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Jets Cancel Training Camp


Maxman

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Jets Cancel Training Camp

April 1, 2009

In recent days there has been speculation about the future of training camp. Last year the Jets announced they would no longer hold camp at Hofstra University and would instead move to the new state of the art facility in Florham Park, NJ. Some reports have the Jets moving camp to SUNY Cortland.

Today, New York Jets general manager Mike Tannenbaum met with the media and released a statement from esteemed owner Woodrow Johnson that sheds light on the direction the Jets are headed in with regards to training camp.

After several minutes of deliberation, we have decided to cancel training camp. There has been a lot of chatter about holding camp in NY or holding it in NJ. Eventually we realized that training camp is not necessary. The Jets will focus 100% of their energy and efforts on their core values. The Jets core values are making money. Training camp does not make money. Therefore camp is canceled. Should Brett Favre “unretire” we may revisit this decision since we have plenty of # 4 jerseys to sell. That is an unlikely scenario but Brett if you are listening, call me.

Canceling camp also affords us the opportunity of extending our
summer vacation program
. Some have unfairly labeled this plan as “unpaid leave”. We prefer to call it an extended unpaid vacation. No training camp allows us to run this program through the end of August.

Rex Ryan was not available for comment. Mark Cannizzaro of the NY Post said this was an excellent move and was long overdue.

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I fear your information may be erroneous. My sources convey that the training regimens will not, actually, be cancelled. Instead, they will devote one day out of their weekly practicings and preparations to puppetry and tribal dance, complete with authentic costumes which--after a consultation with the appropriate experts--they will design and sew themselves. Coach Rex feels that incorporating such artistically oriented diversions will build character, as well as manual dexterity and ocular acuity.

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Apparently the JN braintrust panicked at 11:59 p.m. last night when they realized that today was April 1st.

You are being more than generous with your depiction of these individuals, sub-moronic at best, as possessing the attributes of a "brain trust". I fear the Age of Enlightenment has not graced their personages. Pity.

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The Jets will focus 100% of their energy and efforts on their core values. The Jets core values are making money. Training camp does not make money. Therefore camp is canceled.

Smart move.

They can get in shape going door-to-door collecting P-S-L donations this summer.

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