"St.Valentine's Day Massacre" Edition of Post of the Week - February 14th, 2007

[GreenBeans]

Welcome to St. Valentine's Day, boys and girls. The day every man hates because no matter what you do, you are either a schmuck or just okay. You cannot win on Valentine's Day, so why bother. I'm celebrating the anniversary of something a little more interesting and fun - The St. Valentine's Day Massacre of 2005. 2005 you say? I'm not a sicko, people - I'm not celebrating the 1929 murders ordered by Al Capone in Chicago, I'm celebrating Google! See ->

http://money.cnn.com/2005/02/07/technology/techinvestor/hellweg/index.htm . I'm offended any of you with think otherwise.

On to the good stuff:

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Originally Posted by G.O.B.

Gainzo - I had sex with a prostitute for 8 years. I now call call her my Ex-Wife. It's not all it's cracked up to be.

(Editor's note: Look on the only bright side available here, Guns - you got one sensational daughter out of the deal.)

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Originally Posted by Verde

Yeah, but you'll still be unfunny and there's no diet for that.

Originally Posted by Max

How does that saying go?

It is better to have been funny and lost it than to just be bitter, cranky and good at graphics.

(Editor's note: That's a new one, Max - I thought it was "Damn that Verde is H-O-T hot!" Just wanted to clarify...)

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Originally Posted by Smizzy

You've seen them. These f*ckers are everywhere. It should be required by law to retake the test for your license every 10 yrs. These Magellan's drive around with their head up their ass talking on their Cell phones,dicking around with their Navigation system or drinking their morning coffee. All of these idiots leave me screaming in the car " ASSH*LE!!"

I might have a tiny,tiny bit of road rage but if the speed limit is 45mph and you are going 27 ,I should have the right to pull you over and punch you in the face. Not once but multiple times and Possibly a passenger.

If you have your blinker on and don't turn I should be able to grab anything in my car(within arms reach) and throw it at your car.

If We are at a red light or stop sign and you decide to let some idiot go in front of us because you feel Nice and Ive got some place to be....I should have every right to take a poop on a paper plate and smash it on you or your car. OK I agree. It would be hard to get out of my car,Poop on a plate,catch back up and then toss it on him. Unless I wanted to have premade poop on a plate in the car. Either way this might be a stretch.

Oh....and If you flip me off,hang me the finger or give me the bird The law should have no issues with me following you home & beating you senseless in your driveway with your Kids car seat.

I don't care if you are a little old lady or a fat redneck . Learn the rules of the road or I might kill you.

(Editor's note: Uh, Smizzy - are you posting and driving again? Please stop that, it's dangerous...)

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Originally Posted by oktaren

are you dumb? can you read?

you say: $20 says that little girl is both Anna's daughter and grand daughter.

i say: cool, now she has something in common with you...

its not that hard to comprehend...

that little girl and you have something in common, your moms both ****ed your brothers...hello?!

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

But, how does that make me a daughter and grand daughter? Is this some Buffalo area trend?

And how did I get multiple moms?

I am making a family tree, so I could use the help.

Originally Posted by oktaren

you must have done very good in school...hahaha

Originally Posted by GreenMachine

Enough to know it is very well, not very good.

(Editor's note: O-K-Taren - Powned by the Machine...)

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Originally Posted by Arsis

You think moss would be able to live with being the #3 receiver?

(The nomination: POTW NOM for stupidity. - 124)

(Editor's note: Moss would be able to live with that - he's got straight cash enough to live with anything, homie.)

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Topic - any 3 legged quarterbacks in the nfl? ever?

Originally Posted by joewilly

I noticed this page is gettin low on quarterback threads.

heck lets talk q'back dissabilities. anyone one got a gimpy q'back story to share? thanks

Originally Posted by Green DNA

John (Tripod) Holmes played QB for his high school team back in the 60's. When that didn't work out, he went into porn flicks. That's all I've got!

(Editor's note: This gives new meaning to the "3-Point Stance" and possibly even the "3 Technique"...)

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Topic - " F**k it Im Going deep " Fan Club

Originally Posted by Smizzy

nobody wants to join?

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

by the title we assumed the club was limited to JN mods and had nothing to do with football.

(Editor's note: Look at 'lil johnny raisin's go. Go johnny, go - GO! Go johnny, go, GO! johnny green balls....)

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Originally Posted by onemanswarm

Super Blow XLI Winners and Losers

By The One-Man Swarm

Winner: Without question, the biggest winner of the night was the artist formerly known as The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, presently known as Prince. From the Aunt Jemima turban to the silhouette Guitard-on, the man simply owned the stage, the crowd, and the televised audience.

Losers: Everyone who watched the Cirque du Soleilm pre-game celebration without the benefit of a monster bong hit.

Winner: Peyton Manning. A lot of people feel that the Super Bowl MVP should have been awarded to Josenic Rhoddai, who dismantled the Bears’ defense on the ground. What those people fail to realize is that Peyton Manning is the one who pretends to call all of those running plays in the first place.

Winner: Tony Dungy. This victory will provide Dungy with the opportunity to receive requisite rest and intravenous nourishment. He can also exorcise any demons surviving from 2002, when Jon Gruden stole his players and his Super Bowl. Finally, if his refusal to attempt that 4th quarter field goal was any indication, Dungy also had the under in this game. Good call, Coach.

Losers: The NFL, who announced the fate of the Super Bowl Championship t-shirts that would have been awarded to a victorious Chicago Bears’ team. Apparently, they were shipped off to Africa. Good. If there’s one thing a malnourished child can use above all else, it’s a t-shirt that was made for John St. Clair.

Winner: Billy Joel, who braved the downpour and poured forth an emotional rendition of our national anthem. Chris Daughtry managed a single tear. Billy Joel’s whole face was soaked. You can’t teach that kind of showmanship.

Loser: Billy Joel’s rain-soaked piano, warped beyond repair and on its way to Africa. The NFL cares.

Winner: The Bud Light rock-paper-scissor commercial, which led off the Super Bowl advertisements and set the bar high. A little too high, judging by some of the competition. Even Budweiser’s load was shot.

Loser: Every other Budweiser commercial. The wedding auctioneer, the Dalmatian, ‘No speak English,’ the talking gorillas, and the beach crabs were all indicative of this year’s most prolific problem: Insufficient payoff. Those ads started well enough, but utterly failed to hit the final mark. The fist-bump/face-slap spot came close, but there was so much wasted potential. Not one single co-ed slap? No slapping of the helplessly old? No variation in the sound effect? These are the very staples of face-slapping comedy!

Winner: Devin Hester. If the Bears lose special teams coach Dave Taub during the off season, they should immediately replace him with Forrest Gump’s “Run that way

[GreenBeans]

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Topic - Why do college profs try to make classes as boring as possible?

Originally Posted by BoomBoomMancini

Accounting and Intro to Information System's have to be the two most boring classes you can ever sit through..

They should put that on the course description..

This is the class

Hello, today we are learning about databses

powerpoint

slide 1- take notes(he talks)....

1hr and 15 minutes later

slide 24(ok, remember to read blah blah blah)

This is my life...

Tommorow's schedule

9:00 AM-Math

10:00 AM-Workout

11:00 AM accounting

12:00-1:30 PM-Lunch break

2:00 PM-English(we are reading shakespeare.. yippee)

3:00 PM-Spanish test(I've taken the same class about 8 times(in high and middle school) and still suck at it)

4:00 PM-Play pool

5:00 PM-Eat dinner

6:00 PM-2:00 AM-Play video games/watch a movie(by myself)

2:00 AM-12:00PM-sleep

On top of that, I got fired from my job back home(they got rid of the night department at stop and shop)

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

enjoy it while it lasts. here's a sneak peek at your schedule after you drop out of school:

7:00AM - wakeup, brush teeth (hopefully), get clean uniform out of dryer.

7:30-7:45 - beg your neighbor to help you jumpstart your '86 Tercel in the freezing cold.

7:45-8:30AM - hellacious commute, especially considering your car's heater is broken and you can't afford to fix it on $7.15/hr

8:45-9AM - slam 3 coffees in the employee breakroom before your shift starts while you unsuccessfully hit on your female coworkers for the 70th time.

9AM-Noon - change the fry grease 6 times, a 2 hr stint working the drive-thru, get yelled at for your boss for forgetting your hairnet (again), take a 5 minute piss break to jerk off in the bathroom stall while thinking about your female coworkers.

Noon-12:30PM - lunch break; luckily you get an employee discount on happy meals!

12:30-5PM - Dining room duty; clean the ketchup and pickles off the floor, mop the bathroom that little kids piss on the floor all day, clean some brat's vomit out of the ball canal.

5PM-6PM - commute home, it's already dark and you spent every second of daylight at work.

6PM-9PM - shop for groceries (no dining hall in the real world), pick up drycleaning (you're a McD's team leader, have to look your best), write post-dated checks for all your bills so they don't bounce, do every other chore that your can't do during business hours because you're at work.

9PM-9:30PM - Hungryman TV dinner while watching sportscenter to recap all the games you don't have time to watch.

9:30-11PM - doze in and out of sleep on the couch from exhaustion.

11PM-11:15PM - cry yourself to sleep, wishing you finished college

11:15PM-7AM - restless sleep riddled with nightmares about how you're going to make ends meet

7AM- it's a brand new day!

Repeat until you die. Yeah you got it tough now bro.

(Editor's note: Perspective sucks sometimes, doesn't it BoomBoom? A piece of advice from an O-State grad - ENJOY your time there, it's a good school and great town. PM me for details...)

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Originally Posted by SouthernJet

POTW nominee!!!! GreenBeans the former teacher will appreciate this one.

Originally Posted by joewilly

I 2nd the nom....... where does it come from sj? his mom must be one hilarious lady

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

well come to think of it, she does seem to be laughing every night when I get dressed for bed

(Editor's note: Oh, stop, Mrs. SJ is not laughing AT you, she's laughing WITH you...or so she told me last - never mind....)

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Originally Posted by greengal

my pov....

i am sad thaat she led such a tragic life... and i am particuarlly sad for the 6 month old little girl.... too bad she couldn't go to a family who wants a baby and where she could live a live in a loving anonymous life...sigh...

and anna nicole was a person and i dont think death should be made fun of...

BUT

we have young men and women dying every day in iraq and they dont get 1/100 of the attention... sad really.

Originally Posted by Alk

Yes, but what is your opinion of her rack?

(Editor's note: It's "tatas" to gg, Alk - get with the program, son. )

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Originally Posted by SouthernJet

well come to think of it, she does seem to be laughing every night when I get dressed for bed

Originally Posted by Green DNA

That's the problem, you should be getting un-dressed. :wink:

(Editor's note: DNA makes an excellent point here, SJ. What's up with that?)

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Topic - The Heidi Game

Originally Posted by joewilly

we had a tv with tin foil on the rabbit ears

earlier that year my parents had to decide between buying , a radio or a toaster. needless to say, I watched heidi and saw the score 45 minutes later.

to date, I've been arrested 4 times for kickin the crap out of various orphan girls with pigtails.

(Editor's note: Well, that is much better than the seven arrests you have for propositioning the, right?)

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Topic - Can't wait for Jetcane's Training Camp Reports

Originally Posted by Bob

Maybe we could skip the training camp and just have MILF reports.

(Editor's note: I like that idea, Bob - a weekly MILF report from jc just like POTW would be an excellent idea!)

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Topic - The State of Mankind

Originally Posted by BoomBoomMancini

Our world is filled with unpleasantness. I have lived for some time. In that time I have encountered humans, being in fact one of them. At present, humans are an evil bunch and we all know it. Humans are phony, we lie to each other. We have wars. We cause each other endless pain and suffering. We mentally torture each other. We breed with no regard for the environment. As a result, overpopulation and rampant pollution is likely to render our world uninhabitable by 2100. Pollution, disease, unhappiness and selfishness make the human species horrible. In answer to the question, "Why haven't we encountered life forms from other worlds?" I answer, "Perhaps they don't want to meet us." True friends are extremely rare, most will eventually sell out and just think about themselves. Many of our society's heroes are phonies, horrible wealthy people who just want money. Our government is corrupt. Life is unpleasant for all except for the extremely rich. Our planet's youth plunges deeper and deeper into immorality. Who can blame them? School and the world puts so much pressure on youth. They have no choice but to rebel in the only way they know. We can save our world. If we listen to each other. If we change our flawed value system. If we take the time to help each other, we can make our world and the others we colonize, utopias.

Who wants to live in a world where being unique is frowned upon? The status quo must always be satisfied in a world where pain is ubiquitous. If someone isn't the same as everyone else they are treated horribly. I hate a world where being heartless and unfeeling is normal. I refuse to be shallow and superficial. I am tired of their competition. I don't want to compete, I want to enjoy life.

Originally Posted by JerryK

The first 100 years are always the worst.

(Editor's note: Yeah, those awkward 80's are always a pain in the neck, ain't they?)

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Topic - The Heidi Game

Originally Posted by Max

what really happened? By Gregg Hayim.

http://www.jetnation.com/?p=839

Originally Posted by Preston Howley III

I liked the article, because I like nostalgia. Although I do remember the game, and I do remember where I was and all that, I was five years old, and my priorities were completely out of wack.

I was waiting for Heidi to go on.

(Editor's note: Wow - JetMo would never say something like this....)

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Originally Posted by Alk

Damn, I was more impressed with the fact that Moorman sprung right back up after the hit. I'd take that guy on my team any day.

Originally Posted by Barton

Moorman is married alk, he's not gay!

(Editor's note: Zing - and a rim shot - the kids STILL got it!)

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Originally Posted by joewilly

don't feel bad gg, I'm still waiting to see how i'll react to a compliment

Originally Posted by Max

Out of all the men I have met that have extremely tiny weenies, you seem to let it effect you the least.

I admire that about you.

(Editor's note: Just another example of why one should always be careful what they wish for...)

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Topic - Going to Mardi Gras this weekend

Originally Posted by Mavrik

So I'm going with my roommate and a few girls to Mardi Gras this weekend. One of the girl's friends is going to let us crash at their place so we'll not have to worry about finding a hotel.

Anyone ever attended a Mardi Gras? What can I expect?

Originally Posted by Max

This is the latest installment in,

"Why my life is better than GOB's"

An inspirational story as told by Mavrik.

(Editor's note: Screw that, the title should be "I'm in college enjoying life while all you old bastards work for a living." I hate college kids.)

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Originally Posted by SoFlaJets

so what are you guys doing?

Originally Posted by Mentos

Women.

(Editor's note: The obvious answer for 90% of this board. Take a few guesses at who this does not apply to...)

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Originally Posted by SouthernJet

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that

she decided to end her life by throwing herself into

the ocean. But just before she could throw herself

from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the sailor.

"Look, I'm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you

away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food

every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she

had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her

in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would

bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until

dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain

during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she

replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to

Europe. Plus he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the

Staten Island Ferry."

(Editor's note: Hey, no fair - you mean Staten Island isn't REALLY Europe? It smells like most europeans...)

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Topic - Thank you Smizzy/GOB - Welcome Tex (from last year)

Originally Posted by chadharmamoon

I WILL LAUGH FOR DAYS ON THIS ****. A PATRIOT FAN IS A JETNATION MOD, WOW. WHAT IF I WANNA MAKE A POST TO EXPRESS MY HATE FOR THE PATSISIES. THEN WHAT? WOULD I BE BANNED. OR SHOULD I SAVE MY EMBARASSMENT AND JUST QUIT THIS SITE FOR GOOD.

(Editor's note: I love when people decide to not take the time to see what is going on PRIOR to posting. Having a difficult time removing your virtual foot from your virtual mouth, moonie?)

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Originally Posted by Alk

Max and Smizzy are playing rock, paper, scissors right now to decide who gets to hit the ban button. "Okay...best two out of three."

(Editor's note: I thought they liked to play hide the salami to make all of their decisions?)

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Runner-Up of the Week Sponsored by ColtsFanTX

Originally Posted by afosomf

Funny how a Tar-Hole fan has his life saved by a Dookie!!!!!

SJ goes to TAr-hole med center, he no longer graces us with his fabalous movie reviews!!!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

yet another reason to hate duke! bastards screwed me out of inheriting SJ's vast fortune for the foreseeable future!

(Editor's note: At least the medical center is still top 25 over there. Thank goodness for the dookies this summer,,,)

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Originally Posted by rizzock

im sure the san diefgo sports writers and team reporters no alot more then anyone else.

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

yes, they know all about homonyms!

Originally Posted by rizzock

they no about people who always think there never wrong and get butt hurt if they are too.

(Editor's note: I'm just too busy shaking my head to write anything about this exchange...)

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Originally Posted by DavePo88

a wise man once said that it aint the skill, its da will. and i got da will!!!

Originally Posted by DHJF

Isn't Will part of Chilltown?

(Sorry Max)

Originally Posted by DavePo88

no idea, but all i know is that Herman Edwards is a master of da will!

Originally Posted by joewilly

hey faba, can we get some cones & caution tape over here? this is becoming quite a hole daves diggin for himself

(Editor's note: Forget the tape and cones, just back the truck up and fill the hole...)

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Originally Posted by afosomf

Can we get one of their posters in return?

Jetsbabe is hot and she loves to shoot guns, unfortunatly not at our GOB

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

With the average age of JI being 12, wouldnt you risk hearing " Hi, I am Chris Hanson of NBC's DateLine"

(Editor's note: assmop is hangin' with the older crowd when he visits JI. His normal hangout's tend to be the "younger" crowd...)

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Topic Title - Dave:SWM, looking for same for friendship, maybe more

(Editor's note: That's pretty funny stuff...or pathetic...)

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Topic - BONUS!!!!!!! fairly recent Picture of Sharon Shenocca

Originally Posted by afosomf

Alk- you didn't know that SJ stands for Shenocca's Jugs??

(The Nomination - "If a post with the word "jugs" doesn't win soon then I'm outta here!" - raffyD)

(Editor's note: raffyD, please do not leave - I couldn't NOT give the award to the winning post below...)

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Originally Posted by Bob

Is it too late to change my vote for "most annoying poster?"

I never dreamed this nitwit would find his way back.

(Editor's note: Bob, it is too late to vote but perhaps Max will allow you to use your "pimp hand" just one time here and JN so you can remove him from existence for good this time.)

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And your winner this week:

Originally Posted by joewilly

awesome. I may never have to type again. seems I can pretty much say it all with these little yellow friends. where's the caymanian smiley with the huge appendage?

Originally Posted by Max

At your house. When you are at work.

Originally Posted by Verde

Damn Max, is losing weight making you funny?

Maybe the excess weight was crowding your funny bone.

Congratulation to the eggplant hottie, my good friend of old, the one, the only, VerdeGirl, aka Verde, best known as "V". What a great post to start the post season activities here at JN. I hope you will wear the POTW badge with pride this week:

The Assist of the Week goes to johnny green balls for his continual assault on my flabby abs this week. Love him or hate him, the guy is funny. Nice work this week jgb.

Look for the Post of the Year poll tomorrow morning, folks - I pick'em all year, I narrow the field to a few posts, YOU pick the winner!

Y'all be cool -

gb

[joewilly]

woo hoo... good job verde. a big congrats to you.

excellent job as always beans.

[Verde]

woo hoo... good job verde. a big congrats to you.

excellent job as always beans.

<standing on podium> I'd like to thank Max.. without his excess weight, we'd both be.. nothing!

Thank you, although.. I'm a bit shocked. Surely I've had much better quips.

[JetCane]

Verde won?

j/k girl. Congratulations!

As Mark Twain said about the woman who accidentally fell into the oven and was torched to death:

Well done!

[Green DNA]

Well done Verde. Please give me a call and let me know when you would like me to deliver your prize.

[aec4]

What happened to:

Posted by Southern Jet

"Southern Jet predicts Pete Carroll to SD"

aec4:

"Southern Jet predicts the sky is blue."

[124]

Of course Verde won. It's Valentines Day so it automatically must go to a woman.

J/Kin' Verde, congrats!

[GreenBeans]

woo hoo... good job verde. a big congrats to you.

excellent job as always beans.

Thank you, joewilly.

<standing on podium> I'd like to thank Max.. without his excess weight, we'd both be.. nothing!

Thank you, although.. I'm a bit shocked. Surely I've had much better quips.

That may be the case, but you finally won the big one this time around. On "V" day - how cute, ehhh?

Well done Verde. Please give me a call and let me know when you would like me to deliver your prize.

That would be my job this time around, DNA.

What happened to:

Posted by Southern Jet

"Southern Jet predicts Pete Carroll to SD"

aec4:

"Southern Jet predicts the sky is blue."

In the running for next week - sorry I missed it this morning.

Of course Verde won. It's Valentines Day so it automatically must go to a woman.

J/Kin' Verde, congrats!

Not true 124, but a good theory none the less.

[CrazyCarl40]

Every week I ctrl+f my name, and if it isn't found in the thread, I don't read it. That's just how I roll.

[JetCane]

Every week I ctrl+f my name, and if it isn't found in the thread, I don't read it. That's just how I roll.

You Crazy, Carl.

Well done Verde.

I saw a thread here last week that said well and good are interchangeable. Sooo, does that mean we can say "Good done Verde!"?

[GreenBeans]

Every week I ctrl+f my name, and if it isn't found in the thread, I don't read it. That's just how I roll.

POTW NOM - you'll be reading this next week, it seems.

[Bob]

What happened to:

Posted by Southern Jet

"Southern Jet predicts Pete Carroll to SD"

aec4:

"Southern Jet predicts the sky is blue."

Wrong thread. You need the "Lame Ass Post of the Week." It's in the premium section. $55, please.

[Gainzo]

Wrong thread. You need the "Lame Ass Post of the Week." It's in the premium section. $55, please.

Good stuff Bob. That cracked me up!

[Maxman]

<standing on podium> I'd like to thank Max.. without his excess weight, we'd both be.. nothing!

Thank you, although.. I'm a bit shocked. Surely I've had much better quips.

You are so lucky you acknowledged me in your acceptance speech! And damn you for mocking me with that fruit jumping rope.

Congratulations on the win!