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HERMISMS - Week of 9/18 - Post 'em if you've got 'em


Sperm Edwards

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I love these. Who else could give us so many sound bytes to keep us entertained all year while he's losing? This is just too easy. I'll start.

http://www.kansascity.com/mld/kansascity/sports/football/nfl/kansas_city_chiefs/15559519.htm?source=rss&channel=kansascity_kansas_city_chiefs

“We’re confident he’s coming back,” coach Herm Edwards said. “When he’s coming back … nobody knows. I haven’t even asked. Because I don’t want to know.”

That’s a good way to map out your season, Hermie. Especially good while a division rival is scooping up the only available productive QB for a 6th round draft pick, that everyone knows you could use.

At one point Tuesday, Edwards said he’s bulletproof when it comes to quarterbacks. He lost four of them to injury last year in New York with the Jets. In 2002, after a 1-3 start in New York, he pulled veteran Vinny Testaverde for Chad Pennington, who led the Jets to the playoffs.

Is this supposed to mean he wins in spite of QB injuries? Why? Because 4 years ago when Vinny got injured it forced Herm to put in the QB that should’ve been there in the first place?

Croyle reminds Edwards of Pennington, but it’s obvious the rookie from Alabama lacks the polish of Huard.

Croyle has a rocket arm. He’s 205 lbs, which is scrawny for a guy 6’3.

Pennington has no fastball. He’s listed at 225 (but looks a little more now).

Only thing they seem to have in common is that they’re both 6’3 and their propensity for getting injured. And soon it’ll be also that neither got playing time under Herm until incumbents got injured.

“Believe me, in my wildest dreams, I could never anticipate a quarterback who goes (81) straight games gets hurt in the first game,” Edwards said. “I mean, that’s the furthest thing from my mind. That’s almost like a nightmare reoccurring. You sit there and go, ‘OK, what have I got to do?’

Jets fans don’t anticipate Herm anticipating anything. Not in OUR wildest dreams. And that “OK what have I got to do?” look…..I think I’ve seen that look on him before…

sp-herm-345.jpg

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http://www.kentucky.com/mld/kansascity/sports/football/nfl/kansas_city_chiefs/15552027.htm

“I don’t know if it’s a defensive program now,” said Edwards, the Chiefs’ head coach. “The whole buzz when I got here was that I had to change the defense. No, I had to change the whole program in a way that’s conducive for us to win, for us to be a consistent team and, hopefully, a consistent playoff team.”

Actually Herm, no. The buzz was right. You just needed to change the defense. Trust me on that. Trust the Chiefs fans on that. Trust the NFL defenses on that. Trust the entire country on that.

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http://www.kansas.com/mld/eagle/sports/other_sports/15561070.htm

[Re: Brodie Croyle]

"If something was to happen and he needed to play in the game, it wouldn't bother me one bit," Edwards said. "Now, would he do everything right? No. Would he make some mistakes? Yeah, but we've got to help him if he was in the game.”

Herm is not satisfied with merely answering reporters’ questions. They simply can’t ask them fast enough. He has to make up his own question. And then answer it. Then ask himself a follow-up question to his own answer to a question that he asked to himself. And then answer THAT one.

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Lol, classic! He is a walking SNL bit! Herm would make for a great talking doll, pull a string and one of 10 absurd qoutes gets said, and even better, it can randomize and jumble the woutes, combining parts of 2-3 into one and making even better nonsense. A little dunce cap and broken stop watch would be the accessories, and he could have a bbq outfit to change into.

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Now we have a huge gorilla in LJ, the man's absolutely monstrous. He's like King Kong. He'll climb up this league like it was the Empire State building. Now I shouldn't have said that, you reporters will take it out of context, and you'll say I called one of my players a gorilla. I can see those headlines already, so I want to stop them before they get started. LJ isn't a gorilla. He's King Kong. He grabs women and climbs skyscrapers and then gets shot off them. Because in this league and in the world we live in, a black gorilla can't be grabbing white women and climbing up towers. Because they he gets accused of rape you see, even if the woman was lying. It's just like that Kobe fella I heard about a few years ago. But I'm not calling LJ a gorilla, and he's not black, and there are no white women here, except our cheerleaders. But none of the players grab them and climb up buildings. So in the end, it's all about running the ball, you don't climb skyscrapers or wave pom poms, you have to protect the ball. If you drop back to pass you just give up a sack, so you have to run it. That's how you win football games.

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Now we have a huge gorilla in LJ, the man's absolutely monstrous. He's like King Kong. He'll climb up this league like it was the Empire State building. Now I shouldn't have said that, you reporters will take it out of context, and you'll say I called one of my players a gorilla. I can see those headlines already, so I want to stop them before they get started. LJ isn't a gorilla. He's King Kong. He grabs women and climbs skyscrapers and then gets shot off them. Because in this league and in the world we live in, a black gorilla can't be grabbing white women and climbing up towers. Because they he gets accused of rape you see, even if the woman was lying. It's just like that Kobe fella I heard about a few years ago. But I'm not calling LJ a gorilla, and he's not black, and there are no white women here, except our cheerleaders. But none of the players grab them and climb up buildings. So in the end, it's all about running the ball, you don't climb skyscrapers or wave pom poms, you have to protect the ball. If you drop back to pass you just give up a sack, so you have to run it. That's how you win football games.

:rl:

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This arrived in my inbox this morning:

Coach Herman Edwards was brutally honest describing what it's like to have Huard fill in for Green:

"It's kind of like when you get a flat. And you get that little tire they give you now - they don't give you a real tire anymore. And your driving your car with that. And you're thinking 'If can get another day before I get this other one fixed, right? (laughs) And then that one blows out on you and you go 'Oh boy, I'm in trouble'. You can't go very long. And your car kind of sits sideways a little bit. You don't want to ride around in a car like that."

I'm just a website owner, but that doesn't seem like the smartest thing to be saying about your quarterback.

Absolutely priceless.

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This arrived in my inbox this morning:

Coach Herman Edwards was brutally honest describing what it's like to have Huard fill in for Green:

"It's kind of like when you get a flat. And you get that little tire they give you now - they don't give you a real tire anymore. And your driving your car with that. And you're thinking 'If can get another day before I get this other one fixed, right? (laughs) And then that one blows out on you and you go 'Oh boy, I'm in trouble'. You can't go very long. And your car kind of sits sideways a little bit. You don't want to ride around in a car like that."

I'm just a website owner, but that doesn't seem like the smartest thing to be saying about your quarterback.

Absolutely priceless.

Too funny.....that dude just doesn't know when to shut up....must make haurd feel good that his coach compares him to a donut tire !!

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AAAAAAAAAAAAH – How could I have missed this goldmine?????

Too...many…jokes…

http://www.kcchiefs.com/news/2006/09/19/qa_with_herm_edwards__919/

Q&A with HERM EDWARDS - 9/19

Sep 19, 2006, 4:49:17 PM

HERMAN EDWARDS: “We haven’t started out the way we would have liked to thus far this season, so this is a good (work) week for us. (It’s) a good way also for us to look at some of the young guys, and I told them today that a lot of them got to practice today and generally when you start the season they’re the “cards” guys – in other words, the stunt men. You can’t lose sight of that and the fact that they’re one injury away from being on the active roster. Today was more a matter of the young guys participating and practicing with the veteran guys kind of helping them out.

• EXCELLENT strategy. NEVER play “the young guys” unless there’s an injury.

“Also, it was a matter of us trying to find ourselves offensively, to do some things a little bit better obviously in the passing game. We’ve got to get some more of our big play players involved in the passing game and we’ve got find a way to solidify that and grow offensively. I thought we ran the ball fairly well (vs. Denver) but we have to have the ability to go downfield with the ball.

“If you watched that (Pittsbugh vs. Jacksonville) game last night and you’re a novice in football, that was one of those teeth-knockers. A lot dentists working today probably because there was a lot of leather flying around and plastic, too. If you like high-scoring you probably didn’t like that game last night.

“But the more I look at this league and the more I’m involved in this league, those are two powerful teams – two very disciplined teams, tough teams. Both have good quarterbacks. The league has come to that now – it’s come to the point where people bring so much pressure all the time that offensively it’s very, very difficult to say you’re going to sit back there and say you’re going to throw the ball a bunch. Unless you have a veteran quarterback, a savvy quarterback who’s been around, it’s very, very difficult any more. You have to be able to run the ball and play some defense. The way people attack you now on defense it’s almost a blitz frenzy anymore.

• Translation: my QB sucks and we will not be throwing downfield. I guess Hermlogic therefore dictates Huard isn’t “savvy” b/c he’s a veteran and he’s certainly been around.

• It’s almost a blitz frenzy anymore? What does that mean?

“I think most coordinators in their minds know the league has turned. It was an offensive league where you couldn’t do too many things, like you couldn’t hit the receivers. The rules kind of favored the offense a lot and the defensive coaches have taken the mindset that we’re going to bring pressure – we’re not only going to bring pressure on first down but on all kind of downs and from everywhere. If you watched the game last night you saw kind of what our league has become. It’s become a fast-moving league of defensive guys trying to attack the line of scrimmage by different means – whether it’s coming from the linebackers, the safeties, the corners. There’s a lot of things happening now. If you can’t hit a big play on offense it’s going to be a minus play and most defensive coaches understand that’s how you have to play football now. You’ve got to get ‘em in minus situations to be successful on defense and you’ve got to be tough.

• I’m getting a headache. How much longer is this?

“That was another reminder for me when I watched and, hopefully, we’re heading in the right direction. We’re not where those two teams are at this time, but they built the program like that. It’s a very steady program, very, very tough and it’s gotten better every year. Hopefully, we’re heading in that direction.”

• All I have to say is that is one long-ass quote. What possible question could have just been asked to warrant a 5-minute answer? Yackety-yak. Yackety-yak.

Q: Have you learned anything about Damon Huard’s strengths and weaknesses after last weekend’s game and the last week of practice?

EDWARDS: “Where he had to play and when he had to play I thought he did a good job. Going into that venue where we haven’t been very successful and gotten down early in games and didn’t have a chance to win those games, and where they set the tone where we had to pass, we didn’t do that and he did a good job of managing (the game). And at the end, we got the ball on the 47-yard line with one time out. We’ve got to go about 22 yards to kick a winning field goal and if you had told me that you were going to give me that going to Denver, I think everybody sitting in this room would say, ‘I’ll take that.’

• From the 47-yard line, Herm doesn’t even see the goal-line. He only sees the imaginary line where a FG can be attempted from.

“That’s what it boiled down to and when that didn’t transpire we had another opportunity which I kind of liked. I kind of liked us losing the toss, kicking the ball deep and putting them in a situation where they’re not going to move the ball down the field on us and make them punt and get field position and try to win in overtime. That’s where we have to be a mentally tougher football team. That’s what I told this football team.

• The single dumbest thing I’ve seen in football (except maybe the kneel in Pittsburgh) was Mornhinweg electing to kick the ball instead of receive it in overtime. And Herm wishes he could do that. How is it humanly possible to LIKE losing the toss?

“That’s the deal in this league. That’s what this league is all about. The good teams, the playoff teams, they make those plays on either side of the ball. They say we’re going to win the game. We had two situations where we could have had an opportunity. We’ll grow from it and we’ll be in that situation sometime this year and we’ll win.”

• Moral victories. Always the moral victories. This was a 10-win team not 1 year ago. Putz.

Q: Is he capable enough to throw the football?

EDWARDS “Yeah, he’s going to have to because if he doesn’t people are going to stack 12 guys up there (on the line of scrimmage) and they only play 11 and it’ll be very difficult to run the ball. He’s going to have to be sure we back them off the line of scrimmage and get the ball to one of our playmakers, whether it be receivers or tight end.”

• Yes, it would very difficult to run the ball if people stack 12 guys up there. Difficult indeed. :shock:

Q: How does an offensive coordinator adjust to that sort of defensive pressure you’ve described?

EDWARDS: “They’ve got to throw the ball fast now. If you watched the game last night, that’s what they were doing. They didn’t hold the ball that long now. And when they did (the QB) got hit across the head because that’s what happens to you anymore.

“If you really watched the pre-season, that’s what the pre-season has become. It’s become a blitz frenzy. We took the other approach in the pre-season. We wanted to be fundamental, run our offense, run our defense and not do too much, but to really evaluate our team and try to find our strengths and weaknesses. But that’s what happens so much in the pre-season now because you’ve got all this time to put (your offenses and defenses) them in. You’ve got OTA’s (on the field activities), the off-season program and now you’re way ahead when you go to training camp. The offense and defense are already installed so you can play that way in the pre-season.”

• So earlier he says that with the new offense-happy rules, the only way to pressure the offense is to blitz. His first round draft pick is supposed to be a pass-rushing demon (if anything at all). And recognizing all of this, his strategy is what? “We took the other approach.” Good thinking. You’re 0-2.

Q: What in your mind did you have to do to get your team ready for the inevitable transition that is now taking place?

EDWARDS: “I think this was the second oldest team in pro football when I got here.

• He “thinks” it was? I like how he spins a 10-win “veteran” team into “old” to excuse his losing. If it was the opposite, he’d use being a “young” team as his excuse. And the media laps it up.

That’s the first thing I looked at. We’ve got some veteran guys who are very good but, you know, the one thing about veteran players is you never know once the season is over that when they come back where they’re at. You can’t anticipate that. The 32 year old guy comes back and, all of a sudden, he’s just one year older but his body might not be — his legs may be gone. You can’t anticipate that. It’s no different than when I played. There comes a time when your legs are just gone and you know it and there’s nothing you can do about it. We knew that and that’s why there are 23 new players on this team counting the practice squad guys.

• If this is a concern, then why open up the vault for a 32 year old free agent playing a speed position?

“We’re headed in that direction and we’ve got some veteran guys who still have a lot of football left in them. It’s a blend that’s kind of neat and that’s what you have to do. And you have to do it right. You can’t put bandages on it. I don’t believe you put bandages on something because then it’s not your program. You’re trying to put two programs together and it doesn’t work. If you want to win, you still have to understand the process and there’s something you have to go through to make sure it’s done right.”

• I have to remember this quote for later. He makes babbling an art form.

Q: In your mind’s eye do you see yourself going to the quicker style offense down the line?

EDWARDS: “I think you have to do that. You have to anticipate when they’re coming and try to throw on some downs that are not so predictable. When you throw the ball now you’ve got to throw it on the unpredictable downs at times to alleviate some of that stuff that’s coming. So, it’s a guessing game and you’ve got to understand that when you’re on offense.

“And, we’ve got a new coordinator, too. So, Mike (Solari) is learning that too and there are a lot of things that are going on. I understand all that and understand that process and it’s a process.”

• I know it wasn’t your question, but my answer is this: “I have a new offensive coordinator. All growing pains or failures are therefore excused. If you don’t accept that, then accept that it’s HIS fault and not mine.”

Q: Are you getting the feeling that he might be out longer than you hoped?

EDWARDS: “I don’t really know. For me, I don’t try to anticipate when he’s coming back because you emotionally get….and all of a sudden it doesn’t happen. I think you just wait and when the doctors decide and he decides he can start moving around and start working out. That’s one of the phases and then you go to where he can start practicing a little bit. That’s another phase. It’s going to be steps and they’re his steps and on his time, not on my time. Whatever it takes. I had a good talk with him Saturday and said, ‘you have to make sure that when you come back you’re ready to come back.’ He wasn’t ready Saturday to come back. No, no, no way. He couldn’t have played Sunday, no way. It’s going to be a process and whenever that time slot is it is.”

• Translation: I don’t want to know because I’m such a mental midget I couldn’t control my own giddiness at the thought of having him back in 1 week. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate. Or hold long Q&A sessions.

Q: Are you out looking for another quarterback?

EDWARDS: “No, we’re good. Damon got a lot of reps today and, quite frankly, if something happened to Damon in the game Brodie Croyle’s going in there. He’s got to play. I’m bullet proof when it comes to quarterbacks now. I’ve dealt with. I’m not in fear anymore. You live it, you go with it and you play. We gotta play good defense, get better on defense and do some things better on offense.”

• They lost 9-6 in overtime, against the Broncos, in Denver, and his solution is to “get better on defense”?

Q: Have you got any feedback at all from your players on your abbreviated offense of last week?

EDWARDS: “No, these players are good. They want to win and they knew what we were trying to do. They executed it pretty good and every week it’ll be a little different according to who we play.

“But believe me: I know we have to open it up. I know we’ve got to throw some passes and I don’t want anybody to think we’re only going to throw four passes. You play with the cards you’re dealt and you’ve got to know where you’re playing those cards at too. Is it in your back yard or is it in Vegas.

• How many analogies/clichés can one man come up with in a lifetime? Herm is going for the record. Or at least the record for stupid/confusing/nonsensical ones.

There’s a different. When you go into Denver it’s a whole different deal than playing here at Arrowhead. You’ve got to know a little history of going into Denver and playing. When I look back at the history it wasn’t real good. We were gonna try to outscore them in Denver. It never turned out that way. It ended up we got beat.

• This is the gameplan? We were gonna try to outscore them? I’m sorry I doubted Herm. That’s a really good strategy. Reminds me of Mr. Burns’ strategy of telling Darryl Strawberry to hit a home run. (Smithers: “Brilliant strategy, sir.”)

“I wanted to make sure that when we went out there we were going to fight and I challenged each guy on this football team that at the end of the day you’d better fight, you’d better punch, and you’d better punch until you can’t punch any more. That was the mindset with which we took that football field (in Denver). That’s what we had to do. For the most part, that’s what they did. Now, we didn’t win the game, but we’ve got to continue to play like that. If you play like that you’re going to win games.

• Translation: This was what I challenged the team to do. And they did it. But we didn’t win. But I say if you play like that you’re going to win. But we didn’t. Somewhere, a corner must’ve been unswept.

“And we’ve got to make the plays when the opportunities present themselves because when you play a game like that, that game wasn’t even three hours. The great thing about games like that is if you like to watch a lot of games you can go watch another game. Our game’s done.

• Okey dokey. I’m sure that’s exactly what the KC fans were thinking from their living rooms.

“To me, when a game starts you always have this game plan in how you’re going to try and do things. And then you start playing the game and, unless you are blind or not playing attention, somewhere in that game if you’re a fan or a player – especially around the second quarter with about two minutes left – and the score is 0-0 you don’t need to be an Einstein to figure out that this is a defensive game. This is a defensive game. Maybe some people it takes until the fourth quarter to realize this is a defensive game. But for me, it doesn’t take long. I’ve been in games where it’s 21-24 going into the second quarter and I’m goin’: ‘it ain’t a defensive game, boys, it’s an offensive game.’

• “You don’t need to be an Einstein”? Tell me he didn’t really say that. Einstein was a genius, not the Einstein family or Einstein clan. Or are all people named Einstein geniuses? Fool.

• And what follows that is priceless. Paraphrase: “See some stupid people (who are not Einsteins like me) don’t realize that 0-0 is a defensive game until the 4th quarter. But me? I’m like one of those Einstein’s. I’m smart. I realize it as early as two minutes before the half. Already I'm thinking - hey, this is a defensive game here. But that's me.”

“So, somewhere along the line you’ve got to draw the line in the sand and say, you know what, the defense has to win the game.

• How is that "drawing the line in the sand"? Does he even know what these sayings mean?

You’ve got to take the ball away, you’ve got to do something or special teams have to win this game. You’ve got to put the offense in position because the offense might make a play or two, but right now nobody’s gonna score a touchdown. It’s field goals. So, we’ve got to do something to create a short field so we have an opportunity to win, or, we’ve got to stop ‘em when we’ve got to stop ‘em.

• Can’t score, don’t try. Gotcha. Is it any wonder we didn’t have a bunch of late multi-touchdown comebacks with this clown?

“Now, we played OK (vs. Denver). But I played five years like that in Tampa.

• I notice he casually glossed over his more recent job. You know, the one where HE was the one in charge & not the underling of both a HC and a DC?

Your hearts up in your throat every play. That’s the way you’ve got to play. You’ve got to have the mindset to play that way. It’s hard. These guys have got to learn that. Every time they go on the field defensively you’ve got to stop ‘em or you’ve got to take the ball away. That’s what you’ve got to do.”

Q: Your punter’s been about as consistent as any player on your team.

EDWARDS: “Magnificent.”

Q: He’s changed some of his mechanics.

EDWARDS: “Changed his jersey too. We put him in red.

• But he put the team in white. At home. The sea of white. But his kicker he puts in red.:lol:

We made him a defensive player at practice.

• I watched that game. Looked like he made Huard & Gonzalez & Kennison defensive players.

I though (vs. Denver) they played excellent. He punted the ball and kept ‘em pinned back. It’s hard in this league to go 80 yards. Even high-potent offenses don’t go 70 or 80 yards consistently.

• High-potent offenses? :shock:

So, it gave us the ability to put them in a hole, to play defense and create field position for our offense. That’s what you’ve got to do. When you pin them back that far and you can hold them they’ve got to punt and we’ve got a weapon in Dante (Hall).

“It’s a field position game if you do it enough times and a short field comes your way and you’ve got to score. You’ve got to score a touchdown or a field goal. When you’re in range to kick field goals you kick them.”

• Wow.

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