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Don't Fart In Bed

If this story doesn't make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and

I'll pray for you. This is a story about a couple that had been happily

married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's

habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would


his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her have to

gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping

them off

because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that

it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was


that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out! Then one


morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs


asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and

neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought


to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound

asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the


waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his


Some time later she heard her husband wake with his usual trumpeting


was following by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic


as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as


rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture

she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his

bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her

lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, "Honey, you were

right." All these years you warned me and I didn't listen to you. "What

do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I

would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by

the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of

them back in."

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