The Man Wears Many Hats (NY Times Abe article)

[Sperm Edwards]

The Man Wears Many Hats

By KAREN CROUSE

Published: September 25, 2005

GARDEN CITY, N.Y., Sept. 23 - John Abraham, the Jets' mad hatter, stood in front of the counter at the Lids store Friday afternoon at the Roosevelt Field mall, pondering his options. White cap? Blue cap? Black cap? What new cap would it be this week?

He slipped one, then another and another, onto his bald head. They were all the correct size, 7 5/8, but none felt quite right. Then he spotted a Houston Astros cap with the stylized star logo, the one with the gap in the star that looks as if someone had bull-rushed it from the left.

A smile moved like the sun across the face of Abraham, a 6-foot-4 defensive end. He tried it on. Yes, that would do nicely.

He handed the cap to the store manager, Ira Schwartz, who knew the drill. "What's this week's word?" he said as he placed a spool of white thread in the embroidery machine.

"Selfish," Abraham said.

It is the word some people used to describe Abraham when he chose to sit out training camp to protest being the Jets' franchise player, a designation that no doubt cost him millions on the open market and long-term security. Selfish was also a word he heard last season when he sat out the last six games because of an injured right knee.

Abraham, 27, used to act as if he did not care what people said, then he would go home and brood and drink because he really did care a lot. Now he takes people's criticisms to hat, not heart, making a big show of being bothered when the truth is that he is beyond the reach of his critics.

"When I used to get mad at other people," he said, "I used to go drink. I stopped drinking. I had to take it upon myself to try to get it out of my system in a different way, because I had come to the stage where I understood I was only hurting myself."

Abraham has traded a few nightcaps for new baseball caps. To that end, he showed Schwartz where on the back of the Astros cap he wanted the word "selfish" stitched.

"And I want 'me, me, me' - three of them, now - right here," he said, pointing to the right of a tiny Major League Baseball logo.

While flipping through a binder of fonts, Abraham had another inspiration. Twenty minutes later he walked out of the store with his new cap. It did not fit.

In truth, neither did the ones he bought the two previous weeks - one had "overrated" stitched on it, the other, "da bad guy."

Would a selfish person be there for a teenager dying of complications from muscular dystrophy?

Would da bad guy help a family that lost nearly everything in a fire or spend his day off in Louisiana with victims of Hurricane Katrina? Can compassion ever be overrated?

Abraham did not know Joyce Lyde, who lives in his hometown, Timmonsville, S.C. But in November 2002, he helped her when a fire caused by an electric heater took the lives of four of her five children and destroyed her mobile home.

Abraham paid for the funerals and bought her a new mobile home. Reached by telephone in South Carolina, Lyde said of the Jet she has never met, "He is a very nice person that really helped me in a time of need."

Abraham said: "I felt like I had to do something. Because, you know, who better than me?"

Eddie and Noja Hamad of Staten Island will watch the Jets play the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday at the Meadowlands as guests of Abraham, who has 45 sacks in 59 regular-season games as a Jet and who will be going up against an offensive line that has yielded nine sacks in two games.

The Hamads met Abraham in 2002 through their son, Mahmoud, who had muscular dystrophy. Abraham was paired with Mahmoud through a charity called the MDA Muscle Team.

"He may attack a quarterback with no feelings, but let me tell you, the heart that John Abraham has is 10 times as big as his size," Eddie Hamad said in a telephone interview. "He was an angel sent from heaven to my son."

Abraham entered Mahmoud's life at a time when the boy was railing against his disease.

"When he was around John, he'd forget about his disease," Noja Hamad said.

Abraham said: "He helped me a lot too, because I was at a point in my life where I was doing a lot of crazy things. Being around him kind of brought me back to who I wanted to be."

Mahmoud and Abraham talked regularly. Abraham visited him and invited him to practices and games. He had an eighth-grade graduation party for him at the Jets' training complex in Hempstead, N.Y.

If Mahmoud was feeling depressed, he called Abraham. If someone at school was cruel to him, he called Abraham.

When Abraham was arrested in 2003 and charged with driving while intoxicated after crashing his sport utility vehicle into a pole, Mahmoud called him the next day and said: "You're my big brother. I'm standing behind you."

Last year, when Mahmoud's health deteriorated, Abraham called on him at the hospital. He fed him Jell-O and squeezed his hand. When Mahmoud whispered: "I'm going to miss you. I'm leaving you. I love you," Abraham replied, "I love you too," then left the room in tears.

On June 24, 2004, Mahmoud Hamad died of congestive heart failure. He was 15.

"I'm not a guy who cries, but he was trying to be strong for me, and it kind of touched me," Abraham said. "He was one of my best friends, man; he was just like a family member. It really hurt me when he passed. It was tough, but I look at it like he helped me to become a better person. He helped me help other people."

Reaching out to others, he said, has helped him become comfortable with himself. Comfortable enough to wear the silly caps.

"The older you get the more you determine this is who I want to be," he said. "This is who I am, and if you don't like me, you don't like me."

[Jetme23]

What a story, Ive always liked abe, and you can backdate my posts to last years playoffs, I Probably had some choice words for him, but Ive always liked abe.

[Preston Howley III]

Abe must have hired Herm's public relations firm. They're doing an awesome job reinventing and promoting this guy as a saint. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg; future articles on Abe will require a box of kleenex.

[MasonJet]

Abe must have hired Herm's public relations firm. They're doing an awesome job reinventing and promoting this guy as a saint. I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg; future articles on Abe will require a box of kleenex.

For christ sakes man, give credit where credit is due. Just because your pissed becase you think he sat out games when he could have played sure doesn't give you the right to be a d!ck. Some people here need to take a step back and realize that there are more important things in life than football.

[Preston Howley III]

For christ sakes man, give credit where credit is due. Just because your pissed becase you think he sat out games when he could have played sure doesn't give you the right to be a d!ck. Some people here need to take a step back and realize that there are more important things in life than football.

Who's being a d@ck?

2 games down, 14 to go.

[Jets28]

Who's being a d@ck?

2 games down, 14 to go.

...It's ridiculous how you guys manage to tear anyone down. I mean I have preached in Abe's favor since forever so I dont have to go into it again. But everyone seems to deem the man the biggest misfit in the world like you havent made bad life choice or had things happen to you that you learned and grew from. The stuff on the football field...if you want to hate him for that stuff, I guess its your right. But when you read this, and all which I know to be true, you have to be mature enough to say he does good things for others. Sheesh...on the field and off the field are two different arenas...I wish everyone could at least be able to seperate the 2.

[Jets28]

For christ sakes man, give credit where credit is due. Just because your pissed becase you think he sat out games when he could have played sure doesn't give you the right to be a d!ck. Some people here need to take a step back and realize that there are more important things in life than football.

..here here...

[Preston Howley III]

...It's ridiculous how you guys manage to tear anyone down. I mean I have preached in Abe's favor since forever so I dont have to go into it again. But everyone seems to deem the man the biggest misfit in the world like you havent made bad life choice or had things happen to you that you learned and grew from. The stuff on the football field...if you want to hate him for that stuff, I guess its your right. But when you read this, and all which I know to be true, you have to be mature enough to say he does good things for others. Sheesh...on the field and off the field are two different arenas...I wish everyone could at least be able to seperate the 2.

I don't feel like getting into it with you right now, but if you don't think these stories are calculated then...

Look, he did a good thing. I mean, it would have nice if somebody took an interest in that womens life before her house burned down, but hey, at least somebody noticed after the fact, and it's wonderful and all that somebody paid for the caskets for her 4 dead children but why do I have to hear about this?

What purpose does it serve? Why do I have to know he befriended a terminally ill boy who died?

It's wonderful, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't impress me. Princess Diana flying from spot to spot, getting photo ops with AIDS patients didn't impress me neither.

Anybody with millions of dollars can show they have a heart.

So what? You know what impresses me? Men who stick around to raise their children. Maybe if a little bit more of that took place in this world, we wouldn't have to be besotten with these Mighty Mouse here I come to save the day stories about celebrities and millionaires who go slumming just to show us all how much they care.

I see every day heros. They don't go to work in limo's and their good deeds aint advertised.

I'm sure there are at least a dozen other guys on the Jets who have done similar good deeds. How come Karen Crouse doesn't interview them? Because they ain't got to do no damage control on their personal reputations, and they aint looking for PR to swing their way come negotiation time.

I'll be honest with you-

If the world thought I was a creep and a selfish bastard, the last thing I would want is some story going public about how I paid for 5 dead kids funerals. I mean, it sounds kind of ghoulish.

[Jets28]

I don't feel like getting into it with you right now, but if you don't think these stories are calculated then...

Look, he did a good thing. I mean, it would have nice if somebody took an interest in that womens life before her house burned down, but hey, at least somebody noticed after the fact, and it's wonderful and all that somebody paid for the caskets for her 4 dead children but why do I have to hear about this?

What purpose does it serve? Why do I have to know he befriended a terminally ill boy who died?

It's wonderful, don't get me wrong. But it doesn't impress me. Princess Diana flying from spot to spot, getting photo ops with AIDS patients didn't impress me neither.

Anybody with millions of dollars can show they have a heart.

So what? You know what impresses me? Men who stick around to raise their children. Maybe if a little bit more of that took place in this world, we wouldn't have to be besotten with these Mighty Mouse here I come to save the day stories about celebrities and millionaires who go slumming just to show us all how much they care.

I see every day heros. They don't go to work in limo's and their good deeds aint advertised.

I'm sure there are at least a dozen other guys on the Jets who have done similar good deeds. How come Karen Crouse doesn't interview them? Because they ain't got to do no damage control on their personal reputations, and they aint looking for PR to swing their way come negotiation time.

I'll be honest with you-

If the world thought I was a creep and a selfish bastard, the last thing I would want is some story going public about how I paid for 5 dead kids funerals. I mean, it sounds kind of ghoulish.

...trust me darling I will not get into anything with you over this because I can seperate someones personal and professional existances. I dont feel the need to try and explain this to you if you can't get it on your own. I will say this much...if anything..the article should help for his public image as far as people labeling him as a drunk and selfish and what not...which I know him not to be. As far as helping him get the money he wants at the end of the year...It'll do nothing. Cause if thats the case they would have taken all of that into account when he was holding out over the off season. But this takes me back to my origional point. Draw a line a please put the personal on one side and professional on the other. That should help with the seperation. Why would his charitable efforts effect those negotiations. What the Jets are looking for is his ability to stay healthy and to play his game and let that speak for him come contract time, not standing by a young man while he was dying....and if you think its something wrong or ghoulish about helping a woman who lost more than half her family in a house fire than you have issues man. Whats so wrong with that?...and he never made that public by the way, the media hunted that story down. Whats wrong with a person having a heart and helping someone less fortunate who couldnt afford to bury their owh children and help herself? He decided to help someone less fortunate from his hometown and you find this ghoulish..wow!...you must find any humanitarian act ghoulish then...He and Shaun Ellis have been involved in the MDA Muscle Team since they started in the NFL 5 years ago. Have read plenty of articles on the two of them going above and beyond for that orginization. But I tell you what..you seem to want to carry a hatred for the man like a few others on this board, so have fun running with the torch on that one. I just hope the Jets FO can at least seperate professional from personal when it comes time to determine his fate with this team.

[Preston Howley III]

Jet28, just two points:

1. there's nothing wrong with helping people.

2. There is something wrong with self-promotion as a result of doing good deeds.

Believe me, if Abe was not experiencing all of the bad PR he's had lately (mostly by his own design), Karen Crouse doesn't do this story.

That's all.

Remember when Cimini did the story about Paul Hacketts dad getting murdered? Same thing.

It's calculated.

But anyway, John had a good day, today on the field, and I really hope he can keep it up. And the next time I pick up a newspaper and read about some kids dying in a fire, I'll be sure and let you know, and you can forward the message to John, so he can foot the bill for their funerals.

And we can all feel good about ourselves and sleep good at night.

[Jets28]

Jet28, just two points:

1. there's nothing wrong with helping people.

2. There is something wrong with self-promotion as a result of doing good deeds.

Believe me, if Abe was not experiencing all of the bad PR he's had lately (mostly by his own design), Karen Crouse doesn't do this story.

That's all.

Remember when Cimini did the story about Paul Hacketts dad getting murdered? Same thing.

It's calculated.

But anyway, John had a good day, today on the field, and I really hope he can keep it up. And the next time I pick up a newspaper and read about some kids dying in a fire, I'll be sure and let you know, and you can forward the message to John, so he can foot the bill for their funerals.

And we can all feel good about ourselves and sleep good at night.

I usually don't do things of this nature...but that last comment makes you a bonafide a$$hole....If you want to debate then we could have debated, but when you start throwing ASSanine comments into the conversation I hold your views and or words in contempt. I see that you truly don't get it and I can't help you with that. The story IMO, is saying that he is not selfish. That he is not all about ME ME ME. The word selfish was thrown in to describe him and some journalist chose to use his personal to show he wasn't selfish and me me me as they describe him. Which by the way has nothing to do with his on the field side. Isn't meant to...like I said it's meant to show a good personal side other than what everyone thinks they know of him. Now Im sure John didnt come up with this idea that was that reporter because thats what they do. No one would ever know about these hats and efforts of Abe if they didnt report it. You've never seen Abe self promoting like this. He never broadcasts the charitable things he has done...reporters do. They dumped a few in an article and your to dense to pick that up and figure it out. And if he was trying so hard to clean his image why was he saying nothing when he was holding out. Why didnt these articles surface then?...This is what the media does and what you do. You praise and build them up when they are doing what you want them to do...and when they do otherwise you tear them down and crucify them...but thats the last I have on the subject. Cause that comment you made really burned me and I wouldnt want to get banned for cursing you out. I'll probably hear about calling you an a$$hole so...you go on with your vies of the subject and I'll go on with mine. I hope you can sleep well when you make ignorant comments like you did.

[Preston Howley III]

I usually don't do things of this nature...but that last comment makes you a bonafide a$$hole....If you want to debate then we could have debated, but when you start throwing ASSanine comments into the conversation I hold your views and or words in contempt. I see that you truly don't get it and I can't help you with that. The story IMO, is saying that he is not selfish. That he is not all about ME ME ME. The word selfish was thrown in to describe him and some journalist chose to use his personal to show he wasn't selfish and me me me as they describe him.

So they use 5 dead kids to make that point?

And I'm an @sshole?

These stories are 2 and 3 years old. Why release them, now? These are the only two stories they could come up with to "prove" he's not "selfish"?

Ok, whatever.

A few years ago, there was a daily news story about a dead baby found in a dumpster. They could never find out where she came from or who the mother was. The cops didn't want to see this baby be buried in potters field as a john doe statistic. So they all chipped in and gave her a name, and a proper funeral.

The thing about the story was, there wasn't any cops whining about how "we're always being labeled as selfish blah blah blah".

You see, it wasn't about them. It was about the baby.

Karen Crouse's story is about John Abraham and how he is labeled as being selfish. It's not about the 4 kids who died in the fire or the child who was terminally ill.

It was about John, John, John.

As for those cops, nobody ever thinks about them buring that baby. They think about Abner Louima.

You see, it's all about perception, Jet28.

I'll be the first to admit I'm a cynic. But that doesn't make me an @sshole.

As Jesus said, "those who do their good deeds in public, that they may be seen by men, they have their reward. But when you do good deeds, do them in secret so that only God sees them."

[Jets28]

So they use 5 dead kids to make that point?

And I'm an @sshole?

These stories are 2 and 3 years old. Why release them, now? These are the only two stories they could come up with to "prove" he's not "selfish"?

Ok, whatever.

A few years ago, there was a daily news story about a dead baby found in a dumpster. They could never find out where she came from or who the mother was. The cops didn't want to see this baby be buried in potters field as a john doe statistic. So they all chipped in and gave her a name, and a proper funeral.

The thing about the story was, there wasn't any cops whining about how "we're always being labeled as selfish blah blah blah".

You see, it wasn't about them. It was about the baby.

Karen Crouse's story is about John Abraham and how he is labeled as being selfish. It's not about the 4 kids who died in the fire or the child who was terminally ill.

It was about John, John, John.

As for those cops, nobody ever thinks about them buring that baby. They think about Abner Louima.

You see, it's all about perception, Jet28.

I'll be the first to admit I'm a cynic. But that doesn't make me an @sshole.

As Jesus said, "those who do their good deeds in public, that they may be seen by men, they have their reward. But when you do good deeds, do them in secret so that only God sees them."

...yes you are...and get it right a bonafide a$$hole!!!...cause these stories aren't that old and have been put out there before. The thing is someone decides to revisit these stories so idiots like you can harp on them and on a decent guy. your the one that doesnt read unless its posted on a message board then you would have know this. All this is old news. But like I said they succeed when they get someone like you to look at the article and have the reaction that they really want which is to say "they trying to make abraham look good"...in a whiney high pitched voice. and to answer you, your the only one making it about I, I , I ....if you were intelligent enough to notice and think about what Im saying to you about the intent of the article you would understand. Why do you think they put it in with the pic of the hat that he got that says selfish...me me me....duh?....stop and think...really think. This is how they get people to think and respond the way you are you. But you don't realize that. They could have done the story as a human interest story...but they didnt they pair it with that...Come on..be more intelligent than this. I thought you were, but I guess Im wrong...and finally...like I said, he never broadcasted these things reporters did. They asked this boy's family about their son and what John did...they called this lady in SC...not John. When the article or the mention about the funeral situation was a 10 sentence blurb at most. The press sought that lady out. Said she couldnt be reached for comment origionally...I remember this because Im from SC myself and my family called and told me about the tragedy that happened to the lady and her family. They knew of the burials but never knew who did it. and who helped her so much. She didnt know till the media here started calling her and told her...that shows what they do and how they do it. But Im done with you ....thats my promise. To me your an ass for saying what you said before this and thats how it stands in my mind. cynics dont make insensitive remarks like that assholes do....Done!..

[Preston Howley III]

Thank God. I'd thought you'd never shut up.

[Jets28]

Thank God. I'd thought you'd never shut up.

......Im just tired of debating with someone who doesnt know how to. When you learn...come see me.

[Preston Howley III]

[Preston Howley III]

[Jets28]

.....aren't you cute....you still bitter cause you can't debate intelligently and I won.....awwww!!!...poor baby... . I dont need pictures to show that I won.... . You'll be ok.

[Preston Howley III]

http://members.aol.com/deutschfox/page/donny00e.htm

[Preston Howley III]

http://members.aol.com/deutschfox/page/donny3e.htm

[TomShane]

1) Karen Crouse is awful and further proof that it is a waste of time sending a female journalist out to cover football. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants these bullsh*t fluff human interest stories.

2) John Abraham is a selfish douchebag. He is the Fernando Ferrer of photo ops.