funniest draft links page

[bitonti]

yeah ok it's a year old and probably will never be updated again but it's still the greatest draft links page i've ever seen. it's a bash fest

http://www.profootballtalk.com/draft.htm

he uses that (hump.gif) to rate the about.com site.

he uses this (buggererd.gif) to rate the gridirons grumblings

thankfully he never made it to DD.com

hopefully he stays retired champion

For the last time -- really -- the following Pulitzer-style writing will be my review of the stench of the earth otherwise known as Draft Sites. I use stars to rate the sites -- 4 stars the best, 1 star the worst. Most sites get a 2 star rating -- hell I would give everyone one star but Florio is afraid that some of the gay Draft site operators won't hug and kiss him anymore.

Now for a further explanation of my ranking system (if you don't understand then ask the Easter Bunny that you waited for last night to explain it to you):

****- best Draft site out there - gives you all the Draft info you need -- never been awarded -- THIS JUST IN: Mel Kiper's site will get 4 stars -- as soon as Mel quits and starts the job he really is qualified for -- a Mannequin.

***- Site has a lot of good stuff . . . but has some characteristic that makes it annoying (your country is ruled by some psychopath, short squatty fat guy and then you are liberated by the armed forces of democratic countries -- and then you start bitching because your country does not look like Miami Beach after 3 weeks -- here's an alternative - go back to eating sand and wearing your pajamas all the time).

**- Site has good points and bad points (Good Point: Your missed reading Dante's Draft Links and the new edition is finally here . . . Bad Point: by clicking on this page you were just registered for the pen pal list of all Death Row inmates throughout the world.

*- It is either looking at this site or asking yourself that eternal question that is always spinning in Mike Florio's mind: should I spend $50 for a Profootballtalk t-shirt or my renewal for the Michael Jackson Small Boys Glee club?

Also in this edition that I have added some other graphics for some of the sites -- very few positive, very many obscene. If you are a site operator and don't like the graphic (or ranking) that I slap on you then email me -- I need some new idiotic monologue to post on the site.

Comedy time is now over -- get out your chocolate bunnies -- and let the torture begin:

THE FOLLOWING SITES HAVE BEEN PERMANENTLY sh*tCANNED:

NFL Draft Scouting. The only draft hits guy is following is the one in the backside of his pants when Florio is around.

Draft Master. The last time it posted new poop was the last time Florio changed his bikini underwear.

Mid-Atlantic Football -- The Titanic of Draft sites . . . please sink and go away.

NFLDraft.WS --New Look. New Year. Still sh*tty.

Searle's NFL Draft Arena -- dude posts a pic of his slu- . . . uh girlfriend on the Site . . . is there anymore to say?

Mr. Hyde's NFL Draft Central. Mr Hyde has shut down -- he and Mel eloped to a melon patch.

ADDED THE FOLLOWING SITES:

About Football [Added 4/10] Big headed guy presents outdated stuff about NFL Draft -- haven't we seen this before?

Gridiron Grumblings [Added 4/10] Like a bad taco, your stomach will grumble after reading this food poisoned site. 1 Round Mock -- it sucks.

KAC NFL Draft Profiles [Added 4/10] 2 Round mock and rest makes you YAC. Where in the hell do these people who post this crap come from? Pass.

NOTE THE FOLLOWING SITES:

HailRedskins.com. [updated 4/10 - 1 Star Bump Up]. Site has links to over 100 Mock Drafts -- that's it. Boasts that it has 4 million hits -- yea -- it does -- for people going to someone else's Mock Draft (nice try Brainiac). Hey Site Guy: do something original before you blow yourself.

FalkonOnLine. [updated 4/10 - 1 Star Bump Up]. A little better this year -- 4 Round Mock and some player stuff. Some guy named Lupus Asparagus writes for it now. Still begs the eternal question: What the Falk?

Draft King. [updated 4/8]. Guy has outdated news and acts real serious on site. Also some feature called "Send mail to my Sack Bag." What? Sucks.

Draft Studio. [updated 4/3 - 1 Star Bump Up]. Mock and some player profiles -- seems to be intrigued with posing pics of college-aged men. Motto of Site: "Where knowledge makes a difference" -- too bad it doesn't apply to this abortion.

Draft Exchange.[updated 4/11 - 1 Star Bump Down]. News, Notes and Team Needs. Seems obsessed with quoting Fat Ass Len from the Snoreleader. In its links has every sh*tty site in the world but not the best - Profootbaltalk.com. Fu-- them.

TFG's NFL Draft. [updated 3/30]. A site that has mathematical formulas in analyzing the Draft. Draft value board. Hey Site Guy: per Site, you have a "unique set of game film observations" -- since when does watching Tom and Jerry cartoons mean the same as watching game film?.

N2FL. [updated 3/15]. 1 Click Round Mock and rankings. Mr. Site Boy: per Site "You will find that this mock draft is different from most others" -- you're right -- most are sh*tty -- this is really really sh*tty.

Football.com. [updated 4/9 - 1 Star Bump Up]. Draft Value Bored, Top 100, Rankings -- now on their 10th Mock Draft. Team Needs. Hey Site Guy BJ: clicking onto Site is kind of like the feeling you get when you look over the side of a bridge -- you kind of want to jump (i.e., click for more) but decide you already have enough misery in your life.

NFLFuture.com. [updated 3/11]. Top 200 players, 2 Round Mock and Prospect Database - this is the same sh*t the guy had up when I got tortured looking at this Site 3 months ago. Hey Site Guy: yea . . . we are really sorry you were away for a while too -- in fact so is Mike Florio

DraftCrazy. [updated ?]. TOOK THE FU--ING STAR AWAY. Turd site has some kind of radio gig going -- unbelievably, it is even worse that Profootballtalk Radio -- even includes some guy with a lisp. Hey Site Guy: please go away -- forever.

TFYDraftPreview.com [updated 4/9]. Pay-oriented. For free stuff -- scroll down and see 2004 Draft database. Lists 2004 Draft order -- all 7 rounds. Hey Site Guy: I really do admire you -- it must be tough working that cash register at 7-11 all day and then coming home and working on this crappy "you should pay us" site.

NFL Draft World [updated 4/3 - 1 Star Bump Down]. New position rankings, Top Small School players, Top 215 Players and Team needs. Mock Draft. Boring. Hey Site Guy: Per Site "Things to look forward to": your site internet host shutting this snoozefest down.

NFL Draft Showcase [updated 4/9 - 1 Star Bump Up]. The Draft site of Dante's Punk Boy of NFL Draft Blitz fame. Added 4 Round Mock and some video highlights. Prospects. Player reviews, Top 200 and a bunch of zzzz-stuff. Hey Bongo Nuts: nice video -- but I missed the one of you and the boys after the Draft Site Toga party -- something about Mr. WeeWee becomes a grown man or something.

NFL Report [updated 3/15 - 1 Star Bump Down]. Pay-oriented. If you can figure out what is new on this Site let me know. Hey Site Guy: why not throw in some ephedra when we click on?

NFL Draft Countdown [updated 4/9]. 3 round mock is now up and updated. Positional rankings and Top 32 -- with bios -- that's it. Hey Site Guy: you say that the Site is "the #1 free NFL Draft site in the world" -- unfortunately, the World as known in 12 B.C. does not count.

Rob's Scouting [updated 4/5 - 1 Star Bump Up]. New positional rankings -- excellent (includes Draft round projected). 3 Round Mock. Player scouting reports, rankings, sleepers, Top 80 Small School Players, Daily News. Hey Mr. Rob Slob: the grey background makes me feel like I am on a battleship -- Florio says "how about hot pink?

Couch Scout [updated ? -- still have no fu-- idea - 1 Star Bump Down]. Mr. Cheeto ranks gazillions of players--and some bios--some good, most too cryptic. Hey Mr. Cheeto: nice hat for sale on the Site -- who wears these -- lobotomy patients?

All-Pro Scouting Services [updated 4/10 - 1 Star Bump Down]. Pay-oriented. Only thing to get free is some ramblings on the Site message board. Self-proclaimed Scout Matt "I Keep Pulling It But Its Still Small" Gerbil continues to give us a site that begs the question -- "If this is the future of the human race how long will it be before tree stumps are running our country?" Hey Matt a/k/a Cry Baby: pay you "$29.95 for premium content thru June 1?" -- how about if I give you a $50 and you shut down until then?

West Coast Draft Services (formerly Boomer's Draft) [updated?- we still don't care - 1 Star Bump Down.] Pay-oriented. Top 75 list, Diamonds in the Rough and Ugly Aliens He Has Whacked It To -- It all sucks. Hey Mr. Breaking Himself Down At Night: you too want us to pay coin for your crap -- OK -- here's some Iraq money -- wipe your ass -- and Site content -- with it.

Draft Notebook [updated 4/10]. Pay-oriented. New 3 Round Mock. Rankings and bios. See bottom of front page of Site for updates. Hard to Believe: if you look really really close at the Site you can see the Batman sticker the Site guy has pasted on it.

The Huddle Report [updated 4/8]. New Player profiles and Top 300. Bunch of Mock Drafts. Value Board. Hey Site Guy Robbie: So you guys contribute to the Tony Bruno Experience -- does anyone else besides you listen to this obnoxious blowhard?

NFL Draft Blitz [updated 4/9]. Good poop -- Inside the War Room. Positional rankings, Top 100, 7 Round Value Board, player profiles and some Team Reports. Hey Site Guy Chris: see where you guys are copying Collegefootballtalk.com and want to have a college teams pages -- hey I think we are going to have a Sites That Copy All Of Our sh*t page too -- what do you think?

[updated 12/22]. New Top 75 Prospect list is up. Hey Hyde: Nice new color and format -- but still same boring content and info. You need some new humor on the Site -- Draft content does not count.

Draft 2004.com [updated 2/24 - 1 Star Bump Down]. Pay-oriented. Mr. "I'm On A Diet So Give Me 22 Hamburgers - Hold The Pickles" hasn't done dick-doo since I last fell asleep at his Site. Hey Site Guy John: I don't even want to imagine you around a Easter candy basket.

The Great Blue North Draft Report [updated 4/11]. Notes section updated every day -- guy does a great job of reporting everyone else's stories. Hey Site Guy Colin "O Canada": get the snowball out of your ears and write something you can think of -- besides deer meat.

Mel Kiper [updated 4/9]. Pay-oriented. As Mel gets more and more irrelevant ESPSnooze is now posting more and more of his rehashed crap for free (is this really a good thing?). Posted a 3 Round Mock and updated his Top 25 players. Hey Melon Head Mel: can you break down doors with that thing?

Have a site you want added? A site you want deleted? Are you saying to yourself "You know . . . I'm glad Dante is back . . . that OBreakmynuts guy seemed like he was going to cry or something." Drop me a line -- we can laugh about your sorry-ass life together.

[TomShane]

Holy sh*t that was hysterical: Some of my favorites! LOL!!!!!!!!!

One sap even tried to say he was me. Here's a message board message for all of you who want to post -- post your lips on my ass.

your country is ruled by some psychopath, short squatty fat guy and then you are liberated by the armed forces of democratic countries -- and then you start bitching because your country does not look like Miami Beach after 3 weeks -- here's an alternative - go back to eating sand and wearing your pajamas all the time

Mr. Site Boy: per Site "You will find that this mock draft is different from most others" -- you're right -- most are sh*tty -- this is really really sh*tty.

Mock and some player profiles -- seems to be intrigued with posing pics of college-aged men.

Top 200 players, 2 Round Mock and Prospect Database - this is the same sh*t the guy had up when I got tortured looking at this Site 3 months ago.

I really do admire you -- it must be tough working that cash register at 7-11 all day and then coming home and working on this crappy "you should pay us" site.

Hey Site Guy: why not throw in some ephedra when we click on?

Self-proclaimed Scout Matt "I Keep Pulling It But Its Still Small" Gerbil continues to give us a site that begs the question -- "If this is the future of the human race how long will it be before tree stumps are running our country?" Hey Matt a/k/a Cry Baby: pay you "$29.95 for premium content thru June 1?" -- how about if I give you a $50 and you shut down until then?

[updated?- we still don't care - 1 Star Bump Down.] Pay-oriented. Top 75 list, Diamonds in the Rough and Ugly Aliens He Has Whacked It To

Hey Site Guy John: I don't even want to imagine you around a Easter candy basket.

Mel Kiper [updated 4/9]. Pay-oriented. As Mel gets more and more irrelevant ESPSnooze is now posting more and more of his rehashed crap for free (is this really a good thing?). Posted a 3 Round Mock and updated his Top 25 players. Hey Melon Head Mel: can you break down doors with that thing?

[isired]

for all of you who want to post -- post your lips on my a$$.

like i'm not gonna use that one...

[bitonti]

how about this mailbag

it's a work of genius -

TS and Maxie you should just psychotically abuse real or imagine people - that would make jetnation stand out

Dante,

When is the next update? I am a lonely man, have no friends and look forward to your posting new stuff. Loser Boy in Baltimore.

Me: Loser Boy -- I do not want you to read my page anymore -- you are a loser -- and a boy -- so why don't you go get hit by a bus or something . . . or visit Mike Florio? Your winning friend Dante.

Dante,

Who do you think you are? You're an a$$hole -- always abusing people, yelling at them and making fun of their looks. Angry in Atlanta.

Me: I have good news and bad news for you. The bad news is that I got a lot of that stuff from your wife. The good news is that I earned a lot of frequent flyer points going to see her the past 2 years. Your hung pal, Dante (p.s. you didn't find an extra black sock around there, did you?).

Dante -- I am anxious to start up my own Draft site -- any tips? Paul in Pittsburgh

Me: Paul - here's a tip you can gnaw on (if you know what I mean) . . . go away. Dante

Dear Dante -- I am a young angry gay man and do not see the humor in your making fun of Mike Florio all the time in your column -- please stop -- the Mike Florio you make fun of doesn't match the guy I know. Butt Boy Bob in Butte

Me: Hey Butt Boy . . . here's a match . . . your face and my ass. Or your ass and Florio's thingy . . . take your pick. Your heterosexual pal, Dante.

[TomShane]

Dear "bitonti,"

You call yourself the "Draft Daddy" yet you get OWNED in the JetNation mock by EricBarton. Please do us a favor and read Street and Smith's draft guide or something. You suck.

Love,

Maxman@jetnation.com