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Let's start another Monty Python thread..


Verde

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In 1945 Peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.

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  • 11 months later...

an: 'Evening, squire!

Squire: (stiffly) Good evening.

Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean,

nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more?

Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon?

M: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh?

S: (flustered) Well, she sometimes "goes", yes.

M: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more,

knowwhatahmean, nudge nudge?

S: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you.

M: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a

wink to a blind bat!

S: Are you, uh,...are you selling something?

M: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay?

(pause)

M: Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE!

S: Well, I, uh....

M: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay?

S: Um, she likes sport, yes!

M: I bet she does, I bet she does!

S: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket.

M: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been

around a bit, been around?

S: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale.

(pause)

M: SAY NO MORE!!

M: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire!

S: I wasn't going to!

M: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib?

Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay?

"Photographs, ay", he asked him knowlingly?

S: Photography?

M: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more?

S: Holiday snaps, eh?

M: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know,

CANDID photography?

S: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera.

M: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay?

S: Look... are you insinuating something?

M: Oh, no, no, no...yes.

S: Well?

M: Well, you're a man of the world, squire.

S: Yes...

M: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh....

You've "done it"....

S: What do you mean?

M: Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady....

S: Yes....

M: What's it like?

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This was always my favorite, most clever bit.

'An argument isn't just automatically saying "No it isn't"'

'Yes it is'

"No it isn't!'

Look, this isn't an argument.

Yes it is.

No it isn't, it's just contradiction.

No it isn't.

It is.

It is not.

Look, you contradicted me.

I did not.

Oh you did.

No, no, no.

You did just then.

Nonsense.

Oh, this is futile.

No it isn't.

I came here for a good argument.

No, you didn't. No, you came here for an argument.

An argument isn't just contradiction.

It can be.

An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.

No it isn't.

Yes it is. It's not just contradiction.

Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.

But that's not just saying, "No it isn't."

Yes it is.

No it isn't. An argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.

No it isn't.

Yes it is.

Not at all.

Now look...

[bell rings] Good morning.

What?

That's it. Good morning.

It was just getting interesting.

Sorry, the five minutes is up.

That was never five minutes.

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  • 8 months later...

Well... I'd just like to say, m'lud, I've got a family... a wife and six kids... and I hope very much you don't have to take away my freedom... because... well, because m'lud freedom is a state much prized within the realm of civilized society. It is a bond wherewith the savage man may charm the outward hatchments of his soul, and soothe the troubled breast into a magnitude of quiet. It is most precious as a blessed balm, the saviour of princes, the harbinger of happiness, yea, the very stuff and pith of all we hold most dear. What frees the prisoner in his lonely cell, chained within the bondage of rude walls, far from the owl of Thebes? What fires and stirs the wood**** in his springe or wakes the drowsy apricot betides? What goddess doth the storm toss'd mariner offer her most tempestuous prayers to? Freedom! Freedom! Freedom

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Why it took me 4 hours to bury the cat

Four hours to bury the cat???

Yes damn thing wouldnt stay still

BTW OT Just picked up Tix to see Spamalot when it tours next June thru Houston

Cant wait

i have seen it twice and have tixs to see it again..

you will not be disappointed! ;)

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  • 7 months later...
So you think you are strong because you can survive the soft cushions. Well, we shall see. Biggles! Put her in the Comfy Chair!

out of sequence as well

Right! If that's the way you want it - Cardinal! Poke her with the soft cushions!

Confess! Confess! Confess!

It doesn't seem to be hurting her, lord.

Have you got all the stuffing up one end?

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WHADDAYOU WANT?

Well, Well, I was told outside that...

DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!

What?

SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!

Yes, but I came here for an argument!!

OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!

Oh! Oh I see!

Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.

Oh...Sorry...

Not at all! stupid git.

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This was always my favorite, most clever bit.

'An argument isn't just automatically saying "No it isn't"'

'Yes it is'

"No it isn't!'

lol, ahh english humor.

"...and that my lord is how we know the world to be banana shaped."

"this new learning amazes me. Tell me again how sheeps bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes"

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