Jetscode1 Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I thought this guy was thinking pretty quick on his feet... If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility. .. Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?' A: 'No sir . But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.' Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description? ' A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.' Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?' A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.' Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?' A: 'Yes sir, we do!' Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?' A: 'Yes sir, I do.' Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?' A: 'Yes sir.' Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?' A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.' The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DMaynard Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 That is the best real life comeback. In the make believe world, I still like this: Cartman: "Suck my balls". Mr. Garrison: "Present them". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECURB Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 If that is actually real... that is fantastic... lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
32green Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Lol, thats excellent. A similar scenario with a cop on the stand and a true story. This is a burglary trial where the perp. has decided to represent himself. All through the trial, the hapless burglar sat with nothing to say as the DA called varying witness's against him. Then, at one point, he DA introduces a crime scene photo of a broken window, the alleged entry point of the burglar. The Case Detective is on the stand. The burglar takes one look at the photo and his face lights up and he suddenly becomes very animated. When the DA is through questioning the Detective about the photo, the Burglar jumps up and demands to question the Detective. Of course, the Judge agrees, as this is his right. Perp. "Detective, can I call you Detective?" Det. (long pause.....)"Yes. Of course" (gallery snickers) Perp. "Very good. Officer, (gallery laughs) did you take this alleged photo of the alleged window that I or the burglar allegedly broke? Det. (long pause, gallery snickers) "Yes. Yes I did" Perp. "Very good. Now Officer, I want you to look at the photo very carefully." Det. (long pause, glance at the judge) " Yes, I'm looking at it." Perp. "Very good. Now. DO YOU SEE ME ANYWHERE IN THAT PHOTO ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!!" (Judge laughs, Det. laughs, perp laughs, gallery explodes) Perp. "YOUR HONOR, I REST MY CASE THANKYOU!" (walks back to chair, bowing to gallery) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alk Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Lol, thats excellent. A similar scenario with a cop on the stand and a true story. This is a burglary trial where the perp. has decided to represent himself. All through the trial, the hapless burglar sat with nothing to say as the DA called varying witness's against him. Then, at one point, he DA introduces a crime scene photo of a broken window, the alleged entry point of the burglar. The Case Detective is on the stand. The burglar takes one look at the photo and his face lights up and he suddenly becomes very animated. When the DA is through questioning the Detective about the photo, the Burglar jumps up and demands to question the Detective. Of course, the Judge agrees, as this is his right. Perp. "Detective, can I call you Detective?" Det. (long pause.....)"Yes. Of course" (gallery snickers) Perp. "Very good. Officer, (gallery laughs) did you take this alleged photo of the alleged window that I or the burglar allegedly broke? Det. (long pause, gallery snickers) "Yes. Yes I did" Perp. "Very good. Now Officer, I want you to look at the photo very carefully." Det. (long pause, glance at the judge) " Yes, I'm looking at it." Perp. "Very good. Now. DO YOU SEE ME ANYWHERE IN THAT PHOTO ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!!" (Judge laughs, Det. laughs, perp laughs, gallery explodes) Perp. "YOUR HONOR, I REST MY CASE THANKYOU!" (walks back to chair, bowing to gallery) Well I guess he showed him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Montreal Jet Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 A guy gets caught in a speed trap driving 90 miles an hour in a 50 zone. The cop approaches the vehicle and the following dialogue takes place; Officer: SON, I have been waiting for you ALL Day!! Guy: Officer, I got here as fast as I could!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 I thought this guy was thinking pretty quick on his feet... I hope GOB gets a chance to see this . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SMC Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 If real, that's a good one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DHJF Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 My favorite: "Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klecko73isGod Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 Lol, thats excellent. A similar scenario with a cop on the stand and a true story. This is a burglary trial where the perp. has decided to represent himself. All through the trial, the hapless burglar sat with nothing to say as the DA called varying witness's against him. Then, at one point, he DA introduces a crime scene photo of a broken window, the alleged entry point of the burglar. The Case Detective is on the stand. The burglar takes one look at the photo and his face lights up and he suddenly becomes very animated. When the DA is through questioning the Detective about the photo, the Burglar jumps up and demands to question the Detective. Of course, the Judge agrees, as this is his right. Perp. "Detective, can I call you Detective?" Det. (long pause.....)"Yes. Of course" (gallery snickers) Perp. "Very good. Officer, (gallery laughs) did you take this alleged photo of the alleged window that I or the burglar allegedly broke? Det. (long pause, gallery snickers) "Yes. Yes I did" Perp. "Very good. Now Officer, I want you to look at the photo very carefully." Det. (long pause, glance at the judge) " Yes, I'm looking at it." Perp. "Very good. Now. DO YOU SEE ME ANYWHERE IN THAT PHOTO ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!!" (Judge laughs, Det. laughs, perp laughs, gallery explodes) Perp. "YOUR HONOR, I REST MY CASE THANKYOU!" (walks back to chair, bowing to gallery) No the best ever was when the LIRR gunman was defending himself and cross examined a victim. Kook gunman: Now what did you see on the train that night? Victim: You got on the train, pulled out a gun and shot me. Kook gunman: Your honor, please instruct the witness to answer. Victim: I did answer, you shot me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted March 9, 2009 Share Posted March 9, 2009 It's jerk store! The line is jerk store! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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