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...the 2006 Detroit Lions, as I'm sure our Michigander contingent could tell us.


Five Fast Facts about the Lions:

-NFL tradition holds that the Lions play every Thanksgiving Day, and that they have at least 8 losses by that time.

-Team President Matt Millen commutes to work from his house in Pennsylvania, a house he has burned down three times while attempting to make Toaster Strudel.

-Last year, receiver Mike Williams was the first rookie in team history to bring donuts to every team meeting without having to be asked.

-Rookie linebacker Ernie Sims played at Florida State for head coach Bobby Bowden, who was the main inspiration behind the character of Shelley Marcone from "The Last Boy Scout". ("Why, she was one of the sweetest little whores I ever tasted!")

-Last year, the Lions were quarterbacked by the two-headed monster of Jeff Garcia and Joey Harrington. This year, they'll be quarterbacked by the two-headed monster of Jon Kitna and Josh McCown. Next year, the team plans on using seven-headed monster Tiamat, who has no NFL experience (or arms, for that matter), but can spit boiling hot acid at would-be defenders with her copper dragon head. Defenses are urged to use their vorpal swords against Tiamat if they wish to slay her and take all her precious, precious gold pieces. For more information, defensive coordinators are urged to consult the Fiend Folio.

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