PETROCK Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 .....when their fiancee leaves them. That's what happened to me a couple of hours ago. I mean I did everything to make her happy, but it apparently wasn't good enough. Everyone says not to blame myself because I did everything, but I still fell like I could have done more. Life sucks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardSeymour Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 6 pack of good beer (liquor you could drink to fast, might actually be dangerous.). X-Box, PS2, Counterstrike, veg mode of choice. and one other thing.... use it as motivation to get in the best f****** shape of your life. Do that and six months from now you'll be getting more action than you know what to do with. As to the heart of it.... Sorry man. It sucks. Women are crazy. In. Sane. How old are you, man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 RS..Men are all prizes too...but I digress. I'm sorry to hear that rock. Please don't jump... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smizzy Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Women are snakes,except when were doing it of course. Im not allowed to be serious sorry,max said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gg Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 i am really sorry Petrock Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenjetsfan Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Sorry man. It sucks. Women are crazy. In. Sane. How old are you, man? I am not insane...WILL u marry me? oh god sorry I can't sleep with the enemy... Its raining....wanna make out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 .....when their fiancee leaves them. That's what happened to me a couple of hours ago. I mean I did everything to make her happy, but it apparently wasn't good enough. Everyone says not to blame myself because I did everything, but I still fell like I could have done more. Life sucks! Bro. Sorry, that is terrible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Women are snakes,except when were doing it of course. Im not allowed to be serious sorry,max said. And that is the game now isn't it Smizzy? :wink: Rock......it's gonna be ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smizzy Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 You evil she devils know how to manipulate everything. A mans feelings ,his emotions,his sex life....It's no secret woman is the devil on earth with boobs to blind us of the truth. Evil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 There are a couple positives on which to focus: 1 - You weren't married and didn't have children. It could have been much worse. 2 - There WILL be someone else and things will get better. Now, did you get the ring back? If not, get it. Sue her lying ass if you have to. She broke the contract. She has no right to the ring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 You evil she devils know how to manipulate everything. A mans feelings ,his emotions,his sex life....It's no secret woman is the devil on earth with boobs to blind us of the truth. Evil. :twisted: Come on now Smizzy...let's not digress here...this is serious. :twisted: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smizzy Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Ok let's be serious... I feel terrible for you,comedy is my solution,it always is. Anyway...Women are tough to understand,did she say anything? You feel like you could have done things different. How so? Why did she say she left and what do you think you could have done to fix or change it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Rock Man - sorry to hear it and there isn't much of nothing I can say to make you feel better. Here's some truth though - walk through the pain and you're in for many good things on the other side of it. Theres nothing worse than a 80/20 relationship but the most depressing thing I can think of is settling to be in one. You'll be fine in a short time if you make your mind up to be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetheelz Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Petrock, my heart goes out to you. While I have never been engaged, I know how it feels to have everything just fall out from under you. I dare say everyone here reading this knows what thats like. There are not too many people who have not had their heart broken or had someone stab them in the back. Stay strong, keep your head up. Time heals all wounds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Ok let's be serious... I feel terrible for you,comedy is my solution,it always is. Anyway...Women are tough to understand,did she say anything? You feel like you could have done things different. How so? Why did she say she left and what do you think you could have done to fix or change it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenjetsfan Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 look at the HAPPIER things in life... you have JETNATION you have JETNATION coming soon a "HAUS of STYLE" with me..kinda like sex in the city... you have 6 LOYAL female partners right at your fingertips...just PM us and use the block all user buttons so Shane can't hord in on our private time! Hey I feel your pain bro...I did it to someone 6 months before the wedding..turned out I did not do my homework and the JETS were in Oakland that year 99 October I believe, and I would have been in Australia for my honeymoon...WITH NO JETS ..forget the wedding... I did give back the ring and he told me to keep it! So I did..I now wear it out so this way I can pick and choose who I want to smooch with! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PETROCK Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 Thanks guys, your support means more than I could ever say. I expected to come here and make that post and get my ass chewed out. Sorry for not giving you the proper credit. I'm 33 RichardSeymour, I would get a 6 pack but I'm broke. Better to wallow in my own self pity tonight than to go out and get all upset and emotional in front of people. The thing that sucks is that we just closed on a condo on Friday and we were supposed to up there and do some more paining tonight. We were going to start a new life up there and now it's gone. I can't specify one thing that went wrong, it was a lot of little things. I've always cursed a lot and I tried to tone it down more and more but it wasn't good enough. Then she has problems with yelling. Now even though I have never yelled at her and she has never heard me yell she thinks that because I raised my voice, remember I never did it at her, she thought I was yelling because her father yelled at her a lot and somehow she thought I was yelling when in actuallity I would raise my voice....especially during Jets games. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenjetsfan Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Thanks guys, your support means more than I could ever say. I expected to come here and make that post and get my a$$ chewed out. Sorry for not giving you the proper credit. I'm 33 RichardSeymour, I would get a 6 pack but I'm broke. Better to wallow in my own self pity tonight than to go out and get all upset and emotional in front of people. The thing that sucks is that we just closed on a condo on Friday and we were supposed to up there and do some more paining tonight. We were going to start a new life up there and now it's gone. now when you closed whose name is on the DEED? not the mortgage the DEED? I am assuming you bought in Jersey, since thats in your profile..I already stalked I mean saw it.. I can help you in that dept..... If you need SERIOUSLY need help with any questions, I will help. Your best bet is to live in it or rent it..capital gains sucks! Unless you paid CASHOLA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PETROCK Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 There are a couple positives on which to focus: 1 - You weren't married and didn't have children. It could have been much worse. 2 - There WILL be someone else and things will get better. Now, did you get the ring back? If not, get it. Sue her lying a$$ if you have to. She broke the contract. She has no right to the ring. She tried to give the ring back but I told her to keep it. It was hers, I got it for her so F it. now when you closed whose name is on the DEED? not the mortgage the DEED? I am assuming you bought in Jersey, since thats in your profile..I already stalked I mean saw it.. I can help you in that dept..... If you need SERIOUSLY need help with any questions, I will help. Your best bet is to live in it or rent it..capital gains sucks! Unless you paid CASHOLA The condo is in Stanhope NJ and it is in her name, my credit sucks too bad to get a mortgage. Thanks though Brenda. You're right jetheelz, time does heal all wounds. I just went through this 3 years ago, at least I wasn't engaged to that one. I just had so many plans for us just a few short hours ago and now it's like WTF happened??? I don't know if I'll even want to ever be with anyone again, she was special and I blew it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I feel so sad for you rock....sorry. It's good that you are choosing not to drink tonight. that could just get you into trouble. Be strong. Give it time. You'll look back in a while and it won't feel as bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djaparz Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 it hurts now but everything happens for a reason!!! life is short - make sure your happy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardSeymour Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Thanks guys, your support means more than I could ever say. I expected to come here and make that post and get my a$$ chewed out. Sorry for not giving you the proper credit. I'm 33 RichardSeymour, I would get a 6 pack but I'm broke. Better to wallow in my own self pity tonight than to go out and get all upset and emotional in front of people. The thing that sucks is that we just closed on a condo on Friday and we were supposed to up there and do some more paining tonight. We were going to start a new life up there and now it's gone. I'm 23 so I really can't offer advice from much of a perspective but... Here's what I do know... --- A few months ago the Columbian decided it was over after she saw my temper for the first time (I grew up in a family where we yelled. She didn't). She lasted 3 days and it was pretty clear the whole time that she didn't want it to be over. Things have been smooth since. Make sure it's really over. Don't go begging or anything but talk to her, if that window's still open. Be honest and strong at the same time. --- Don't go out for awhile, at least not to bars. Alone time where you don't have to have your guard up, time with close friends outside bars, and activities that will involve not thinking of here will help. --- Time really does help. It took me a year when I got my heart broke. 12 months. That's a long time.... but when it's over, it really isn't, if you get what I mean. --- There will be another. It won't be the same but it will be just as good in its own way. --- Veg. Take your mind off it. You can only assimilate stuff like this a little while at a time. Uh.... that's what I've picked up anyway. Maybe it's completely inapplicable for you.... dunno.... FWIW. Good luck and god bless man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smizzy Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Here it goes.... Women are what makes the world go round. A womens smile is the type of thing that can make you forget everything that is wrong in your life.When a women takes you into her heart its & tells you she loves you,well that is the moment you realize what the world is all about.Love is the feeling we all strive for,the ultimate acceptance and emotion wrapped into 1. The problem happens when you still feel like this and the women/girl loses interest and falls out of love. She still pretends to love you because she still cares for you,she was just in love with you and she doesn't want to hurt you,but she doesn't want to be with you either. So things start to change,she gets mad at you for nothing and starts to get distant and see it. You try to make her happy,but she insists she is happy and you are just overreacting. Then the next thing you know she wants out and you never saw it coming. cause to you,things were just starting to get change in your mind but to her,she's been gone for months. Love is one of those things that is great and then turns around and kicks you in the balls for no reason. This girl had her own agenda my friend. Nothing you said or did was going to keep her,so don't kill yourself over that. Some things are not meant to be. This next few months are gonna be tough,i suggest you remove everything that will remind you of her and deal with it later. Go hang out with friends and try to keep your mind off of her. Sorry brother,it happens to the best of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brenjetsfan Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I'm 23 so I really can't offer advice from much of a perspective but... 23 young dumb and full of .... ENERGY... WOWIE WOWIE WOWIE..some one hand me my flip flops he just knocked my SOCKS off... :twisted: . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardSeymour Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 I can't specify one thing that went wrong, it was a lot of little things. I've always cursed a lot and I tried to tone it down more and more but it wasn't good enough. Then she has problems with yelling. Now even though I have never yelled at her and she has never heard me yell she thinks that because I raised my voice, remember I never did it at her, she thought I was yelling because her father yelled at her a lot and somehow she thought I was yelling when in actuallity I would raise my voice....especially during Jets games. Wow. I hadn't even read that part when I replied. Sounds a LOT like what happened with me... In a lot of cases the girl breaks up with you because she "should" or because she feels like she "has to" but she doesn't want to. If the lines are still open, call. Don't talk about relationship stuff per se, just ask how she's doing, see if she's OK. Talk with her. Ask about her day. Be her friend. That's freaking gold with a girl, if she sees that it's over but you still care about her. Express regret. Don't try and convince her of anything, but tell her you wish that you had done things differently, and that you know you could have done better. If/when you've talked a couple of times and things are going warmly, express regret.... and start talking about the mechanism of the breakout--- stuff, how to arrange things.... she's likely to find it depressing enough to reconsider. I dunno, that's how it worked for me. Each relationship is different but it might help give you some ideas. "It's over" doesn't always mean "It's over". Sometimes it's a very high stakes bluff, whether she knows it or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardSeymour Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 WOWIE WOWIE WOWIE..some one hand me my flip flops he just knocked my SOCKS off... :twisted: . Anytime Bren. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PETROCK Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 This girl had her own agenda my friend. You're absolutely right, she did have her own agenda and so did others around her who influence her. I wish I would have seen that before now. I really don't think I could have done more. I cooked, she didn't ever. I took out the garbage, she never did. I did the dishes, no dishwasher, she never did. I took her out when I had the money. When I asked her to help with the cleaning, she bitched that she did a lot because she cleaned the litter box and the cockatoo cage. We had an agreement that she wanted the animals it was her responsibility and she agreed to those terms 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warfish Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Petrock.... I feel your pain brother, I truly do. When I was 20, my fiance of 5 years and I split, at her request (after I had taken her back after two affairs). This was all of ONE MONTH after my father comitted suicide and my college baseball career came to a disastrious injury ridden end. Oh, and she left me NOT because of anything I did.......but because she had decided she liked women AND men and random sex, and wanted to go on a journey of sexual exploration....WITHOUT ME DAMMIT. So trust me my friend, I GET where you might be at right now. All I can say is that this too will pass man. As horrid and craptastic as life may seem, it can always get better. Hell, I got fat bald and old (funny to say, since I'm only 29) and yet my life has gotton so much better since that day. I am deeply in love with a women I don't remotely deserve, and whom I've dated for 8 years now (and lived with for 5). Sometimes it's a dark and nasty tunnel you have to crawl through to get to the goodness on the other side (a la Shawshank Redemption, natch), but the journey is almost always worth it. Optimism. It's wins out every time, if you'll let it. Have a good night bro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smizzy Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 You're absolutely right, she did have her own agenda and so did others around her who influence her. I wish I would have seen that before now. Well the important thing is you see it too. Now you know it was her,not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RichardSeymour Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 All I can say is that this too will pass man. As horrid and craptastic as life may seem, it can always get better. I am deeply in love with a women I don't remotely deserve.... Sometimes it's a dark and nasty tunnel you have to crawl through to get to the goodness on the other side (a la Shawshank Redemption, natch), but the journey is almost always worth it. and Rock, if you're gonna take one thing out of this thread, make it that. Well said War. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PETROCK Posted March 2, 2005 Author Share Posted March 2, 2005 Petrock.... I feel your pain brother, I truly do. When I was 20, my fiance of 5 years and I split, at her request (after I had taken her back after two affairs). This was all of ONE MONTH after my father comitted suicide and my college baseball career came to a disastrious injury ridden end. Oh, and she left me NOT because of anything I did.......but because she had decided she liked women AND men and random sex, and wanted to go on a journey of sexual exploration....WITHOUT ME DAMMIT. So trust me my friend, I GET where you might be at right now. All I can say is that this too will pass man. As horrid and craptastic as life may seem, it can always get better. Hell, I got fat bald and old (funny to say, since I'm only 29) and yet my life has gotton so much better since that day. I am deeply in love with a women I don't remotely deserve, and whom I've dated for 8 years now (and lived with for 5). Sometimes it's a dark and nasty tunnel you have to crawl through to get to the goodness on the other side (a la Shawshank Redemption, natch), but the journey is almost always worth it. Optimism. It's wins out every time, if you'll let it. Have a good night bro. Dam man, sorry to hear that you had to put up with so much BS in your life. I'm glad to hear that your journey has led you to a pot of gold. So far in each and every aspect of my life my journey has led me to a pile of sh*t. On that note...and to all a good night. And thanks again, I look foward to the Jets after Superbowl victory party where we can all be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T-Mac Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Step over to the window, I'll help you out. But seriously, you put up with the bird and she still dissed you? Dude, it's over. Get over it and move on. Happy hunting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TomShane Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 Rock, forget all these other suckers, ddog. Particularly the chicks--they are ALL in cahoots, homeboy. Here's how it goes, from the player extraordinaire: 1) Women will drive you absolutely insane. You must always, ALWAYS, keep them at arms length, even when falling in love with them. They need to occupy a space always at one remove from your heart--if you let them into your heart completely, it's all over. You have to be Rambo, my man, you're expendable and she is expendable. Sounds cold? I suggest it's not. What it does is cure the grating interdependence that absolutely ruins lives and marriages. Who wants someone that's hanging on them like a wet blanket? You can LOVE her completely, bro, just do it, like I said, at one remove--allow her to occupy a SPACE in your heart and not the entirety of your heart. If she leaves, it hurst like hell, but at least you'll be able to preserve the whole. 2) As far as recovering from the misery you are in now, do this: a) LET it hurt, but understand the pain--analyze it. If you let it fester and grow as a shapeless mass, it will overwhelm you. Identify what is generating the pain at the specific time. Are you sad because you miss her at a specific moment? Are you sad because you feel as though she left you over money/your job/your personality/ your sexuality/ etc? Always put a label on where each episode of the pain derives from. DO NOT generalize the pain. If you stub your toe, do you say your body is killing you? What good is that to the doctor. In much the same way, explain to yourself where each episode of melancholia comes from: I'm sad because: she liked those flowers and the remind me of her; because it's her birthday today; because she would have liked this movie; because I feel like she would still be here if.... 3) ONCE you've decoded where the pain is coming from, explain to yourself WHY that is cauing you pian, and understand if it's something you can change. Make it a productive suffering. If you're sad because you miss certain things/times that you shared or would have been sharing with her, that's obviously something that you can't control. What you CAN control is the self-recrimination: that she left you because you have no money, or you're bad in bed, or you are boring. Know that it is natural to find fault in ourselves for the actions of others. While it might be productive to see what you can improve at times like these, understand that, from her perspective, that it's more often than not HER issue. There may very well be NOTHING wrong with you, rather, she may have commitment issues that manifest themselves as criticisms against you. You say she broke it off because of 'yelling' that you claim you didn't do. To me, it sounds like she has other stuff going on that has nothing to do with you, per se. Use this time to analyze how you can improve, absolutely, but don't do it merely to become presentable to her or someone like her. Do it because there's an image in your mind of the person you want to be. If you do it to satisfy someone else, you will never, ever come close to chieving that goal. Man is innately self-interested at heart, Rock. Do it for you. 4) As for the recovery timeline: If it's your first heartbreak--one calendar year. If it's heartbreak #2, 4 months. 3rd heartbreak--2 weeks. NOTE: You need to have your heart absolutely ruined 3 times before you can ever hope to find true love. 5) Go out and buy Chris Isaak's first record, and also some Jack Johnson. Listen to them. Join the gym. Buy a micro-trim and get the hair out of your nose and clean up your eyebrows. Get a picture of David Beckham and hang it on your refrigerator--it will help you get in shape. Masturbate every morning if you can--it will help center you. Spend 100 bucks and get your hair cut by a real stylist and let her decide what looks hot. Try it. Throw out any clothes that look like sh*t. You know who dresses nicely but cheaply? Nick Lachey. The right T-Shirts, the right jeans and two cool pairs of shoes and one pair of sneakers and you're good to go. Buy a bottle of Cool Water and do one spritz of it onto your chest right after you put on deodorant. You'll feel sexier. The break up is a brutal part of your life, Rock, but it's also going to help shape you. You are never as in touch with your true self as you are when you are in this type of pain. Learn from it and move on. Just don't pretend it's not there. In 5 years you will have trouble remembering what this girl looked like. And don't do the "get back together" game. Once she leaves you once, it's over. You can get back together with her and play nice for awhile, but you'll never lose the resentment you have now and will ultimately sabotage the relaitionship. Trust me. ~TomShane, Ultimate Male Supreme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verde Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 ~TomShane, Ultimate Male Supreme Sounds more like Dear Abby to me. :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted March 2, 2005 Share Posted March 2, 2005 MeThinks some ho did a real job on old Tommy Boy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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