Arsis Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 This is how it works after this everyone posts their best "a man walks into a bar joke" Keep it cleanish, you guys know what is allowed here and what isn't. A man walks into a bar with a small dog under his arm and sits down at the counter, placing the dog on the stool next to him. The bartender says, "Sorry, pal. No dogs allowed." The man says, "But this is a special dog -- he talks!" "Yeah, right," says the bartender. "Now get out of here before I throw you out." "No, wait," says the man. "I'll prove it." He turns to the dog and asks, "What do you normally find on top of a house?" "Roof!" says the dog, wagging his tail. "Listen, pal..." says the bartender. "Wait," says the man, "I'll ask another question." He turns to the dog again and asks, "What's the opposite of soft?" "Ruff!" exclaims the dog. "Quit wasting my time and get out of here," says the bartender. "One more chance," pleads the man. Turning to the dog again, he asks, "Who was the greatest baseball player that ever lived?" "Ruth!" barked the dog. "Okay, that's it!" says the bartender, and physically throws both man and dog out the door and onto the street. Turning to the man, the dogs shrugs and says, "Maybe I should have said Joe Dimaggio?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 An ugly woman walks into a bar carrying a pig. The bartender says "Hey, get that disgusting pig out of here!" "He's my pet and he has every right to be here" replied the woman. "I wasn't talking to you " responded the bartender. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 A man walks into a bar and observes 2 guys at a table drinking heavily. "Where you from?" said man #1 . "Ireland" responded #2. " No sh*t , I'm from Ireland too!" said man #1 as he exclaimed "A drink for Ireland" . Both man slugged down their beers. "Where abouts in Ireland are ya from? " asked man #1 . "Dublin" came the reply. " No sh*t ! I'm from Dublin too" responded #1. "A drink for Dublin" came a shout as both men slugged down their beers. "What school didya go to? " asked #1. "St Bridget" came #2's reply. " No sh*t me too! " came #1's response. " A drink to old St. Bridget's" he yelled. Once again both men emptied their glasses. " What year didya graduate? " said #1. "1974" came #2 response. " No sh*t, I can't believe it ! I graduated in 1974 too! " said a clearly drunk #1. "A drink to the class of 74 !! " he yelled as both men hurried down their brews. By this time the man who walked into the bar sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. "What's new Mike? " he asked the bartender. " ah nothing , same old, same old" he said. Looking towards the two guys drinking he noted " The O'Malley twins are drunk again" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 A man walks into a bar... He says ouch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUM-KNEE Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 A man walks into a bar and observes 2 guys at a table drinking heavily. "Where you from?" said man #1 . "Ireland" responded #2. " No sh*t , I'm from Ireland too!" said man #1 as he exclaimed "A drink for Ireland" . Both man slugged down their beers. "Where abouts in Ireland are ya from? " asked man #1 . "Dublin" came the reply. " No sh*t ! I'm from Dublin too" responded #1. "A drink for Dublin" came a shout as both men slugged down their beers. "What school didya go to? " asked #1. "St Bridget" came #2's reply. " No sh*t me too! " came #1's response. " A drink to old St. Bridget's" he yelled. Once again both men emptied their glasses. " What year didya graduate? " said #1. "1974" came #2 response. " No sh*t, I can't believe it ! I graduated in 1974 too! " said a clearly drunk #1. "A drink to the class of 74 !! " he yelled as both men hurried down their brews. By this time the man who walked into the bar sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. "What's new Mike? " he asked the bartender. " ah nothing , same old, same old" he said. Looking towards the two guys drinking he noted " The O'Malley twins are drunk again" I thought IrishJet was going to be in there somewhere. LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I thought IrishJet was going to be in there somewhere. LOL I kinda changed it BK. Actually Irishjet was drunk #1 and Panzer was drunk #2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BUM-KNEE Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I kinda changed it BK. Actually Irishjet was drunk #1 and Panzer was drunk #2. Didnt know they were related. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SouthernJet Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Man walks into a bar, and orders 12 shots of whiskey. To the bartender's surprise he downs the lot and pays up. "What's the big occassion?" asks the bartender. "I'm celebrating my first blowjob" replies the man. "Good on you, son. Have another whiskey on the house." "No thanks," replies the man, "If 12 didn't take the taste out of my mouth, one more won't do much." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyCarl40 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 A pig walks into a bar and sits down. The Bartender says, "What'll you have?" The pig says, "Give me a beer and a shot please." The Bartender obliges and the pig drinks. Throughout the course of two hours the pig orders ten rounds of a beer and a shot and is obviously drunk. The bartender, worried about the pig says, "You know I have seen you drink ten beers and ten shots and have not seen you go to the bathroom once. Why is that?" The pig replied, "Because I'm the one that goes Wee Wee Wee all the way home." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor99 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 A man walks into a bar, orders a shot. He drinks it, looks in his breast pocket and orders another. He drinks that one, looks in his pocket again and orders another. He does this seven times and finally the bartender asks what's going on. The man replies, "In my pocket is a picture of my wife. When she looks good, I'm going home." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alk Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 A man walks into a bar. Thor is gay. The end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 A man walks into a bar. Thor is gay. The end. potw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 A man walks into a bar. Thor is gay. The end. I don't get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor99 Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 I don't get it. I do. Often. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 A man walks into a bar. Thor is gay. The end. I thought for Thor getting to the gay bar was just the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jaspegs Posted March 1, 2008 Share Posted March 1, 2008 A man walks into a bar... He says ouch. :rl:I use that joke so much. Nobody stops laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PatriotReign37 Posted March 2, 2008 Share Posted March 2, 2008 On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing about golf, greeting him in a typical Irish manner completely unaware of the identity of the golfing pro. "Top of the mornin' to yer, sir," says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick "hello" and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. "What are those?" asks the attendant. "They're called tees," replies Tiger. "Well, what on the good earth are they for?" inquires the Irishman. "They're for resting my balls on when I'm driving," says Tiger. "Feckin Jaysus," says the Irishman, "BMW thinks of everything!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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