Some More Humor

[djaparz]

A husband wrote a letter for his wife to find:

To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be perturbed - I shall be back home before midnight."

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room

table:

"My Dear Husband,

I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow

[Verde]

[spjets]

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the

wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't

expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table

unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting,

fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and

don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any

comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there

will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or

not."

[spjets]

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding

anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that

reads, "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever. "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that

reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last."

*****************************************

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast

table. Husband gets up in a rage and says,

"And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and

rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated

husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

*****************************************

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so

proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in

spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home

and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right

back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

*****************************************

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving

each other the silent treatment. Suddenly the man realized that the next

day he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning

business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence(and

LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning the man

woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him when

he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM.

Wake up."

[djaparz]

a couple returns from their honeymoon and the husband calls his wife into the living room, he takes off his slacks and tells her to put them on. She say no those are mens pants... The husband replies thats right I am the man and i wear the pants in the relationship..

The wife then goes and get out a pair of her sexy panties - she tells the husband now put these on.. The husband replies - look at the size there is no way i can get into your panties... The wife replies that right if you keep up that attitude you will never get into my panties !!!

[spjets]

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS, "HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY?IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW."

HE LOOK AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY, "FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE GE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

"FINE," THEN THE WIFE ASKS, "WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT."

TO WHICH HE REPLIED, "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR?" "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

"FINE," SHE SAYS, "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY ARE ABOUT TO BREAK."

"I'M NOT A DAMM CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS." HE SAYS, "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS................................... HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THAT THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY," HE ASKS, "HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?"

SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME, "WHAT WAS WRONG?" I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE."

HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE?"

SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO....DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!"