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Don Banks: Handicapping the TO sweepstakes...


Mean Papi Green

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Taking a shot on T.O.

Which team will risk signing the controversial WR?

Where's Waldo has nothing on the topic of the day in the NFL: Where will Terrell Owens land in 2006? Here are 32 reasons why Owens is or isn't coming to an NFL stadium near you:

32. Philadelphia -- The Eagles' new mantra: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

31. San Francisco -- Been there, done that. And not well, we might add. Owens burned this (Golden Gate) bridge.

30. Minnesota -- After barely surviving the Randy Moss era? With new owner Zygi Wilf determined to bring order to the chaos? That doesn't spell T.O.

29. New England -- Two words: Bill Belichick. 'Nuff said.

28. Baltimore -- The Ravens won by losing to Philadelphia last year in the T.O. Derby, and they know it. There, by the grace of God, goes Baltimore.

27. Cincinnati -- With Chad Johnson's contract tussle coming up, the Bengals aren't in the market for another Drew Rosenhaus client.

26. Houston -- I do believe owner Bob McNair hit the T.O. question out of the park the other day. "He's almost dismantled the Eagles,'' McNair said. "Why would you wish that upon us?''

25. New York Giants -- Tom Coughlin and Terrell Owens conjure up opposite sides of the spectrum when it comes to how they approach the game.

24. Detroit -- Not if Steve Mariucci is still the Lions coach in 2006. And what in the world would Detroit do with another starting receiver?

23. Arizona -- We'll give you three reasons: Larry Fitzgerald, Anquan Boldin and Bryant Johnson.

22. Green Bay -- I can see it now: The first time T.O.'s cell phone goes off in a team meeting, Packers coach Mike Sherman hangs up his receiver. For good.

21. Tennessee -- The cap-strapped Titans couldn't even afford to keep Derrick Mason last offseason. An Owens signing isn't in the budget.

20. Indianapolis -- Like the Colts need another receiver. Like Tony Dungy enjoyed his Keyshawn Johnson experience so much.

19. San Diego -- Sorry, but Marty Schottenheimer is too old-school to start learning how to speak T.O. now.

18. Pittsburgh -- The Steelers had their own contract stalemate with their top receiver. But Hines Ward may be the anti-T.O., and the Steelers know the difference.

17. Cleveland -- Hey, isn't the Kellen Winslow headache enough for one franchise?

16. Buffalo -- J.P. Losman's career has started shakily enough. He doesn't need the T.O. quarterback treatment.

15. Carolina -- Steve Smith is Terrell Owens without half the trouble.

14. Chicago -- The Bears just spent all that money on Muhsin Muhammad, who actually scored two more touchdowns than Owens did in 2004.

13. St. Louis -- Marc Bulger seems like a really nice guy. Why would you want to do that to him, Mike Martz? Or Joe Vitt? Or whoever coaches the Rams in 2006?

12. Jacksonville -- I don't see Owens going for the big-fish-in-the-small-pond routine, do you?

11. New York Jets -- Seems to me that Job One this offseason is to find a healthy starting quarterback.

10. Kansas City -- Dick Vermeil might take on the T.O. project, but since he's almost certainly back in retirement after this season, it's a moot point.

9. Tampa Bay -- Jon Gruden's experience with Keyshawn Johnson serves as a big, bold, blinking red light.

8. New Orleans -- Dueling end zone antics between Joe Horn and T.O. might be fun. But Owens is no Saint.

7. Seattle -- Hey, Owens could be a fit here. He'll drop a pass now and then.

6. Washington -- Daniel Snyder would say yes because he's always in favor of the sexy signing. But Joe Gibbs couldn't even deal with Laveranues Coles.

5. Oakland -- Some things are just too good to be true: Like a pairing of Randy Moss and Terrell Owens. Even Al Davis must have his limits.

4. Miami -- Nick Saban has taken chances on David Boston and Ricky Williams so far, so it's not out of the question that T.O. could be attractive.

3. Atlanta -- Pluses, receiver coach George Stewart, a friend of T.O.'s from their 49ers days, and it's Owens' hometown. Minuses: History with offensive coordinator Greg Knapp, and G.M. Rich McKay had Keyshawn Fatigue in Tampa Bay.

2. Denver -- Mike Shanahan isn't afraid to take a gamble on a character issue or two, and some people believe Owens is in a mile-high world of his own most of the time anyway.

1. Dallas -- Privately Bill Parcells might tell you he's too old for T.O.'s shenanigans. But with one last shot at another Super Bowl ring, he might just go the mercenary route and rent Owens for a year.

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