Not Mafia 1: The Dungeon of Dread

[Nolder]

Welcome to Not Mafia 1: The Dungeon of Dread featuring @CTM a laid back hippie swordsman and his newly met small cowardly companion @Spoot-Face a halfling thief who is often scolded by his missus. They have two "lives" between them and a whole lotta bad stuff between them and treasure. The way this is going to work is I am going to post story bits, sometimes in multiple posts, and then present our players with a choice of options. After the choice is presented they can comment on the story and discuss their options before deciding how they would like to move forward. When a choice is made I will type out the storied results as quickly as I can and then present them with their next set of choices. If a choice they made leads to death I will remove 1 "life" and they will go back to the last set of choices they made until they either get a "good" ending or they don't have any lives left. Success or failure will be up to them. Please hold any comments until the end of the story so as not to influence their decisions. Thank you and enjoy this foray into The Dungeon of Dread!

 

[Nolder]

Welcome to a journey into the world of fantasy. This adventure into the Dungeon of Dread is a DUNGEONS & DRAGONS adventure. You will find a complete adventure between the covers of this book with many possible courses of action. Some choices are simple, some are sensible, some are foolhardy, and some are dangerous! You must  make all the decisions. Remember, your choice determines the outcome of your adventure.

In this book, you, CTM, play the part of a human fighter. As an adult, you stand 5'9" tall and weigh about 150 pounds. You are smart and have survived many adventures using little more than your wits. You are well schooled in the use of weapons and are a powerful opponent. You carry a sword and a dagger, and wear a long-sleeved, green tunic over leather breeches. Fine leather boots guard your feet. A long green hunter's cloak protects you from the cold. You carry flasks of oil, a tinder box, a length of rope, and other gear in a leather pouch tied to your belt, and food and water in a sack slung over your shoulder.

Good luck and good adventuring!
 

[Nolder]

You have stopped for the night in a strange forest, tired after a long day's walk. The area seems eerie and strange. There is no moonlight, so the shadows are very black. The air is still and heavy. Even the usual night noises of small birds and animals are missing. Ordinarily, you would have pressed on through the dark woods to the nearest town, but this night you are too tired to take another step.

Wrapping your clock firmly around yourself, you lie down upon a soft bed of moss with your sword close at hand. You are soon fast asleep.

You dream that summer breezes ruffle your clothes. A strong breeze tugs at your cloak. You slowly awaken. Breeze? There is no breeze, the night is calm! Your reflexes scream an alarm and you awaken!  Eyes snapping open, you see a three foot tall halfling - probably a thief - quietly searching your clothes. In one smooth, swift movement, you jump to your feet and grab the unlucky halfling by the scruff of his neck. The halfling's eyes shine in the moonlight and his fear is easy to see.

"Well, halfling, can you give me one reason why I shouldn't feed you to the crows?"

"Oh, please don't do that." whines the halfling, "I'm just a poor hungry halfling named Spoot. I'm no danger to anyone. Why, I just now escaped a terrible fate. If you spare me and feed me, I'll tell you where to find all the treasure in the world."
 

[Nolder]

You hesitate, then lower him to the ground, saying, "I have no need for all the world's riches, but what you say sparks my interest. I will spare your life and feed you if your story interests me enough to pay for my lost sleep. But I warn you, if the tale does not, I will feed you to the crows!"

Carefully watching the halfling, you gather dry wood from beneath the trees to start a fire. Soon, you and the halfling share its welcome warmth. Its bright light holds back the shadows of the night. You brew mugs of strong tea as the halfling falls ravenously on a mutton leg and round of cheese. He eats as though it has been years since he last saw food.

"Halfling, you spoke of treasure and adventure," you urge, trying not to show your curiosity.

Spoot wipes his mug with a grimy finger, searching for any sugar his tongue might have missed. All the while his large brown eyes flicker about, calculating his chances for escape. He studies the strong grace of your movements, your mirror-bright shield glinting in the firelight, and your sword hanging within easy reach, its hilt polished with use. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, the halfling sighs, and stares into the flickering fire.
 

[Nolder]

"Aye, 'tis true. 'Tis a marvelous tale, and truthful too, but there are hardly any who will believe it when I get back to my home."

"Well, try me; I'm always ready for a good tale, and you still owe me for dinner and your life."

"I'll tell you," says the halfling, fixing you with a shrewd look," But you may wish you had never asked."

Settling back against a tree stump, a faraway look comes into his eyes and the halfling begins his tale: "I've lived around these parts all my life, and a right pleasant place it was until the magic-user showed up. Kalman, he calls himself. No one knows who he is or where he came from. One day he wasn't here, the next he was. Things soon began to change for the worse. People grew poor and sickly, crops withered, and livestock weakened and died....and throughout our troubles the magic-user grew rich and powerful.

"At last, people had their fill. Gathering their courage, they came upon Kalman in the middle of the night, burned his house down and drove him from the town. He fled to these woods and claimed them as his own. We towns folk stay far away from the woods, but travelers who choose not to listen to our warnings enter the woods and are never seen from again."

"I was always too smart for my own good," sighs the halfling. "One day I would learn the secret of the woods, the missing travelers, and perhaps figure out how to kill the wizard! If I could do that, I could return to the village as a rich hero. So one morning, without even a goodbye to me missus, I slipped into the woods and found nothing. Finally, I came to a mountain just outside the forest. I was cold and tired, so I crawled up on a ledge of rock to rest. I was going to sit for a moment before I went home. I must have fallen asleep, for the next thing I knew I woke up to find Kalman standing over me."

" 'So you wanted to find me, halfling,' he said. 'Well, now you have, and I wager you'll get more than you bargained for.' With a wave of his hand he put a spell on me so I couldn't move, and slung me over his shoulder like a trussed up rabbit. Then we slipped through an opening in the side of the mountain. I cannot and will not tell you of all the frightening things I saw. I don't even want to think of them," shudders the halfling.

"He carried me to the very center of the mountain, maybe the center of the world for all I know, and there I saw all the treasure in the world. 'You wanted to rob me,' said Kalman, 'so look upon my treasure. You will always know just how much you have lost. Those who seek danger foolishly always find it. Those who know how to handle both danger and wealth are few and far between. You are lucky; I feel generous. I shall let you go and not even change you into a newt, as you deserve. When you return to your home, none will believe you. Your friends will think you have been drinking fermented corn juice in the woods, and have made this story up to cover your absence. They will laugh at you. Only you will know what you have beheld and lost. Now, begone!' Black smoke came out of his fingertips. When it cleared I found myself in these dark woods, alone and hungry."

Spoot stares into the fire for a long time without speaking.

Finally, he rouses himself and says, with a shaky laugh, "You can see now, I'm just a poor halfling, of no harm or help to anyone."
 

[Nolder]

You feel sorry for the forlorn little fellow, and are curious about both the evil wizard and his fabulous treasure. Strangely enough, you do believe the tale.

Even though the little man is clad in a grimy, patched cloak, and has one toe peeking through his tattered leather boots, his eyes hold a stubborn look that says "I'm not a quitter." Life has used the halfling hard, yet he has courage. If he were given encouragement and a fair chance, he might prove a worthy companion.

"Spoot" you say gently, "could you find that opening in the mountain again?"

The halfling stares at you for a moment before he answers. "Surely, I could, but it would mean your death. Kalman would not allow you to survive as he did me. I was a moment's amusement, but you would be a serious threat. Anyway, the monsters would get you first. They're scary! I don't remember them clearly, but I remember enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life. You're crazy to even think about going in there. You couldn't get me to go back in there for a million, zillion gold pieces!"

You fold your arms and stare at the halfling, tapping your fingers against your shoulder.

Spoot shakes his head and says, " I see nothing I say will persuade you. As the wizard said, 'those who search for danger will find it'. Who can tell? You might even succeed where I failed. I will take you to the rock. At least it will prove I spoke the truth."
 

[Nolder]

Gathering your few possessions, you quickly break camp and follow the halfling into the dark woods. The night is dark. Without the halfling's knowledge of the way, you would be hopelessly lost. Trees loom out of the darkness, brambles clutch your legs, and sharp stones cut into the soles of your boots. At last the mountain rises before you, silhouetted against the night. The halfling searches for awhile, then cries "Aha! Here it is!" A large dark crack looms in the mountain before you. You turn to the halfling, almost expecting him to have disappeared. But he has remained faithfully by your side, instead of scurrying off into the night as soon as you found the opening.

"Halfling, what will happen to you if you return to your village?" you ask.

Spoot laughs a bitter laugh. "If I tell the truth, me missus will scold me. She's a hard woman. If I don't tell the truth, she'll still yell at me for disappearing, and not talk to me, although that might be a blessing. I will just go back to being Little Spoot, the baker's helper."

"Spoot," you say, "It took great heart and courage to try such a dangerous task. Would you consider joining me on a second adventure? Kalman will never expect you to return, and with your assistance we may defeat this evil wizard. If we succeed, you would be known as Spoot the Brave!"

The halfling looks down at the ground, his shoulders sagging. "I couldn't do it" he whispers. "I'm not a fighter. Pick somebody who wouldn't let you down."

"I don't want someone else. I need you and I want you! You can do it if you believe in yourself."

After a long pause the halfling looks up into your eyes and pulls at his beard. "Do you really need my help? Do you really think I could do it? I'll be honest, I'm scared. Much of what I saw seems like a nightmare to me; all scary and creepy and blurry. But I would like to be Spoot the Brave. A real adventure,"  he muses. "One that might actually succeed! You're strong and handy with your weapons. I bet you're tricky, too. More of a challenge for that wizard than I was. But I've been there. Maybe I could help. Maybe I could do it. What do I have to lose? Me missus scolds me and others laugh at my size. There is not much to lose and lots to gain."

His voice fades as he thinks to himself. Finally, he shouts "Yes, I'll do it! I'm your man if you want me!"

"Can you handle a weapon?" you ask.

"I've had little call to use one as a baker's helper, but I know the basics every child learns," replies the halfling. "I'm loyal and very strong."

"Well spoken, Spoot. I have met giants who bore the hearts of mice. People should never judge a man by his size. The things that matter: truth, loyalty, courage, and honor, will never be found on a yard stick."

The halfling smiles up at you, his round eyes rimmed with bright tears.

"Come, come, no time for tears! Now then, I am called CTM. Clasp my hand and let us swear our loyalty to each other and to our mission!" The halfling slides his small, leathery hand into yours and you soon swear the oath.

"Well," you say, "There's no reason to stay. Let the adventure begin!"
 

[Nolder]

You look at the stars, and breathe deeply of the  clean, crisp air. Then,  with your hand wrapped firmly around the hilt of your sword, you step into the opening. Inside, all is quiet. It appears a simple cave. Even though the halfling's tale sounded true, you question it just for a moment.

As your eyes grow accustomed to the darkness, you see a skeleton leaning against the wall in one corner, staring at the opposite wall. A small shield lies at its side. With a little polishing, it might shine as brightly as your own. You pick the shield up and give it to Spoot, also handing him your dagger. The halfing takes the weapon and shield, holding the dagger gingerly with his fingertips.

"It's not going to bite you," you say. "Hold it firmly. Be ready. Don't strike until you're certain of your target, and once you begin, do not falter."

"I'll try to do my best," Spoot says, putting the dagger in his belt. "I'm scared, but I wont let you down." He begins polishing the shield. Your eyes follow the skeleton's gaze and see a message scrawled in red on the wall of the cave.

 

WATCH THE WATER THAT IS NOT WATER, AND BEWARE THE BASILISK!

 

The rest of the cave is empty, except for a pile of leaves and twigs in the west corner, and a hole in the wall under the message.

"Well, Spoot, where do we go from here?" You ask.
"I do not know," the halfling replies, I do not remember any trails; just some of the things I saw."
    

[Nolder]

DO YOU WISH TO...

 

1) INVESTIGATE THE HOLE IN THE WALL

2) CHECK THE PILE OF LEAVES IN THE CORNER

[Spoot-Face]

A few things:

1.

9 hours ago, Nolder said:

Welcome to Not Mafia 1: The Dungeon of Dread featuring @CTM a laid back hippie swordsman and his newly met small cowardly companion @Spoot-Face a halfling thief who is often scolded by his missus.

LOL

2. @CTM when you awoke to find me rifling through your clothes, I wasn't trying to steal your possessions. I was trying to steal your innocence.

3.

9 hours ago, Nolder said:

"I don't want someone else. I need you and I want you!

I've been waiting 4 years to hear CTM say those words to me.

4.

9 hours ago, Nolder said:

Clasp my hand and let us swear our loyalty to each other and to our mission!" The halfling slides his small, leathery hand into yours and you soon swear the oath.

[Spoot-Face]

Now that that's outta the way...

Despite every natural urge of mine screaming to probe the hole, my tiny halfling brain thinks it an obvious trap.

@CTM What say you, strong virile companion of mine?

[CTM]

@Spoot-Face sorry bud, give me till this evening.. exec meetings all day, no time to play fantasy role playing games with my internet friends till later 

[Spoot-Face]

8 minutes ago, CTM said:

@Spoot-Face sorry bud, give me till this evening.. exec meetings all day, no time to play fantasy role playing games with my internet friends till later 

I'll wait a whole lifetime for you

[CTM]

5 hours ago, Spoot-Face said:

Now that that's outta the way...

Despite every natural urge of mine screaming to probe the hole, my tiny halfling brain thinks it an obvious trap.

@CTM What say you, strong virile companion of mine?

Lol, let's check them leave piles

[CTM]

15 hours ago, Nolder said:

As an adult, you stand 5'9" tall and weigh about 150 pounds.

Also, so I'm a ******* lady boy like jiff? Ffs

[Spoot-Face]

6 hours ago, Spoot-Face said:

Now that that's outta the way...

Despite every natural urge of mine screaming to probe the hole, my tiny halfling brain thinks it an obvious trap.

@CTM What say you, strong virile companion of mine?

 

5 minutes ago, CTM said:

Lol, let's check them leave piles

@Nolder I think you got our choice.

[Nolder]

Got it.

This shouldn't take as long as the intro did.

Stay tuned.

[Nolder]

The pile looks like a harmless clump of leaves and twigs, perhaps the nest of an animal. However, just to be sure, you place one foot into the middle of the pile, intending to spread the debris out on the floor of the cave. Your foot finds no solid footing, and, your arms waving wildly, you lose your balance!

 

Whoosh! You are falling! You slide rapidly down a chute carved from solid rock. The sides are as smooth as glass. You are moving much too fast to stop yourself. You fly out of the chute and land on your back. The fall knocks the breath out of you. You are attempting to catch your breath when THUD! another figure flies through the air and lands on the floor beside you.

 

"Oh," groans Spoot. "I was so scared when you disappeared like that. I thought maybe you were eaten by a monster."

"No, not a monster, just a hole. Are you all right? Any bones broken?"

"No," he moans, "I'm not hurt."

 

As the two of you catch your breath, you notice you are in a corridor carved from solid rock. A single torch burns in a bracket on the wall, and you can see that a tunnel branches off to your left. Ahead of you, you hear footsteps approaching. A large, ugly, man-thing walks into your sight carrying a torch. The creature  has an ugly snout and long sharp teeth. It's an orc! It will discover you at any moment.

[Nolder]

DO YOU WISH TO...

1) TRY TO STEP INTO THE SIDE TUNNEL WITHOUT BEING DISCOVERED

2) STAND AND FIGHT THE ORC

[Nolder]

Can I just say as the person typing this sh*t out that whatever mother****er wrote this story uses too many damn commas? I feel like I'm drowning in them holy ******* commas batman!

[CTM]

1 hour ago, Nolder said:

DO YOU WISH TO...

1) TRY TO STEP INTO THE SIDE TUNNEL WITHOUT BEING DISCOVERED

2) STAND AND FIGHT THE ORC

Can we keep the orc as a pet, name him crusher and make fat jokes at his expense for the rest of the adventure ? Cause if so I choose that

If not, let's kill it. What say you @Spoot-Face

[Spoot-Face]

13 hours ago, CTM said:

Can we keep the orc as a pet, name him crusher and make fat jokes at his expense for the rest of the adventure ? Cause if so I choose that

If not, let's kill it. What say you @Spoot-Face

I agree. I poke it low, you poke it high. It won't be able to withstand our DP attack!

[CTM]

@Nolder

[JustInFudge]

wtf is going on in here....

[The Crusher]

7 minutes ago, JiF said:

wtf is going on in here....

A narcoleptic, a hippie and a beaver playing Dungeon and Dragons. I kid you not. 

[Nolder]

"Let's head for that side corridor," urges the halfling.

"Spoot, there isn't time." you say, "We wouldn't make it. We'll have to fight."

 

As the orc approaches, you see that it carries a sword and a wooden shield.

 

You unhook your cloak quietly. As you do, Spoot steps into the orcs sight. The beast rushes after him immediately. Holding your cloak by an edge, you whip it around your head and fling it at the menacing orc. The cloak flies through the air like a giant bat and wraps itself about the orc's head. The orc is taken by surprise. While it struggles to free itself from the cloak, you and the halfling rush forward and swiftly attack the foul monster with your blades.

 

You remove your cloak from the dead beast, and Spoot says shakily, "I did it, CTM, just like you said I could. But I feel awful. I've never killed before."

"Spoot, it's an orc. Do you realize that it was its life or ours?"

Spoot shudders. "I reckon you're right. It's just that I have a queasy stomach. I can't even eat liver!"

 

Taking a deep breath, the halfling helps you drag the orc over to the side corridor. Satisfied that you won your first encounter, the two of you continue down the corridor. It bends to the right.

[Nolder]

The corridor is long and narrow, and another corridor joins it from the right. A torch flickers at the entrance to a room where the two corridors join. Approaching carefully, you peer around the edge of the door and are startled by what you see.

 

You see a large baboon! It sits on an oaken wine barrel, wearing a blue cloak, leather breeches and a frayed leather sword sheath. The sheath holds a rusty sword.

 

The baboon is drinking deeply from a mug. You are truly puzzled, for you have never known baboons to live underground, much less wear clothing and drink wine! Furthermore, the baboon stares glumly into it's mug and seems depressed. A depressed baboon? How very odd.

 

What's this, Spoot?" you ask.

"I don't know," the halfling replies."I've never seen anything like it."

 

[Nolder]

DO YOU WISH TO...

1) ENTER THE ROOM AND FACE THE BABOON

2) LEAVE THE BABOON AND GO DOWN THE CORRIDOR ON THE RIGHT

[The Crusher]

9 minutes ago, Nolder said:

DO YOU WISH TO...

1) ENTER THE ROOM AND FACE THE BABOON

2) LEAVE THE BABOON AND GO DOWN THE CORRIDOR ON THE RIGHT

Is the Ape dead yet?

[CTM]

2 hours ago, The Crusher said:

A narcoleptic, a hippie and a beaver playing Dungeon and Dragons. I kid you not. 

This + a gay and a fatty doing their best Statler and Waldorf impressions 

[CTM]

1 hour ago, Nolder said:

DO YOU WISH TO...

1) ENTER THE ROOM AND FACE THE BABOON

2) LEAVE THE BABOON AND GO DOWN THE CORRIDOR ON THE RIGHT

I think the obvious choice here is to work towards exterminating integrity28, so I'd vote #1

[Spoot-Face]

1 hour ago, Nolder said:

 

 

100% that Ape is currently sh*tting into that barrel.

@Integrity28

1 hour ago, Nolder said:

1) ENTER THE ROOM AND FACE THE BABOON

Omg this! Kick the Ape in the nutsack!

[Nolder]

Ok let's see where this goes.

[Nolder]

"I don't like the looks of that monkey," mutters Spoot.

"Neither do I," you reply, "but we can't leave without knowing what this means."

 

Holding your sword before you, you enter the room. Spoot sneaks in behind you. The baboon sees you and whimpers into its wine. It drinks the contents of the cup in one large gulp and stares at you sadly, making peculiar noises and gestures. You realize it's trying to talk to you.

 

"Can you understand him, Spoot? I can't make out what it's saying."

"Nope, it's all nonsense to me," says the halfling.

 

Tears pour down it's cheeks as the baboon realizes you do not understand. Heaving a great sigh, it jumps off the barrel and draws yet another full cup, drinking it in one gulp. The baboon drops the cup and stares at the ground for a long moment. Then without warning, the creature pulls its rusty sword and rushes towards you.

 

"Back up, Spoot," you say "I don't want to fight this fellow!"

 

But the baboon will not let you leave the room. It lurches about, swinging its rusty sword wildly and attacking clumsily, but with great strength. Realizing you could be killed by this strange beast, you reluctantly raise your own weapon.

 

"I don't think it's trying to win," you pant as you block a wild thrust.

"Couldn't prove it by me!" cries Spoot, frantically hiding behind you.

 

Even though you do not fight hard and merely try to protect yourself, the baboon throws itself on your sword and falls dying at your feet.

[The Crusher]

1 hour ago, CTM said:

This + a gay and a fatty doing their best Statler and Waldorf impressions 

 Shut your hippie trap before I shove a 12 sided dice into it.