GreenBeans Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Please nominate your favorite posts from the past week for the prestigious "POTW" award. Nominate you friend, your significant other, yourself - just nominate! You know you want to.... Send'em to greenbeans@jetnation.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 My injury report in the Miami tailgate should win. But you guys are SOFT and are afraid to put something that radical on the front page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenBeans Posted December 13, 2005 Author Share Posted December 13, 2005 Is that a DARE??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gun Of Bavaria Posted December 13, 2005 Share Posted December 13, 2005 Ring Ring Ring Herm Edwards: Hello? Bill Belichick: Herm, this is Bill, wasssssssssup? HE: Wassssssssssssup BB: Wasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup HE: Wasssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssup BB: Anyways Herm, I have a problem and you're just the guy to talk to. HE: What the matter Bill? You need a motivational speech to fire the team up? Fans getting on your case about your 5 losses? You need defensive secondary advice? BB: Oh no Herm. While I appreciate it, I prefer to get my football questions answered from people actually knowledgeable about the game. I have a (ahem) physical issue with a key player and I need your expertise. HE: Physical Problem? Hell BB, you should have called me sooner, we haven't had a player take a physical in 5 seasons. Therefore we haven't had a physical problem since I started. It has worked great. BB: NO NO Herm. Jesus, How are you still here? Anyways, Herm I need your help with a player of mine, someone I'll refer to as Player X. HE: X? Is that like Mr. X from the old days of the WWF? Man I used to love that guy, with the mask and all. When he flew off the top ropes and tage teamed with Barry O, I used to spit out cereal through my nose. BB: GOD DAMN IT HERM, I'm talking about Tom Brady! HE: Oh, your "X" factor. Ha ha Bill, you're a funny guy, I get it now. What's wrong? His feelings hurt? Too much stress from being named Sportsman of the Year? Tara Reid too much for him. BB: No Herm I wish, you see, Tom has a torn ACL. HE: A what? BB: A torn ACL HE: A who? BB: A torn ACL Herm. HE: Well just have him call AT&T. As long as he paid for the Linebacker Service as part of his phone plan they'll fix it for free. BB: GOD DAMN IT HERM, he has a blown out knee. It's gone Herm, he tore his Anterior Cruciate Ligament. It looks like spaghetti in there. In fact it looks just like Chad's shoulder Post-Op, that's why I called you. HE: Wow you got yourself a problem there Bill. I tell you what, we're looking to dump salary. I can trade you Vinny Testdaverde for some Maine Lobster and a case of Sam Adams. We got ourself a deal? BB: A replacement isn't what I want Coach. What I want is for Brady to play. I know you're not familiar with this area of football Herm, but we're about to win the division and the playoffs are coming up. HE: Playoffs? What's that Bill? BB: Another time Herm. HE: Well OK. Well what do you want from me then? I'm kind of in a hurry you know. Oprah is on at 4 and I think this is the episode that she gives away everything she likes to the audience. I heard her favorite NFL QB was Peyton Manning so I had d!ck Curl sneak into the audience in case she gives them out. BB: I need to know how you got Chad Pennington to play 6 weeks of football on a torn rotator cuff? How do you make a man play through a season ending injury? HE: Who Bill? BB: Chad Pennington. HE: Who? BB: Chad Pennington Herm, your QB. HE: Chad Pennington, we don't have a QB here by that name,we have Brooks Bollinger Bill. You know I once saw a picture of Brooks in a "Cat In The Hat" striped top hat Bill, I still laugh when I see that. BB: God damn it Herm can you stick to the subject at hand for 5 minutes. HE: Sorry Bill, you know I have trouble managing my time at times. Get it? Times at times? Ha Ha Ha BB: Herm my long distance minutes are running low, I need to get going. Herm you remember Chad, that guy you're paying $64 Million to wave a towel over his head. HE: Oh Chad, yeah he's a hell of a 12th man. he really gets that crowd going. What you want with my cheerleader Bill? BB: Well at one point in time Herm, he was your franchise QB and you somehow got him to play the last part of a season with what supposed to be a season ending rotator cuff injury. How did you do it? HE: Oh you mean #10. Now I know what you're talking about. Well first Bill, you need to be motivated. You need to prepare an uplifting speech that you can give him in your office. BB: That's it Herm? That's how you got Chad through the season? I mean you guys nearly played us in the Title game? HE: Well that's not all Bill. You see I told the Team Doctor to switch the film. BB: Switch the film? HE: Yeah you know Bill. Switch the film? Kind of like when you're watching a movie on TiVo and all of sudden you hit the wrong button and BOOM I mean before you know it Top Gun is on and you're like - Oh no man this is the part where Goose gets killed, I hate this part. So you switch it back so whatever your watching isn't as bad as what's really going on. BB: (Silence) HE: Anyways I had the team doctor switch the MRI film before presenting it to Chad. He thought he was looking at his recent film but it was actually film he took before we drafted him years ago. You see we showed him good film and hid the bad film. Pretty damn sneaky I think if you ask me. BB: So you lied to Chad? HE: No no, come on now Bill. Who said anything about lying? We merely withheld the truth until such time it was convienent for us. BB: So you lied to him Herm? HE: No No Bill, we told him the truth. Right after that team sponsored fishing trip we sent him on. Look Bill it's really easy. Tell him he's important. Tell him he's the only thing that can insure a Super Bowl trip. Tell him it's not that bad, that a couple shots can take the edge off the pain and that the pride that will come from continuing to be a warrior will make him forget he even had knee pain. BB: You think he'll buy it. HE: I know he will Bill. It's worked multiple times for me. Hell I had Curtis Martin playing for 11 weeks on a bad knee before he got wise and figured it out. It's a sure fire plan Bill. It can't help but work. BB: Well I guess I can give it a try. So I soften him up with a motivational speech. Let him know what he means to us, tell him he's the man to take us to the super bowl. Then I switch his film, fill his knee with Cortizone, stick him out there, and then soften him up with a fishing trip before telling him the truth about his knee? HE: Damn Bill, you got it. See what kind of coach I am Bill. BB: OK, I guess I'll give it a shot. HE: Don't worry Bill, it works every time. And don't lose any sleep, when we play you in a few weeks, I'll have my defense take it easy on Tom's knee. Just tell him to go down when they tag him with 2 hands. It will be our little secret. BB: Ok Herm, well thanks for the advice, I guess. We'll see how it works. See ya in a few weeks at your place. Take care. HE: You know Bill you and me, we're tighter then most people think. We have a lot in common you and me. click....dial tone HE: Hello? Hello? Bill you there? Hellllo? Helooo? Huh, I don't get it, why would he just hang up on me like that? Hmm. Oooooh, Oprah's on. HEY, there's d!ck. Come on Oprah, Daddy wants a new QB........ 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aec4 Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 The above post is not post of the week. Stupidest post of the week maybe, but not best post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnny green balls Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 **** there goes 5 minutes of good jerk off time i'll never get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatsFanTX Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Celtkin wrote: He does a great job of representing Jetnation to all of the Beasts of the East forums and is a class act. PatsFanTX wrote: The words "respect", "class act" and "Smizzy" should NEVER be uttered in the same sentence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gg Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Celtkin wrote: He does a great job of representing Jetnation to all of the Beasts of the East forums and is a class act. PatsFanTX wrote: The words "respect", "class act" and "Smizzy" should NEVER be uttered in the same sentence. if this is one of the nominations... i vote for guns war and peace post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatsFanTX Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 if this is one of the nominations... i vote for guns war and peace post! Hey gg, how's your "advice" column working out? If the Jets did to Hermy what JetNation did to you, they'd be better off. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenBeans Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 I'm leaning toward johnny green balls - just to let you know. Either that or something from assmop. Maybe a Garb rant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 F#ck there goes 5 minutes of good jerk off time i'll never get back. You do it 5 times in a row? Wow you are an IRON MAN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 I'm leaning toward johnny green balls - just to let you know. Either that or something from assmop. Maybe a Garb rant? No GB mine wasn't a dare. As one of the site owners I am not eligible for the weekly grand prize. Yeah, Yeah...that is why I never win! I respect GOB a lot. But just so you know if his Novel makes it we will be required to update the bandwidth. But please don't let money stand in the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Gun Of Bavaria Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 The above post is not post of the week. Stupidest post of the week maybe, but not best post. Stupidest??? Is that even a word? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gg Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 Hey gg, how's your "advice" column working out? If the Jets did to Hermy what JetNation did to you, they'd be better off. :wink: you telling me that you want me to be gone from this site? be a man ( i know...major stretch for you) and say it straight out! as for my column... unfortunately some were taking it seriously... very few have my sophisticated sense of humor.... anyway... all the great artists and intellects are misunderstood...it is just a matter of time... and i will be back... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenBeans Posted December 14, 2005 Author Share Posted December 14, 2005 No GB mine wasn't a dare. As one of the site owners I am not eligible for the weekly grand prize. Yeah, Yeah...that is why I never win! I respect GOB a lot. But just so you know if his Novel makes it we will be required to update the bandwidth. But please don't let money stand in the way. No problem there, TX is gonna kick in the extra cash you need - at least that's what I hear. I'm still leaning toward JGB's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted December 14, 2005 Share Posted December 14, 2005 i am partial to the YMCA post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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