Divorce is horrible

[joewilly12]

My son chooses to not speak to me it’s on off with him...he tells her everything I say about anything.... she’s got him manipulated beyond imagination he’s 30. I filed a motion on a few things her cross motion used the emails voice mail against me ... fined pay her crazy right...we are paying our own right now...

[joewilly12]

Still stuck in this depression hole haven’t left the house in days.....I was doing ok then the realtor listed the family home of 26 years.... memories kids hard work total renovation etc.... sorry just venting I hurt like hell... I’m alone zero family support ... friends have all decided to stay away.... I never knew divorce could be so bad it didn’t have to be like this ?.....she purposely planned things to be this way .... get everyone against me with lies.....her lawyer coached her to gain control of everything ..... I’ve been fighting like a caged animal but I’m hurt depression anxiety panic attacks... things are bad colder weather all my clothes still being held hostage....

[Maxman]

On 10/21/2022 at 9:52 PM, joewilly12 said:

Still stuck in this depression hole haven’t left the house in days.....I was doing ok then the realtor listed the family home of 26 years.... memories kids hard work total renovation etc.... sorry just venting I hurt like hell... I’m alone zero family support ... friends have all decided to stay away.... I never knew divorce could be so bad it didn’t have to be like this ?.....she purposely planned things to be this way .... get everyone against me with lies.....her lawyer coached her to gain control of everything ..... I’ve been fighting like a caged animal but I’m hurt depression anxiety panic attacks... things are bad colder weather all my clothes still being held hostage....

Damn sorry bro. Have you spoken to a Doctor or therapist? You should.

[joewilly12]

19 hours ago, Maxman said:

Damn sorry bro. Have you spoken to a Doctor or therapist? You should.

Thanks Max I have I’ve allowed my depression to get the best of me....I don’t leave the home I’m staying at I’ve regressed bad.... I feel terrible hurt by my family .. things they have done said....it didn’t have to be this way but she was out to punish destroy.....it’s how she operates.. she gets satisfaction hurting others been this way for years especially if you cross or challenge her like I did... I’m hurting and I’m in a mess of my life.....

[HighPitch]

On 10/21/2022 at 9:52 PM, joewilly12 said:

Still stuck in this depression hole haven’t left the house in days.....I was doing ok then the realtor listed the family home of 26 years.... memories kids hard work total renovation etc.... sorry just venting I hurt like hell... I’m alone zero family support ... friends have all decided to stay away.... I never knew divorce could be so bad it didn’t have to be like this ?.....she purposely planned things to be this way .... get everyone against me with lies.....her lawyer coached her to gain control of everything ..... I’ve been fighting like a caged animal but I’m hurt depression anxiety panic attacks... things are bad colder weather all my clothes still being held hostage....

So that’s good Joe willy all this time you’ve been saying that she thinks she’s going to stay in that house and now it looks like I guess it’s being forced to go to Sale?

So you’re going to get your fair share that house like everybody has been telling you. Sorry man hope you feel better but it sounds like at least there’s some progress in your favor going on

[joewilly12]

9 hours ago, HighPitch said:

So that’s good Joe willy all this time you’ve been saying that she thinks she’s going to stay in that house and now it looks like I guess it’s being forced to go to Sale?

So you’re going to get your fair share that house like everybody has been telling you. Sorry man hope you feel better but it sounds like at least there’s some progress in your favor going on

Court order forced sale yes.... I’m hurting brother very depressed.... toughest time of my life. 

[joewilly12]

Need some prayers ... mom rushed to hospital... when it rains it pours...?

[Maxman]

On 11/2/2022 at 11:06 AM, joewilly12 said:

Need some prayers ... mom rushed to hospital... when it rains it pours...?

So sorry I hope she's okay.

[Maxman]

On 10/25/2022 at 3:53 AM, joewilly12 said:

Thanks Max I have I’ve allowed my depression to get the best of me....I don’t leave the home I’m staying at I’ve regressed bad.... I feel terrible hurt by my family .. things they have done said....it didn’t have to be this way but she was out to punish destroy.....it’s how she operates.. she gets satisfaction hurting others been this way for years especially if you cross or challenge her like I did... I’m hurting and I’m in a mess of my life.....

So sorry.

Every day needs a purpose. You aren't going to fix everything right now. Focus on small stuff.

I know it's tough but every day needs a purpose. It can be going out and getting a slice of pizza. Small things. Run an errand.

Getting out, having something small to do can help. We do it all the time here on the bad days.

Take a walk around home Depot. Doesn't have to be anything earth shattering but something to slightly change the narrative in your head for a bit.

PM me your number if you want to chat. There are people there for you. More than you realize.

I hope things get better soon.

[Scott Dierking]

Turn the page. Get the premise of a settlement over and try to find the middle ground. Even if it is not middle ground you find, get the best deal you can and MOVE ON.  Nothing is worth that torment.

Forge a new life with your kids based on candor and honesty. Allow them to say what they think, then give your side.If they are worth it, find a way to reconcile and move forward from this day.

If feel badly for you, but you need to pull yourself up and get away from what is troubling you, find the solution that works and stop wallowing. 

All the best.

 

[joewilly12]

4 hours ago, Scott Dierking said:

Turn the page. Get the premise of a settlement over and try to find the middle ground. Even if it is not middle ground you find, get the best deal you can and MOVE ON.  Nothing is worth that torment.

Forge a new life with your kids based on candor and honesty. Allow them to say what they think, then give your side.If they are worth it, find a way to reconcile and move forward from this day.

If feel badly for you, but you need to pull yourself up and get away from what is troubling you, find the solution that works and stop wallowing. 

All the best.

 

Thank you .... easier said than done. 

[Scott Dierking]

21 hours ago, joewilly12 said:

Thank you .... easier said than done. 

It all starts with stage 1.  Take the difficult steps to move your life forward and put this behind you. Every day that you do that, is a day toward happiness and peace. All the best

[joewilly12]

6 hours ago, Scott Dierking said:

It all starts with stage 1.  Take the difficult steps to move your life forward and put this behind you. Every day that you do that, is a day toward happiness and peace. All the best

I can’t seem to find any happiness or hope in anything... I lost my wife son daughter friends home all my possessions... she and her scum lawyer harass me daily. It’s destroyed me depression anxiety panic attacks.... no family within 500 miles just my elderly mom who doesn’t understand and I’m trying not to discuss anything with her.... I’m in a mess that my wife seems to enjoy me hurting suffering in... she’s a cruel person. 

[joewilly12]

THANK YOU 

[Maxman]

On 11/5/2022 at 9:49 AM, Scott Dierking said:

Turn the page. Get the premise of a settlement over and try to find the middle ground. Even if it is not middle ground you find, get the best deal you can and MOVE ON.  Nothing is worth that torment.

Forge a new life with your kids based on candor and honesty. Allow them to say what they think, then give your side.If they are worth it, find a way to reconcile and move forward from this day.

If feel badly for you, but you need to pull yourself up and get away from what is troubling you, find the solution that works and stop wallowing. 

All the best.

 

This is really good advice.

[Maxman]

On 11/6/2022 at 5:22 PM, joewilly12 said:

I can’t seem to find any happiness or hope in anything... I lost my wife son daughter friends home all my possessions... she and her scum lawyer harass me daily. It’s destroyed me depression anxiety panic attacks.... no family within 500 miles just my elderly mom who doesn’t understand and I’m trying not to discuss anything with her.... I’m in a mess that my wife seems to enjoy me hurting suffering in... she’s a cruel person. 

You have to start building a new life. When your wife's attacks still hurt you, she is winning.

Like Scott said build a new life with your kids. Step # 1 there would be don't talk about their Mom. Don't talk with them about what has been done. Get to know them, ask what is going on with them.  If you remove them from feeling like they are in the middle they will come back.

Let your wife be the bitter one complaining about you. You stand up and take one step forward today. Rinse and repeat tomorrow. In no time you will be standing tall and walking towards a life you never thought was possible.

[joewilly12]

29 minutes ago, Maxman said:

You have to start building a new life. When your wife's attacks still hurt you, she is winning.

Like Scott said build a new life with your kids. Step # 1 there would be don't talk about their Mom. Don't talk with them about what has been done. Get to know them, ask what is going on with them.  If you remove them from feeling like they are in the middle they will come back.

Let your wife be the bitter one complaining about you. You stand up and take one step forward today. Rinse and repeat tomorrow. In no time you will be standing tall and walking towards a life you never thought was possible.

Thanks Max....Wish it was that easy haven’t talked to my daughter well over a year ... mom made sure of it in many ways... my son and I talk but it usually turns into an argument ...tough hard sad times .... depression is no joke ....

[Maxman]

5 hours ago, joewilly12 said:

Thanks Max....Wish it was that easy haven’t talked to my daughter well over a year ... mom made sure of it in many ways... my son and I talk but it usually turns into an argument ...tough hard sad times .... depression is no joke ....

I am not minimizing that. Just saying you should be speaking with someone to help with that.

With your kids, talk about anything other than their Mom, old house, your money etc. Start a new relationship with them. Ask how their jobs are going, stuff like that.

If you keep fighting with your son it won't end well.  With divorce the kids are the ones stuck in the middle. Let your wife be the one talking to them about you. They will get tired of hearing it from her and will enjoy time with you because you built a new relationship with them.

What other choice do you have at this point?

[#27TheDominator]

Sounds like the key is the depression.  Treat that.  Treating the symptoms - divorce, mean future ex, worse housing, etc. - probably is not going to really solve anything. 

Everybody is giving good advice and you are not taking it.  It really is that simple.  It is NOT easy, but it is simple.  Make the best of what you have.  Do what you enjoy.  Don't fight with the kids or talk to them about their mom.  Stop worrying about the past and look to the future.  I assume that the depression is keeping you from doing that.

[joewilly12]

Everyone has been great trying to help me I appreciate it like nobody knows. My situation was done to me with harmful punishing intent meant. 2 years planning it support team hate team behind my back while attending family functions she was badgering me tearing me down texts emails anything she could do say to make everyone feel sorry for her while she mocked ridiculed me day night there were many times I said nothing. Things were fine this situation escalated when she involved a scum lawyer who saw $$ and a way to draw this all out. I’m sorry guys im struggling every damn day night is a struggle. I lost a newer home everything I own clothes shoes tools my entire NY Jets collection of things including stuff from my childhood....it hurts like hell ?

[Jet_Engine1]

I'm sorry this is continuing,  brother.

[Maynard13]

On 6/27/2022 at 9:22 AM, The Crusher said:

Agreed. Took me 9 years of a horrible one and brutal divorce to learn that. Been married for 22 years now and I fall in love with my wife more every day. 

She must be a heck of a cook.

[Maynard13]

On 11/15/2022 at 11:57 AM, joewilly12 said:

Thanks Max....Wish it was that easy haven’t talked to my daughter well over a year ... mom made sure of it in many ways... my son and I talk but it usually turns into an argument ...tough hard sad times .... depression is no joke ....

Get a lawyer. Do you have a lawyer? Kids will come around. Kids aren't dumb. They understand things happen and when its time, they will come around. But you need to get visitation rights. Don't let her bully you. You have rights. It's better to be out of a bad relationship than stuck in a toxic one where you're both miserable. A lot of people stay married because of kids. I don't get it. Kids have their own life and life is short. Kids being around parents who don't get along is very detrimental to their mental health. That may sound selfish, but in the long run, your life is what matters most.  It's not like you're abandoning them.  They will always know you are their dad.  I'm sure you've cared for your kids and will continue to do so.   But you need to take care of yourself or you're not doing them or anyone else any favors.  Join a divorce support group.  Work through your feelings, depression, anxiety. Go get yourself a therapist who you feel can help you. This is  not something you need to handle alone. This can flip around and be an amazing occurrence in your life.  Things happen for a reason and its often hard to see or understand. But it will be revealed. Reach out, touch faith! 

[Maynard13]

On 11/15/2022 at 5:08 PM, #27TheDominator said:

Sounds like the key is the depression.  Treat that.  Treating the symptoms - divorce, mean future ex, worse housing, etc. - probably is not going to really solve anything. 

Everybody is giving good advice and you are not taking it.  It really is that simple.  It is NOT easy, but it is simple.  Make the best of what you have.  Do what you enjoy.  Don't fight with the kids or talk to them about their mom.  Stop worrying about the past and look to the future.  I assume that the depression is keeping you from doing that.

Sorry but I respectfully disagree.  Depression is not the key. Its a symptom which causes people to stop in their tracks and not work on themselves.  And I'm not talking about chemical depression which is a whole other animal. Acceptance is the key.  Feeling sorry for oneself just creates a downward spiral into inaction.  Change the perception and see it for what it is.  Its all in how we perceive things.  Sorrow, grief, sadness, hopelessness are all very different emotions.  It's easy and convenient to label them as 'depression' like mental health does.  Here take a pill, you'll be better in no time.   Life is all about reality and it takes no prisoners.

The other stuff you wrote is exactly CORRECT.   Stop worrying about the past, stay in the present and hope for better things in the future.   Look at it but don't stare. Learn from it.  It happens to teach you a lesson in life. 

[Maynard13]

On 6/27/2022 at 9:22 AM, The Crusher said:

Agreed. Took me 9 years of a horrible one and brutal divorce to learn that. Been married for 22 years now and I fall in love with my wife more every day. 

She must have been a horrible cook. Poor guy  

[Maynard13]

On 6/27/2022 at 8:48 AM, Biggs said:

Marrying the wrong person is even worse.  

BINGO Give the man a BIG Cigar.   

[Maynard13]

On 7/6/2022 at 8:30 PM, ylekram said:

man you just hit free agency. go lay the pipe down on her sister, coworker, niece, aunt, church group member,etc,etc. just remember, she ****ed you over. revenge is a dish best served cold

Revenge? @joewilly12 this is not a road you want to travel down.  No offense but revenge is intrinsic in certain cultures. 

What do Buddhists say about revenge?

One unwittingly produces their own dukkha/suffering and creating bad karma by seeking revenge. Hatred, greed, and delusion are considered to be the three kleshas or psychological poisons or vices, according to Buddhism.

Live Long and Prosper!

Free @joewilly12

[joewilly12]

@Maynard13  my children are adults both well over 21 .... my daughter was manipulated for years a lot of years long distance she was in college.... dad is a bad guy he says does this and that ..... nothing I ever did was good enough for this woman.....my son and I were close she was jealous she manipulated him day 1 of divorce process to go against me.... it escalated to now where we barely talk..... no lie I’m dealing with the devils daughter she’s out to destroy......on all levels of life no remorse no regrets..... everyday is filled with problems havent bad a break in over a year ..... hopefully it’s over soon one way or another ..... appreciate you guys..... 

[Maynard13]

2 minutes ago, joewilly12 said:

@Maynard13  my children are adults both well over 21 .... my daughter was manipulated for years a lot of years long distance she was in college.... dad is a bad guy he says does this and that ..... nothing I ever did was good enough for this woman.....my son and I were close she was jealous she manipulated him day 1 of divorce process to go against me.... it escalated to now where we barely talk..... no lie I’m dealing with the devils daughter she’s out to destroy......on all levels of life no remorse no regrets..... everyday is filled with problems havent bad a break in over a year ..... hopefully it’s over soon one way or another ..... appreciate you guys..... 

Sorry to hear all this. I was divorced also and really had no business getting married. It was the stupidest thing i've ever done but we cant take back the past. My daughter and I had practically no relationship since she was very young and her mother wouldnt let me see her. My daughter grew to resent me since I was 'not in her life' as she presumed. But as she became an adult, she got to know me and the circumstances of my life and how mother was always keeping me away from her. Its way more complicated but thats it in a nutshell.  Ultimately, I was patient and just kept trying to reach out and now my daughter has come full circle and realizes her mother is an absolute nut and I am the stable one she reaches out to in times of trouble.  Time heals.

[joewilly12]

Currently time is healing nothing for me.... happy for you. A lot of work to do here just don’t see it happening she planned this divorce for years ..... strategically believe me.... she’s a sick evil vindictive woman..... DEPRESSION SUCKS 

[#27TheDominator]

23 hours ago, Maynard13 said:

Sorry but I respectfully disagree.  Depression is not the key. Its a symptom which causes people to stop in their tracks and not work on themselves.  And I'm not talking about chemical depression which is a whole other animal. Acceptance is the key.  Feeling sorry for oneself just creates a downward spiral into inaction.  Change the perception and see it for what it is.  Its all in how we perceive things.  Sorrow, grief, sadness, hopelessness are all very different emotions.  It's easy and convenient to label them as 'depression' like mental health does.  Here take a pill, you'll be better in no time.   Life is all about reality and it takes no prisoners.

The other stuff you wrote is exactly CORRECT.   Stop worrying about the past, stay in the present and hope for better things in the future.   Look at it but don't stare. Learn from it.  It happens to teach you a lesson in life. 

Probably just semantics.  Particularly from my end where I have no real medical background and tend to define depression however I want.  Sorry about that.  Main thing is just to get moving forward.

 

[Lith]

22 hours ago, joewilly12 said:

@Maynard13  my children are adults both well over 21 .... my daughter was manipulated for years a lot of years long distance she was in college.... dad is a bad guy he says does this and that ..... nothing I ever did was good enough for this woman.....my son and I were close she was jealous she manipulated him day 1 of divorce process to go against me.... it escalated to now where we barely talk..... no lie I’m dealing with the devils daughter she’s out to destroy......on all levels of life no remorse no regrets..... everyday is filled with problems havent bad a break in over a year ..... hopefully it’s over soon one way or another ..... appreciate you guys..... 

Joe, I have not posted in this thread for a while, but the thread has been around for nearly 6 months, and it does not seem like your situation has gotten any better.  I get that you probably come here to vent, and hopefully that makes you feel a bit better.  But I would urge you to find professional help.  You need to figure out what changes in your life you can control and make them.  You can't control your wife's actions or those of your kids.  Somehow, you have to move on.  I am not smart enough to provide any specific advice other than, find a professional who can help support you as you try to remake your life.  If you are already in the care of a professional, maybe you need to evaluate if it is the right one.

I am pulling for you, my friend.  I will keep hoping to open up this thread someday and hear some good news on how you are getting your life in order.  Good luck.

[joewilly12]

I’m heading to Dr wish me luck brothers I’m hurting bad....?

[Bugg]

On 11/20/2022 at 11:15 AM, Maynard13 said:

Sorry to hear all this. I was divorced also and really had no business getting married. It was the stupidest thing i've ever done but we cant take back the past. My daughter and I had practically no relationship since she was very young and her mother wouldnt let me see her. My daughter grew to resent me since I was 'not in her life' as she presumed. But as she became an adult, she got to know me and the circumstances of my life and how mother was always keeping me away from her. Its way more complicated but thats it in a nutshell.  Ultimately, I was patient and just kept trying to reach out and now my daughter has come full circle and realizes her mother is an absolute nut and I am the stable one she reaches out to in times of trouble.  Time heals.

Don't divorce work any more; simply not fun legal work. Everyone is pissed and angry. 

But the advice about kids is huge. That bitterness and anger subside. Key is to keep an open hand out for the day they reach out. Been a number of clients, family and friends who had roughly the same experience;at some point kids stop listening to only one side and take a hard look at what really happened. Along the same lines, as awful a person as the ex is, kids are not going to appreciate dwelling on that negative stuff, no matter how true it is. Have to be ready to move forward, not backward, with your childen. 

Update; talking with a family member who went through a bad one. Kids didn't talk to him for years. But gradually things softened. His kids took his hand, 2 pretty quickly. And finally, this weekend, the 3rd kid who was most angry with him is gonna go over to his new house for Thanksgiving. Again, point is, keep your hand extended; it will happen. May be not right away but it will. 

[joewilly12]

Holidays suck and hurt alone missing my family bad today....