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So things are going well in Miami.

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Miami Marlins pitcher in trouble for not shaving

New Miami Marlins manager Don Mattingly knows full well the wrath that can come down on a player for not grooming himself properly.

“Donnie Baseball”, as he was known during his career, played 14 seasons with a New York Yankees team that required its players to be clean shaven.

Now in a leadership role himself, some might figure that Mattingly’s experience with the Yankees would have pushed him away from such a totalitarian philosophy.

Not so fast, my friends.

One of Mattingly’s first moves as the Marlins manager was to make sure that his players knew scruffy facial figures were not part of the equation. In this, he banned facial hair.

If this sounds a bit ridiculous, that’s because it is. But wait until you get a load of the following:


“Make sure I’m not the one telling you to shave.”

Yes, mom.

This new identity for the Marlins organization is all about playing “serious baseball.” But it’s pretty hard to take a team seriously that goes to this extent to police its players.

It’s not like any Marlins player is going full Peter Griffin here. Rather, the idea that a grown man can choose whether he shaves or not should be a fundamental freedom.

I guess we should be happy the Tampa Bay Rays, not the Marlins, played Cuba’s national team in Havana earlier this month. Just imagine the new rules Mattingly and Co. would have come up with after watching Castro’s government in action.

Let’s just hope Jarred Cosart decides to go all clean shaven here soon. He doesn’t need to be hearing from Mattingly when in the shower moving forward.

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