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Smizzy

North Carolina Poopie Humor (Merged eleventy-Billion times)

what caused tonight's bed evicting stench?  

5 members have voted

  1. 1. what caused tonight's bed evicting stench?

    • six pack coors light
      6
    • crab cakes w/zesty sauce
      6
    • garlic mashed potatos
      3
    • turkey wrap w/tons of mayo
      0
    • roast beef
      2
    • leftover meatballs and ravioli
      5
    • it is an urban legend that pungent factor has relation to food intake
      3
    • why didn't you blame the dog, idiot?
      17


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definitely a sliding scale. if the act is terrible enough, a one time transgrsssion can get your the moniker. if it's minor stuff, barfight, shoplifting, you probably need to show that you didn't learn from your mistake and you keep messing up before you get splashed with turd. one thing is for certain though-- while it may be hard to become a turd, once you have the stink on you it's pretty hard to wash out.

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update: my toilet has finally recovered from SJ's visit. it look more yeast than a brewery uses in a year but the ferguson is finally back accepting solid donations.

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this new thread will be more massive and more mighty than all the small turds that combined to form this uncloggable force. let's make this the most popular thread on JN-- turds are almost as much of our heritage as homo jokes! let's send a message that we won't be silenced!

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no, farts are pure gas. If it contains a fine mist or lumps, then it is a shart.

WARNING: sharts can and will damage the porcelin coating on the inside of your john if you had grape nuts for breakfast.

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TURD CONTINGENT DEMANDS

As a loud, vocal and loyal contingent of the JN family. The Turd Contingent makes these demands upon management.

(1) The Turd Thread is granted is soverignity and management will not enforce its rules or will upon those who post there nor will they censor items in the Turd Thread.

(2) any discussion of items entering or leaving the rectum, anus, alimentary canal, bunghole, starfish, ass, butt, poop chute, dookie hole, brown town, crap canal or hershey highway comes under the jurisdiction of the official Turd thread.

(3) any argument in the turd thread between members of the Turd Contingent is to be resolved by our own law: Shiarreah Law.

(4) We also demand the opening of a "Shat Room" for real time chatting of Turd Contingent Members.

(5) We also retain all of these same right pertaining to Farts, while not turds by definition, we believe there is ample evidence that farts and turds are natural allies.

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I would like to introduce the Turd Thread's Official Mascot: Boss turd (can any graphics guys make that purple smoke coming out his mouth?)

BossPoopNYC.jpg

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TURD THREAD GOES BIG TIME

June 14, 2007

In a press release today, The Turd Thread announced that it will be insistuting a counterpart to the "Post of the Week." Every other week or so, the Turd Thread will announce the "Turds of the Week" nominated as "TOTW" by other Jet Nation posters. TOTW nominations should be reserved for those trully stinky posts that exemplify horrendous posting. Each winner will have the dudious honor of using Boss Turd himself in their signature. Sh!tty luck everyone!

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:rl: POTW NOM or TOTW NOM i'm not sure ,but johnny is on a Sh1t streak .

best part is there is no schedule for the TOTW, one day you're posting and suddenly another TOTW installment unexpectedly appears like a shart stain in your boxers.

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In true JN spirit I present the first JetNation Homo/Turd combo joke:

Q: What's the difference between a Gay JN Mod and a refrigerator?

A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

POTW & TOTW nom.

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Where's the value in this excessive and tiresome sh!t humor thread that it can possibly go on for 3+ pages? Is there that much crap to spew that you can't help yourselves? Apparently yes.

Is this place that hard up for good posts that anything in this thread gets POTW? "Someone said turd, let's POTW it! That's the funniest sh!t I've ever seen! Wait, let's POTW that too!!"

To some here, behaving ungentlemanly is due to women wanting bad boys. That makes no sense. I've known many men both gentlemen and so-called bad boys, some both. Being arrogant and vile and talking about the length of their crap was never part of being a bad boy.

A five year old would even know when to say when. I'm kind of embarrassed for you guys.

3..2..1... attack me... knock yourselves out.

did you mean to post this in the puritan thread?

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Smizzy said his SON doesn't think "poop" is funny, and for all we know his SON might not think homo jokes are funny... this has nothing to do with what Smizzy does or thinks on a message board his son most likely never sees/reads...

My head isnt up Smizzy's ass... **** that... Poop jokes are hilarious...

He was trying to point out that not even all children find humor is potty jokes... which are usually most popular with kids...

thanks, captain literal. btw, how's the olive garden lasangne rate?

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:lol:

SJ why is it so easy to **** with you? All I have to do is question something you say... regardless of how I actually feel or whether I really give a ****... and you seem to get all pissy... they make pills to help people relax ya know!

keep diggin, people who can't see past the literal words of a post are cumbersome to talk to.

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This should be a thread that requires subscriptions, and only the most prestigious should be allowed to apply

you have to produce photographic evidence of a bona fide Imperial Dragon to join.

Imperial Dragon, The Noun

Definition 1: When you drop a single long thick duece where the front end sticks out of the water and you cant see the back end because it is down the toilet.

Usage Example: Marco really had to drop one and did the imperial dragon.

http://www.turdwords.com/viewword.cfm?wordID=6193

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125837517_m.png

unless you kissed adam and/or eve's ass i don't think you can really be a true ass kisser. you're just an amateur until you put your lips on the earth's original cornholes (figholes??).

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now your catching on... lol

but this is all irrelevant because we never posted on the ORIGINAL message board on the internet...

i think you're in the original turd thread though.

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Boys are far harder to potty train than girls and are far more resistant. After boys start using the bowl and get the clue not to cr*p their pants, their mothers act like their cr*p is a gift from God, suitable for framing, followed by copious praise. It's carried into adulthood that cr*pping in the appropriate place equals the warm fuzzies, reminds them of Mom and her accolades, makes them not want to cr*p their pants because the rewards of the bowl are far more satisfying psychologically. Why else would anyone think they cr*pped gold and marble and actually be proud of defecating when they're thirty?

is it our fault that no man over thirty has been praised by a woman in so long we use any excuse to remember the one time in our lives the women we love were actually nice to us?

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It was soft to medium consistency,oily and very smelly. he also didn't wipe very well but we all know how hard it is to get in there and get 3 good wipes when you're a man on the Go ,such as Sooth.

Stay tuned for a follow up.

TOTW and hypocrite of the week post.

  • Upvote 1

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What does an infraction taste like? and does it give you gas?

it's a small red box but it's actually just a snippet off one of max's roids. if you want to know how these taste, just ask the other mods.

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went to take a leak, let out a long, slow whining fart at the urinal. thought i was alone until the stall door opened. one of the biggest rainmakers in my firm. he said "hey jgb, next time you have to do that, do me a favor and check for my cole haan loafers under the stall door first."

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