New York Jets Mafia Game Thread in Mafia Game Forum Posted January 29, 2013 One day at the club a man came up to Hess, and pitched him an idea for Hess Brand Watches – “the watch for the best.” Hess loved the idea of seeing his name eclipse Rolex and others because, after all, he’s the best. Why would people want a Rolex when they can have a Hess? So Hess agreed to meet the man for dinner later that night. Hess thought it was odd when the man continued to focus on the intangibles of the watch instead of the way it actually looked and worked, but who really cared if it made him money? So they laughed and had a good time, and began to depart. They got into the man’s car and drove off…and that was the last time anyone saw Hess alive. The next day the police surrounded a warehouse where Hess’ dead body tied to a chair. The coroner’s report told a chilling tale: Apparently the man had tried to beat Hess to death first, but his arm just wasn’t strong enough to amount to much more than a light bruise. After hours of attempting, the man finally gave up and suffocated Hess with his towel. Hess, Darrelle Revis, mod-confirmed townie (and apparently Memphis Grizzlies fan?), is dead. Day 1 continues. One player, though, wasn’t laughing. In fact, he was nearly in a full on rage almost every play. Towards the end of the practice one of the QB’s lofted up a soft pass and he went in for the big play. BOOM!!!!!!!!! The entire team jumped up from the hit with excitement filling the field. Well…everyone except for the victim. He tried to stand up and fell right back down to the ground. So much wasted potential in that one…always getting hurt. Good thing Dan is dead, her heart might not be able to take the loss of one of her favorites. Darthe, Dustin Keller, vanilla townie, is out for the season. The youngster had just turned his head around in time to see a football fly towards his face. He fell to the ground more annoyed than hurt and got up ready to kick someone’s ass…but as he rose up the tape stopped, and literally ended up around his neck. Only the ****ing Jets would still use REAL tape. Ishy, Jeremy Kerley, Vanilla Town, is dead. It was the strange man again…though this time dressed in hideous drag. A smarter man could have seen through his disguise but for all of his strengths, intelligence when the opposite sex is involved was not one of them. It didn’t take much – a simple “Hi there handsome” from the stranger and off the field JVoR trotted, knowing exactly where this all was ending. Only he didn’t. The next time anyone saw him he was nearly unrecognizable. A condom pulled over his head and his entire body was swollen and puffy. Turns out he had an allergy to latex. Jets Voice of Reason, Antonio Cromartie, town speedster (tracker), is dead. So with the loss of many prominent figures, SMC knew it was about time for him to step up. He was spending extra time in the weight room, specifically doing squats. The workout warriors on JetNation would be proud. The problem with squats though is that you leave yourself exposed for a jackass, and if there is ANYTHING the Jets have an abundance of it’s just that – jackasses. SMC was in the middle of an unbelievable 700 lb squat when the douche showed up and kicked SMC square in the groin. If only his spotter had been there to catch him, he almost certainly would have survived… SMC, D’Brickashaw Ferguson, vanilla townie, is dead. One player in particular was absolute disgusted by this fat, hippie, slob. His rage had built and built and built, and he couldn’t possibly stand being in the same room as someone who cared so little about their bodies. He decided to take things into his own hands…so he followed out chasing down CTM full speed. CTM isn’t the dumbest cat in town by any means. On any other day he would have heard the player charging at him, turned around and used his belly as protection. But not today…today was free mani/pedi day at Florham Park and CTM was too busy ogling at the feet through the window. “How’s about a closer view, bitch!” yelled the player as he rammed into CTM full speed, slamming his head into the glass. CTM simply bounced off, took a couple steps backwards and with a smile the size of Texas fell on his back causing the earth to shake greatly. THEN the glass shattered. “Can’t coach with a concussion can you, you fat disgusting slob” laughed the player as he ran off. Nope. You sure can’t. CTM, Rex Ryan, Town Cop…is out for the season. Hess and Lily killed by the noodle armed Pennington SK. JVOR could have been killed by him too since AVM referenced "the strange man" in his scene. Darthe and CTM killed by the roid raged town Vig (out of his mind for the season). I assume SMC was probably killed by scum since there was no reference to who killed him. Ishy, I'm unsure about. He was killed by a weak armed QB too, but like JVOR was killed at night. I suppose it could be Sanchez killing them, because I don't see how it's fair if Pennington gets more then a kill each phase, so this confuses me a little bit; so I can only imagine the kind of circles it sends your lesser minds spinning into.