Roger Goodell: Troll Master Supreme

[RutgersJetFan]

"Tracy and April from my office will follow up with you soon with additional details." That is the greatest line ever.

 

 

 

 

Just days before the NFL levied its four-game suspension on Brady for his alleged involvement in an alleged scheme to allegedly deflate footballs for alleged better performance in an alleged game against the Colts -- wait, strike that last "alleged," that game really did happen -- Brady received the letter at right. It's an invitation to participate in the many ceremonies and celebrations attached to the NFL's 50th anniversary, from high school awards to an on-field Super Bowl ceremony.

 

Brady joked on his Facebook page that he hopes he's "wearing a helmet" for the Super Bowl pregame ceremony, i.e. that he's actually in the game. (Nobody wears around a helmet if they're not playing except Michael Irvin.)

 

You can imagine how Brady is regarding this letter right about now, but let's parse it out anyway:

 

• Brady is trying to conceal his address, but we can gather that it's a "Street" in zip code 02116 (Boston, of course). You can bet Brady fans are now knocking on every door on every Street in that zip code.

 

• "The rich history of the National Football League is highlighted by fantastic games, iconic moments and incredible talent." What a ridiculous opening line to send to Tom Brady. I don't imagine this sentence came as a surprise to him. The NFL had iconic moments? Sure wish I could've seen those on TV, but I was too busy CREATING THEM.

 

• "Your performance in Super Bowls XXXVI, XXXVIII, XLIX is an enduring legacy..." This is where the auto-fill of this letter creation software breaks down. Brady ain't no one-time MVP, people. Take three seconds and smooth out that sentence.

 

• "There will be many opportunities for you to be involved ... " Note the passive-voice construction of that sentence. The NFL train is rollin', baby, and you can jump on hobo-style if you want.

 

•  Oh, I'm sure Tracy and April are REEEEALLLY looking forward to making that particular call.

 

• "Sincerely, ROGER GOODELL." The ALL CAPS means I AM A SERIOUS COMMISSIONER.

Anyway, I would put the chances of Brady being on-field for that 50th anniversary ceremony at 100 percent. Not necessarily because the Patriots will be in the Super Bowl, although that's certainly possible, but because Brady knows the cheers for him will only be matched by the boos for Goodell.

[Blackout]

brady sucks