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My wife is driving me crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Boozer76

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and now, some unsolicitated female advice. :)

First, what is happening is pretty normal for a first time mom, and not long lasting.

Your situation is compounded by the fact that is was a difficult pregnancy,

as I recall.

Keep in mind, that the difficulty of the pregnancy was a burden on her

mind. You, and other family members may have prayed, wished and hoped

for a positive outcome, but the burden of the outcome rested on her.

She was the person who grew and delivered Andrew in his healthy state.

She was responsible for that.

My advise would be for you to acknowledge that as often you can.

Make sure you tell her what a great job she did. Make sure you tell

her how proud you are of her. Make sure you tell her these things.

You wanting a beer with your friends cannot measure up to what

she went through.

just sayin'

Really? She needs to be patted on her head like a dog and be told "WHOSE A GOOD GIRL!"

That just seems to be giving into the negative stereotype of women as mentally and emotionally weak. She'll be fine as long as she gets approval from him as often as possible. So you're saying that the reason there is a problem is because the woman's well being is dependent for a man's approval?

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OK, let me preface this by saying my wife has always been the coolest, most laid back girl I've ever known. She's always been known as the party animal amongst the girls, always wanting to stay out late and have a good time. She was never one to nag me or put "shackles" on me if you will. If I wanted to go out I could. I always knew if she had any objections then I probably was pushing my luck.

Fast forward to now. We have a beautiful 5 month old son. He's the coolest, most easy going baby in the world. He sleeps through the night and he smiles and giggles all day long. We always said before he was born that we would allow each other time to go out with friends as well as go out together when we could get someone to babysit. We promised each other that we would still have a life outside of being a parent. There in lies my dilemma. Since my son was born my wife has literally not left my house at all, unless it was with my son and mostly to visit family or go food shopping. I have BEGGED her to go out ith her friends while I stayed home to watch Andrew. I have BEGGED her to do SOMETHING on her own so that she would still have a life and not become such a homebody. She absolutely refuses to do so, and now she is getting overbearing and even beligerent about me going out at all.

Last friday I went out with my best friend for a drink at work. I get out of work at 5pm. I told her it would be a quick beer and hen I'd be home. I pulled into my driveway at 6:15pm after 2 beers and promptly got the 3rd degree about how I stayed out late!! I chalked it up to her just having a bad day or something. Yesterday my company had a dinner function. It started at 5pm, I told her I wouldn't be home late. I walked in at 8:30pm and again got reemed for "staying out late"!!?? Tonight I had a gig. We played at 9:30 pm for an hour and a half. My brother is in the band and my sister in law came out as well. She apparantly even sent an email to my wife saying that her sister (someone we know and trust)would babysit and my wife just chose to ignore it. So after our gig they wanted me to hang. I called my wife to check in and she insisted I come home immediately. When I get home she already going to bed. She wanted to go to sleep because she was tired. So here I sit on my couch drinking beers typing this wondering with the **** happened to my wife and why the hell I'm sitting at home when I could have been having a good time with my brother. It's getting frustrating as hell!!

your life has changed forever, the sooner you realize that, the better off you will be

this is typical for the first child. by the time you have a second or third, it will be totally different. right now she is blown away by this little man she made in her womb, and when you go out and leave them home, she sees it as you not seeing the boy the same way she does

there really is no such thing as a life outside of being a parent. you are a parent 24/7/365 for the rest of your life

the only way out is to get a babysitter so you BOTH can go out together

she will resent the hell out of you having fun while she is at home even if it's for 2 minutes

after you take her out a few times, go back to the boys night out idea

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Really? She needs to be patted on her head like a dog and be told "WHOSE A GOOD GIRL!"

That just seems to be giving into the negative stereotype of women as mentally and emotionally weak. She'll be fine as long as she gets approval from him as often as possible. So you're saying that the reason there is a problem is because the woman's well being is dependent for a man's approval?

I wasn't saying that at all. Your post, however, did prove true to the sterotype that still exists.

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Really? She needs to be patted on her head like a dog and be told "WHOSE A GOOD GIRL!"

That just seems to be giving into the negative stereotype of women as mentally and emotionally weak. She'll be fine as long as she gets approval from him as often as possible. So you're saying that the reason there is a problem is because the woman's well being is dependent for a man's approval?

reason # 427 the rest of us are glad yer single too :cheers:

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Hobbies that don't make money, like fishing, are done.

That's not necessarily true. If you truly love something, like me, which is fishing, you never lose the passion and will find a way. :character0053:

Although - I can totally relate with the OP. My wife was a nightmare for the last 3-4 years. We have two girls, ages 5 and 3. I didn't go fishing for almost two years.

But once they get older, there is still hope. Certain things do get easier. Actually right now they are both upstairs playing while I am downstairs posting this.

I do find it hard to beleive that she is giving you crap even though you have a great kid that sleeps through the night and what not. Lack of sleep can turn people into animals.

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That's not necessarily true. If you truly love something, like me, which is fishing, you never lose the passion and will find a way. :character0053:

Although - I can totally relate with the OP. My wife was a nightmare for the last 3-4 years. We have two girls, ages 5 and 3. I didn't go fishing for almost two years.

But once they get older, there is still hope. Certain things do get easier. Actually right now they are both upstairs playing while I am downstairs posting this.

I do find it hard to beleive that she is giving you crap even though you have a great kid that sleeps through the night and what not. Lack of sleep can turn people into animals.

I should have said those hobbies are done -- for 4 years.

My youngest child is almost 5 and the smoke is clearing. Last winter I got an ice shanty, and went out once -- my first time on the ice in 5yrs. This winter I'll be ice fishing multiple times and am getting a power auger & vexilar. ....but it's been a long road and I still have to "earn" my time away.

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I should have said those hobbies are done -- for 4 years.

My youngest child is almost 5 and the smoke is clearing. Last winter I got an ice shanty, and went out once -- my first time on the ice in 5yrs. This winter I'll be ice fishing multiple times and am getting a power auger & vexilar. ....but it's been a long road and I still have to "earn" my time away.

Yeah, the first few years are rough, no doubt. This year we joined a local lake community and it was win-win - a nice beach for the kids in the summertime, and kickass fishing to boot. I'd been out on the lake 20 times since May, it was an awesome year. I keep my canoe on the rack lakeside so getting out and back is much easier instead of racking that beast to my car everytime.

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I should have said those hobbies are done -- for 4 years.

My youngest child is almost 5 and the smoke is clearing. Last winter I got an ice shanty, and went out once -- my first time on the ice in 5yrs. This winter I'll be ice fishing multiple times and am getting a power auger & vexilar. ....but it's been a long road and I still have to "earn" my time away.

he is talkingt about mainly getting out together as a couple,,not out himself,,

thats the problem,,she trusts NO ONE as babysitter with kid,,at some point she needs professional help if that doesnt subside

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and now, some unsolicitated female advice. :)

First, what is happening is pretty normal for a first time mom, and not long lasting.

Your situation is compounded by the fact that is was a difficult pregnancy,

as I recall.

Keep in mind, that the difficulty of the pregnancy was a burden on her

mind. You, and other family members may have prayed, wished and hoped

for a positive outcome, but the burden of the outcome rested on her.

She was the person who grew and delivered Andrew in his healthy state.

She was responsible for that.

My advise would be for you to acknowledge that as often you can.

Make sure you tell her what a great job she did. Make sure you tell

her how proud you are of her. Make sure you tell her these things.

You wanting a beer with your friends cannot measure up to what

she went through.

just sayin'

great post.

this whole mothering thing is totally different from what i expected... and my daughter is 16. :lol:

when she was sick this past spring.. i reverted back to that wacky mom who couldnt leave her and resented my hubbie who did leave to get coffee and dinner for us in the hospital.. although he told me to get out of the hospital just for a few minutes to the dunkin across the street and i couldnt..

this whole parenting thing is just plain tough. AND wonderful at the same time.

sigh.. i wish i had the answer for you.. just know that you are ont the only one who has had to deal with this..

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great post.

this whole mothering thing is totally different from what i expected... and my daughter is 16. :lol:

when she was sick this past spring.. i reverted back to that wacky mom who couldnt leave her and resented my hubbie who did leave to get coffee and dinner for us in the hospital.. although he told me to get out of the hospital just for a few minutes to the dunkin across the street and i couldnt..

this whole parenting thing is just plain tough. AND wonderful at the same time.

sigh.. i wish i had the answer for you.. just know that you are ont the only one who has had to deal with this..

ya, but boozer has a problem where SHE wont leave house by not trusting ANY babysitter, even a family member..

this can lead to some horrific consequences if it continues for too long,,,

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ya, but boozer has a problem where SHE wont leave house by not trusting ANY babysitter, even a family member..

this can lead to some horrific consequences if it continues for too long,,,

i agree that this isnt a good situation by a long shot.. but i was trying to say that i didnt trust even my hubbie to stay with my daughter during her illness. i was afraid that something would happen while i was out, if only for a moment. I bet that is what b76's wife is thinking also.

i do think that it wouldnt hurt, if her wife is ok with it, to get a couples counselor.. but given that she wont go out right now without her son, i am not sure she would go to a counselor. THey would need to take their son.

parenting is hard, period.

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A wife who thinks NO ONE in world can be trusted with her new child and therfore destroy any 'adult' life she and husband could have is bad stuff..Its a definite psycological issue as obviosuly children have survived babysitters for eternity..The fact she wont even accept a trusted relative to babysit firther tells me you are headed to trouble if you dont get counseling asap..tell her you will go together as you are a team and into this together...

Agreed in that, unless both of your families are full of nutjobs, drunks, and/or drug users, there's no reason that someone can't be entrusted to watch a 5 month old - especially one that you're saying isn't a handful.

Assuming he goes to bed on the earlier side, you should try to plan a night where you go out together after he's asleep for the night and someone comes by your house to hang out and watch TV while he sleeps. Go somewhere close to keep her mind at ease that if she's needed, it won't take long to get home.

If she's not willing to do this even once a month, then there's a problem IMO and will not lead to a happy and healthy marriage. Having kids is a full-time job, but everyone needs a break from time to time to keep their sanity - especially a stay-at-home mom, who is missing interaction with other adults.

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ya, but boozer has a problem where SHE wont leave house by not trusting ANY babysitter, even a family member..

this can lead to some horrific consequences if it continues for too long,,,

In all and total seriousness, has she exhibited any signs of post-partum depression?

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i agree that this isnt a good situation by a long shot.. but i was trying to say that i didnt trust even my hubbie to stay with my daughter during her illness. i was afraid that something would happen while i was out, if only for a moment. I bet that is what b76's wife is thinking also.

i do think that it wouldnt hurt, if her wife is ok with it, to get a couples counselor.. but given that she wont go out right now without her son, i am not sure she would go to a counselor. THey would need to take their son.

parenting is hard, period.

bad situation,,if she doesnt get over the 'i cant leave my kid with someone else' syndrome, it will just domino and create a over protected mommy boy...

Its not unusual to at 1st be wary of non-relative babysitters,,BUT, to not even want to leave kid with sis, mom etc, is VERY rare and extremely dangerous as far as her future mental health, the mental health of a well adjusted kid and the health of teh marriage...

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In all and total seriousness, has she exhibited any signs of post-partum depression?

great great great point,,

Booz, have her thyroid checked ASAP by having her get a TSH test,,this will teall ASAP if post partum has incurred,, If she is post partum (usually hypothytroid, they will try and give her synthroi, pick Armour Throid or Thyrolar instead a sthe added T3 makes them better than Synthroid)

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Thanks for all the replies, I was hardly expecting all of them. I was just venting some frustration, it's really not as bad as it seems. We talked it over and she admitted that she's been feeling anxious and has had alot of anxiety recently. Not even just about the baby but about me as well. She knows it's unjustified and isn't sure why she feels that way, but at least she is aware and wants to change it. We're going out tomorrow with friends and family for a daytime winery and farm tour and going back toa friends house after for a casual engagement party for friends of ours. It will be good for her to get out.

To answer some of your questions, she has not had any post pardum depression at all. She has only started acting a little weird over the last week or so. She's been an awesome mother and an awesome wife. She just spazzed a little recently and I just used this forum to vent a bit. We'll see how things go, but I think her being aware and admitting so is a huge step.

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Thanks for all the replies, I was hardly expecting all of them. I was just venting some frustration, it's really not as bad as it seems. We talked it over and she admitted that she's been feeling anxious and has had alot of anxiety recently. Not even just about the baby but about me as well. She knows it's unjustified and isn't sure why she feels that way, but at least she is aware and wants to change it. We're going out tomorrow with friends and family for a daytime winery and farm tour and going back toa friends house after for a casual engagement party for friends of ours. It will be good for her to get out.

To answer some of your questions, she has not had any post pardum depression at all. She has only started acting a little weird over the last week or so. She's been an awesome mother and an awesome wife. She just spazzed a little recently and I just used this forum to vent a bit. We'll see how things go, but I think her being aware and admitting so is a huge step.

glad its not as bad as u made out,,

So, she is willing to leave the baby with someone else???

If not, u need to adress.. good luck...

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glad its not as bad as u made out,,

So, she is willing to leave the baby with someone else???

If not, u need to adress.. good luck...

She left him with her mother once, but that was only for a couple hours. Like I said, she's having anxiety more than anything else. She's not jealous that I go out, she's anxious when I'm gone. She works from home all week so she really hasn't been out of the house much at all, and I think it's starting to play with her head a bit. I think tomorrow is a good start, and some of her friends are going to try and get her out over the next couple weeks without Andrew, so I think we should be ok once she starts returning to a normal life again.

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She left him with her mother once, but that was only for a couple hours. Like I said, she's having anxiety more than anything else. She's not jealous that I go out, she's anxious when I'm gone. She works from home all week so she really hasn't been out of the house much at all, and I think it's starting to play with her head a bit. I think tomorrow is a good start, and some of her friends are going to try and get her out over the next couple weeks without Andrew, so I think we should be ok once she starts returning to a normal life again.

yes, normal for a young mom to not be thrilled with hubby goin out alone (my body isnt back, im ugly etc etc) ,,i was concerned about her not wanting to go out at all and not wanting to leave kid alone,,

if anxiety continues have her doc give her aTSH blood test,,basic test that all moms who just gave birth should have...

as long as she will leave kid with babysitter she is cool,,but if anxiety/depression continues,,get the TSH,,post partum is usaually manicfested by wife saying 'her feeling about spouse are 'changin'...

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