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Adam Gaze Walks Into A Bar…


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A white ape goes into a bar and orders a martini. This totally amazes the bartender, but he thinks, "What the heck, I guess I might as well make the drink." So he mixes the martini. He then walks back over to the give it to the white ape, and the animal is holding out a twenty-dollar bill. Well, now the bartender is just at a loss for words. He can't believe that a white ape walked into his bar, ordered a martini, and then actually had a twenty-dollar bill to pay for it.

So, in amazement, he takes the twenty and walks to the cash register to make the change. While he's standing in front of the cash register he stops for a second and thinks to himself, "Let me try something here and see if the white ape notices anything."

So he walks back over to the white ape and hands him a dollar change. The white ape doesn't say anything, he just sits there sipping the martini. After a few minutes the bartender just can't take it anymore.

"You know," he says to the white ape, "we don't get too many white apes  in here."

And the white ape says, "At nineteen dollars a drink I'm not surprised."

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6 hours ago, undertow said:

Why did Adam Gase cross the road?  Because Frank Gore was over there.

Sure it wasn’t the sidewalk? Only 2 yards wide.

6 hours ago, joewilly12 said:

Why do people feel the need to take their cell phones in with them when taking a dump. 

Why do people feel the need to camp out. 

Dump wipe wash hands and go. 
 

Because catching up on Jets news is also a pretty crappy experience 

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cellphone.jpg

Why You Should Stop Bringing Your Phone to the Bathroom

Metro UK asked three researchers about the dangers, and how to reduce the risk of picking up harmful bacteria, and they concluded that you could be exposing yourself and others to germs like salmonella, E. coli, and C. difficile. This could happen when you wipe yourself, touch the flush handle or door lock and then touch the phone prior to washing your hands. Or, of course, without washing your hands at all.

If you’re alarmed by the possibility of contracting such germs, but desperate to stick to your habit of relieving yourself with cell phone in tow, then you’ll be glad to know there are ways you can lower your risk.

“Read the book or phone in your right hand, then transfer it to the left,” hygiene expert Dr. Lisa Ackerley explains to MetroUK. “Wipe with your right, flush with the right, carry the book or phone out in your left hand without touching anything else and then wash your hands.”

She goes onto say, “If you wipe your bum then pick up your phone, you may as well not bother washing your hands because all the bacteria you put on your phone will end up back on your hands.”

Still a bit perturbed on the matter? Dr. Ron Cutler, director of biomedical science degrees at Queen Mary’s University London, is with you. “Basically, you just shouldn’t (take your phone into the toilet) if you are at all concerned about the transfer of viruses and fecal contamination.”

Watch out for you health and stop bringing your cellphone with you to the bathroom.

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Adam Gase walks into a gun store and asks the owner for the best rifle to bring down a Yeti.

”You mean like the abominable snowman?” asks the owner.

Gase replies, “That’s right. It lives high above the treeline in the Himalayan Mountains. After I get my gun, I’m going onto Expedia.com to book my flight.”

The owner, who’s been on hunting trips all over the world, looks skeptical. “But the Himalayas are 1,500 miles long and go through 9 countries. Where exactly are you going to go look for this beast?”

Adam Gase says confidently, “Simple. I’m poaching where Nepal is snowing.”

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9 hours ago, Greenseed4 said:

Adam Gase runs into the bar, off-center  and falls forward for 2 yards.  Reaches for his ID, and the bartender says “that won’t be necessary, Frank. You’ve been coming here for 20 years.”

 

Close the thread. Its done.

 

 

 

Nice work.

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Payton Manning walks into a bar and Adam Gaze is the bartender.  Manning says, “Gaze, you’re taking drinking to where it’s going”.  Jets fans sitting next to him says “Get the **** out you son of a bitch.”.  Manning says, ‘that’s ok, I’m doing a commercial tomorrow anyway”. 

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2 hours ago, joewilly12 said:
cellphone.jpg

Why You Should Stop Bringing Your Phone to the Bathroom

Metro UK asked three researchers about the dangers, and how to reduce the risk of picking up harmful bacteria, and they concluded that you could be exposing yourself and others to germs like salmonella, E. coli, and C. difficile. This could happen when you wipe yourself, touch the flush handle or door lock and then touch the phone prior to washing your hands. Or, of course, without washing your hands at all.

If you’re alarmed by the possibility of contracting such germs, but desperate to stick to your habit of relieving yourself with cell phone in tow, then you’ll be glad to know there are ways you can lower your risk.

“Read the book or phone in your right hand, then transfer it to the left,” hygiene expert Dr. Lisa Ackerley explains to MetroUK. “Wipe with your right, flush with the right, carry the book or phone out in your left hand without touching anything else and then wash your hands.”

She goes onto say, “If you wipe your bum then pick up your phone, you may as well not bother washing your hands because all the bacteria you put on your phone will end up back on your hands.”

Still a bit perturbed on the matter? Dr. Ron Cutler, director of biomedical science degrees at Queen Mary’s University London, is with you. “Basically, you just shouldn’t (take your phone into the toilet) if you are at all concerned about the transfer of viruses and fecal contamination.”

Watch out for you health and stop bringing your cellphone with you to the bathroom.

^Proof that JoeWilly lives in a facility where they share restrooms.  
There’s probably a sign in the door which is why he’s so crotchety. 

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6 minutes ago, Greenseed4 said:

^Proof that JoeWilly lives in a facility where they share restrooms.  
There’s probably a sign in the door which is why he’s so crotchety. 

Wrong again. 

Why make it personal. 

 

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1 hour ago, joewilly12 said:

Wrong again. 

Why make it personal. 

 

Did I make it personal? In a thread about Adam Gase bar jokes, you have posted 4 times. All four of your posts have discussed the use of phones in a bathroom—in direct response to one of my posts.  I feel like you made it personal, and you are shaming me and my culture. I’m pretty easy going so I’m not going to report you, but in the future please try to respect my differences. 
 

 

on edit: I was just joking with you man.  

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Adam Gaze walks into a bar and proclaims himself the future of football... and no one blinks an eye.

Then frustrated by the lack of validation he proclaims "I'm coached up. Peyton Manning and am responsible for his penultimate success* ... not even a snicker from patrons ... perhaps the whisper of some flatulence.

Now, frustrated even further he screams... "I am rich as **** !!!" ... the silence is repeated sans some drunken cricket.

Finally with all options for acceptance nearly exhausted he exhalts... but I can do this ! As he performs the incredible floating taco eye trick to perfection ... *and free smelling salts for everyone !!!" ... the crowd erupts with applause and and begins to push through each other in a race to pat the back of The Mighty Gaze.

During this ruckus... a shadow spills across the floor from the entrance spills and slowly crawls up the legs and over the chest of our Wild Eyed Wonder.

*You must be the fella that goes by the moniker The Mighty Gaze... my name is Buster Scruggs ... and this here less than diminutive example of humanity is my friend Mr Joseph Douglas ... prepare to meat your maker."




Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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6 hours ago, Dunnie said:

Adam Gaze walks into a bar and proclaims himself the future of football... and no one blinks an eye.

Then frustrated by the lack of validation he proclaims "I'm coached up. Peyton Manning and am responsible for his penultimate success* ... not even a snicker from patrons ... perhaps the whisper of some flatulence.

Now, frustrated even further he screams... "I am rich as **** !!!" ... the silence is repeated sans some drunken cricket.

Finally with all options for acceptance nearly exhausted he exhalts... but I can do this ! As he performs the incredible floating taco eye trick to perfection ... *and free smelling salts for everyone !!!" ... the crowd erupts with applause and and begins to push through each other in a race to pat the back of The Mighty Gaze.

During this ruckus... a shadow spills across the floor from the entrance spills and slowly crawls up the legs and over the chest of our Wild Eyed Wonder.

*You must be the fella that goes by the moniker The Mighty Gaze... my name is Buster Scruggs ... and this here less than diminutive example of humanity is my friend Mr Joseph Douglas ... prepare to meat your maker."




Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk
 

Pulitzer!

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4 hours ago, BettyBoop said:

Pulitzer!

dont know why i cannot edit the post .. but man there are a lot of spelling and grammar errors that were contributed by my fat fingered phone follies.

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4 hours ago, Dunnie said:

dont know why i cannot edit the post .. but man there are a lot of spelling and grammar errors that were contributed by my fat fingered phone follies.

As long as you spelled Gaze right!

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Adam Gaze walks into a bar and orders ten drinks. After he drinks them all, the bartender says, “Don’t you need to know where the bathroom is?” Gaze says, “No, I go wee wee wee all the way home.

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20 hours ago, Greenseed4 said:

Did I make it personal? In a thread about Adam Gase bar jokes, you have posted 4 times. All four of your posts have discussed the use of phones in a bathroom—in direct response to one of my posts.  I feel like you made it personal, and you are shaming me and my culture. I’m pretty easy going so I’m not going to report you, but in the future please try to respect my differences. 
 

 

on edit: I was just joking with you man.  

image.thumb.png.6ab3cc203fd38463a0159bab8ad9b623.png

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On 7/9/2021 at 1:13 PM, GreenFish said:

This should be an interesting thread. Probably going to need a little something...

image.gif.8cc69f0aa5e7c88cd2087956386a5417.gif

Lmao I never saw that one. There are literally endless places you can go with this🤣

Rex Ryan on the sideline with his wife's gym sock in his hand... 

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Adam Gaze walks into a bar in NJ.  Bartender says, “say, aren’t you Adam Gaze?”  Gaze says, “yes, I’m the greatest coach ever”.  Bartender says, “I thought you said you were Adam Gaze!”

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