afosomf Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 ...you just ruined I love Lucy reruns for me. You know what show I watched and absolutely loved? Cutting edge, thought provoking, without being vulgar? All In The Family. True genius television. TV now is mostly vulgar - except for Lost yes that was the other show that was cutting edge, more racial than sexual though if i remember correctly I love the Office, but man sometimes it is embarrasing to watch with the kids Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green DNA Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I always felt that the worst form of punishment, and the best way for a parent to get their message accross, was via embarrassment. Truly an effective form of dicipline. Now, I'm not a parent, so I'm probably talking out of my arse, but geez Louise, the kid will get over it. Some of you will hate this admission, but I have to say from what I've seen and experienced over the past few years, 75% of kids aged 14-22 suck out loud. I suspect that the same was said of my generation back in the day as well. Oh man, I'm coming full circle!!! Embarassment is a little over the top and is a bit harsh. Destroying self esteem is an unjust punishment. The thing that hits kids the hardest is deprivation, meaning no PS3, no TV, no computer, using the car, hanging out with the friends etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garb Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 yes that was the other show that was cutting edge, more racial than sexual though if i remember correctly I love the Office, but man sometimes it is embarrasing to watch with the kids ....thinking back, All In The Family was completely inappropriate for me to watch at that age......but I was raised by Grandma - and grandma did not speak English and understood very little of it. Man, did I get away with murder! I used to write my own absence/excuse notes - and this practice started at 10 years of age and lasted until my senior year of high school. LOL!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think she is an attention whore and most likely a terrible parent. He said a friend left it in his car and she's basically saying he is a liar and she doesn't believe him. He is probably going to hate her now and just get out on his own as fast as he can. Chances are this will result him in skipping college or any other higher education, because that's pretty much the price you pay to get your independence quicker, unless he can somehow file as an independant for his school loans (usually this is hard to prove if you are under 21/in college, but becomes the default for graduate level). Regardless, there is very little chance that their parent-child relationship will survive if he has even the slightest bit of dignity and intelligence. I don't want to get into my life story and I'm sure nobody wants to hear it, but I had awful parents myself. All it did was hurt me academically and make me into a very cold-hearted angry person. I got away from them obviously when I was old enough to and had the cash, but I still don't think very much of them. If you're going to be paranoid and unnecessarily punitive, and paint your child as a villain to everyone, just don't be surprised when that starts happening and they also cut you off. This kid is 19, he probably won't be around much longer, and chances are they won't hear from him again afterwards. I think this was the kid's second offense with alcohol in the car. The "friend" argument doesn't hold much water, that be the case. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garb Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Embarassment is a little over the top and is a bit harsh. Destroying self esteem is an unjust punishment. The thing that hits kids the hardest is deprivation, meaning no PS3, no TV, no computer, using the car, hanging out with the friends etc. I 'dunno. One of my points of reference is this: A friends son - years back - twelve years old, private catholic school - was getting bad grades and bad feedback. "Doesn't complete his homework" "Disruptive in class" blah, blah, blah.... So, she takes the day off from work and tells son that she will accompany him to every class. She sat next to him in every class. She helped him find his pen and paper, every class. His friends cackled, whispered and pointed, every class. Since then he hardly ever received a negative grade/feedback. He currently attends Williams College on a full academic scholarship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Embarassment is a little over the top and is a bit harsh. Destroying self esteem is an unjust punishment. The thing that hits kids the hardest is deprivation, meaning no PS3, no TV, no computer, using the car, hanging out with the friends etc. He can always move out of his parent's house if they are so terrible. He probably lives rent free and doesn't contribute a nickle or lift a finger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Embarassment is a little over the top and is a bit harsh. Destroying self esteem is an unjust punishment. The thing that hits kids the hardest is deprivation, meaning no PS3, no TV, no computer, using the car, hanging out with the friends etc. I agree 100%........ the toughest part is balancing just discipline without demeaning them. I don't think this mom intended for this to go nearly as far as it's taking them though. I hope she learns from this instead of basking in the attention it's brought to them. anyone else think dr phil will wanna piece of this one? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I think she is an attention whore and most likely a terrible parent. He said a friend left it in his car and she's basically saying he is a liar and she doesn't believe him. He is probably going to hate her now and just get out on his own as fast as he can. Chances are this will result him in skipping college or any other higher education, because that's pretty much the price you pay to get your independence quicker, unless he can somehow file as an independant for his school loans (usually this is hard to prove if you are under 21/in college, but becomes the default for graduate level). Regardless, there is very little chance that their parent-child relationship will survive if he has even the slightest bit of dignity and intelligence. I don't want to get into my life story and I'm sure nobody wants to hear it, but I had awful parents myself. All it did was hurt me academically and make me into a very cold-hearted angry person. I got away from them obviously when I was old enough to and had the cash, but I still don't think very much of them. If you're going to be paranoid and unnecessarily punitive, and paint your child as a villain to everyone, just don't be surprised when that starts happening and they also cut you off. This kid is 19, he probably won't be around much longer, and chances are they won't hear from him again afterwards. I hate to hear about this kinda treatment & actually feel for ya. how old are you? I sure hope you're able to rise above this & try to understand their viewpoint someday. some folks mean well but don't convey it properly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gg Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 here is how i see it .. as a mother of a 15 year old daughter who has recently decided i am an embarrassment that i actually exist. each situation is different. some kids' ego's need a kick in the pants, while if you do that to another child, you will totally crush them. there is no exact answer to the situation. some parents are lousy, and they have great kids some kids are lousy and they have great parents my daughter is very smart, funny with a sharp dry wit, she is attractive.. she has never had a drink, done drugs, had a boyfriend etc... but right now she is a beast. But it is degrees.. my idea of a "beast" will not be another parents idea of a beast. i will continue to love her and pray the next couple of years goes fast i guess after all this ramblin ... is there is no right or wrong answer because every kid is different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 when i was in 8th grade, one of my tennis teammates father made him come to school carrying a briefcase with a sign on it that said I got caught smoking for the 3rd time and i Lied, he also had a his head shaved real close, which was not too cool back then. He had to carry it around all day. BTW He turned into a juvy and is prob in jail somewhere Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 here is how i see it .. as a mother of a 15 year old daughter who has recently decided i am an embarrassment that i actually exist. each situation is different. some kids' ego's need a kick in the pants, while if you do that to another child, you will totally crush them. there is no exact answer to the situation. some parents are lousy, and they have great kids some kids are lousy and they have great parents my daughter is very smart, funny with a sharp dry wit, she is attractive.. she has never had a drink, done drugs, had a boyfriend etc... but right now she is a beast. But it is degrees.. my idea of a "beast" will not be another parents idea of a beast. i will continue to love her and pray the next couple of years goes fast i guess after all this ramblin ... is there is no right or wrong answer because every kid is different. I would say join the club!!! I hear it get's better when they want some coin for their wedding;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garb Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 here is how i see it .. as a mother of a 15 year old daughter who has recently decided i am an embarrassment that i actually exist. each situation is different. some kids' ego's need a kick in the pants, while if you do that to another child, you will totally crush them. there is no exact answer to the situation. some parents are lousy, and they have great kids some kids are lousy and they have great parents my daughter is very smart, funny with a sharp dry wit, she is attractive.. she has never had a drink, done drugs, had a boyfriend etc... but right now she is a beast. But it is degrees.. my idea of a "beast" will not be another parents idea of a beast. i will continue to love her and pray the next couple of years goes fast i guess after all this ramblin ... is there is no right or wrong answer because every kid is different. I've always thought that parenting is the toughest, AND MOST REWARDING, job out there. My best praises to all of you mommies and daddy's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 here is how i see it .. as a mother of a 15 year old daughter who has recently decided i am an embarrassment that i actually exist. each situation is different. some kids' ego's need a kick in the pants, while if you do that to another child, you will totally crush them. there is no exact answer to the situation. some parents are lousy, and they have great kids some kids are lousy and they have great parents my daughter is very smart, funny with a sharp dry wit, she is attractive.. she has never had a drink, done drugs, had a boyfriend etc... but right now she is a beast. But it is degrees.. my idea of a "beast" will not be another parents idea of a beast. i will continue to love her and pray the next couple of years goes fast i guess after all this ramblin ... is there is no right or wrong answer because every kid is different. bingo gg. the every kid is different is a very astute observation. we were much tougher on our daughter than our son, which I don't think is the norm in most households. truth is none of us know enough about this mom & son to accurately judge how this shoulda played out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 here is how i see it .. as a mother of a 15 year old daughter who has recently decided i am an embarrassment that i actually exist. each situation is different. some kids' ego's need a kick in the pants, while if you do that to another child, you will totally crush them. there is no exact answer to the situation. some parents are lousy, and they have great kids some kids are lousy and they have great parents my daughter is very smart, funny with a sharp dry wit, she is attractive.. she has never had a drink, done drugs, had a boyfriend etc... but right now she is a beast. But it is degrees.. my idea of a "beast" will not be another parents idea of a beast. i will continue to love her and pray the next couple of years goes fast i guess after all this ramblin ... is there is no right or wrong answer because every kid is different. Very eloquently stated, gg! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Very eloquently stated, gg! any kids Verde??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green DNA Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 He can always move out of his parent's house if they are so terrible. He probably lives rent free and doesn't contribute a nickle or lift a finger. If you had a teenager you probably would have a different perspective. Frustrated as we may get with a lot of aspects of behavior, going "nuclear" is not always the best form of punishment. The idea to cause them some figurative pain or inconvenience without demeaning them in the eyes of their peers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 If you had a teenager you probably would have a different perspective. Frustrated as we may get with a lot of aspects of behavior, going "nuclear" is not always the best form of punishment. The idea to cause them some figurative pain or inconvenience without demeaning them in the eyes of their peers. I don't have any teenagers but I was a teen. I never said anything about going nuclear. I agree 100% with what gg said, actually. You have to know what form of discipline works based on the personality of the kid(s). I stand firm, however, on the total LACK of parenting and discipline these days, as evident by all the little brats I see everywhere I go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't have any teenagers but I was a teen. I never said anything about going nuclear. I agree 100% with what gg said, actually. You have to know what form of discipline works based on the personality of the kid(s). I stand firm, however, on the total LACK of parenting and discipline these days, as evident by all the little brats I see everywhere I go. Dogs are much easier!!! they never talk back and it is hard to stay mad at them for long;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green DNA Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't have any teenagers but I was a teen. I never said anything about going nuclear. I agree 100% with what gg said, actually. You have to know what form of discipline works based on the personality of the kid(s). I stand firm, however, on the total LACK of parenting and discipline these days, as evident by all the little brats I see everywhere I go. Does this mean you are game for a little spanking? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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