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"Red Sox Nation: F*** These Guys"

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http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7034858/f@#footnote3

Red Sox Nation: F@#$ These Guys

A totally calm and sober analysis from one of our resident Boston fans

By Jay Caspian KangPOSTED SEPTEMBER 29, 2011

gl_g_redsox1x_576.jpg

You know what? **** these guys.

Nobody should have to root for John Lackey or Carl Crawford or Jonathan Papelbon or Theo Epstein. Sure, there was a time when I felt morally and geopolitically bound to root for the Boston Red Sox, but that time ended in 2004, when Pedro Martinez left to go pitch for the Mets. Every old baseball guy I've met has a story about the moment when he stopped caring so much about his childhood team, when emotional attachment eased off into something resembling a piqued interest. Overwhelmingly, these stories involve the departure of a favorite player. Guys who grew up loving Willie Stargell stopped caring so damn much about the Pirates when Pops retired, Giants fans couldn't care anymore once Mays went back to New York, et cetera.

Now that I'm getting old and my interest in sabermetrics (not to mention my job in sports media) has left me a cold, heartless shell of a human being who thinks only about all the injustice all those stupid BBWAA morons keep heaping on Tim Raines' doorstep, I can now reflect back and say that the 2011 Red Sox didn't lose me last night, they lost me when Theo decided to let Pedro hop on that plane to Flushing. That was when the boyhood joy of the game etherized and left this aesthete's body, freeing me to hate indiscriminately and without prejudice.

And so. I'm glad that every Tom from Saugus and Sully from Lowell and Frederick from Lexington is calling up WEEI today and calling for Theo's head. I'm glad that every time John Lackey walks into a Stop & Shop, presumably to buy presliced ham, Wonder bread, Red Man and ranch dressing, he has to worry about an enraged fan throwing a cantaloupe at his head. I'm glad Carl Crawford is going bald (although, Carl, if you're already going bald, why not accelerate the process with this nice box of HGH?). And I'm glad people are discussing whether or not Jonathan Papelbon's last pitch for the Red Sox will be the one he threw to the Great Robert Andino. Good lord, I hated this ******* Red Sox team.

After Longoria's home run traveled its 317th foot last night, I called my friend Frank. In November of 2004, just days before Keith Foulke would throw out Edgar Renteria to end Game 4 of the World Series, Frank published an essay in Sports Illustrated that, in part, was about growing up as a half-Guatemalan/half-Jewish Red Sox fan in Needham, Mass., during the '60s and '70s. I met Frank in 2005 when we were both living in New York City. We bonded over the Red Sox, of course, but in a very specific sort of way.

Writers, especially those who are always writing about themselves, tend to be a morose, self-sabotaging bunch. It's no wonder so many, in the pre-Cowboy Up/pink-hat era, were drawn to the Red Sox.1 And although I promised this wouldn't turn into a "Being a Red Sox fan is about loving to lose and hating yourself," I'll point out that the only reason why that story hasn't been flooding the RSS feeds of America is because baseball writers these days are afraid to write any angle outside of a pure, game-oriented, preferably sabermetrically sound "take" because they know the hungry math wolves will come charging down Twitter way.2

Frank and several other Sox fans I've talked to over the past 12 or so hours are relieved for two reasons. First, we don't have to pretend to root for these assholes anymore. Second, the old kick-in-the-balls feeling is back! We get to go back to our favorite pastime: complaining about this sh*tty team and its sh*tty GM and what the **** is wrong with Crawford and did you hear what this guy told me about what John Lackey did when he was at that bar in the Back Bay? When I woke up this morning, I thought, "Hey, maybe this crushing defeat will kill off some of the Cowboy-Uppers and the Pink-Hatters and we'll be closer to the ideal mix of Red Sox fans: old angry drunk guys in bars, young angry drunk guys in bars, old and young angry drunk guys at Fenway who heckle Harvard-y fans and/or minorities, minorities who feel weird about being Sox fans,3 openly hate the city of Boston, and, as a result, secretly want the Sox to lose forever."

That's what every Sox fan over the age of 30 can't quite admit, because to be a productive human being you have pretend to be interested in success and winning and enjoying moments of glory. Winning was nice, but man, I miss the bile.

3I have a friend who is of Korean origins and grew up in the Boston area. One night after watching a Red Sox game in a bar in San Francisco, he started complaining about the post-2004 crew and what had happened to Fenway. At some point, after a few too many beers, he said, "Oh, the racists of Fenway who used to heckle our family — how I miss you!"

Jay Caspian Kang is an editor at Grantland. His debut novel, The Dead Do Not Improve will be published by Hogarth/Random House in Summer 2012. Follow him on twitter at @jaycaspiankang.

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LMAOOOOOO the schadenfreude is so damn sweet.

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I still can't believe the wheels fell off like that. Crawford's contract along with Lackey's are going to hurt them big time if they don't rebound.

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I still can't believe the wheels fell off like that. Crawford's contract along with Lackey's are going to hurt them big time if they don't rebound.

Really? The Sox have gobs of money. Those contracts don't hurt one bit. Just like A-Rod's deal won't hurt the Yankees in a few years and just like when CC opts out to get more money from the Yankees. Let's not act like any contract hurts these teams.

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So the new party line for Sawx fans is "I hated this team anyway, **** Theo Epstein!" now? Amazing how much a 7-20 month can change an entire fanbase's attitude.

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So the new party line for Sawx fans is "I hated this team anyway, **** Theo Epstein!" now? Amazing how much a 7-20 month can change an entire fanbase's attitude.

To be fair, the guy who wrote this article claims to have begun his hatred of his team during the '04 offseason. I can't blame him either. The new wave Red Sox fans are annoying as f***.

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That article is a bunch of sh*t. (and do not get me started on his insistence on pushing a sterotype that really no longer exists - dangerous and evil agenda, really). Trust me, if he's a winner on the field, it would not matter how much of an a@@hole Lacky is off of it. Yup, fan integrity - LOL!

This is why "real" fans left the Red Sox years ago:

LARRY LYNIN' LUCCHINO!

The marketing genius who ruined the Orioles and the Padres. But, wait, he built a new park! Brought in oodles of money! Good for you, Larry. Go get a degree in architecture or urban planning....maybe it will help you get rid of that stench you got while you earned your JD at Yale Law School.

What they did to Nomar, Pedro and countless others is dispicable. They use the media as their vehicle and the "retahded" members of Red Sox Nation (more marketing genius! Red Sox Nation! The Evil Empire!) follow along.....dipsh*ts didn't realize it was turning into a funeral prosession.

So, here's a big f-u to Lyin' Larry, that stick figure idiot, Henry, and the Hollywood d-bag Werner. No worries......you can be immortalized at Fenway Park don't yah know? For $250 or $475 you can have your name etched on a brick in Fenway Park! Be part of park they should have blown up a long time ago!

This morning I hear that they will fire the best manager in Red Sox history.

Effin' morons. Really.

Any room on the Yankee Bandwagon? At least they have some class.

Edited by Garb

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That article is a bunch of sh*t. (and do not get me started on his insistence on pushing a sterotype that really no longer exists - dangerous and evil agenda, really). Trust me, if he's a winner on the field, it would not matter how much of an a@@hole Lacky is off of it. Yup, fan integrity - LOL!

This is why "real" fans left the Red Sox years ago:

LARRY LYNIN' LUCCHINO!

The marketing genius who ruined the Orioles and the Padres. But, wait, he built a new park! Brought in oodles of money! Good for you, Larry. Go get a degree in architecture or urban planning....maybe it will help you get rid of that stench you got while you earned your JD at Yale Law School.

What they did to Nomar, Pedro and countless others is dispicable. They use the media as their vehicle and the "retahded" members of Red Sox Nation (more marketing genius! Red Sox Nation! The Evil Empire!) follow along.....dipsh*ts didn't realize it was turning into a funeral prosession.

So, here's a big f-u to Lyin' Larry, that stick figure idiot, Henry, and the Hollywood d-bag Werner. No worries......you can be immortalized at Fenway Park don't yah know? For $250 or $475 you can have your name etched on a brick in Fenway Park! Be part of park they should have blown up a long time ago!

This morning I hear that they will fire the best manager in Red Sox history.

Effin' morons. Really.

Any room on the Yankee Bandwagon? At least they have some class.

Don't hold back. Tell us how you really feel.

Terry, if you want on the Yankees bandwagon, you're gonna have to sit on my lap.

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I still can't believe the wheels fell off like that. Crawford's contract along with Lackey's are going to hurt them big time if they don't rebound.

Unbelievable final month. They have far too much talent not to rebound. Collapses happen. Trust me....us Mets fans know.

The Tampa comeback was actually great TV. I would love to see them win it all in what was supposed to be a step back year.

Best of luck to Yanks and their fans.

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