NIGHT STALKER Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Datsa easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree makea nine," says the Italian. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree . Dats a a 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" (You're going to love this one!!!) The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga come along and ****a by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, whenna I start? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 That's so corny, it's great. It's almost as good as (one of my favorites) why did the monkey fall out of the tree? 'Cause he was dead. EDIT: Great avatar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New York Mick Posted January 25, 2009 Share Posted January 25, 2009 But I'm racist for telling black jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 But I'm racist for telling black jokes.People need to laugh at themselves more - all inclusive. It would be a kinder world. Why can't depressives commit suicide? Pretty tough trying to hurl yourself to your death out of a basement window. I made that up on the fly. Word Play. Haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 But I'm racist for telling black jokes. i haven't seen a black joke yet...just sayin Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGHT STALKER Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 People need to laugh at themselves more - all inclusive. It would be a kinder world. Why can't depressives commit suicide? Pretty tough trying to hurl yourself to your death out of a basement window. I made that up on the fly. Word Play. Haha. If I didn't laugh at myself, I would go insane...by the way, my background is of Italian decent. That was for Mick. Hey Mick, do you know any good Irish jokes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 i haven't seen a black joke yet...just sayinWell, I love me some Jesus jokes. Why did he wander in the desert for 40 days? Because he heard someone dropped a shekel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMaynard Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 But I'm racist for telling black jokes. How do we know Noah and his family were not black? Because there is no way they would have gone 40 days and nights without frying up those two chickens. People have to lighten up. I am half Irish and half Jewish. I would like to get drunk, but I am too cheap. That didn't hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why did Jesus pray in the Garden of Gethsemane? He thought it meant Getmesome. I just fukking made that up. Honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'm 100% french Phuck the French! T'as une t Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why do the Irish go to the Emergency Room? They need to have the splinters removed after licking beer off the floor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I'm 100% frenchWave your white flag elsewhere. Faggot. Did you really think I would BOTHER translating that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Wave your white flag elsewhere. Faggot. Did you really think I would BOTHER translating that? LOL you nailed it.. closet french? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Deutschland Kaput: Hitler only had one nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 The Protestants and the Catholics kill each other over nothing in Ireland. Except whose Virgin is hotter. EDIT: And I made that up, too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I like hanging upside down. It's fun! Benito, awesome, dude! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 NIGHT STALKER: You inadvertently started one of the best threads ever. If it gets closed, that would be too bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMaynard Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 I like hanging upside down. It's fun! Benito, awesome, dude! Who put the last bullet in Mussolini? 20 Polish sharpshooters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 i haven't seen a black joke yet...just sayinHerman Edwards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Who put the last bullet in Mussolini? 20 Polish sharpshooters. Holy Crap, HAH. Who cut his head off and stuck it on spike? His dead Mistress. This is so awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Herman Edwards. touche!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NIGHT STALKER Posted January 26, 2009 Author Share Posted January 26, 2009 Who put the last bullet in Mussolini? 20 Polish sharpshooters. Nah, it was in Italy...had to be some of my cousins. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why should Gitmo be closed? For the same reasons Mexicans are invading. EDIT: Put it down. I want street cred for 99.9% of this - whatever street cred means. It just comes to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMaynard Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why are Mexican scientists allowed to get away with murder? Because there aren't any scientists in Mexico. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
afosomf Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 someone told the blond girl to take a bath and milk for soft skin so she called the grocries store to order some milk. When the milk man asked her "will that be pasterized?" she said, "hmmmmmm... no just up to my t1ts." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why are Mexican scientists allowed to get away with murder? Because there aren't any scientists in Mexico. Why do I have to press 1' for Spanish or 2' for English to get my own banking information over the phone? Because our government wants to make sure it's NOT me. Holy God, fukking street cred. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why do Russkies drink homemade Vodka until they fall down? They never fall down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 What are Sikhs hiding under those turbans? Nothing. Holy Chit, I really SHOULD be up for some major fukking award. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why do my dogs sleep next to me in bed? Because dogs are cleaner and smarter than Allah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Why are suicide bombers revered? Because the rest of world isn't cultured. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 As an amateur comedian... I am offended by this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jetophile Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 As an amateur comedian... I am offended by this thread.As an amateur Jesus, I didn't walk on water, I swam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Religion jokes? Ok - Q - which stretches more - skin or rubber? A - Skin. It says in the Bible that Moses tied his ass to a tree and walked 40 miles. <rimshot> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
L.S. Dylan Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 A scientist invents a way of creating life, of breathing life into dirt with a cosmic ray he's developed. He says to God, "Hey, God, I can breathe life into dirt! We scientists don't need you anymore!" God says, "Let me see." The Scientist sets up his equipment, a complex array of tubes and gauges and dials and a chamber where his cosmic ray gets focused just right. He picks up a handful of dirt and goes to put it in the chamber, where life will be breathed into it. "No, no," God says. "Get your own dirt." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New York Mick Posted January 26, 2009 Share Posted January 26, 2009 Fine I'll do jokes about everyone. How did a million blacks find their way to DC but a few thousand couldn't figure out how to get out of New Orleans with a hurricane coming? What's the difference between a Jew and a large pizza difference? A large pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven. My TV was broke during the inauguration every channel was showing the episode of The Planet Of The Apes where they were taking over the white house. How do you know if you were robbed by an Asian? When you get home the laundry's done then computers is fixed and they're still trying to back out of the driveway. Why do Italian men have mustaches? So they can look like their mothers. How was copper wire invented? Two Jews found the same penny. What do you call a black guy who graduated Harvard with a PHD? A ****** What did the redneck sherriff call the ****** who had been shot 15 times? Worst case of suicide he had ever seen. What do the Mexican kids get for Christmas? Your bike. This black kid comes home and says mommy mommy, I have the biggest dick in the 3rd grade, is that because I'm black? She said "No honey, it's because you're 26". Why are chimps always frowning? They know in a million years they are going to turn into ******s. Obama told Fox News there aren't enough blacks on TV. Fox has now agreed to run America's Most Wanted five nights a week. An aging man lived alone in Ireland. His only son was in Long Kesh Prison, and he didn't know anyone who would spade up his potato garden. The old man wrote to his son about it, and received this reply, "For HEAVENS SAKE, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the GUNS!!!!!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen British soldiers showed up and dug up the entire garden, but didn't find any guns. Confused, the man wrote to his son telling him what happened and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Just plant your potatoes." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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