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Grand Opening of "Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold"


Spoot-Face

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Come hither, my children; you pooooooor lost souls of these... long forsaken times!

Come gather round, for you are lost... no longer!

Our Saaaaaavior... has arrived. And the time to worship... is nigh!

 

I welcome you all. You believer. You hopeful. You who has been cast down... and BETRAYED by the many false prophets of old! Well, I say... NO LONGER!

 

THIS is the Grand Opening of...

 

Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold

 

...And I am your Head Bishop -- a mere servant and vessel for which to channel His Word, and guide the way... to SALVATION! Please, come in and gather; we have refreshments in the back! Enjoy the orange drink, and animal crackers! We do not ask for a tithe, here at Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold, but we appreciate any offerings of crusty socks, and old torn jerseys of "The Bearded One". The fabric will be recycled and will be used in making Boner Pants, which will be handed out to the poor. Come in and pray, or leave a bottle of SPF 50 sunscreen at the Altar of Sam! And be sure not to miss our gathering tonight, where will be burn in effigy the likeness of the False Prophet Mark Sanchez, in order to please Him, and cleanse that stain from our very souls, and brighten the path of our future! Everyone is welcome here at Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold. Please, if you'd like to join our flock, leave some feedback at the front desk! And, if you are seeking a... higher calling... and want to dedicate your soul and life to the Path of The Redheaded One, we are accepting applications for various positions in the church! There is a sign up sheet at the door. I am looking forward to speaking and praying with each and every one of you, and I hope to see you back here every week!

 

 

 

 

 

With love,

Your Head Bishop of Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold.

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@Villain The Foe

Do not let the clouds of the past blind and confuse you, my child! Come in and bask in the Glory of Sam, for it will light your path, and burn away the darkness of your past.

I know, my sweet Villain, that you have been deceived in the past by The Long-Necked One. But it is not your fault, my child. Sam forgives all.

Come join us.

 

With love,

Your Head Bishop of Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold.

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shtick
[SHtik]
 
NOUN
schtick (noun)
  1. a gimmick, comic routine, style of performance, etc. associated with a particular person.
    "there are many great comics who have based their stand-up shtick on observational comedy" · 
    synonyms: act · performance · number · turn · piece · line · shtick · spiel · patter
    • a person's special talent, interest, or area of activity.
      "movies about ordinary women who do extraordinary things—that's my shtick"
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1 hour ago, Warfish said:
shtick
[SHtik]
 
NOUN
schtick (noun)
  1. a gimmick, comic routine, style of performance, etc. associated with a particular person.
    "there are many great comics who have based their stand-up shtick on observational comedy" · 
    synonyms: act · performance · number · turn · piece · line · shtick · spiel · patter
    • a person's special talent, interest, or area of activity.
      "movies about ordinary women who do extraordinary things—that's my shtick"

Oh geez

 People are happy and actually excited. Cant have that, can we?

 

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1 hour ago, Jet_Engine1 said:

Oh geez

People are happy and actually excited. Cant have that, can we?

If this kind of idiocy is how you define "happy" I'd hate to see what truly blissful looks like.  Human sacrifices?

13 minutes ago, JetFreak89 said:


Negativity is WF’s schtick.


Sent from my iPhone using JetNation.com mobile app

Sanity and rational thought is my schtick.  

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I'm allowing myself to entertain the thought that we may have found our QB answer....but I can't go there yet.  These Jets have burnt me too many times.

Who remembers the old "Kellen Clemens doesn't read defenses" thread from JI? ( @isired ) We need to pocket our enthusiasm for just a little bit, at least until Darnold gets some regular season games under his belt.  In fact, if many here are joining the Church of Sam they are making a religious conversion because it was at least a year or two that they were members of the Church of Sanchez and convinced he was the future.  I'm not trying to boil the holy water here, I'm just saying.....let's roll slow for a bit.

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11 minutes ago, jetstream23 said:

I'm allowing myself to entertain the thought that we may have found our QB answer....but I can't go there yet.  These Jets have burnt me too many times.

Who remembers the old "Kellen Clemens doesn't read defenses" thread from JI?  We need to pocket our enthusiasm for just a little bit, at least until Darnold gets some regular season games under his belt.  In fact, if many here are joining the Church of Sam they are making a religious conversion because it was at least a year or two that they were members of the Church of Sanchez and convinced he was the future.  I'm not trying to boil the holy water here, I'm just saying.....let's roll slow for a bit.

Sam Darnold already has shown more than Clemens did in his entire Jet career.  

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10 minutes ago, Jet Nut said:

Sam Darnold already has shown more than Clemens did in his entire Jet career.  

You're right!  I'm all in.

 

 

When kids go to bed they wear Superman pajamas; when Superman goes to bed he wears a Sam Darnold jersey.

Sam Darnold fought the law and the law lost.

Owen Wilson's nose was perfect before playing catch with Sam Darnold.

A Sam Darnold pass killed the dinosaurs.

Sam Darnold doesn't take steroids . . . steroids take Sam Darnold.

Sam Darnold’s tears can cure cancer.  Unfortunately, he’s never cried.

Sam Darold can slam a revolving door.

Sam Darnold holds the record for most TD passes in a single throw (11).

Sam Darnold doesn't sleep...he waits.

When Sam Darnold does pushups, he isn't pushing himself up... he's pushing the earth down.

Sam Darnold can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

During the first show on ESPN after Sam Darnold’s preseason game Stephen A. Smith said…..nothing.  He was literally speechless.

Chuck Norris' Halloween costume this year? Thats easy…..he's going as Sam Darnold.

 

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1 minute ago, Warfish said:

If this kind of idiocy is how you define "happy" I'd hate to see what truly blissful looks like.  Human sacrifices?

Sanity and rational thought is my schtick.  

So,  expressing a high degree of optimism and hope is neither rational nor sane?  OK, got it.  

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11 hours ago, Spoot-Face said:

Come hither, my children; you pooooooor lost souls of these... long forsaken times!

Come gather round, for you are lost... no longer!

Our Saaaaaavior... has arrived. And the time to worship... is nigh!

 

I welcome you all. You believer. You hopeful. You who has been cast down... and BETRAYED by the many false prophets of old! Well, I say... NO LONGER!

 

THIS is the Grand Opening of...

 

Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold

 

...And I am your Head Bishop -- a mere servant and vessel for which to channel His Word, and guide the way... to SALVATION! Please, come in and gather; we have refreshments in the back! Enjoy the orange drink, and animal crackers! We do not ask for a tithe, here at Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold, but we appreciate any offerings of crusty socks, and old torn jerseys of "The Bearded One". The fabric will be recycled and will be used in making Boner Pants, which will be handed out to the poor. Come in and pray, or leave a bottle of SPF 50 sunscreen at the Altar of Sam! And be sure not to miss our gathering tonight, where will be burn in effigy the likeness of the False Prophet Mark Sanchez, in order to please Him, and cleanse that stain from our very souls, and brighten the path of our future! Everyone is welcome here at Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold. Please, if you'd like to join our flock, leave some feedback at the front desk! And, if you are seeking a... higher calling... and want to dedicate your soul and life to the Path of The Redheaded One, we are accepting applications for various positions in the church! There is a sign up sheet at the door. I am looking forward to speaking and praying with each and every one of you, and I hope to see you back here every week!

 

 

 

 

 

With love,

Your Head Bishop of Our Redheaded Savior, the Church of Sam Darnold.

You'll burn for this !!

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