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Funnies thread, ,anything funny,,anything


SouthernJet

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  • 4 months later...
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Tarzan And Jane

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was

very attracted to him and during her questions about

his life she asked him how he managed for sex.

"What's that?" he asked.

She explained to him what sex was and he said

"Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree"!

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have it all

wrong but I will show you how to do it properly.

" She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground,

"Here," she said, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and

then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch.

Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she

managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"

"Tarzan check for bees first!"

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  • 1 month later...

Reasons for the car accident, as reported to the insurance company.

I misjudged a lady crossing the street.

Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.

I heard a horn blow and was struck in the back. A lady was evidently trying to pass me.

I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my hand through it.

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions.

The truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.

If the other driver had stopped a few yards behind himself, the accident would not have happened.

As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision.

In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.

I did not see the other car.

I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor's with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had a skull fracture.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.

The pedestrian had no idea which way to go, so I ran over him.

The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was atttenpting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end.

I was unable to stop in time, and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries.

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

Did you hear about the lawyer hurt in an accident?

An ambulance backed up suddenly.

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