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A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor tells him, “they’re benign”. The pirate replies, “no doc, there be 11. I counted them myself earlier”.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!"

Jamal Adams

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2 minutes ago, The Crusher said:

Escalators can never break. They just become stairs.,

That's not a dad joke.  That's a Mitch Hedberg joke.  Though I think it went "escalator temporarily stairs"

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my brothers 9 year old told her dad this one

Knock Knock

Who's there

P00P

P00P who?

Mr. P00P man

 

(i don't get it ... or even know if there's anything to get)

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Tom Brady is unboxing his stuff at his new home in Tampa.  Jizz-L and the kids werent there yet.  He answers a knock on the door to see his toothless, meth addicted Florida Man neighbor. 

The neighbor says to him "Howdy, thought i'd welcome you to the neighborhood by invitin ya to a party i'm havin tonight.  Gonna be lota of eatin an drinkin an fightin an ****in."

Tom replies, "that sounds great, whay should i wear?"

Neighbor shoots back, "dont much matter, jus gonna be you and me."

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Few people know what caused the Aaron Rodgers/ Danica Patrick break up, but the rumor mill says this is what happened.  Aaron asked her, "Danica, what does your vagina look like?"

She says, "Before or after sex?"

He says, "Before sex."

"It looks like the petals of a flower," she answers.

Aaron wondered, "Well how about after sex, then."

Danica thought for a moment, then asked him, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

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1 hour ago, munchmemory said:

Why did Mr. Potato Head refuse to allow his daughter to marry the TV personality?  Because he was a common tater.

Thanks for the return to actual Dad jokes, lol.  Those last few by DirtyJersey are another category entirely.

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