Advice? My 16 year old stepson wants to try weed...

[HighPitch]

8 minutes ago, Butterfield said:

I’m not angry with you.   

Im not angry either. Now youre posting normal stuff. If I was so “set in my ways” would i be seeking advice?

[RutgersJetFan]

2 hours ago, #27TheDominator said:

^thinks pita chips are an A-level snack.

See the perils of weed!!!

 

2 hours ago, greenwichjetfan said:

PITA CHIPS?!? That’s your a level snack??

It’s the crunch. I dunno what it is but the crunch on those things after a spliff is delightful.

[The Crusher]

16 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Despite the bashing butterfield is giving me I am here because I seriously need advice.

Step dad stuff is not easy and neither is teen angst. Trying to do the right thing here. 
 

I appreciate your opinions

 

11 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Seriously? How about you stop projecting your anger on me. Im not ur dad and youre the sensitive one carrying on in your 40s.

i tried to be nice before. I said im sorry about your pain but now your just trying to get a reaction out of me. Well done btw

 

9 minutes ago, Butterfield said:

Its not bashing.  You asked for advice but aren’t going to take it anyway.  You were just fishing for support.  Like I said, unless you want to ruin your relationship with your stepson, and with your wife (bc I am sure she will be very happy with you if she never sees her kid again) you need to start seeing things from another angle.  The way you posted things in this thread do not support the theory that you are really open minded.  Like you said, you are you, but your stepson is not you.  Different people don’t respond the same to similar treatment.  
 

Have you considered offering him CBD?  That may help (it works for many people, but sadly, not me).  I am not one who thinks you should just condone it, especially in your house, but if the kid is coming to you (or the mom) and being this honest with you, then maybe you need to give his opinions a second thought, and not just dismiss his concerns of being depressed.  

 

8 minutes ago, Butterfield said:

I’m not angry with you.   

It’s a nice thread, so  let’s not get it locked. Nothing personal, just a bunch of dysfunctional Jet  fans sharing advice. No need to take a difference of opinion  as an insult. Some of you guys might think hiring a company to do your lawn work is the way to go. Joewilly and I like to do our own lawns , shirtless, nothing to fight a about. To each their own. 

[nycdan]

4 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Yes slats i am also concerned about the porn. My wife is sooooo liberal with kids its crazy. He said before he got a cell that he wished he had a playboy. Mom buys it and has me give it to him. A year later he asks her for lube, she buys it. Now he has an iphone and watches porn all the time ( his words)

I mean its nice that she and him have this open relationship where he can confide in her but clearly its a double edged sword.

I want to say “see! The playboy, the lube and now this I told you so” but that never ends well

Maybe it's not so bad. 

If Deshaun had just used a magazine and some lube he would be a lot better off.

 

[Butterfield]

1 minute ago, HighPitch said:

Im not angry either. Now youre posting normal stuff. If I was so “set in my ways” would i be seeking advice?

I already stated that I don’t think you are really seeking advice, but fishing for support.

Like you dismissed your sons reasons for depression, you dismissed most of the posts in the thread.  

I was never upset with you and wasn’t trying to blame you, but want you to see the other side of things.  Being heavy handed will just make things worse.  If anything, you should be pushing him away from the vape pen, and if he is going to do it, to the flowers.  Vape oil can be very strong, is not for beginners, and who knows what is in it.  

[Butterfield]

8 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Yes slats i am also concerned about the porn. My wife is sooooo liberal with kids its crazy. He said before he got a cell that he wished he had a playboy. Mom buys it and has me give it to him. A year later he asks her for lube, she buys it. Now he has an iphone and watches porn all the time ( his words)

I mean its nice that she and him have this open relationship where he can confide in her but clearly its a double edged sword.

I want to say “see! The playboy, the lube and now this I told you so” but that never ends well

I also think therapy would be a good thing, especially when mom and step dad have such differing opinions.  Throw in a dad, and everything else in a kids life, and he is getting very mixed signals.  

[slats]

5 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Yes slats i am also concerned about the porn. My wife is sooooo liberal with kids its crazy. He said before he got a cell that he wished he had a playboy. Mom buys it and has me give it to him. A year later he asks her for lube, she buys it. Now he has an iphone and watches porn all the time ( his words)

I mean its nice that she and him have this open relationship where he can confide in her but clearly its a double edged sword.

I want to say “see! The playboy, the lube and now this I told you so” but that never ends well

Yeah, Buddy, just sounds to me like he has a lot going on. Finding someone he can talk to about his issues that isn't mom might help to set up a couple boundaries. Hearing from somebody else that it's perfectly normal to be 16, horny, and depressed might start to make him feel better. I've always had a pretty open relationship with my kids, but we've also managed to keep our masturbation schedules to ourselves. 

[HighPitch]

so a few months ago he goes to his real first party. My wife makes one request: No matter what happens, do not ride with anyone. I will pick you up and not judge.

What happens? He goes with this kid thats a known knucklehead. Already flipped his jeep a month before. 

He gets home and he is drunk. Not wasted, just very buzzed and talking silly crap. He declares that he had the best time and that he will be going to parties all the time. The next day he asks mom to buy him beer so that he can "chill" hes 16. My head is exploding but Im staying out of it. He keeps saying, "cmon mom I just wanna catch a buzz and relax" Now my head is seriously exploding. I bite my lip even harder. Finally she has to call his dad and let him know and dad comes and gets him and sets him straight.

Look i get it. Hes 16. i drank when i was 16. He wants to try weed. I make believe im against it but I have a huge bag of buds in my gun safe..... Im a hypocrite. Yes.

I just want this kid to NOT turn bad. My dream is he goes to the Navy in 2 years and we can sell our house and live in a condo downtown or near the beach. The longer he "lingers" the longer my interests are at stake. Is it selfish? hell yes but who can blame me. I do NOT want a 25 year old kid, um MAN, living at home, "chilling" with his friends and working at the 711 while taking 4 credits at community college. That is my worst nightmare

[HighPitch]

9 minutes ago, The Crusher said:

 

 

 

It’s a nice thread, so  let’s not get it locked. Nothing personal, just a bunch of dysfunctional Jet  fans sharing advice. No need to take a difference of opinion  as an insult. Some of you guys might think hiring a company to do your lawn work is the way to go. Joewilly and I like to do our own lawns , shirtless, nothing to fight a about. To each their own. 

Ok. lets talk about lawn. I also do my own. Because this kid is always too tired to do half a yard lol

[HighPitch]

6 minutes ago, Butterfield said:

I already stated that I don’t think you are really seeking advice, but fishing for support.

Like you dismissed your sons reasons for depression, you dismissed most of the posts in the thread.  

I was never upset with you and wasn’t trying to blame you, but want you to see the other side of things.  Being heavy handed will just make things worse.  If anything, you should be pushing him away from the vape pen, and if he is going to do it, to the flowers.  Vape oil can be very strong, is not for beginners, and who knows what is in it.  

OMG butters I am not fishing for support. Even if I was, big deal.

 

I am not dismissing his feelings. I may not understand why but thats not dismissive. When I think about how some kids live in times of war with dirt huts and no food, and think of the beautiful hardwood floors he has in that private bedroom, its hard to understand

[Butterfield]

3 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

so a few months ago he goes to his real first party. My wife makes one request: No matter what happens, do not ride with anyone. I will pick you up and not judge.

What happens? He goes with this kid thats a known knucklehead. Already flipped his jeep a month before. 

He gets home and he is drunk. Not wasted, just very buzzed and talking silly crap. He declares that he had the best time and that he will be going to parties all the time. The next day he asks mom to buy him beer so that he can "chill" hes 16. My head is exploding but Im staying out of it. He keeps saying, "cmon mom I just wanna catch a buzz and relax" Now my head is seriously exploding. I bite my lip even harder. Finally she has to call his dad and let him know and dad comes and gets him and sets him straight.

Look i get it. Hes 16. i drank when i was 16. He wants to try weed. I make believe im against it but I have a huge bag of buds in my gun safe..... Im a hypocrite. Yes.

I just want this kid to NOT turn bad. My dream is he goes to the Navy in 2 years and we can sell our house and live in a condo downtown or near the beach. The longer he "lingers" the longer my interests are at stake. Is it selfish? hell yes but who can blame me. I do NOT want a 25 year old kid, um MAN, living at home, "chilling" with his friends and working at the 711 while taking 4 credits at community college. That is my worst nightmare

The best advice I can give is to not have dreams like that for your children.  Let them be who they are.  It just adds to the anxiety.  

For what its worth, I was happy to leave when I did.  And, I’m the only one of my 4 siblings to smoke weed, and the rest of them all stayed in the house until they were 24, 25 or 26.  

[HighPitch]

Well i just texted my wife and suggested he go talk to a therapist.

[Butterfield]

3 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

OMG butters I am not fishing for support. Even if I was, big deal.

 

I am not dismissing his feelings. I may not understand why but thats not dismissive. When I think about how some kids live in times of war with dirt huts and no food, and think of the beautiful hardwood floors he has in that private bedroom, its hard to understand

Money, possessions and lifestyle do not prevent depression and anxiety.  

[The Crusher]

5 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Ok. lets talk about lawn. I also do my own. Because this kid is always too tired to do half a yard lol

My sons kept running over my flower bed until I stopped asking them. LOL Mt youngest tried to take a 3 inch poplar down with my edge trimmer once. Haha 

[Butterfield]

8 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Ok. lets talk about lawn. I also do my own. Because this kid is always too tired to do half a yard lol

I could never let someone mow my own lawn either.   

[HighPitch]

Just now, Butterfield said:

The best advice I can give is to not have dreams like that for your children.  Let them be who they are.  It just adds to the anxiety.  

For what its worth, I was happy to leave when I did.  And, I’m the only one of my 4 siblings to smoke weed, and the rest of them all stayed in the house until they were 24, 25 or 26.  

I know. Kids staying home is common now. ugh.

I dont think it is healthy or productive. My mom made it easy for me to stay. overstay. By building a private door. It did not help me one bit. 

I think those that split early adjust to life better. He has always been interested in the military. I hope it does not wear off

[HighPitch]

3 minutes ago, Butterfield said:

Money, possessions and lifestyle do not prevent depression and anxiety.  

agreed. But he has a loving family as well. but i know that might not mean much either

[Barry McCockinner]

22 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Yes slats i am also concerned about the porn. My wife is sooooo liberal with kids its crazy. He said before he got a cell that he wished he had a playboy. Mom buys it and has me give it to him. A year later he asks her for lube, she buys it. Now he has an iphone and watches porn all the time ( his words)

I mean its nice that she and him have this open relationship where he can confide in her but clearly its a double edged sword.

I want to say “see! The playboy, the lube and now this I told you so” but that never ends well

Seems a little weird the mom is providing the playboy and the lube but please explain what the big deal is with a teenage boy doing this? Because I'm preeeeeeeeeeeeeetttty f'n sure we all did this.

[Butterfield]

2 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

I know. Kids staying home is common now. ugh.

I dont think it is healthy or productive. My mom made it easy for me to stay. overstay. By building a private door. It did not help me one bit. 

I think those that split early adjust to life better. He has always been interested in the military. I hope it does not wear off

I don’t disagree.  But rather than have your own dreams for the kid, develop and support what he wants to do with his life.  If that is military, that is great, if its something else, even something you hate, keep up the support.  
 

 

[HighPitch]

5 minutes ago, Barry McCockinner said:

Seems a little weird the mom is providing the playboy and the lube but please explain what the big deal is with a teenage boy doing this? Because I'm preeeeeeeeeeeeeetttty f'n sure we all did this.

theres nothing wrong with it.

I just think she didnt need to buy lube

[Butterfield]

5 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

agreed. But he has a loving family as well. but i know that might not mean much either

You are right, it can be positive or negative depending on the situation.  

[HighPitch]

1 minute ago, Butterfield said:

I don’t disagree.  But rather than have your own dreams for the kid, develop and support what he wants to do with his life.  If that is military, that is great, if its something else, even something you hate, keep up the support.  
 

 

i dont have dreams for him. Whatever he wants to do is fine. I am not judgey.

What i dont want is the 25 year old slacker in his room thats all

All i am saying is that he has an interest in the military and i hope he goes. Its really right up his alley. Hes a proud american, he loves team sports and he has a knack for listening and doing the right thing

[Barry McCockinner]

4 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

theres nothing wrong with it.

I just think she didnt need to buy lube

oh - I thought when you said you were concerned about the porn you thought there was something wrong with it.

[Butterfield]

2 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

i dont have dreams for him. Whatever he wants to do is fine. I am not judgey.

What i dont want is the 25 year old slacker in his room thats all

All i am saying is that he has an interest in the military and i hope he goes. Its really right up his alley. Hes a proud american, he loves team sports and he has a knack for listening and doing the right thing

For what its worth, a lot of people in the military smoke weed too.  I know plenty of slackers who lived at home until their mid 20s or much later who never touched weed, alcohol or drugs in their lives.  I never knew any marijuana smokers still living at home by that age.  

[HighPitch]

Just now, Barry McCockinner said:

oh - I thought when you said you were concerned about the porn you thought there was something wrong with it.

No not at all. But like anything else, too much is concerning.

 

but a 16 year old watching porn is as common as the falling rain.

You know what, I should have picked up on this more last year. He would joke around with me and make gestures with his hands about things he shouldnt know. like rusty trombones and such. I said it then, "dude...you are watching porn now arent you"

[The Crusher]

9 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

theres nothing wrong with it.

I just think she didnt need to buy lube

True, Jergens woks just fine. 

[HighPitch]

2 minutes ago, Butterfield said:

For what its worth, a lot of people in the military smoke weed too.  I know plenty of slackers who lived at home until their mid 20s or much later who never touched weed, alcohol or drugs in their lives.  I never knew any marijuana smokers still living at home by that age.  

Dont get me wrong. I dont care if he puffs a lil weed or has a few beers. Its normal. I am just worried that it spirals out of control and in 18 months I have this jeff spicoli type dude living in my house

[Butterfield]

Just now, HighPitch said:

Dont get me wrong. I dont care if he puffs a lil weed or has a few beers. Its normal. I am just worried that it spirals out of control and in 18 months I have this jeff spicoli type dude living in my house

That is understandable, but thats just not how the majority of weed smokers act.  

[The Crusher]

2 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

Dont get me wrong. I dont care if he puffs a lil weed or has a few beers. Its normal. I am just worried that it spirals out of control and in 18 months I have this jeff spicoli type dude living in my house

@JiF

[nycdan]

I feel like this is the right place for one of the greatest 'talks' on the subject.

 

 

[joewilly12]

2 hours ago, HighPitch said:

Im older, like joewilly and I also believe the street is where u learn

Im 57 is that now considered older. 

[Butterfield]

35 minutes ago, nycdan said:

I feel like this is the right place for one of the greatest 'talks' on the subject.

 

 

Lol, or this one...

 

[HighPitch]

49 minutes ago, joewilly12 said:

Im 57 is that now considered older. 

yes 57 is considered older.

 

remember when you were 23? a lot of guys here are 23.

 

When you were 23 you thought it was weird to hang out with a 57 year old. its old. You have a video of walther mathau for christs sake

[joewilly12]

25 minutes ago, HighPitch said:

yes 57 is considered older.

 

remember when you were 23? a lot of guys here are 23.

 

When you were 23 you thought it was weird to hang out with a 57 year old. its old. You have a video of walther mathau for christs sake

I Google searched that video...was I #hash tagging. 

[PS17]

2 hours ago, RutgersJetFan said:

 

It’s the crunch. I dunno what it is but the crunch on those things after a spliff is delightful.

I’ll back you on this. Pita chips + spicy hummus is an A-level snack.