First Annual JetNation Tourney

[Alk]

Damn SJ if I knew you could open your mouth like that I would have moved to NC long ago.

[SouthernJet]

Damn SJ if I knew you could open your mouth like that I would have moved to NC long ago.

ya, thats great ALK,,thanks for the thoughts..

[joewilly]

paging pdm, we need funny back in this thread & you are a stellar commentater.

[Bob]

paging pdm, we need funny back in this thread & you are a stellar commentater.

True dat. The rest of us are flailing away, here.

[Panzer Division Marduk]

paging pdm, we need funny back in this thread & you are a stellar commentater.

Then vote so we can get the next round arranged.

Though I'm outta here to play some FIFA 2003 with some mates for the evening.

[joewilly]

ok

smizzy is way to distracted plotting the demise of southernjet to focus on the fight and dna whips out the curry powder ( I think it's curry powder anyway) smuggled back from pakistan & it's lights out for the the smizz. dna moves on

[joebabyny]

And please joebaby, you'd be eaiser to beat than anyone else.

dude, i can tell you right now what i would do to you in the ring. I would just hop in, walk right up to you, stare you down for 20 seconds to show my dominance like a master does to a violent dog, then I would give you a quick sharp backhand to the face. At that point you would be mentally broken and collapsed. I would walk out of the ring looking over my shoulder and laughing at you crying like a little girl with a skinned knee. DONE lol

[gg]

smizzy vs. dna.. dna is all about tata's and although smizzy is all man .. dna cant stop looking.. and reading all of smizzy's tattoos and while is doing that.. smizzy does away with him .. smizzy the victor..

max vs. verde.. this is a race to the end.. and verde can do 10 miles.. max can not.. verde is an easy winner here.

124 v. bugg.. even though joey admitted he didnt vote for me in the first round because i didnt vote for him.. i am a bigger person then him ( not literally.. cause that would be frightening) 124 in a knockdown.

JM vs. mrs.T .. JM tries to talk circles around mrs. T about the latest political shenanigans but when JM isnt looking, MRs.T clocks him with a wine bottle. Mrs. T takes it to another round

[joewilly]

verde whips up on max relentlessy while taunting him about bein so outta shape. max musters up enough strength to grab the banhammer & bans her. max moves on. it ain't fair but that how it goeswhen you own the joint.

124's size was intimidating but buggs cunning experience outdid the big youngin by whippin out a beerpong table. 124 aimed fer da cups while bugg, using painted rocks that looked like ping pong balls, it goliath between the eyes with one & he fell hard. no one ever accused bugg of playin fair

[Thor99]

The first four are into the Sweet Sixteen. Congrats to Smizzy, Max, Bugg and JetMo. Looks like 124 made the mistake of looking ahead and didn't prepare for Appalachian State.

The next round is as follows.-

Barton vs. Garb

SFJ vs. Bren

faba vs. #27

Alk vs. Drago

[joewilly]

mrs T promised to join the political website if jetmoses would remove his cup, which proved to be a huge mistake for jetmoses who now speaks soprano .

[124]

Now this thread has truely turned into a joke. Bugg over me? Ridiculous!

Congrats Bugg, take 'em down and win it all.

[Thor99]

Now this thread has truely turned into a joke. Bugg over me? Ridiculous!

Congrats Bugg, take 'em down and win it all.

Stop whining.

[joewilly]

after payin close attention to a pm rec'd from joewilly, sfj leads with his face and is not dissappointed with the outcome. he too was smothered by the love pillows, lost the battle & was seen high 5ing joewilly as he lit up a smoke.

it's gonna take a totally gay dude or a mod to get past the hypnotic love pillows & fell brenda

[Irish Jet]

Stop whining.

You'll be crying like a little bitch after the next round.

[Thor99]

You'll be crying like a little bitch after the next round.

I feel a potato blight coming on.

[Kidhuman]

Barton vs. Garb - Here it is, Yaks vs Sox, Jets vs Pats. Garb jumped out to an early lead until thor found video tape in her locker of Bartons work out regimen, Garb is Disqualified. Barton Wins

SFJ vs. Bren - SFJ tried to serande Bren, but she does not fall for it. Bren

faba vs. #27 - #27 falls behind quickly. While on the ground he opens one eye and sees a squirrel. It enrages him to the point where he feels no pain. #27 in this one

Alk vs. Drago - Alk shoes some Doritos in Dragos mouth and wins

[Garb]

Barton vs. Garb - Here it is, Yaks vs Sox, Jets vs Pats. Garb jumped out to an early lead until thor found video tape in her locker of Bartons work out regimen, Garb is Disqualified. Barton Wins

SFJ vs. Bren - SFJ tried to serande Bren, but she does not fall for it. Bren

faba vs. #27 - #27 falls behind quickly. While on the ground he opens one eye and sees a squirrel. It enrages him to the point where he feels no pain. #27 in this one

Alk vs. Drago - Alk shoes some Doritos in Dragos mouth and wins

For the hundreth time: I am not a Sox fan!

What was Thor, of all people, doing in the ladies locker room?

I have more pressing issues than this silliness. Which hat do you all like better:

(yah...so I'm shopping....ssshhhhh.....I love hats)

[Smizzy]

Barton vs. Garb - Youth is on Barton's side but Garb is rolling with experience and a high horse. She comes to the ring in her Troy Brown Authentic Pats jersey...but Barton is prepared and begins to shove Bingo balls down her throat. G-15 Barton has BINGO!!!

SFJ vs. Bren - The Honkey Tonk man is ready to rock and roll but there is one problem. Brenda's Rack. It's almost impossible for SFj to get close enough to Bren to hit her. She uses her boobs as a bumper and before long...she learns forward and crushes SFJ. Brenda Wins

faba vs. #27 - This matchup is brought to you by the Ultra-Super lightweight division. Faba is fast and #27 can't get a hold of him...Faba than uses his body to spear and kill 27 like a Sting ray barb to the chest. Faba wins

Alk vs. Drago - What seems like an even matchup on paper ,Quickly turns into a blood bath when Alk shows up to the ring with a box of Tic-Tacs and a T-shirt that says "Mentos > Tic Tacs " Drago flys into a Dhamer like rage and beats Alk brains out of his head. Then he eats them with some fava beans and a nice chianti. Drago Wins

[Irish Jet]

I feel a potato blight coming on.

Then I'll just emigrate to America and kick your ass in person.

[DHJF]

Barton vs. Garb - Barton shows up with 2 dozen roses, a folding heart he made out of pink construction paper that reads "I WUV U!" and a pair of tickets to the Jets/Patriots in the Meadowlands. Unphased, Garb grabs the roses, feeds them to her horse, then ridicules and berates Barton until he falls to his knees sobbing like a baby.

SFJ vs. Bren - SFJ brings his back-up band and a case of Jack with him in hopes of convincing Bren this is a party, not a wrasslin' match. Alas, Bren leaps off the top rope, spearing SFJ in the top of the head with a umbrella toothpick and stuffs maraschino cherries into his nostrils until he suffocates.

faba vs. #27 - #27 steps into the ring followed by 27 mutant squirrels. Faba pulls a microbrew out of his trunks and pops the top off with his teeth. Then he spits the cap out like a laser, hitting #27 between the eyes rendering him unconscious.

Alk vs. Drago - Alk shows up with several remote garage door openers hanging from his trunks and a pair of red shoes, hoping to transport Drago into a secret warehouse dungeon in KS. As he charges across the ring pushing buttons, Drago begins flicking human-flesh-flavored Tic Tac's from his thumbs like marbles. Blinded by the barage of one calorie mints, Alk accidentally steps in the shoes himself and is never heard from again.

[Kidhuman]

For the hundreth time: I am not a Sox fan!

Third stage is denial

What was Thor, of all people, doing in the ladies locker room?

His tourney, is locker room

I have more pressing issues than this silliness. Which hat do you all like better:

(yah...so I'm shopping....ssshhhhh.....I love hats)

This one

[gg]

Barton vs. Garb - garb is on her horse.. barton jumps in front.. because we all know that teens think they are invincible... and the horse just keeps going .. i dont even think garb realized there was a challenge.. one for ms. chick pea

SFJ vs. Bren - sfj tried to serenade bren with a romantic tune.. cause we also know that women dig men who play the guitar.. but men also dig women who have a great smile.. and bren does.. so bren wins with glistening teeth

faba vs. #27 - tough one...faba is spry... but unfortunately for him.. #27 has learned some new moves overseas .... suprised faba .. and it was over before faba had a chance to speed away... #27 victorious

Alk vs. Drago - Alk finally did in the SIL .... thru her on the spit.. and served her to drago.. who didnt realize what he was eating and died of acute poisoning.. alk winning as he was eating deviled eggs..

[BP]

Barton vs Garb- the lanky 6ft 9inch 165lb youngster from Florida begins to surround the diminutive Bostonian, who's wearing her legendary red jacket. then Barton pulls out a life size poster of Joebabyny and mesmerizes Garb, he quickly takes her down and pins her easily as little hearts were last seen floating around Garb's head.

SFJ vs BREN - Jimmy takes Benda to the ground and is overwhelming the legendary real estate magnate. until Jimmy's wife Robin throws his acoustic guitar in the ring and Bren smashes him over the head with it. Brenda with the TKO..Assist from wife Robin on that TKO.

faba vs 27Dominatrix - although frank is light, he has Bruce Lee type quickness, strength and agility. he flies through the air and launches a frontal assault on 27, who quickly throws his clubbing friend Irina (the hottie in his avatar) in front of Frank. Frank, being the gentleman that he is quickly changes direction in mid air and ruptures a disk in his back. he falls onto the ground and 27 and Irina sit on him for the count.

Alk vs Drago - the battle of the midwestern hillbillies..after drago attacks Alk from behind. feisty son Grant jumps into the frey and suplex's drago's ass out cold. Alk gets the nod in this battle.

[Thai Jet]

Barton and Garb is real close till Garb wraps her Red Sox jacket around Barton's throat. The lack of O2 plus the thought of being that close to a Sawx jacket leads to Bartons demise. SFJ just sings Bren to sleep then easily pins her. Faba proves too mellow in the end and it's #27 for the easy victory. The boy from Kansas proves too much for the kid from Wisconsin. Alk in a close match.

[Green DNA]

smizzy vs. dna.. dna is all about tata's and although smizzy is all man .. dna cant stop looking.. and reading all of smizzy's tattoos and while is doing that.. smizzy does away with him .. smizzy the victor..

Do you have any strategically placed tattoos that i can read?

[Green DNA]

Barton vs. Garb - Barton makes a comment about how nice Garb's ass looks in leotards and she immediately goes off on a typical Garb rant about sexist pigs, the idiots in my office, blah blah blah. Barton, feeling like he is sitting in his 7th grade sociology class with the teacher that he despises, whips out his trusty spitball straw and fires a rapid fire loogie torpedo barrage into Garb's eyes, blinding her. Barton quickly jumps on for the pin while Garb lies in a heap, blinded but still ranting incessantly.

SFJ vs. Brenda - Bren shows up braless in a halter top and quickly convinces SFJ to have a couple of ****tails before the match. SFJ, hypnotised by rapturous mammalian protruberances easily within his reach, forgets that he doesn't drink and quickly pounds down four or five shots and collapses face down on the canvas. Brenda then rushes to the airport to catch her flight to the Bahamas.

faba vs. #27 Dominator- The Dominator, tries to use the threat of Cosa Nostra violence angle that worked so well in the last round. One problem: faba fears nothing and quickly pulls a Matrix type move, slapping the Dominator into a figure 4 leg lock. The Dominator taps out, but faba proceeds to twist his leg off and start clubbing the Dominator over the head with it. Ten large security guards manage to pull faba off and finally subdue him. Six are admitted into the hospital for various injuries.

Alk vs. Drago - Drago, now unemployed after too much internet usage at work comes out quickly looking to take out his frustrations on Alk. Drago puts Alk in the piledriver position. looking to finish the match in record time. Alk takes advantage of this position hower to pull an ear of corn out of his sleeve and jam it into Drago's ass. Drago falls to the ground in pain, apparently done for the day. Remembering that he ate Mexican food the previous night, Drago summons up a giant flater that heats the corn and fires a barrage of bunghole popcorn at Alk, quickly burying him in a massive pile. Drago wins. Following the match, Drago's entourage celebrates by eating the popcorn.

[Alk]

How many votes do you need in this round? I already have four.

[Kidhuman]

How many votes do you need in this round? I already have four.

Its taking too long, you have lost.

[Panzer Division Marduk]

Barton vs. Garb: Barton watched Garb's previous fight, and saw how valuable her horse was. So after a little research, he found what the best weapon was against horses. Barton enters the ring, bearing a huge pike. Garb sees this, and dismounts. Round one to Barton. However, Garb's been doing her own research. She's found the girl Barton sent the flowers to, and has arranged for her to be ringside, and to be given a huge bouquet, supposedly from Barton. However, it's not all nice from Garb, as she's arranged for some poison ivy to be part of the bouquet. The first Barton knows of this is when the girl storms into the ring and starts beating him round the head with the bouquet. Barton, frozen on the spot with embarrassment is easy meat as Garb moves in for the kill. She shoves a hat down his throat, suffocating him.

SFJ vs. Bren: Just before Bren leaves to go to the fight, she finds an email, from Kevin Mawae. He's looking for a new house in Jersey ASAP. All thoughts of the fight gone, Bren rushes out to the airport to wait for Kev's flight to arrive. And waits. And waits. Meanwhile, at the arena, SFJ logs off the computer, laughing to himself, and relaxes while waiting for the inevitable forfeit.

faba vs. #27: A true epic. #27 takes no chances, and sends out his robo squirrel army. Faba starts eating them. They're tearing Faba to shreds, but he doesn't even notice. #27 is starting to get worried as Faba slowly works his way through the army towards him. After 10 minutes, #27's army has had 75% casualties. Faba is missing an arm, his left leg and his right leg to the knee, but he's still dragging himself towards #27. Even in this weakened state, Faba is still more lethal than any human being on the planet (including Chuck Norris), but #27 feels he has to take a chance. He starts to inch his way behind Faba, then using the remains of his army to launch themselves at Faba's face, jumps onto Faba's back, and jams his favourite skinning knife into the point where Faba's spinal cord meets the brain. Faba goes into spams, throwing #27 so hard, he smashes up against the wall, dazing him. Incredibly Faba is still alive, and inches his way towards the still-recovering #27. Just as he gets within reach of #27's throat, his heart gives out. Faba dies.

Humanity breathes a sigh of relief.

Alk vs. Drago: This fight starts off slowly, the opponents slowly circling each other, looking for an opportunity. Drago taunts Alk about how he eats human flesh, Alk responds claiming that he eats possum flesh. Raw. Drago is sickened by the thought of eating rodent meat, and Alk spots his indecision. a roundhouse kick to the jaw is followed by a elbow into the mouth, and Drago's spitting teeth. And blood. Lots of blood. Drago goes into cannibalistic frenzy at the smell of it, but he's still not totally with it as a result of Alk's early onslaught. Alk then grabs Drago's arm, wrenches is, and dislocates the shoulder. Drago goes down howling. Alk then stamps on Drago's hand, and twists his foot, mangling Drago's fingers. By now, Drago is long past caring - he just craves flesh. He can smell it. He sees blood pumping out of some twisted bits of meat. He doesn't realise they're his fingers, nor does he care. He bites down, ignoring the fresh pain, savouring the taste. Alk backs off, walking in part disgust, part fascination as Drago proceeds to eat the rest of his hand before starting on his arm. Before long, he's eaten as much of his arm as he can, so he starts on the other arm. Then the legs. Then the belly. The ring looks like the living room in Brain Dead after the lawnmower fight. Alk stands there, triumphant, but utterly sickened at the sight of what's left of Drago.

[Thai Jet]

How many votes do you need in this round? I already have four.

I thought it was 5. We can ask 124 in the morn......oh that's right, he's left.

[Thor99]

Thanks for all the votes, folks. This has been the most interesting and well thought out round yet.

Bren, #27 and Alk have gone through to the Sweet Sixteen.

Barton and Garb are deadlocked at 4 votes apiece. Who will break the tie?

[Arsis]

Thanks for all the votes, folks. This has been the most interesting and well thought out round yet.

Bren, #27 and Alk have gone through to the Sweet Sixteen.

Barton and Garb are deadlocked at 4 votes apiece. Who will break the tie?

did I vote yet? Barton.

[Bob]

Barton stands NO chance against the Garbelzebub juggernaut.

[war ensemble]

Barton stands NO chance against the Garbelzebub juggernaut.

Didn't Barton just beat her?