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Thor99

First Annual JetNation Tourney

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I lost to Thor? Thor? Thor?

How does it work -- should I post in one of the existing I am leaving threads or do I start a new one?

lol.

Thanks for doing this Thor and good luck in the Final Four. You are a worthy foe. :)

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The Final Four is set.

Kidhuman vs. Panzer

Thor99 vs. BP

Panzer in a cakewalk. I see the Thor99/BP matchup going the full 12 rounds with a split decision in favour of BP.

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Kidhuman vs. Panzer - This is a tough tough match for Kidhuman. Panzer come strong. Kidhuman starts to stagger, but then realizes he only has one chance. e flees and comes back and sets up cardboard cut outs of hmself. Panzer calls Arnie into take them out. While Arnie is shooting the cutouts, KH sneaks up, slashes Arnies throat, takes is gun and wipes out Panzer. KH victorious

Thor99 vs. BP - Thor, who has been taking Adipose diet pills, starts to feel weak. e falls to the floor and then his stmach starts to gurgle, jiggle and roar. The Adipose jump loose and attack BP for trying to kill their host. Thor takes this one

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The delirium that KH suffered when he posted that nonsense above persists, and he wanders blindly around the ring, thinking he's in a gay bar and wondering when the fight is going to start. Marduk moves in for an easy kill.

Thor pays for all those Sasquatch jokes as BP goes ape on him like, well, Bigfoot.

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sorry kid you made a good run.. but you are no match for pdm... in a year or two.. maybe.. but pdm has experience and the weapons.. :lol:

the battle of the mods...thor is tired from all these matches... he goes to get the water bottle... but bp has thrown a great wad of his fur in it.. thor chokes.. and falls...

bp just looks at him.. lights up a stogie and laughs... bp moves on

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Kidhuman vs. PDM - Kidhuman steps into the ring and a 5,000 pound animated cannonball falls from the sky and smashes him into a pile of unrecognizeable goo. PDM doesn't even show up and still manages to win the match while sitting at his computer laughing hysterically like a deranged scientist.

Thor99 vs. BP - BP shaves all of the hair from his body and stuffs it into a 30 gallon industrial strength Hefty bag. Being 75 pounds lighter after the shave, he steps into the ring and Thor can be heard saying "faba, WTF are you doing here, you were eliminated already". BP capitalizes on the confusion and dumps the entire contents of the Hefty bag onto Thor. Still covered in man goo from his previous match with Max, Thor looks he has been tarred & feathered with BP's hair. As he falls to the ground whimpering, BP stands over him yelling "Who's Sasquatch now beotch??". BP wins.

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Thor99 vs. BP - BP shaves all of the hair from his body and stuffs it into a 30 gallon industrial strength Hefty bag. Being 75 pounds lighter after the shave, he steps into the ring and Thor can be heard saying "faba, WTF are you doing here, you were eliminated already". BP capitalizes on the confusion and dumps the entire contents of the Hefty bag onto Thor. Still covered in man goo from his previous match with Max, Thor looks he has been tarred & feathered with BP's hair. As he falls to the ground whimpering, BP stands over him yelling "Who's Sasquatch now beotch??". BP wins.

That's pretty funny. You've done some excellent work in this thread.

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Kidhuman vs. Panzer: Short and sweet. Kidhuman asks Panzer to spare his life. Unfortunately by the time he finishes saying the first word his head is bouncing along the floor. No regeneration for him.

Thor99 vs. BP:

BPvsThor.jpg

What do you think happens?

Flatsquatch gets Sasquashed.

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Kidhuman vs. Panzer: Short and sweet. Kidhuman asks Panzer to spare his life. Unfortunately by the time he finishes saying the first word his head is bouncing along the floor. No regeneration for him.

Thor99 vs. BP:

BPvsThor.jpg

What do you think happens?

Flatsquatch gets Sasquashed.

PictureOfTheYear Winner!!!! :lol:

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Kidhuman vs. Panzer: Short and sweet. Kidhuman asks Panzer to spare his life. Unfortunately by the time he finishes saying the first word his head is bouncing along the floor. No regeneration for him.

Thor99 vs. BP:

BPvsThor.jpg

What do you think happens?

Flatsquatch gets Sasquashed.

:rl:

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Kidhuman vs. PDM - Kidhuman steps into the ring and a 5,000 pound animated cannonball falls from the sky and smashes him into a pile of unrecognizeable goo. PDM doesn't even show up and still manages to win the match while sitting at his computer laughing hysterically like a deranged scientist.

Thor99 vs. BP - BP shaves all of the hair from his body and stuffs it into a 30 gallon industrial strength Hefty bag. Being 75 pounds lighter after the shave, he steps into the ring and Thor can be heard saying "faba, WTF are you doing here, you were eliminated already". BP capitalizes on the confusion and dumps the entire contents of the Hefty bag onto Thor. Still covered in man goo from his previous match with Max, Thor looks he has been tarred & feathered with BP's hair. As he falls to the ground whimpering, BP stands over him yelling "Who's Sasquatch now beotch??". BP wins.

Kidhuman vs. Arsis - Arsis pulls out a fake mod shield and yells "Auxiliary Mod, touch me and you will be banned for 30 days". Kidhuman, knowing that an auxiliary mod has as much authority as an auxiliary cop plants a Romanian Temple Crusher on the side of Aris's head instantly ending the match.

Max vs. Thor99 - At the request of the JN faithful, both men come out wearing Sumo diapers. Both however are exhausted by the 100 yard walk from the dressing room and keel over. Max falls over first, so even though Thor is also unconscious, technically he is the winner. Unfortunately 15 people are hurt when the forklift brought in to carry both men from the ring careens out of control and plows into the crowd.

Bugg vs. BP - BP,employing a new strategy, runs 5 miles on the treadmill before the fight. He enters the ring looking like a big sweaty sponge. As the match progresses Bugg swallows a large volume of BP's sweat and passes out, apparently drowned. The medical staff works on him until he coughs up a gallon of BP sweat and begins breathing again. Thank god he's okay.

PDM vs. Bob - Bob, feeling very confident dances around sticking the jab. Getting a little c o c k y he starts comparing the beer that that PDM drinks to warm piss water. An enraged PDM grabs his laptop and quickly conjures up a laser sig that zaps Bob into a pile of ashes. Bob's fatal mistake was shaving off the legendary moustache. Didn't he ever hear the Samson haircut myth when he was a kid?? Geez.

DNA has kicked ass in this thread.

POTW nom!

:rl:

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I should mention that Thor isn't actually fat. he just has this triple girdled chin thing going on that makes him look like John Candy from the neck up.

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I should mention that Thor isn't actually fat. he just has this triple girdled chin thing going on that makes him look like John Candy from the neck up.

And I should mention that BP isn't really hairy.

Actually, he really is.

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Panzer dominates his way into the finals. In fact, the only vote for Kidhuman was from Kidhuman himself.

Panzer is awaiting the winner of the BP/Thor99 match. BP is currently ahead 4-3.

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thor99

Dammit! Thanks Arsis, now I get to go and get killed by PDM's deathstar.

Here is the Final-

Thor99 vs. Panzer

Let me be the first to congratulate PDM. He'll make a fine champion.

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As a great gesture of friendship Thor99 invites Panzer for a pre fight dinner at his house. As the overly relaxed Panzer walks under the elevated part of Thor's house. Thor's new girlfriend (former Bond girl Denise Richards who came up with the idea) drives off in her car, yanking the support beam out from under the house. Sadly PDM is crushed like a sow bug, done in by his unsuspecting nature. Thor99 wins and yes Christmas does come twice.

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Thor99 vs. Panzer

All hell breaks loose. Literally.

The night before the fight, Thor, knowing that Panzer is smart enough not to get into a situation where Thor can use his immense bulk, is panicking. So drastic measures are called for. That's why, on the stroke of midnight, Thor can be found in an abandoned church, surrounded by candles, reading from a strange book. Then the grouns begins to shake, the floor falls away, and a demon materialises in front of Thor.

"What do you want" says the demon.

"I wanna make a deal with your boss - I need him to take care of someone tomorrow", replies Thor.

"Ok, I'll see what he says", and the demon returns to Hell.

Fight day arrives. Panzer, toting some new weaponry he designed just for today (lots of blades, needles and various toxic substances), waits for Thor to show up. Thor lumbers in, smiling. Just then, the ground begins to shake, flames fill the arena, and Satan himself bursts through the ground. "Foolish mortal, prepare to suffer all the miseries of Hell for a thou- S**T!"

Satan stops. The colour drains from his face.

"Errr, Panzer sir, what are you doing here?"

Panzer replies: "Just about to eliminate this blob of protoplasm from existence. What are you doing, getting in my way?"

Satan, by now bricking it, decides to confess and throw himself on Panzer's mercy. he explains how Thor had made a deal with him, but that he didn't realise Panzer was the target.

Panzer looks at Satan, and askes if he remembered the last time he tried something. How Hell ended up getting frozen?

Satan shivering, asks what he can do to make up for this.

Panzer says "Take this fat fool down and have some fun with him. And remember, if I catch your sorry ass up here causing any more trouble, you are history."

Satan agrees. Thor, who's been watching this in a growing state of disbelief, tries to run, but doesn't get far. It takes 200 demons and lots of lard before the can finally shove Thor through the hole to Hell.

Just before the ground closes up, Panzer drags Jetsrule, who's been watching the fight, and throws him in as well. Panzer is still in a bad mood because he wasn't able to do real damage to Thor, so he finds Kobe, and feeds him into a sausage mincer feet first, while pumped full of drugs to make all his nerve endings super sensitive.

Satan spends the next 20,000 years toasting Thormallows at night round the biggest campfire ever.

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Thor99 vs. Panzer

All hell breaks loose. Literally.

The night before the fight, Thor, knowing that Panzer is smart enough not to get into a situation where Thor can use his immense bulk, is panicking. So drastic measures are called for. That's why, on the stroke of midnight, Thor can be found in an abandoned church, surrounded by candles, reading from a strange book. Then the grouns begins to shake, the floor falls away, and a demon materialises in front of Thor.

"What do you want" says the demon.

"I wanna make a deal with your boss - I need him to take care of someone tomorrow", replies Thor.

"Ok, I'll see what he says", and the demon returns to Hell.

Fight day arrives. Panzer, toting some new weaponry he designed just for today (lots of blades, needles and various toxic substances), waits for Thor to show up. Thor lumbers in, smiling. Just then, the ground begins to shake, flames fill the arena, and Satan himself bursts through the ground. "Foolish mortal, prepare to suffer all the miseries of Hell for a thou- S**T!"

Satan stops. The colour drains from his face.

"Errr, Panzer sir, what are you doing here?"

Panzer replies: "Just about to eliminate this blob of protoplasm from existence. What are you doing, getting in my way?"

Satan, by now bricking it, decides to confess and throw himself on Panzer's mercy. he explains how Thor had made a deal with him, but that he didn't realise Panzer was the target.

Panzer looks at Satan, and askes if he remembered the last time he tried something. How Hell ended up getting frozen?

Satan shivering, asks what he can do to make up for this.

Panzer says "Take this fat fool down and have some fun with him. And remember, if I catch your sorry ass up here causing any more trouble, you are history."

Satan agrees. Thor, who's been watching this in a growing state of disbelief, tries to run, but doesn't get far. It takes 200 demons and lots of lard before the can finally shove Thor through the hole to Hell.

Just before the ground closes up, Panzer drags Jetsrule, who's been watching the fight, and throws him in as well. Panzer is still in a bad mood because he wasn't able to do real damage to Thor, so he finds Kobe, and feeds him into a sausage mincer feet first, while pumped full of drugs to make all his nerve endings super sensitive.

Satan spends the next 20,000 years toasting Thormallows at night round the biggest campfire ever.

:rl:

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Congrats PDM on your quick victory over Thor99.

Thanks to Thor for an entertaining thread. Thanks to everyone who voted for me and Thanks to Bob for giving me the inspiration to keep going by voting against me. :D

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Congrats PDM on your quick victory over Thor99.

Thanks to Thor for an entertaining thread. Thanks to everyone who voted for me and Thanks to Bob for giving me the inspiration to keep going by voting against me. :D

Not so fast, overachiever.

It's one vote each, so far. I seem to be holding my own, as usual.

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Dammit! Thanks Arsis, now I get to go and get killed by PDM's deathstar.

Here is the Final-

Thor99 vs. Panzer

Let me be the first to congratulate PDM. He'll make a fine champion.

Ah, that Red Sox mentality comes shining through! Think positive, Thorby, you dumbass. :P

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Thanks to Bob for giving me the inspiration to keep going by voting against me. :D

My pleasure, Kid. You and Bugg were the Cinderella stories of this tournament.

As for the final, PDM tears through Thor like **** through a goose.

Congrats, Marduk. A worthy champion.

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Thor that was my vote for PDM, and in case its not clear....

PDM whoops Thor99 like only is momma used to. :D.

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Thor that was my vote for PDM, and in case its not clear....

PDM whoops Thor99 like only is momma used to. :D.

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circle jerk thread of the year nominee

You see what happens when people keep score? Someone always gets hurt. Emotional pain is real. :)

My vote is for PDM. He would just blow something up and win. That guy is crazy, he lives death.

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You see what happens when people keep score? Someone always gets hurt. Emotional pain is real. :)

My vote is for PDM. He would just blow something up and win. That guy is crazy, he lives death.

does that mean i can't count on your vote? :confused:

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