Mangini used 'at the end of the day' several times already. Same blabbering bromides only more boring. For all the Herman Haters, when the rumors began to swirl about Herman Edwards possibly being available, Gary Myers reported, no less than four teams contacted the Jets about Edwards availabality.... not a single NFL team contacted the Patriots to inquire about Eric Mangini's availablity.

Give the Herm hating nonsense a rest. You all sound like Jennifer Annison crapping on Brad Pitt after he dumped her for someone more attractive and with a better future.

Mangini using coachspeak doesn't bother me nearly as much. He's going through the motions the job requires, nothing more.He's not giving Gary Meyers a half hour during the coach's meetings. He's not rehearsing all this gibberish. He's not in a hotel ballroom somewhere boring salesmen at $17,500 while the offseason conditioning rpogram is going on. And he knows AT THE END OF THE DAY his JOB is head coach of the New York Jets, not freaking omnipresent media darling.

Won't deny it for a second- I really came to hate Edwards. It makes me ill thaqt we wasted the Jets' window with this imbecile. And I hope he wets the bed in KC, the sooner the better.

[Savage69]

Think most peple were more than okay with giving Herm a chance at the start. But it's been clear for a while that he's a dolt and joke.In media circles, he's referred behind clsoed doors as a glorified cheerleader. He brings nothing to the table other than BS. And but for the miracle of Pennington saving his butt in Year 2, he long would've been the DB coach for Dungy's Colts. You can knock Al Groh's Jets, but Edwards took a playoff-ready team and held it back. How many 3rd and 8 draws to Martin does it take to understand what a buffoon this jerkoff is? If 4 teams were interested in him, those 4 owners have to talk to their GMs and ask what the eff were they thinking.

I agree Groh wasn't a good Coach but 2 of the most memorable Games of this Century happened in his 1 year of being the Jet HC! The Monday nite "Miracle at the Meadowlands" and the Tampa Game! And this was with Vinny having his worst year as a Jet after sitting out for the whole year of 99 with his Achilles injury!! And keep in mind those 3 and long draws to the Stat Monkey won him a Rushing Title!

[StillerPaul]

I don't know what happened. We were talking all week about the warrior chasing the potato in the corner. I have the list right here; I don't lie. Don't understand how we talked all week, catching the chicken, even told you guys, what we were gonna do and they stopped it. I'm flustrated, obviously.

LOL Bravo!

[SouthernJet]

"You know, 16-0 is a fantastic beautiful thing, or achievement or you know what I mean. The playoffs are more of a 'hey, can we be lucky today?, can we get the breaks? type of thing'. As I and the team, or is it me and the team? Lia, what is it babe? Oh , she went to mall during the 2nd half? , well hmmm, thats OK, cause she tastes like Melted butter. Where was I? Oh, ya, as I and the team were savorin some BBQ in the lockeroom just now after the loss, we commiserated about the game. You know it was close, and I would like to take the blame but damn, I was in the lockeroom makin sure the Que was hot and I had Dick Curl handlin the clock for me. So I have to actually blame Dick. I also want to blame Paul Hackett cause he gave me the idea to have the QB take a knee when we were in that 4th and goal from the 1 inch line. But, hey I am not here to blame, that not me , just not gonna go there man, my Army Daddy told me to be a man and take the blame yourself. So I will,,,but, man, did you see that clock managemnt by Curl, damn.

Where was I? Oh, ya, someone asked were we prepared to play this game? Hey I had 2 weeks to get ready due to the bye? What do you think? I am a top rated coach in the NFL, how do you think I got to this position? Dick-principle, huh, oh, excuse me, Peter-principle?

Of course we were prepared. Hey last week I only gave the players 5 days off, and the coaches 4 days. I had to cut my Bermuda getaway to 3 days, whoeeee, Lia was pissed. I even cut short my weekly poker game with the beat writers so that I could also take Lia to the Beef and Brew. That might have been a mistake looking back, as I usually get some real good tips from those beat writers. And I resent some people saying I shouldnt have called the opposing Head Coach during the week to bounce some ideas of of him. Hey, we have been friends for a long time and he wouldnt use the gameplan ideas I gave him to his advantage. You play to win the game, but only fair and square. Am I frustered?, see guys I didnt say flustrated.

Sure I am , but you know what? At the end of day, I have 4 years left on my contract, I am going on a vacation, I have plenty of coaches to take the heat, I really wont get upset cause this is just football. Its not that big of a deal to me and Lia, didnt we prove that in New York? see what I mean, its no bigee to me, cause I have to be even keel if I want that Commish job down the road. Y'all know thats what this is all about.

Now I gots to run and meet up with Lia. There is a 50% sale at Sak's and that girl can shop. Oh one more thing, see you at camp and remember guys, bring the fixin's, Cue is on me."

Lia told me to pose this way.

[url=http://www.longislandpress.com/view.php?file=6242]

[SouthernJet]

max;

results?

[Maxman]

max;

results?

The dealine for entry is 4/5 at midnight. There is still time.

[Boozer76]

The dealine for entry is 4/5 at midnight. There is still time.

Don't forget the promise you made to me upon begging for my return here. GangGreen.com has offered me $5 a week to post there exclusively, but I'll turn it down for an essay win here.

[The Fat Man]

I just read JetMo's post of the week. Hysterical. I have seen Sperm Edwards and Scott Dierking do the Herm Talk thing. Always cracks me up. So here is what I am thinking. A contest.

Good luck!

If this contest is timed, then I will need Richard Curl former Jets time coach to help me.

[#90]

"Don't go brustlin up on me now"

That's right, I said, BRUSTLIN!

[Smizzy]

Eric Mangini used 'at the end of the day' several times already. Same blabbering bromides only more boring. For all the Herman Haters, when the rumors began to swirl about Herman Edwards possibly being available, Gary Myers reported, no less than four teams contacted the Jets about Edwards availabality.... not a single NFL team contacted the Patriots to inquire about Eric Mangini's availablity.

Give the Herm hating nonsense a rest. You all sound like Jennifer Annison crapping on Brad Pitt after he dumped her for someone more attractive and with a better future.

Go blow yourself.

[Scott Dierking]

Folks, we have a lot of hurt emotions going on in that locker room right now. I will ask that you respect some of the feelings that are being felt, and the people that are feeling those feelings. Flustration too.

It is a hard day when your players look you in the eye searching for an answer, and you don't have an answer. Answers are sometimes hard to come by, and if you don't look, you feel like you never sought.

It's like the little boy with the balloon. One minute it's in his hand. The next, its 1,000 feet in the air, mingling with the clouds and the little boy is left crying and wondering why. Right now, we are that little boy. We had a pretty red balloon, and there are a lot of kids that wished they had that. But, when that balloon gets high enough, it will pop. Even without that little boy. Sometimes those things happen and you have no control over that. A coach can't change that.

Oh, I feel we were prepared. We spent 2 days of preparation alone, just talking about the playoffs. What the playoffs mean. First, after the game we talked that one team will be playing, and the other team will be off. Hence, the word playoff. Not everyone knows that.

Dick even came up with a word game, trying to see how many words we could come up with the letters of "playoff". We had a lot of fun with that one. So, we were ready.

When you get in the playoffs, it becomes a crap shoot. We talked about that. They pay those other guys, too. You know, the happy guys. That's the thing about playoffs. Some guys are happy and some guys are sad. But we have a lot too feel good about here.

Same thing as I did in that other place. You gotta make sure that you leave a place better than you found it. We have a good start on that. Next year that balloon will only go higher before it pops. We should all feel good about that.

[Sperm Edwards]

Folks, we have a lot of hurt emotions going on in that locker room right now. I will ask that you respect some of the feelings that are being felt, and the people that are feeling those feelings. Flustration too.

It is a hard day when your players look you in the eye searching for an answer, and you don't have an answer. Answers are sometimes hard to come by, and if you don't look, you feel like you never sought.

It's like the little boy with the balloon. One minute it's in his hand. The next, its 1,000 feet in the air, mingling with the clouds and the little boy is left crying and wondering why. Right now, we are that little boy. We had a pretty red balloon, and there are a lot of kids that wished they had that. But, when that balloon gets high enough, it will pop. Even without that little boy. Sometimes those things happen and you have no control over that. A coach can't change that.

Oh, I feel we were prepared. We spent 2 days of preparation alone, just talking about the playoffs. What the playoffs mean. First, after the game we talked that one team will be playing, and the other team will be off. Hence, the word playoff. Not everyone knows that.

Dick even came up with a word game, trying to see how many words we could come up with the letters of "playoff". We had a lot of fun with that one. So, we were ready.

When you get in the playoffs, it becomes a crap shoot. We talked about that. They pay those other guys, too. You know, the happy guys. That's the thing about playoffs. Some guys are happy and some guys are sad. But we have a lot too feel good about here.

Same thing as I did in that other place. You gotta make sure that you leave a place better than you found it. We have a good start on that. Next year that balloon we only go higher before it pops. We should all feel good about that.

POTW NOM!!!

Classic stuff, Scott.

[SouthernJet]

worthy of a bump,, Max had a prophetic moment when he posted this thread

[Bugg]

4 teams contacted us for Herm after the season opener? Damn,we really should have filed tampering charges.

Lia-

Lia-you're talking a lot but you're not saying anything.

Again-for at least ther the 5th time-name these teams...so their owners can fire their GMs immediately for even considering looking at Coach Jerk Chicken. Also-again, Lia-sig bet-interested?

[JetsMan57]

i kept telling the team all week ' men, you gotta remember to sweep the corners. ' we forgot to sweep the corners.

we got on the bus with our letter from the commish. but we got off at the wrong stop. we forgot to score more points than the other guys. you can't win in this league unless you score more points than the other team.

next year, we're going to start camp on day one, and we're gonna make sure we sweep the corners and don't get off the bus at the wrong stop. we're gonna practice chasing the chicken every day in camp. if we can learn to catch the chicken, we won't get egg on our face.

O-MY-FRIGGIN GOODNESS THAT WAS HYSTERICAL.

Thanks for the laugh.