The "Vacation all I ever wanted..." Edition of Post of the Week - June 28th, 2007

[GreenBeans]

Anyone else - ladies included - miss Belinda Carslie? I sure do. I had a big-time crush on her growing up, and that was tough for a kid going to see metal and punk shows back in high school. The one saving grace - one of the best cover songs I've heard live was "Vacation" played by a local punk band in Poughkeepsie, NY in the mid 1980's. It kicked butt, and so did Belinda. So here's to you, B -

Damn, I need a vacation...

On to the nominations for the week:

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Originally Posted by MrsTaborJet

Pardon me? Homophobe? You said insult dear, not me. Do you even know me, have I ever said anything like this before?

The gay mod jokes are tiresome. Spare me the crap... anytime someone is called out for stupid, inane comments - especially if a woman calls someone out - there is a such a backlash. Nice try turning that back on me.

Keep it coming... you're hilarious... the laughs are great.

Originally Posted by Lil Bit Special

Men ALWAYS find gay jokes funny... no matter how old or repetitive. It has nothing to do with us wondering about our own sexuality.

Women are usually the fun ruiners... men are immature, insecure little people who need women to make them human, but when we are in a group of other neanderthal men we are disgusting creatures.

(Editor's Note: Fag.)

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Runner-Up of the Week Sponsored by flipflopsareus.com

Originally Posted by Lil Bit Special

Oh... and I dont give a hoot who is a mod, as long as we can freely express our opinions (within the guidelines) and not have to worry whether we will be banned because we disagree with one of the "higher powers"

Originally Posted by Max

That will never happen here.

BTW -- If you see anyone bashing Chad let me know.

(Editor's Note: Pancakes and flip-flops, anyone?)

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Originally Posted by 124

Haha, please, The Game is the best, by far.

Originally Posted by MasonJet

Never listened to A Tribe Called Quest huh?

Originally Posted by Thor99

Nas and Common has them all beat.

(Editor's Note: What is a Nas and Common? Boy, I really AM old, ain't I? "Don't call it a comeback...")

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Originally Posted by ShadowJet35

I wonder what it's like to be a fan of a league that is second tier to another..

Originally Posted by Stonehands

Probably not too different from being a fan of minor league baseball or local college sports. You end up liking it for what it is rather than what it isn't.

(Editor's Note: Good point, Stonehands. Think about all of the ladies who settle for us guys that are less than Brad Pitt.)

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Originally Posted by BoomBoomMancini

I suck at school.. but thats another story..

Anyway, I would trade a college education away if I could rollerblade

Originally Posted by mdrago4

BRING HIM BACK!!!

Originally Posted by Big Al NYC

He's too busy out getting his rollerblade on.

Last seen:

(Editor's Note: Did you take that picture on Franklin St. in Chapel Hill?)

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Originally Posted by GreenBeans

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

In true JN spirit I present the first JetNation Homo/Turd combo joke:

Q: What's the difference between a Gay JN Mod and a refrigerator?

A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.

(Editor's Note: I thought the answer was "There is none - Max is constantly in and out of both")

(Editor's Note: A good line perhaps, but not a winner. )

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Originally Posted by Garb

Correction: Garb hates men that cheat.

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

(Editor's Note: Sorry my sexy friend, but I think that SJ got you this time. )

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Originally Posted by Ryno the Jet

The fees came shortly after the separation as I recall, but we all knew the fees were imminent. Once heads start to swell, only ejaculation can fix things...

Originally Posted by mdrago4

Nicely put haha. I haven't spent much time at other sites, probably 50 posts worth on finheaven. talk about a bunch of homers, maybe we are the same way i just have the goggles on or whatever, but i couldn't handle their redundancy, and trolling.

Originally Posted by Alk

(Editor's Note: Thank you for confirming the obvious, Alk. Safe travels!)

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Originally Posted by Alk

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=a88_1182467920

(Editor's Note: WTF will they think of next, turd of the week? Oh, wait...)

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Topic: Herm on Hard Knocks Predictions

Originally Posted by Gainzo

All I know is that it's going to be must see television. Herm is such a clown. He's and egomaniac who never takes responsibility for his own mistakes.

Originally Posted by mdrago4

i sense a little tension here gainzo...did he break your heart by pullin out early?

Originally Posted by Gainzo

I was pissed when Herm left the Jets. As a Pats fan I could pretty much pencil in 2 wins each season!

(Editor's Note: Look on the bright side, Gainzo - oh wait, there is no bright side for the Pats in this case.)

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Topic: Ryan Sims bashes Herm and the Chiefs (28 players want out?)

Originally Posted by GreenBeans

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ----- TWENTY EIGHT! HA ha hahaha

(The Nomination: "spot on Beans...I know you dont want to give yourself POTW,, but in this case you should. simple, to the point,,encompasses everything that WAS the Jets and what IS the Jets. It is a prefect psycological release to see history repeated. POTW NOMINEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" - SouthernJet)

(Editor's Note: 28 players - can you imagine that? Crazy.)

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Originally Posted by madmike1

Hughes will be better than about 95% of major league pitchers. And thats probably a low number.

Originally Posted by Scott Dierking

What proof do you have to help your case?

Mike, what will his lifetime numbers project to?

So he will be in the HOF?

Originally Posted by madmike1

I'm not in the numbers projection business. His numbers show that he has the ability to be a dominant pitcher.

Originally Posted by PFSIKH

WTF are you talking about?

What numbers?

Do you get confused with your own BS?

(Editor's Note: "Truly wonderful the mind of a child is." - Yoda)

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Originally Posted by johnny green balls

http://www.jetnation.com/JetsWiki/index.php/Turd

(Editor's Note: If you want to see what this said, send me a PM with your email and I'll send it to you)

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Originally Posted by johnny green balls

i have crapped in public toilets from san diego to amsterdam, from the frozen ice floes of michigan to the hot sweaty swamps of southern florida. for the first time, here is the culmination of my vast experience playing away games far from your own crapper.

STEP ONE: SCOUTING

only a fool goes into enemy territory without gaining as much intelligence as possible. in order to do this, certain pieces of information are vital. first, check to see if other stalls are occupied. a gigantic mistake is taking a stall adjacent to another pooper when there are other options. always avoid adjacent dumping where possible. once you've chosen a likely stall, you must then check for essentials. is the stall clean? sure, it's never going to be as clean as home but is it acceptable? make sure the toilet seat is dry and clean and the toilet is flushed clean. never dump without a flushed bowl. is there a suitable amount of TP? always plan on a messy game, that way you won't find yourself 5 wipes in and out of paper. if you're wearing a jacket, is there a garmet hook? taking a dump with your suit jacket balled up is better avoided as wearing your jacket while dumping is a big mistake. it will act like a mudflap for all sorts of nastiness if you keep it on. lastly, unless you plan on hovering, make sure there is an "ass gasket"-- the paper barrier between your ass and contracting herpes. in a pinch, carefully arranged toilet paper can suffice. oh and larry david is correct; it is perfectly acceptable to use the handicapped stall if it is unoccupied. if you come out and find a handicapped person waiting, apologize and tell him the others were full when you came in.

EXPERT TIP: lay a few pieces of toilet paper into the bowl itself to completely cover the water, this will drastically cut down on 'splash backs.'

STEP TWO: WARM UP

everyone knows you can't just run a mile without stretching first or you will tear something. a successful away game requires warm up. in order to do this, make sure you take off any outerwear (i.e. sports coat, jacket, etc). there is nothing worse than finding a suprise on the tails of your suit jacket when you get home. second, if the toilet is an auto-flusher, you have to be very careful not to make it flush as you position yourself. many times, the most careful of nesting preparations have been destroyed by the auto-flush carrying away your precious seat barriers down the drain. once you get close to the toilet and the sensor thinks you're sitting you must commit. work quickly and sit down to avoid breaking the circuit. once you get comfortable, make sure none of your seat nesting is blocking the turd's escape from your arse. you don't want to be dealing with smeared ass gasket later that could get turd on your thigh.

EXPERT TIP: make sure your pants and boxers are pulled at least to the knee to avoid them from touching the small gap at the front of the toilet seat and the dirtier bottom rim beneath.

STEP THREE: KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL

you're in a public john, you goal should be three-up, three-down and get out of the inning as quickly as possible. there are no style points like at home. you need to focus on the task at hand. if reading helps, do it but if you're done with the deed don't stick around to read the end of the article, leave the tainted newspaper behind and get the hell out of there. don't let whatever is happening outside the stall distract you. focus on the task at hand. if someone occupies the stall next to you, don't let it get in your head. they are a jerk for taking the stall next to you but the difference between average crappers and great ones is the ability to fight through adversity. just get it out so you can get out.

EXPERT TIP: the true expert will make the adjacent stall less inviting to other potential poopers. before entering your chosen stall, try pouring a glass of water on the seat of the stall next to you or removing that stall's TP.

STEP FOUR: CLOSING

an average of 75% of the time spend in the bathroom is devoted to clean up. this is especially true when playing an away games because low quality toilet paper and nerves can cut down on wiping efficiency. the key to the away game cleanup is methodical folding of the paper, wiping and disposal of the paper. if the tail of the paper toches the ground when you are getting it off the roller, you must discard at least the bottom 6 inches. if you miss the bowl with a piece of used paper, let it go, it will only distract you from your escape mission. if the toilet is an autoflush, you don't have to worry about flushing your nesting, if not, use your foot to clean house for the next guy.

EXPERT TIP: fold, don't bunch the paper. the greater surface area will result in less wipes and less stinky fingers.

STEP FIVE: ESCAPE

if you're at a truly public place like a ball game you're in the clear. come out of the stall, make a "whew" face to the guy waiting for your stall and say "tough one" and share the bond of commraderie felt between poopers. if you're at a semi-public place, like work, things are a bit more tricky. first, avoid emerging when someone else is in the bathroom. this could create an uncomforable sink moment. if you do exit as someone else is coming in or another pooper emerges when you are washing your hands you must avoid all discussion of the stench filling the bathroom. if another pooper remains in a stall and a newcomer enters in, attempt to avoid "outing" yourself to the remaining pooper by engaging in coversation. attempt to acknowledge the newcomer with a nod or a short, quiet "hey" so that the remaining pooper is unable to deduce who just dropped the bomb next to him.

EXPERT TIP: if you exit the stall and another pooper remains in a different stall and a talkative newcomer enters, fake a coughing fit to avoid conversation and "outing" yourself to the other pooper.

(Editor's Note: I think I have an explanation -> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychosexual_development#Anal_phase)

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Originally Posted by Lil Bit Special

I just sh!t on the floor and use the sink as a bidet.

(Editor's Note: That was you - you BASTARD!)

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Topic: Bears decide to move on, waive Tank Johnson

Originally Posted by madmike1

I'd take him on the Jets in a second.

Originally Posted by Alk

Well fortunately for the rest of the Jets fans you're not the GM of the Jets. I'll put in a good word for you though.

(Editor's Note: Gee, what a pal you are, Husker...)

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Topic: Soccer Forum at JN?

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

i'd vote for a college sports forum before a soccer forum.

Originally Posted by joebabyny

YUP! Besides, we already have one queer forum here, fortunately only the mods can see and post in it.

(Editor's Note: Ohhh, sthop - you big shilly goose...)

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Originally Posted by raffyD

Happy Birthday Chad, see you in Hawaii next year.

Originally Posted by NJ

You guys in the same timeshare group Raf?

jk - Happy B-day Chad - put it all together and bring us da bacon!

(Editor's Note: Wow, that's cool! Can you invite me along to Hawaii, raffy? Come on, be a pal! I won't even ask Chad to throw the ball around with me - I promise.)

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Originally Posted by ShadowJet35

in 98,99,and 2000. When was the last time the Sox won one before 2004.

Originally Posted by Gainzo

The Yanks won back in the day. Awesome!

The Sox won in 2004. 2004 > 2000.

(Editor's Note: And 26 > 6 - what's your point? Both are history, correct? Only the ST. Louis Cardinals can talk the talk this year.)

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Originally Posted by Gainzo

The Yanks won back in the day. Awesome!

The Sox won in 2004. 2004 > 2000.

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

haha

POTW nominee

Originally Posted by Barton

1986.

Thanks for playing.

(Editor's Note: Ooops - Barton got you, SJ - now go make him a sammich,,,)

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Topic: Tigers trade pitcher Maroth to Cardinals

Originally Posted by madmike1

7.2 IP 1ER 2H

The cards STOLE him.

Originally Posted by The Troll

Small sample size.

(Editor's Note: Wait a second, I thought size didn't matter?)

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Topic: Where Can I find a Jets bathing suit?

Originally Posted by P2C

This is the only article of clothing I haven't been able to locate..anybody know where I can get one?

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

crumpled up on the floor of the mod's conference room. if you want a female one, try nfl.com.

(Editor's Note: Actually, it's the other way around - if you want a male one, go to nfl.com, otherwise check the mod's lounge...)

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Topic: Would you all still root for the New York Jets... If they were called NJ Jets?

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

(The Nomination: "POTW NOM... shakespeare! how classy and cultured you must be!" - brettw4rd)

(Editor's Note: "Rose is a rose is a rose is a rose

Loveliness extreme.

Extra gaiters,

Loveliness extreme.

Sweetest ice-cream.

Pages ages page ages page ages." - G. Stein)

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Originally Posted by timbok

who who knows to know will always know to know...my grandfather always said that....i don't understand it..

Originally Posted by joebabyny

It means that your grandfather is the original forrest gump

(Editor's Note: "Coach Bryant: That kid may be the stupidest son of a bitch I've ever seen, but damn he can run!")

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Originally Posted by johnny green balls

T OTW is now a 4 letter word! man, they are trying everything to choke us out!

looks like the inagural turd of the week awards is the last... meaning barton is the perpetual champ and garb is the perpetual dingleberry

Originally Posted by Alk

Hey, it's kind of like *********.com over at JI.

(The Nomination: "hahahaha POTW and T OTW nominees...Well one thing for sure,,we know that fag, homo, anal ramming, rectum diving etc will all be allowed forever at JN" - SouthernJet)

(Editor's Note: *** ******* ** **** **** *** *** **** **** *** ****** **** **.)

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Originally Posted by johnny green balls

maybe it's just easier if i salvage this wrecked joke.

and the newsroom goes silent!!!!!

(ba doom tis)

(Editor's Note: Golly - did he do it?)

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And this week's winner:

Topic: Ryan Sims bashes Herm and the Chiefs (28 players want out?)

Originally Posted by joiseyjet

Lets hope they don`t fire him before that last reg. season home game against KC on 12/30 .I want this to be just like the Butch Davis game where he got canned the day after we beat him (in cleve) How awesome would that be to see him get canned the day after the coach that replaced him here , beats Herm here

Originally Posted by Bugg

I want him to be embarrassed, exposed, destroyed, humiliated and then fired after that Jets win. And I want the Jets to be on their way to a high AFC seed.

Congrats to Bugg for his winning post this week. While I am not all-consumed with Herman, I agree with the destruction that Bugg wants to see for him this season. F Herman Edwards and broom he swept in on. Thanks for the winning post, Bugg!

The Assist of the Week goes to madmike1 - he prompted a lot of very funny posts and comments this week, even if he didn't actually mean to do so. Thanks for everything you do, Mike and ps - I agree with you about Phil Hughes.

That's all folks - "Vacation All I ever wanted Vacation Had to get away..."

Y'all be cool -

gb

[CrazyCarl40]

GJ beans and congrats to whomever won. I didn't finish reading because I saw Belinda Carlisle and I immediately began to hum Heaven is a Place on Earth.

So thanks Beans for making everyone at work think I love 80s pop. Why couldn't you have said Tiffany instead. I don't hum any of her songs!!

[GreenBeans]

GJ beans and congrats to whomever won. I didn't finish reading because I saw Belinda Carlisle and I immediately began to hum Heaven is a Place on Earth.

So thanks Beans for making everyone at work think I love 80s pop. Why couldn't you have said Tiffany instead. I don't hum any of her songs!!

At least you got a picture out of it, CC.

[Smizzy]

Susanna Hoffs >> Belinda Carlisle

[joewilly]

great job greanbeans, you had you're work cut out for ya this week.

here's hoping we turn a corner as a group & get away from gay & turd humor altogether.

i'm afraid I don't have much to offer in most threads these days it seems

[GreenBeans]

Susanna Hoffs >> Belinda Carlisle

Smizzy's hittin' the pipe again, it seems.

[Smizzy]

Smizzy's hittin' the pipe again, it seems.

Monster pulls...moster pulls.

[GreenBeans]

Monster pulls...moster pulls.

SO IF YOUR TEMPER'S GETTING A TOP HAND,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST STOP AND

PASS THAT PEACE PIPE AND BURY THAT HATCHET

LIKE THE CHOCTAWS, CHICKASAWS,

CHATTAHOOCHEES, CHIPPEWAS DO.

http://www.completealbumlyrics.com/lyric/37278/Gene+Kelly+And+Fred+Astaire+-+Pass+That+Peace+Pipe.html

[BP]

Congrats Bugg! (btw, I nominated your post )

Great job Beans!

[GreenBeans]

Congrats Bugg! (btw, I nominated your post )

Great job Beans!

Thanks Tuna!