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North Carolina Poopie Humor (Merged eleventy-Billion times)

what caused tonight's bed evicting stench?  

5 members have voted

  1. 1. what caused tonight's bed evicting stench?

    • six pack coors light
      6
    • crab cakes w/zesty sauce
      6
    • garlic mashed potatos
      3
    • turkey wrap w/tons of mayo
      0
    • roast beef
      2
    • leftover meatballs and ravioli
      5
    • it is an urban legend that pungent factor has relation to food intake
      3
    • why didn't you blame the dog, idiot?
      17


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So there I was yesterday... driving between 2 work locations and enjoying a bag of beef jerky. Half hour ride. No rest areas. No restaurants nearby. The first few bites tasted delicious. The next few were good but not as satisfying.

Then I began to feel it. Something just didnt seem right in my stomach. Knowing I wasnt close to home, I knew to not try and sneak out a little gas... just in case. I stopped eating. My stomach settled down and I decided I had to have more beef jerky since this would probably be my last meal of the day since I was going to be working late.

20 minutes left.

By this point I knew there was going to be trouble. I repositioned myself on my seat to avoid any accidental leakage if it came to that point. My stomach began to growl like a thunderstorm rolling in. I knew I had to watch my speed because there are lots of cops on this road. I hoped for the best.

15 minutes left.

My colon decided it was time to start percolating... Yep... my insides felt like they were liquifying... My body decided it was time to start making some trouser chili.

10 minutes

I knew I was in trouble and was going to have..... EAS. EAS??? Yeah. Exploding Ass Syndrome. When every ounce of liquid comes exploding out of your ass and you have major splash-back. I began to sweat profusely, and hope for the best.

5 minutes

Now it feels like contractions... there is pain and then it dissipates. Then 30 seconds later there it is again. Only Im not having a baby, my body is preparing to drop the kids off at the pool.

Arrival:

I made it. No "accidents" I clench my cheeks together and make the long walk across the parking lot. I left all my work stuff in the car and went straight for the front door.

I walked past everyone there just giving a little wave and a Hi. I start unbuckling, and then JGB comes to mind. I wipe off the seat... look for plenty of toilet paper and bend over just in time for the green apple splatters to come firing out of my back side mere milliseconds before my fleshy posterior hit the seat. WIth that someone comes walking in and they get to hear my foghorn from the stall. I cant help it and burst out laughing. Then the chili pours out again... then more gas... now the guy leaves without flushing or washing his hands (probably couldnt breathe) and someone else walks in.

This goes on for another 10 minutes with my EAS and me laughing the entire time thinking about the turd thread. Sure I lost a lot of fluid and I needed 2 vitamin waters to put fluids back in me, but I felt much better afterwards.

Maybe I should have just sh!t on the floor... and they had those long U faucets that I could have bent and used to clean out the exit door of my body.

The only thing I did wrong was not giving a courtesy flush. But then again, screw em

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA :rl: :rl: :rl:

i know when i been bested. you sir, are the honororary turd thread captain.

POTW TURDOTW nom!!!!! this is at least on par with the infamous raisin thread.

hahah green apple splatters! and you thought about me through it all. brings a tear of pride to my eye.

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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA :rl: :rl: :rl:

i know when i been bested. you sir, are the honororary turd thread captain.

POTW TURDOTW nom!!!!! this is at least on par with the infamous raisin thread.

hahah green apple splatters! and you thought about me through it all. brings a tear of pride to my eye.

Thanks!!!

I was hoping I didnt have to explain to someone at work that beef jerky gave me diarrhea and I was laughing because there was this turd thread on JetNation and someone named johnny green balls was the turd thread master. They would think I was nuts!

I think you cursed me... after my sh!t on the floor comment you cursed me with the chocolate explosion to see if I would do it. You win sir. You win.

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Thanks!!!

I was hoping I didnt have to explain to someone at work that beef jerky gave me diarrhea and I was laughing because there was this turd thread on JetNation and someone named johnny green balls was the turd thread master. They would think I was nuts!

I think you cursed me... after my sh!t on the floor comment you cursed me with the chocolate explosion to see if I would do it. You win sir. You win.

POTW also, oh man greenbeans can merge both of these together, that's some funny ass chit right there.

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will they kick me out of the univ. of buffalo?

UBuffalo? No way! I think it's expected that your BAC will be higher than your GPA.

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gpa is on a 7.0 scale, that make it worse?

7.0? Yeah, that makes it bad.

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ya, him and my fiancee worry all the time if i like to buttbang

ps: baby if you're listenin, let's try it once, ok?

no

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Seriously though Max.... you had to censor **** ...why?

Here is why. It is simple. JGB created this to knock other people. I am all for a good joke. I am all for some internet ball busting. But when it comes to ripping on the posters here, I will pass.

People should be able to post stuff without being called names. Just my 2 cents. And that is why I censored it. Don't worry though, it will be back next week under the new name of The_Post_Of_Fecal_Matter_Award.

Stay tuned. It's gonna be so much fun. Seeing posters flock from this site in terror -- that never gets old.

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ya, him and my fiancee worry all the time if i like to buttbang

ps: baby if you're listenin, let's try it once, ok?

\

Classic drunk posting going on here, lol!

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night left here as a poster and you could say one thing to him....what would it be?

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night left here as a poster and you could say one thing to him....what would it be?

I would ask him if he ever had his turds pushed in. That boy sure has an odd fascination with fecal matter.

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night left here as a poster and you could say one thing to him....what would it be?

Don't ban jgb. He's had a couple of drinks and after starting all of his crazy posts he moved over to the chat room.

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Yeah, don't ban him Max.

Yeah, besides, it would totally cause an imbalance in the force of jn, well, unless you also ban one of the counterpoints to jgb...hmmmmm.....nah, let's just keep them all i guess, jgb is a good egg that just has a crack or two, lol.

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Me ban him? I am his biggest fan. He craps all over this board and drives long time users away. Sign me up for more of that. That is "loads" of fun.

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\

Classic drunk posting going on here, lol!

:rl::rl::rl:

Classic drunk laughing going on here... LOL

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I'd tell him to focus on the school work. That's he's problem it seems. Too much party time. But then again, that's just my observations.

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I'd tell him to focus on the school work. That's he's problem it seems. Too much party time. But then again, that's just my observations.

good thing i've long since gradumated with multiple degrees. i got a Bs in turdology and a masters is getting banned.

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Me ban him? I am his biggest fan. He craps all over this board and drives long time users away. Sign me up for more of that. That is "loads" of fun.

Doesnt this belong in the turd thread?

Just sayin... :lol:

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i'm not gay fukko-- although i just got PM'd by 4 mods after starting this thread.

Yeah .... I wouldn't bend over for the soap...

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Here is why. It is simple. JGB created this to knock other people. I am all for a good joke. I am all for some internet ball busting. But when it comes to ripping on the posters here, I will pass.

People should be able to post stuff without being called names. Just my 2 cents. And that is why I censored it. Don't worry though, it will be back next week under the new name of The_Post_Of_Fecal_Matter_Award.

Stay tuned. It's gonna be so much fun. Seeing posters flock from this site in terror -- that never gets old.

I don't get it though... he rips on me more than anyone here. What "long time users" has he driven away?

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let's all us settle down everyone, lol, nobody wants to go all Regan and push the detonator button on the nukes, lol. We are almost through the offseason guys, lol.

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