Giants Players Only Meeting - THE TRUTH!!

[JOJOTOWNSELL]

Here is an official transcript from the Giants meeting:

Michael Strahan: OK, guys, let's get started. Is everybody

here? Great. Plex, can you get the door?

Plaxico Burress: No.

Strahan: Why not?

Burress: It's a little out of my reach.

Strahan: You're kidding, right?

Burress: Not at all. If the door was right here where I

could get to it without any exertion I would gladly close it

for you. But it's not. Somebody put it way over there. And

it wasn't me so I shouldn't have to go out of my way to get

to it. That's not my style. Sorry.

Strahan: Geez. What an @#$%*!^. OK, then. Eli? Can you stop

whimpering in the corner for a moment to close the door so

we can start our meeting?

Eli Manning: Golly. Sure thing, Michael. I'd be happy to.

Thanks for asking. I'm just glad you fellas think I can be

of some help to you. It sure means a lot.

Strahan: Whatever, dork. Alright. Let's get started. The

reason for this players-only meeting is because we need to

pull together and start winning.

Tiki Barber: Exactly. I agree. We have to start getting me

more carries.

Strahan: Uh, well, that could be one way I suppose, Tiki.

Barber: No, that's the only way. Getting me more carries is

the most important thing. Trust me on this. I'm smarter than

all of you. I know it. You know it. Even Coach Coughlin has

come to realize I am his intellectual superior. How did you

like that word, huh? "Intellectual." That's five syllables.

Strahan: Very impressive, Tiki. Thanks. Now that we've all

heard Tiki's thoughts, does anyone else have any suggestions

on how we can turn our season around?

Jeremy Shockey: Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! Pick me! I have an idea.

Strahan: Jeremy, the floor is yours. Let's hear your

thoughts.

Shockey: We need more unity on this team, right? So why

don't we all go get the same tattoo? That would be so

badass. I say we all get a Limp Bizkit tattoo. That band is

awesome and they totally have the hard-core attitude we need

here. Who's with me? And you better say you're in or I'll

assume you're afraid of getting a tattoo and are a scared,

little, wussy girl. And I don't want no wussy girls on my

team. I'm from The U, baby! The U!

Strahan: Whoa there, Jeremy. Dial it back a bit. Can

somebody tranq him? Thanks. Let's hear from some other

veterans -- Ike Hilliard?

Amani Toomer: Who & me?

Strahan: Well, yeah. You're Ike Hilliard, aren't you?

Toomer: No. I'm Amani Toomer. Ike Hilliard hasn't been on

the team for a couple of years. I think he's on the

Buccaneers now.

Strahan: Really? Hmm. I always did get you guys confused.

Well, whoever you are, let's hear your thoughts.

Toomer: Thank you. Listen up, guys. I've been on this team a

long time and one thing I know is ...

Strahan: Sorry, Ike. But I'm going to cut you off. We're

running short on time here.

Tim Hasselbeck: Hey, that's rude to cut someone off when

they're trying to talk.

Strahan: What do you know about it, third-stringer?

Hasselbeck: A lot, actually. My wife, Elisabeth, is a host

on "The View" and Rosie O'Donnell always cuts her off and it

hurts her feelings.

Shockey: You watch "The View"? Come over here. I'm going to

kick your ass.

Strahan: Somebody hit Shockey with another tranq dart. Tim,

I understand what you're saying. My apologies to Ike

Hilliard. And, Tim, please have your wife ask Rosie

O'Donnell if she can fill in on the line until I get

healthy. That lady is a beast.

Mathias Kiwanuka: I know I'm new here, but can I say

something?

Strahan: Sure thing, rookie.

Kiwanuka: I want to share with you guys something an old

coach once told me. It really fired me up and is the most

valuable advice I have ever received. I was going through a

bad time, like we are now, and my coach pulled me aside,

looked me square in the eyes and said ...

Strahan: Uh, yes? And said what? You seemed like you had

something really good going there and then you just stopped

for no reason.

Kiwanuka: I know. I'm sorry. It's a bad habit of mine.

Manning: Umm, fellas? Hey, guys? You mind if I say a word or

two?

Strahan: Have at it.

Manning: OK. Swell. Just give me a second here. My dad wrote

down some things for me to say and I have to find the paper.

He said if I read this to you guys you would respect me as a

team leader.

Strahan: No, no, no, Eli. It's time to stop hiding behind

your family. You're a big boy now. If you don't have

anything that you want to say yourself from your own heart,

then we don't want to hear it. So do you have anything to

say that isn't from your daddy?

Manning: No. Not really. Well, that's not really true. I do

have one thing.

Strahan: Yes? Let's hear it.

Manning: I wish you guys would stop giving me wedgies.

Strahan: Not a chance.

Barber: Hey, can we wrap this up? My wife said I have to be

home by 5 p.m. today.

Jared Lorenzen: Yeah, I let's end this. I'm hungry.

Strahan: OK, OK. We're done. I hope we've all worked through

some issues in this meeting and that we're all primed to

beat the Cowboys this week. And remember -- anything that

was discussed in this meeting stays among us, the players.

Except if I need to fill some time on my radio show. Then I

reserve the right to say whatever I want about any of you.

[joewilly]

thats pretty funny

[Ten]

Pretty good,i too always get Toomer and Hilliard mixed up.

[jetophile]

Snarfle, snort. Nothing better than a Giants implosion. So who's Captain Bligh and who's Spencer Christian ("I am in hell!")? And do they go to Tahiti? Maybe that's where the new Stadium goes up. Plastico can play Touch Football with the natives, Shockey is never heard from again. Hehe.

[Long Island Legend]

I have to say even though this is a vicious attack on my beloved Giants, its pretty f*in funny. DJ Gallo writes some funny sh*it every once in a while. This season has turned into a complete circus

[nj meadowlands]

I have to say even though this is a vicious attack on my beloved Giants, its pretty f*in funny. DJ Gallo writes some funny sh*it every once in a while. This season has turned into a complete circus

Gallo's not bad, but I wipe my ass with anything Bill Simmons writes

[Long Island Legend]

Gallo's not bad, but I wipe my ass with anything Bill Simmons writes

80, u've been pushin a lotta my buttons lately, and ive taken it in stride. But there is one thing i will ABSOLUTELY NOT TOLERATE: YOU BASHIN *MY BOY* SIMMONS. The man embodies everything journalism stands for, not that crap you read in the Bergen Record. Do not touch Simmons in the near future or this message board battle will become very serious.

[nj meadowlands]

80, u've been pushin a lotta my buttons lately, and ive taken it in stride. But there is one thing i will ABSOLUTELY NOT TOLERATE: YOU BASHIN *MY BOY* SIMMONS. The man embodies everything journalism stands for, not that crap you read in the Bergen Record. Do not touch Simmons in the near future or this message board battle will become very serious.

Shut up. Your boy is Mark Kotsay.

[Long Island Legend]

Shut up. Your boy is Mark Kotsay.

How are you gonna bring a scrub like Mark Kotsay up when im mentioning greatness like the Sports Guy, aka Billy Simmons?

[joewilly]

li any thoughts on dave klein? my favorite giants reporter

[JerryK]

Pretty good, but Shockey should've called someone a homo.