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"Enhanced patdowns" coming to a stadium near you


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Coming to an NFL stadium near you: “Enhanced” pat downs

Posted by Gregg Rosenthal on September 15, 2011, 5:16 PM EDT

APFresh off Sunday night’s taser-fueled fan violence at Metlife Stadium in New Jersey, the NFL will conduct pat downs from the ankles up this season.

In the past, the pat downs went from the waist up.

“The enhanced security procedures recommended by our office before the start of the season will further increase the safety of fans but will require some additional time,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told USA T0day in a statement Thursday. “We encourage fans to come early, enjoy their tailgating tradition, and be patient as they enter the stadium.”

Apparently the league started this policy before the season started. Either some teams didn’t listen, or it just wasn’t especially effective in New Jersey.

The Bills warn their fans to expect longer lines on their website because of the “enhanced pat-down procedure” that is a recommendation from the league.

While it may be a short-term inconvenience for fans, anything that keeps fans safe should prove more popular than the NFL’s attempt at an “enhanced” regular season.

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All I read was the title... and thought...

Enhanced patdowns coming to a stadium near you = JIF coming to a stadium near you.

Ha! Not funny.

However, I will say that in Miami Airport I got an enhanced pat down that was very uncomfortable. I was the lucky person to get a "male search" in the security line. Dude had his hand on my ball sack, in my a$$ crack, and was going into the belt lining of my shorts damn near touching the shaft. And they did this in the middle of the Airport. When his hand hit my sack, I was told him..."dude, arent you going to buy me dinner first". He didnt find this amussing. Then when his hand was in my a$$ crack, I was like...."dude, careful, I didnt wipe all that well". He didnt like that either.

All the while my brothers are on the other side screaming...."I think he likes it". I was fully violated in public. Didnt even put me behind a curtain.

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Ha! Not funny.

However, I will say that in Miami Airport I got an enhanced pat down that was very uncomfortable. I was the lucky person to get a "male search" in the security line. Dude had his hand on my ball sack, in my a$$ crack, and was going into the belt lining of my shorts damn near touching the shaft. And they did this in the middle of the Airport. When his hand hit my sack, I was told him..."dude, arent you going to buy me dinner first". He didnt find this amussing. Then when his hand was in my a$$ crack, I was like...."dude, careful, I didnt wipe all that well". He didnt like that either.

All the while my brothers are on the other side screaming...."I think he likes it". I was fully violated in public. Didnt even put me behind a curtain.

You wish.

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Ha! Not funny.

However, I will say that in Miami Airport I got an enhanced pat down that was very uncomfortable. I was the lucky person to get a "male search" in the security line. Dude had his hand on my ball sack, in my a$$ crack, and was going into the belt lining of my shorts damn near touching the shaft. And they did this in the middle of the Airport. When his hand hit my sack, I was told him..."dude, arent you going to buy me dinner first". He didnt find this amussing. Then when his hand was in my a$$ crack, I was like...."dude, careful, I didnt wipe all that well". He didnt like that either.

All the while my brothers are on the other side screaming...."I think he likes it". I was fully violated in public. Didnt even put me behind a curtain.

If you really said that, thats awesome!

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Coming to an NFL stadium near you: “Enhanced” pat downs

Posted by Gregg Rosenthal on September 15, 2011, 5:16 PM EDT

APFresh off Sunday night’s taser-fueled fan violence at Metlife Stadium in New Jersey, the NFL will conduct pat downs from the ankles up this season.

In the past, the pat downs went from the waist up.

“The enhanced security procedures recommended by our office before the start of the season will further increase the safety of fans but will require some additional time,” NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy told USA T0day in a statement Thursday. “We encourage fans to come early, enjoy their tailgating tradition, and be patient as they enter the stadium.”

Apparently the league started this policy before the season started. Either some teams didn’t listen, or it just wasn’t especially effective in New Jersey.

The Bills warn their fans to expect longer lines on their website because of the “enhanced pat-down procedure” that is a recommendation from the league.

While it may be a short-term inconvenience for fans, anything that keeps fans safe should prove more popular than the NFL’s attempt at an “enhanced” regular season.

Lil Bit special is a pretty big fella. Might wanna leave tonight so they will be done checking him by Sunday.

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Ha! Not funny.

However, I will say that in Miami Airport I got an enhanced pat down that was very uncomfortable. I was the lucky person to get a "male search" in the security line. Dude had his hand on my ball sack, in my a$$ crack, and was going into the belt lining of my shorts damn near touching the shaft. And they did this in the middle of the Airport. When his hand hit my sack, I was told him..."dude, arent you going to buy me dinner first". He didnt find this amussing. Then when his hand was in my a$$ crack, I was like...."dude, careful, I didnt wipe all that well". He didnt like that either.

All the while my brothers are on the other side screaming...."I think he likes it". I was fully violated in public. Didnt even put me behind a curtain.

Bet that dude still hasn't washed his hand yet. HAWT

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You wish.

You know me so well.

If you really said that, thats awesome!

Thanks. Its a long story...but this was after about 3 hours of fighting with American Airlines because they held us from our flight for the stupidest reason ever. Its a long long story that I get really worked up telling. But at that point Airport Security had already taken a sample of my skin because I was acting out and they were nervous. I was threated to be arrested on 2 different occassions. Worst flying experience of my life.

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They aren't touching my son and I would never give consent for that, and if they try, there will be an incident. Are they going to take the diapers off the elderly like the TSA does at the airports? Where does it stop? Where is the line? "Anyone who gives up freedom for safety deserves neither...." I forget who said that, but it's a great statement.

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They aren't touching my son and I would never give consent for that, and if they try, there will be an incident. Are they going to take the diapers off the elderly like the TSA does at the airports? Where does it stop? Where is the line? "Anyone who gives up freedom for safety deserves neither...." I forget who said that, but it's a great statement.

Benjamin Franklin: Something along the lines of "those who would give up essential liberty to purchase temporary safety deserve neither."

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They aren't touching my son and I would never give consent for that, and if they try, there will be an incident. Are they going to take the diapers off the elderly like the TSA does at the airports? Where does it stop? Where is the line? "Anyone who gives up freedom for safety deserves neither...." I forget who said that, but it's a great statement.

Well - this definitely isn't the site to expand upon that thought. But I will say this, they don't check little kids. And they have never once looked in my diaper. After tailgate joe's tacos last week my diaper was a mess. And when I say "Tailgate Joe's Taco" what I am specifically referring to is, ah nevermind.

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I wouldn't be surprised in the least if the Dallas stun gun was planted in there specifically so they could beef up security. I mean they do need it, but I just hope it doesn't mean they stop letting you bring in snacks and drinks, or mess up the tailgating.

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Well - this definitely isn't the site to expand upon that thought. But I will say this, they don't check little kids. And they have never once looked in my diaper. After tailgate joe's tacos last week my diaper was a mess. And when I say "Tailgate Joe's Taco" what I am specifically referring to is, ah nevermind.

Sweet, I'll just smuggle my taser in on a small child.

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