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This post deserves its own thread....T0mShane's Game Day Experience


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  • 8 years later...
On 10/8/2012 at 3:48 PM, JonEJet said:

T0mShane, on 07 October 2012 - 05:02 PM, said: This is my game day experience:

 

10:00-10:17 AM: Get in car, fill tank ($44), buy road snacks ($9).

 

10:17-11:00 AM: Drive south, cross George Washington Bridge, start wait in turnpike traffic.

 

11:00-11:50: Endure 50 minutes of traffic to travel remaining five miles.

 

11:50 AM-12:23 PM: Wait in line to pay $50 to park.

 

12:23-1:00 PM: Look for parking spot far enough away from Jagermeister-crippled bros desperate to bounce a football off of, then piss on my car.

 

1:00-1:26: Make the three mile walk from non-premium parking area to entry of giant air-conditioning unit/Cell Block D-inspired stadium.

 

1:26-1:35: Pay $48 for two non-carbonated warm beers and cold hot dog. Cringe at sight of working fireplaces in luxury boxes populated by JP Morgan execs who think Joe Willie Namath was the name of the guy who killed John Lennon.

 

1:35-1:45 PM: Climb stairs to seats, undoubtedly next to entitled daddy's-boy wearing a brand-new Santonio Holmes jersey, who smells like weed and Rumplemintz and vomit.

 

1:45-1:48: Having missed eight minutes of game action, quickly determine that I missed four Mark Sanchez incompletions. Regardless, Jets' PA announcer screams "And that will be a Jets...," and some in the crowd celebrate a FIRST DOWN, because that's what title contenders do.

 

1:48-1:49 PM: Listen to drunk, stoned entitled daddy's-boy next to me declare that if he hears anyone booing Mark Sanchez, he's gonna "kill 'em yo."

 

1:49-1:50 PM: Attempt to determine what the foreign solid entity that I just swallowed while sipping my $12 beer was. Convince myself it's a peanut shell.

 

1:50:36-1:50:48 PM: Pray it was a peanut shell.

 

1:51-1:56 PM: Entitled daddy's boy begins booing Sanchez.

 

1:57 PM-1:58 PM: Begin process of pretending I don't have to piss.

 

1:59-2:06 PM: Focus on game action. Wonder what Matt Slauson thinks he's doing out there. Wonder if Mark Sanchez blocks out sounds of booing by reminding himself that he banged some really hot chicks recently. Wonder why Shonn Greene acts like he stepped on a land mine after every run. Reminisce about the glory days of the Glenn Foley Era.

 

2:07-2:12 PM: Consider to what extreme the escalating hostilities between the entitled daddy's boy and the angry Hispanic Sanchez fan seated behind me will reach.

 

2:12-2:13 PM: Entitled daddy's boy uses the words "faggot mexican" to describe Sanchez. Elect to find bathroom.

 

2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door.

 

2:56-3:17 PM: Need to buy food product to get the taste of uncarbonated beer out of my mouth. Decide on pretzel ($6). Pretzel is frozen and wet. Paradox?

 

3:18-4:12 PM: Find seat, watch rest of game, stadium empties, entitled daddy's boy bleeding from right eye. Angry Hispanic Fan escorted out. Wonder why Tebow is fist-pumping after a three-yard gain. Consider that a portion of Jets fanbase will consider this particular Jets loss "no big deal" because "the Bills lost, too." Gain new understanding as to why Jets' business model succeeds despite lack of success. Paradox?

 

4:13-5:23 PM: Stare at line for bottlenecked elevator. Gain new understanding as to why every posited zombie apocalypse scenario begins with 99.7% of human race perishing within first 12 hours. Make trek across parking lot. Fans puking behind cars, throwing footballs at each other, cursing Parcells. Get to car, admire football-shaped dent in door; pool of piss around front tire.

 

5:24-6:17 PM: Wait in giant traffic melange to get on turnpike. Listen to postgame show. Bob Wischusen declares that loss, really, was a win. Listen to Rex consciously attempt to sound glum. Listen to Sanchez describe how well he played on the 48% of plays in which he completed a pass.

 

6:18-8:34 PM: Drive home. Wonder what I was thinking. Curse life.

This is a classic. 

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On 10/8/2012 at 3:48 PM, JonEJet said:

T0mShane, on 07 October 2012 - 05:02 PM, said: This is my game day experience:

 

10:00-10:17 AM: Get in car, fill tank ($44), buy road snacks ($9).

 

10:17-11:00 AM: Drive south, cross George Washington Bridge, start wait in turnpike traffic.

 

11:00-11:50: Endure 50 minutes of traffic to travel remaining five miles.

 

11:50 AM-12:23 PM: Wait in line to pay $50 to park.

 

12:23-1:00 PM: Look for parking spot far enough away from Jagermeister-crippled bros desperate to bounce a football off of, then piss on my car.

 

1:00-1:26: Make the three mile walk from non-premium parking area to entry of giant air-conditioning unit/Cell Block D-inspired stadium.

 

1:26-1:35: Pay $48 for two non-carbonated warm beers and cold hot dog. Cringe at sight of working fireplaces in luxury boxes populated by JP Morgan execs who think Joe Willie Namath was the name of the guy who killed John Lennon.

 

1:35-1:45 PM: Climb stairs to seats, undoubtedly next to entitled daddy's-boy wearing a brand-new Santonio Holmes jersey, who smells like weed and Rumplemintz and vomit.

 

1:45-1:48: Having missed eight minutes of game action, quickly determine that I missed four Mark Sanchez incompletions. Regardless, Jets' PA announcer screams "And that will be a Jets...," and some in the crowd celebrate a FIRST DOWN, because that's what title contenders do.

 

1:48-1:49 PM: Listen to drunk, stoned entitled daddy's-boy next to me declare that if he hears anyone booing Mark Sanchez, he's gonna "kill 'em yo."

 

1:49-1:50 PM: Attempt to determine what the foreign solid entity that I just swallowed while sipping my $12 beer was. Convince myself it's a peanut shell.

 

1:50:36-1:50:48 PM: Pray it was a peanut shell.

 

1:51-1:56 PM: Entitled daddy's boy begins booing Sanchez.

 

1:57 PM-1:58 PM: Begin process of pretending I don't have to piss.

 

1:59-2:06 PM: Focus on game action. Wonder what Matt Slauson thinks he's doing out there. Wonder if Mark Sanchez blocks out sounds of booing by reminding himself that he banged some really hot chicks recently. Wonder why Shonn Greene acts like he stepped on a land mine after every run. Reminisce about the glory days of the Glenn Foley Era.

 

2:07-2:12 PM: Consider to what extreme the escalating hostilities between the entitled daddy's boy and the angry Hispanic Sanchez fan seated behind me will reach.

 

2:12-2:13 PM: Entitled daddy's boy uses the words "faggot mexican" to describe Sanchez. Elect to find bathroom.

 

2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door.

 

2:56-3:17 PM: Need to buy food product to get the taste of uncarbonated beer out of my mouth. Decide on pretzel ($6). Pretzel is frozen and wet. Paradox?

 

3:18-4:12 PM: Find seat, watch rest of game, stadium empties, entitled daddy's boy bleeding from right eye. Angry Hispanic Fan escorted out. Wonder why Tebow is fist-pumping after a three-yard gain. Consider that a portion of Jets fanbase will consider this particular Jets loss "no big deal" because "the Bills lost, too." Gain new understanding as to why Jets' business model succeeds despite lack of success. Paradox?

 

4:13-5:23 PM: Stare at line for bottlenecked elevator. Gain new understanding as to why every posited zombie apocalypse scenario begins with 99.7% of human race perishing within first 12 hours. Make trek across parking lot. Fans puking behind cars, throwing footballs at each other, cursing Parcells. Get to car, admire football-shaped dent in door; pool of piss around front tire.

 

5:24-6:17 PM: Wait in giant traffic melange to get on turnpike. Listen to postgame show. Bob Wischusen declares that loss, really, was a win. Listen to Rex consciously attempt to sound glum. Listen to Sanchez describe how well he played on the 48% of plays in which he completed a pass.

 

6:18-8:34 PM: Drive home. Wonder what I was thinking. Curse life.

Bravo! You summed up why I don't go to games anymore.

Morgan Freeman Applause GIF by The Academy Awards

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"2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door."

 

The people who built this sheetbox never actually went to any football games (nor concerts)  themselves in their entire lives, and didn't bother to speak to anyone who ever had done so. It wasn't that complicated; parking, easy in and out, simple available concessions(including cold beverages and warm food rather than the other way around). And acknowledging the reality that after tailgating and $13 warm beers, lots of toilets and urinals are musts. Not only is it an eyesore, it's completely dysfunctional. 

Bears mentioning again; Giants braintrust came back after their first trip to the JerryDome and called the AC Unit building team the next morning at the crack of dawn to ask, impolitely, WHAT THE F___ DID WE PAY A BILLION DOLLARS FOR? 

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This is exactly why I only go to about two games per decade. Everything about the MetLife experience and the football team is horrible. 

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5 minutes ago, Larz said:

I’ve been posting here since 2012?

 

leaving gene kelly GIF

I truly wonder what this guy was thinking. Kill myself? Go swimming with my bike? Did he land on the bike? I don't think that river is very deep, either. It would have been interesting to see the next 30 seconds of video. Did he come up out of the water, or did someone have to fish him out?

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5 hours ago, Bugg said:

"2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door."

 

The people who built this sheetbox never actually went to any football games (nor concerts)  themselves in their entire lives, and didn't bother to speak to anyone who ever had done so. It wasn't that complicated; parking, easy in and out, simple available concessions(including cold beverages and warm food rather than the other way around). And acknowledging the reality that after tailgating and $13 warm beers, lots of toilets and urinals are musts. Not only is it an eyesore, it's completely dysfunctional. 

Bears mentioning again; Giants braintrust came back after their first trip to the JerryDome and called the AC Unit building team the next morning at the crack of dawn to ask, impolitely, WHAT THE F___ DID WE PAY A BILLION DOLLARS FOR? 

The secret is to use the exit door when using the bathroom

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1 hour ago, Bungaman said:

I truly wonder what this guy was thinking. Kill myself? Go swimming with my bike? Did he land on the bike? I don't think that river is very deep, either. It would have been interesting to see the next 30 seconds of video. Did he come up out of the water, or did someone have to fish him out?

Possibly a stunt man and what you are seeing isn't real. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Actually ... one of the greatest .. and most accurate posts ever... unbelievably well constructed and entertaining.

Only way to survive this ordeal happily is to start the day 2 hours earlier . Wear body armor and oxegynated space helmet to the stadium.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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On 6/3/2021 at 7:37 PM, Bugg said:

"2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door."

 

The people who built this sheetbox never actually went to any football games (nor concerts)  themselves in their entire lives, and didn't bother to speak to anyone who ever had done so. It wasn't that complicated; parking, easy in and out, simple available concessions(including cold beverages and warm food rather than the other way around). And acknowledging the reality that after tailgating and $13 warm beers, lots of toilets and urinals are musts. Not only is it an eyesore, it's completely dysfunctional. 

Bears mentioning again; Giants braintrust came back after their first trip to the JerryDome and called the AC Unit building team the next morning at the crack of dawn to ask, impolitely, WHAT THE F___ DID WE PAY A BILLION DOLLARS FOR? 

The Johnsons must be surrounded by grifters and charlatans, judging by the consultants they hire and the advice they receive — headhunters, stadium consultants, uniform consultants, events consultants for launch party, etc. What easy marks.

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