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"Beat the F'n Pats" Edition of Post of the Week - Thursday, November 13th, 2008


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One hour to game time, folks - let's get it going! Time for the NYJ to show the HC of the NEP what they got for him this time around. I'm psyched, how about you???

On to the nominations...

Topic: JN Mods become activists

I made a bundle selling wedding cake futures short.

The Nomination: "Best Post Ever!" Max

Editor's Note: You bastard, did you take the little people on top as well? I'm digusted...

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Topic: So what do you all do for a living?


Thank you for your kind words, Arsis. The gifted are never beyond your sizable mental reach. Odd that you should mention The Castle, one of Kafka's more cerebral efforts. Just this week, I asked Max if he thought we could gather enough JetNation members to stage a production of the work. After a long pause, and healthy swig from his ever present flask of YooHoo, Max indicated that he might be able to secure a space and funding for a small scale production in 2009. Of course, he asked to be considered for the role of the main protagonist, "K". I hesitated slightly, as I feel he is best suited for the role of "K's" superior, Klamm, though I'll adhere to his wishes if it means getting the staging up and running.

The only other roles that I feel are perfectly cast--and would not change under any condition--are Verde as Freida the barmaid, and Garb as Gardena the landlady. Don't worry, my friend, I haver not forgotten you. I am saving the character of Barnabas' father for your unique acting skills. I am confident that you will bring the necessary

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Topic: how to get out of boring stuff with your wife/fiance/gf

i just made an amazing discovery. last night my fiancee said she wanted to get up at the asscrack of dawn to go to the italian market before work to get some things for dinner tonight. of course the last thing i wanted was to be out in the cold (-10 with windchill this morning) carrying bags of produce at 7am when i could get an extra hour of sleep. when we were watching tv last night and i was contemplating a good excuse to bail on the market trip, i was eating raisins and i went a little overboard, consuming perhaps four big handfuls of the little suckers.

fast forward to 4am. i was awoken by a thunderous roar that i at first assumed was the 47 bus zooming up 7th street. however, my nostrils soon informed me that this noise was no bus. thinking it was an aberration, i started dozing back off when without warning, my arsehole parted again to let out a long whine that sounded like a bottle rocket shooting high into the sky. this woke up my fiancee who mumbled something about me being a disgusting pig. 10 minutes later, my poor butthole let forth a demonic gurgling that sounded like boiling mud sending my fiancee into a screeching rage. frighteningly, i checked my underwear but thankfully this hellacious fart was all sound and no brown. the stench however had a not-pleasant bouqet that reminded me of soggy woodchips with undertones of toasted oak, giving it a sharp, almost burned smell. the volume of air that escape from my colon the rest of the night could have easily filled the hidenberg and the stench grew more and more noxious as my poor colon relentlessly churned the half a pound of raisins i had foolishly consumed.

the next morning, my fiancee got into the shower and the cacophony of ass air continued unabated. when she returned to the bedroom, she was overcome by the horrific strench and began yelling about how she was never buying raisins ever again. i cannot overestimate how legendary this gas was, i could barely shove one man overboard and the next was already on the plank ready to jump. my girlish giggling only served to further enrage my fiancee. feeling a slight lull in my ass symphony, i curled into the fetal position to better coax the trapped methane and sulfuric gas out of the escape hatch. like a standing ovation, my ass let forth a thunderous applause that sent the dog barking and a curling iron at my head. "you're just showing off now." i insisted in between laughing uncontrollably that this was scaring me and that i would never do this on purpose when suddenly, i knew that the next expulsion would be more than mere air.

i ran to the toilet and as soon as i got there, i was an upside-down geyser, pressurewashing the inside of the porcelin bowl with a vile rocket of ass grease. i was overcome with abdominable pain and the smell of cream of wheat when my fiancee said "no way am i bringing you to the market with farts like that. you're such an *******." at that moment i realized what a momentous occasion this was-- no other excuse ever got me out of anything so easily as horrific, uncontrollable flatulence. for some unexplainable reason that i will never pretend to understand, women detest farts and powerful is the man who discovers how to harness and control the vast power of the rectal airhorn god has bestowed on him. if a couple handfuls of raisins could succeed where no other excuse couldn't, it was worth ****ting through a screen door for 15 minutes to get out of market trips, shopping, birthday parties for her friends, dinner with her parents, walking the dog, and household chores. after she left i crawled into bed and slept for another full hour, warmed by the green haze that now filled the room and the knowledge that i had finally outsmarted her and it only cost me 2 pairs of boxers.

The Nomination: "wow... just wow..." JohnnyHector

Editor's Note: I was really hoping to never, ever, EVER see this again. Congrat's johnny green balls...

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Topic: Be Funnier.

The only thing that saves this craptacular thread is the use of "The More You Know" picture. :cheers: You suck at trying to make people not tell dumb ass jokes. I wan't to meet you in private to talk about this like men. :box: Oh, and don't even THINK of telling anybody about this. I know you won't accept this offer because you are NOT A MAN :hipp:.

The Nomination: "This will NEVER stop being funny." Klecko73isGod

Editor's Note:


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Topic: Matt Jones wants to know if Porter likes other men...

Marijuana is a memory loss drug... I can see why you don't remember all of my insightful, thought provoking posts over the last 2 years.

It's Miami DolFAN... I can't believe how many of you guys misspell that.

The Nomination: "Hadda do it... :)" StillerPaul

Editor's Note: I always thought it was Dolphag...and beware the NIGHT STALKER...

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Topic: Men, what do you get "domestic" about?

I've been known go "domestic" on her ass if she touches my beer.

The Nomination: "POTW NOM!!!" Alk

Editor's Note: Domestic? Like, you clean her ass up, straighten her hair, spoil her with a nice meal? That's really nice of you considering she's taking your brewskis away. You're a nicer man than I, Bug...

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Topic: A Negative From Yesterday's Game

Yesterday was almost perfect. Even Jen seemed to do an excellent job with the sideline interviews during the breaks. The military shout outs were pretty cool.

What went wrong? Well nothing football related, the coaches, players, trainers etc all had their best days ever. Some things did go wrong and I am going to tell you what.

Denise Garvey. That is what went wrong. She runs the flight crew. And she made a few mistakes, continues to do so and I have had it. HAD IT. I am paying good money for my seats. The Jets defense wants to give up a field goal in the 2nd half, well that I can live with. But I demand perfection from Denise.

Why does she insist on only doing odd # end zone routines? She has a crew of 20 and insists on breaking them down into two groups (11 and 9). If she would transition to even # routines like the rest of the league we could have 10 in each end zone. But no, Denise is stuck with her mindset that it is her way or the highway. So half the stadium has to sit through a routine that only has 9 girls. That my friends is just unacceptable.

Also, I am sure you all saw Mandisa's stutter step after the music stopped late in the game, I think it was the beginning of the 4th quarter. Well -- that is because Denise is putting so much pressure on these girls for non-important matters. Densie worries too much about heel turns, spotting and leverage that the girls don't have enough time during the week to concentrate on important things i.e. their support foot.

Mistakes like these seem minor. But this Jets team is ready for prime time. With the flex schedule the Jets are going to be national often. I hope that Denise realizes this and can step up her game. Because until then she is jut holding back a very talented flight crew.

Let them reach their potential Denise. Think big.

Sorry for the rant.

The Nomination: "what can one say? This post is the embodiment of greatness" SoFlaJets

Editor's Note: Since when do you care anything about chicks? Are you back to living the lie again???

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Topic: A Negative From Yesterday's Game

so move favre back another couple of yards..

I just found it very odd to shotgun on a guy's first snap from center. i would think favre would just saddle up to his ass like smizzy does.

The Nomination: "so wrong...but funny" SoFlaJets

Editor's Note: Dearth would have made that snap and Smizzy is a catcher this week. Thanks.

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Topic: Thank you Veterans

The Soldier

It is the soldier, not the reporter,

who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the soldier, not the poet,

who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the soldier, not the campus organizer,

who has given us the freedom to demonstrate.

It is the soldier, not the lawyer,

who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the soldier,

who salutes the flag,

who serves under the flag,

and whose coffin is draped by the flag,

who allows the protester to burn the flag.

By Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

The Nomination: "Perfect." Thor99

Editor's Note: Amen and God bless the fine men and women who server, have served, and have died serving our fine nation.

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Topic: Thank you Veterans

And all this time, I thought it was the tribal warlords who were stealing and hording the food from the Somali people...

The Nomination: ":rl:" Panzer Division Marduk

Editor's Note: Be careful there, Johnny, Thor is as nasty as a Somaili warlord when he's hungry, frightened, or backed into a corner. Well, at least when he's hungry...

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Runner-up of the Week Sponsored by greengal and her super exposed tata. ;)

Topic: Jet fans ready to commit HaraKiri

People are just looking at this game as a way to validate the Favre move. Some believe that if a future HOF QB can't do it Thursday, then no one can, and we'll be cursed forever.

The season isn't over if we dont win Thursday, but it sure would give them a hell of a boost if they do. If they don't then the season has an entirely different feel to it.

my .02

The Nomination: "Great Football Post." EY

Editor's Note: Well said and exactly correct - this is a psyche game for the Jets - win and gain confidence, lose and who knows where the season goes. Great post.

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Topic: This is Biggest Game in mangina's career

If he cannot beat Mumbles team, with matty Cass at QB, a law firm

running the ball, a secondary that has more holes than a cheap vegas

hooker...then when will he evah beat them? next year with cindy back

at helm?

I do not care if we end up at 10-6, EM will never amount to anything

if we lose tomorrow season is kaput

This years record is more a product of how easy the schedule is and how weak the AFC has become this year..It will be one and done.

Prove me wrong "Fredo" tomorrow night and you will not hear another

bad word from me.... evah!!!

Lose and Just get the F out!!!

That said i want a F'n blowout

Jets win 28-10!!!!!!!!!!

Hint- when faulk is in the game, he will get ball via draws or screens...Hello!!

Need to Pound Welker on all these short passes!!! and make cassell pay

for running! I expect no less than 4 sacks!!

Moss will not be a factor.

Favre will need to throw the ball well via worst secondary in league. This

will set up run. Cotch and Keller should have big nites

Leon will need to be main focus, pats cannot match up with him. Use him

like Faulk, TJ will not be a factor IMO, pats strength is front line.

The Nomination: "This post says it all." DMaynard

Editor's Note: So afosomf, do you really, really, really think that the NFL and officiating crew for tomorrow's primetime, during the week game are going to let the Jets win this game big? You're not that naive, are you? Pace can have 4 sacks and Farve can throw for 600 yards and the margin of victory would still be less than 3 points. Silly kids around here...

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And this week's winner...

Congratulations to joebabyny who finally broke his (POTW) cherry around here. All I have to say is is contained in the following:

The Nomination: "Joe getting us psched up even more-go JETS" SoFlaJets

Editor's Note: Preach on, brother TunaCan, preach on with your bad self. BEAT THE F'n PATS!

Congratulations on the win, wear the POTW badge with pride this week, kiddo:


Assist of the Week goes to to my man war ensemble - w.e. is a great dude and deserves some props for all he does around these parts. You rock, war.

That's all for now - well, except for this:


Enjoy the game, y'all


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