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Smizzy

North Carolina Poopie Humor (Merged eleventy-Billion times)

what caused tonight's bed evicting stench?  

5 members have voted

  1. 1. what caused tonight's bed evicting stench?

    • six pack coors light
      6
    • crab cakes w/zesty sauce
      6
    • garlic mashed potatos
      3
    • turkey wrap w/tons of mayo
      0
    • roast beef
      2
    • leftover meatballs and ravioli
      5
    • it is an urban legend that pungent factor has relation to food intake
      3
    • why didn't you blame the dog, idiot?
      17


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my parents got into town last night, my dad said he dropped a massive bomb (2-flusher) at my house and once he got done wiping and washing his hands, he had a curtain call and had to go through the whole thing again. nothing worse than the old curtain call.

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Definately cabbage. Raisins never really had that much of an effect on me. But make me a pan of bierok casserole and you had better watch yourself for the next few days.

eat a pound. raisins bar none. cabbage is more hot noise, raisin is more green fog. cabbage barks, raisins bite.

  • Upvote 1

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did you take advantage of the extra ability and present your wife with a "Dutch-Oven".?

your future daughter-in-law still refuses to let me have raisins after i dutch-ovened her. i'm not even allowed raisin bran, which i love. i told her a few raisins won't hurt anyone but she said she's still waiting for the cilia in her lungs to grow back. i always try to sneak them into the cart and she's always telling the cashier they were in there by mistake. then she shoots me an evil look that says "keep your mouth shut, buster." a girl scout tried to sell me oatmeal raisin cookies at home depot, my fiance almost ripped her head off.

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Did SJ ever teach you this trick, Johnny.

I was shopping with my GF one time, and was experiencing horrible gas. we were standing in line to check out when I let go a 15 second silent burst that almost popped a blood vessel in my forehead. I then told her I forgot something, and to wait in line. well, she was the suspect after I left, with everyone giving her the stinky, dirty look. everybody thought she stunk something awful. poor girl. :rl:

the long hot burst is fetid, her picture is probably posted behind every register. good job bro!

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SJ --- what are your thoughts on breakfast sandwiches (from On The Run, Wawa, 7-11, etc.) and a coffee in the morning.

I've had some great times before lunch... yikes. Deadly.

he's not a breakfast guy. in philly, the way to go is a sausage, eggs, cheese and hot sauce hoagie from a street vendor. don't even need the elevator to get to my office on the 26th floor after one of those.

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With HOT SAUCE? That's ridiculous. Your stuff is so active in the morning you're just asking for it! lol

PS-- you know what I've liked about Philly for the last 2 years.. they actually KNOW what taylor ham is!!!

if it's edible, philly knows about it. go down to the italian market next time you're in down, fresh canolis are sold next door to places with live rabbits in cages. philly is a fat ass' paradise. they actually boo me when i'm out for a run.

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that reminds me, what's your cheesesteak fancy?

I'm partial to Pat's myself... with Jim's a not to distant second. i HATE geno's though.

PAT's is first. everything else is... not pats. next time at jim's go extra whiz, compensates for their drier meat. i eat at jim's a lot-- i live 5 blocks from there in society hill.

edit: the jim's record was just broken a couple weeks ago. i think it's 13 or 14 in 90 minutes now.

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Holy F. That's gross. 2 cheesesteaks from Pat's and I'm NASCAR-ing my way home.

Still maintain that Geno's is garbage though

tried geno's once. not impressed. a lot of people say geno's bread is better. i dunno, pats is a lot greasier and if you're eating a cheesesteak, you might as well go all out. if you want a sandwich on top-notch bread, try sarcones on 9th and fitzwater. looks like a dump, taste like heaven. my favorite is the Hot Pepper Hoagie. a lot of people don't think it sounds good but we've gotten multiple party trays and even people who "don't like hot" try it and are hooked and we're left with a bunch of turkey subs because everyone devoured the hot pepper.

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Buffalo wings dipped in bleu cheese dressing.

you're on to something here-- the spicier the wings the more shimmying i have to do in my chair the next day to alleviate the dreaded "spice butt."

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jgb we discussedthis before I like Genos never had the dry steak you speak of. Do also like Jims and sometimes hit Phillips on Passyunk on the way to sports complex they are good too in a pinch

my sample size is small, maybe i'll give genos another shot sometime. never been to phillips. do you live downtown?

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I like to hit Fat Tuesdays after eating at Jims

hate fat tuesdays. place feels like i'm drinking in grandma's basement and even though they have sunday ticket, they have tiny tv's way up on the wall and my neck kills me after watching a game there. also, they only have 1 waitress on a sunday, they told me this is because there aren't enough tips for 2 which means 20 minute waits between rounds. as an added bonus, the bouncers killed some dude there a couple summers ago, right over the rail-- head splattered all over the concrete. try the artful dodger in headhouse square--like 2nd and lombard. great bar. they always give up a flatscreen to me to watch the j-e-t-s. tell mark the bartender the jets fan sent ya.

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would you rather have uncontrollable farts that had the absolutle worst, room-clearing odor imaginable that ruined dinners, meetings, etc. whenever one slipped out or would you rather have uncontrollable farts comprised of odorless but highly embarassing purple smoke?

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i would take stink. the cloud is horrendous and no way you could play that off. stink is possible to blame on someone else-- of course you're family and friends (if you had any left) would know about your problem but with purple smoke,you'd get kicked off airplanes and resturants.

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Think of this and i am sure you will all agree that the oderless smoke is 10 times worse.

We have all been in the presence of some nasty bastid who let a stinker out in public. Now, you may have been grossed out by the smell, but i doubt anyone actually thinks about the fact that they are breathing in air polluted with some guys feces particulate. Now, if you could actually see the cloud of gas, then you would totally be thinking about the fact that you are breathing in someone's s##t-dust. I will take the nasty-yet-invisible any day over seeing what foulness i am breathing in.

trust me when we all smell max's farts with their hints of latex and man-batter we'd all rather have the smoke-- the question is what would you rather have yourself though? i don't mind carpet bombing a movie theater or walmart with my own brand. if i chose for others around me i'd take cloud, that way i could easily avoid their sh!tcloud but for myself-- pass the raisins cause i wanna drop the bomb on folks.

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yes dude it totally is bliss. If the fart is invisible, like they are in real life, then maybe your clothes acted as a filter and no airisolized poop got out, at least you can take comfort from thinking that, but if you can see a cloud, then you know for a fact that it is a crap cloud and you are breathing it in and dusting your lungs with some strangers poo particles.

I will admit, it takes a guy with a bit of a germophobe problem to even think these things.

you're choosing what you would have, not some farting stranger. if you had one of these afflications, which would it be??

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The cloud sounds cool... and it gives you something to avoid...

Wont be good for you though when your filming and a girl drops a silent bomb and a purple smoke cloud follows... unless your doing a fart fetish video...

he'd need to install foglights on all his cameras.

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for f###'s sake jgb,why did you start this damn thread! Now you have me all stirred up thinking about the foulness of the air tainted with someone's fart! I want to go into the bathroom and scour my mouth from breathing in poo microbes in the air! UGGHHHH

just close your eyes and imagine a nice, clean double penetration video. feel better?

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same thing dude, i wouldn't want a visual reminder that i am breathing in my own s##t particles either.

whoa, whoa, whoa-- you telling me you don't enjoy your own brand???

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Vintage JGB. Vintage.

thanks. the way i see it, you have to make the decision on what would be a worst detriment. the stench would be so terrible as to make meetings you were attending break up, house parties clear and women run for lifeboats. the purple smoke would be thick enough to be visible to all and to set off smoke detectors. the stink would probably also be impossible to play off as you'd laugh uncontrollably every time people ran in the opposite direction. the smoke however, makes life impossible. by "uncontrollable" i mean 2-3 per hour would slip out without warning.

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my own blend does not bother me, as it doesn't bother most people, but if it became a visible cloud then yes i would have a problem breathing in that smoke as i would visually see and know i am breathing in gas that originated in my colon and obviously had trace amounts of my feces in it.

god when will this thread get locked for nastiness???

i would rather smell my worst raisin-fueld ass bomb than a gorgeous, glistening red rose.

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I would much rather have the invisible stench..

I cant Imagine life without being able to go on elevators and let one out and watch the poor minions gasp as they realize they cant escape. Or the good old go to the crowded store counter and let one out and then walk away 20 feet and watch all the peeps reel and try to blame one of the people at counter.

Leaving very crowded sports stadiums is great. Letting one go in a slow moving mass of people is always worth the price of admission.

my favorite is the "fart lasso"-- let out a slow squeaker while you circle a group of people several times. no escape.

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Found a dislocated rats tail in a white castle burger, luckily I was opening the sandwhich to take out the pickles and found it, If I was a pickle person (couchARSIScough) than I would've eaten rat tail.

They gave me my money back on a full refund, and like 10 boxes of fries and chicken rings.

buddy, their only mistake was not grinding up the tail enough. what do you think are in those things? beef????? :razz:

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]

I just snapped a cellphone pic of the biggest turd ever, it came out in one long log. I actually pulled out my little tape measure and measured it, 13 inches, and that doesn't include the part that is going down the whole, another inch or two at least. I am gonna text it to all my friends.

if the back end disappeared down the hole and the front end still extended above the water line, you my friend just witnessed an "Imperial Dragon."

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He was measuring his crap, not his penis...

Too much fart and sh!t talk around here for my taste... where'd all the gentlemen go?

:confused0082: :confused0082: :confused0082:

women stopped having sex with them so they don't exist anymore.

POTW. when women want 'bad boys' can you blame us for not being gentlemen?

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Why are all the current threads started by this guy? JGB, are you an attention seeker? why do you insist on bumping all JGB threads? are you trying to make the new jets chant...J.G.B. BALLS! BALLS! BALLS!? What do you think?

ya hoochie.

don't think it has mass appeal but it does have a nice ring to it when your wife calls it out.

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Oh, give it up already, JGB. You will never be as popular as me. ;)

hate to fill you in garbie but the only way i could be less popular than you around here is if i farted purple smoke ;)

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i thought you picked invisble but lethal swamp gas

am i the only one who thinks the lethal swamp gas is a positive? i'd spend all my time in elevators and i'd take cross country flights once a week just for fun.

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I am wondering, would that gas change color depending on what you ate, or would it always be the same color? And would it be the same color for everyone?

a deep, dark purple haze :)

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holy crap this is too good, the first person to use the word turd on JN in reference to a player was a woman and not just any woman but our own GGG!

As Jets defensive tackle Jason Ferguson prepares to hit the open market, the thinking is that there will be plenty of demand for the eight-year veteran and former seventh-round draft pick.

But there's a concern in some circles that, once Ferguson gets paid, he'll puff up and turd out with his new team, growing fat off of his signing bonus and the two-year-or-so security it provides.

"Once he gets the coin he will slack off," said a league source. "That's his M.O."

http://www.jetnation.com/forums/showpost.php?p=1987&postcount=1

you got no one to blame but yourselves ladies!!!

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Yes....it's her fault every other word,post,thread out of you 2 is "Turd" .

:confused0058:

technically, it's every third turd, i mean wurd.

shut up turd

see?

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