"Ready for the inevitable..." Edition of Post of the Week - November 15th, 2007

[GreenBeans]

Does anyone think the Jets have a chance this week against the NFL's #1 defense? Anyone have any ideas about how to stop "Fast" Willie Parker? How about "Big Ben" and the receiving corps? It's gonna be ugly, but at least we're all rested to watch the beatings take place. To steal a phrase - "Oy! What a season..."

On to this week's nominations...

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Topic: SI ranks top stadiums for fan experience

Originally Posted by bitonti

this poll is absolutely dead on correct

the meadowlands is in a toxic swamp with nothing around it

the parking lot is covered in bird s--t

the traffic is a nightmare

no mass transit other than the bus (which sits in the same traffic)

the food is terrible

the drink is adequate at best

the seats are blue and red

the sign says Giants Stadium

half the parking lot is gone

satellite lots may as well be in siberia

oh and the team is friggin brutal

this poll is 100% true, going to the Meadowlands sucks, flat out.

(Editor's Note: But look on the bright side, Jets fans NEVER sell their tickets to other team's fans...)

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Topic: Jetnation's Secret Santa is Back!!!

Originally Posted by JonEJet

I'd like to be Thor's secret hannukah buddy

Originally Posted by Thor99

I already know what you're getting.

1 cup, no girls.

(Editor's Note: Hey, look at that - just like always...)

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Topic: Yankee's young pitchers not available, even for Cabrera

Originally Posted by GimmeShelter

Why wouldn't you just trade Kennedy-Melky and Ohlendorf for Willis and Cabrera?

Also:

According to ESPN's Buster Olney, the Yankees and Padres briefly discussed a trade that would have sent Jake Peavy to New York for Phil Hughes and Melky Cabrera.

It's not going to happen, though that would have been worth doing from the Yankees' perspective. Peavy, who is two years away from free agency, might become available next winter. The Padres will want to keep him for 2008.

Source: ESPN Insider

Originally Posted by barton

Willis is the most overrated pitcher in baseball. He had an era over 5 in the NL.

I heard the Mets are looking at Haren fwiw.

(Editor's Note: But Dontrelle LOOKS GOOD with that herky-jerky-all-over-the-place delivery. I wonder if he could say "It's great to be with a weeeeee-ner"?)

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Topic: Dolphins save surfer from shark

Originally Posted by Irish Jet

The only useful thing any Dolphins have done this year anyways!!!!

(Editor's Note: Make that "this year" "any year" and you're right on the money, G.)

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Topic: Armless man fatally head-butts romantic rival.

Originally Posted by Green DNA

How much of a pu$$y are you when a guy with no arms can beat you to death?

(Editor's Note: I'd say you'd be close to the size of Britney Spears...)

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Topic: Thanks to Max and JN

Originally Posted by BP

For my gigantic 500 capacity PM box, some people have to pay a fortune for far less.

Thanks for your generosity! and I also love the free arcade and Vbookie, just sayin'

Thank you!

Originally Posted by Max

Dumba$$. If you are going to take swipes at people at least do it right. Here post this:

Dear Max,

Thank you for giving me 500 PM storage capability. I know that servers are expensive and that you don't take paypal or charge for this site. Seeing how poorly you dress and how much you over eat, I can only assume there isn't much money left over at the end of each day for you. So I appreciate this.

This place is so much fun with things like vbookie. Betting on games each day to win vcash which can earn me prizes. WOW. The free chat room is cool, love how this is available to every remember for free. The expanded smileys are nice as well. The arcade, a poker room (which is being upgraded), Bren's photos, free tailgates with the boys from Classic Harley. Just amazing.

When it comes to Jets News JetNation.com is 2nd to none. Free training camp reports and game day photos? Say it isn't so! And a Jets Wiki that tells me the history of the franchise and let's me add to it and tell history from my perspective. WOW. online chats with beat reporters as well.

As if that wasn't enough there are weekly podcasts by Gregg Hayim. And TheGARV does a weekly video blog after each game. Tons of front page content -- Report Cards, Tyson's Tuesday Morning QB, Power Rankings, Game Previews, Jets News and much, much more.

That's not enough you say? Then check out the forums. With the most passionate and smartest fans. By looking at the Top Posters I see a list that resembles the Jets Fan Hall Of Fame.

BP -- that is how you promote something!

(Editor's Note: Promoting truth is always an easy thing, isn't it?)

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Topic: Help JN get better google ranking!

Originally Posted by Panzer Division Marduk

Not a lot of people know this, but in Gabon, a small Equatorial African country, there is a pygmy tribe known as the M'butu'n'gala. They live in an area close to the Congolese border, roughly between the villages of Lebba, Lebba II and Lebba III (and yes, those places do exist).

The thing is, the M'butu'n'gala worship many Gods. There's Amondoropopo, God of the Sun, Kamaloroakupo, Goddess of Night, Chuun'doraat'avo, God of the Forest. However all, these gods are subject to the will of Smizzy, the Supreme God, who created the world, and everything in it.

Apparently, some time ago, a Michigan cop, while taking a career break as a National Geographic photographer, was on assignement in the area, and one night, he was surfing the net on his laptop, and he came across the JetNation site. For a laugh he showed them Smizzy's picture, and the tribe were spellbound. The chief led the photographer to Gomboo'la'kree, Cave of the Gods, and inside was a carving of the almost shaven headed long armed tattooed deity, the Smizzy, as they called him.

The Cop/photographer documented this amazing coincidence, but fell foul of a group of Congolese separaratist guerillas (the human kind). However his laptop was kept by the tribe, and of course, the batteries ran out, but they still revere the laptop as the Smizzy'Kar'Ilea, The Portal Of The Supreme God.

(Editor's Note: Someone needs to sign PDM to a writer's contract and get a TV show out of this man. "The Smizzy" - Outstanding!)

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Topic: Kellen Clemens nickname is "six"

Originally Posted by Green DNA

My nickname is "eight and three quarters" and that's definitely a better nickname than six

(Editor's Note: Millimeters?)

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Topic: New Kitten

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

please. my life was over a long time ago. she moved in well over a year ago.

Originally Posted by greengal

reallly???? and she still married you?? OY! are you continuing to dose her water?

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

dating me was like boot camp for her. break em down, build em back up.

honey if you're reading i'm just joking, schnookems

(Editor's Note: Young jgb learned from the Master and can turn the Jedi Mind Trick with the best of them. Plus he's soooooo dreeeeeeeeeeeeeamy.)

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Originally Posted by johnny green balls

pretty much. she was horrified when she moved in to find that even though i owned the house for over a year my office was stacked to the ceiling with boxes. she said she is amazed she didn't find a dead hooker in some closet.

Originally Posted by afosomf

at least she was Ok with the live one

(Editor's Note: Sweet! Live hookers and do you still have your blow-up doll collection, too? Boy that Mrs. greenballs is a good woman!)

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Originally Posted by Garb

he'd never get in - they "cahd pretty hahd heeah." Hence, they imbibe at the bar Gainzo's bros tends.....unless baby face Joe got a fake ID???? I shudder at the thought.

Originally Posted by BP

You know, you're right. even I got carded in a bar in backbay 2 years ago.

Originally Posted by greengal

that smiley must be what the bartender looked like he obviously had vision problem

(Editor's Note: Jez-zu, you'd think BP was a tennis ball with the "twack" that came off of that one.)

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Topic: Tonight is not a night to get drunk

Originally Posted by MrsTaborJet

SANGRIA IS MY NEW DRINK OF CHOICE!!!!!

Was out with a girlfriend last night, she took me to a great Spanish restaurant in Lyndhurst... ordered a pitcher of red sangria and man, is that stuff AWESOME. I believe it had red wine, brandy, triple sec, sugar, fruit juice and fruit obviously. Wow. The two of us finished the pitcher.

I will definitely go back there. Oh, the food was great too.

Originally Posted by De-Jet-Erate/Duane

We love sagria and I make it regularly at taigates. let me no the next time you are coming and I will make sure I have the stuff to make some for you.

Originally Posted by faba

Will that be right after the yoga class in the parking lot?

(Editor's Note: No, silly - that's Wednesdays. It'll be right after the regular spinning class on Sunday...)

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Topic: Tonight is not a night to get drunk

Originally Posted by BP

Well, why hasn't Jessica signed up here and posted yet?

Oh, Tictac

Originally Posted by Tictac

Haha you don't want her on here. Shes a box full of drama with a popsicle stick.

We may share a name, buts thats about it.

Originally Posted by BP

I love drama, I actually crave it, so does Max. she would be perfect here!

Originally Posted by Tictac

Oh BP, aren't we all the drama you need?

Just kidding, do you want her? HUH do you!

Originally Posted by BP

Hell yeah! bringeth thy woman to me!

Originally Posted by DefenseWinsChampionships

You dont have a girl? I always thought you were married

Originally Posted by Green DNA

He is but he likes to bang young chicks also. Do you know what your girlfriend was doing while you got ****faced and watched the Knicks?

(Editor's Note: Shouldn't that be "Do you know WHO your girlfriend was doing..."?)

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Originally Posted by jetophile

Can you jamokes possibly capitalize any word in the English language? What are you going to put on your resume?

"I will wk fr u! LOL!"

This country is going down the toilet quicker than time itself.

Originally Posted by blackout806

jamokes?

quit smoking crack grandpa this is a message board not a job fair

(Editor's Note: Please note - no capitalization and no punctuation to be found here. "I may be going to hell in a bucket, babe

But at least I'm enjoying the ride, at least I'll enjoy the ride.")

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Topic: 24 HR TOP POSTERS

Originally Posted by Jetcane

Speaking of the top poster post count, ecurb has been dropping like a stone, ever since Chad got ben --he got a new job.

(Editor's Note: Wait, Chad got a "new job" and ecurb ALSO got a "new job" all at about the same time? Coincidence - I think not...)

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Originally Posted by greengal

you guys are sooo original!! Such funny responses! i bet you will both be vying for the title of "JN's funniest poster"

Originally Posted by DefenseWinsChampionships

When it's all said and done... I would like for you to be DONE

Originally Posted by Max

Holy crap -- I defended you. You are the most unpopular poster ever. You piss everyone off and somehow I thought you could work it out and get along with everyone.

Looks like I was wrong. You are unreal attacking people. People here have been nice to you and you are just an a$$hole in return.

(Editor's Note: Thank you, just THANK YOU. No speaks to my greengal like that...)

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Topic: Look at me everybody! I'm Back from the BAN! and NOW I'm banned again, OY! merged 2X

Originally Posted by Panzer Division Marduk

What the hell did he do now?

Originally Posted by MrsTaborJet

What didn't he do is the question.

Unless I missed more, I saw him spamming nearly every thread with his idiocy and getting just too ballsy for Max's taste. But we all know Max has quite a taste for that.

(Editor's Note: Too much balls for Max? Wow, maybe there really is an end to the universe out there...)

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Topic: I finally got banned from JI

Originally Posted by Jared

I average maybe one post a month on either of these two sites (JI and JN). This month however my one post on JI was something along the lines of "and this is why people post at JN" in reference to two people getting banned at JI.

Not really surprised by the outcome.

Originally Posted by Max

Dear (Insert Posters Name Here) Jared:

We are sorry for your loss. Being banned from superior Jets websites is always tough for all parties involved. Rest assured that we have been down that road before and we believe that (Insert Moderators Name Here) was doing his job to the best of his ability. He was simply following the rules set forth by the site's owner ***_**********.

Please purge yourself of any bitterness you may feel. The trepidation you are experiencing now will subside over time. Granted, the next few days will be tough. You will see extra money in your checking account as they cancel their weekly debit transactions. Having extra money is always troubling. The Holidays are fast approaching though, so in no time at all you will find other ways to spend that hard earned cash.

More importantly though, please realize that we are here for you. JetNation was founded, not for football discussion, but as a support group. I am not only the President, I am also a member.

Thank you and should there be anything we can do to ease your pain please call us, day or night.

Take care and be well my friend.

Signed,

http://soothnation.com (The Site That Cares)

(Editor's Note: Welcome to the island of misfit toys, Jared...)

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Topic: The "I can't stand my inlaws" thread..

Originally Posted by Tictac

My uncle and his 4 out of control kids lived across the street from my family for some odd years, It was crazy. My mom was the one who sold them the house too, boy did she regret that.

Originally Posted by Garb

They sell houses in Wisconsin? I thought you all claimed some frozen tundra and built a home made of cheese logs. Wow. You learn something new everyday.

(Editor's Note: Look at Garb making a funny. I'd like a cheese log cabin personally, it would make having crackers for dinner a lot more fun!)

[GreenBeans]

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Topic: Sad Stat of the Week

Originally Posted by CobraVerde

Stat of the Week

It is almost mathematically impossible after nine weeks for a team to be eliminated from division title contention, but that's what happened in the AFC East this year.

After nine weeks, the Dolphins were 0-8, the Jets 1-8 and New England 9-0. That meant that even if Miami or New York won their remaining games and the Patriots lost their last seven, neither the Dolphins nor Jets could finish first in the AFC East.

Originally Posted by i remember shea

so, what you're saying is we can still hope for a wildcard?

(Editor's Note: Sweet! And here I was thinking that the season was over and that the Jets had nothing left to play for in 2007. Thanks for making the season relevant for me again, irs!)

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Reggie Bush > MJD

Originally Posted by blackout806

last year was an illusion

Originally Posted by Irish Jet

MJD had a 90+ yrd kick return TD today.

Originally Posted by blackout806

well reggie had the two Tds

Originally Posted by The Troll

So, that makes him better?

I believe the career tub count is still 20-12 in favor of the bowling ball with butcher knives.

Let's see what happens when Fred Taylor finally gets injured. Bush is working as the feature back right now, MJD isn't. Yet MJD has more 100 yard games this season.

Originally Posted by shutout

Hey troll,how about that Vince Young huh? I noticed you don't get as much crap for ripping him anymore

Originally Posted by blackout806

6-3 vince young?

Originally Posted by Sperm Edwards

That's like saying Lawrence Maroney & Sammy Morris have been a great HB tandem because the Pats are 9-0.

The Titans haven't won too many games because of Vince Young's alleged superiority to other qb's. He's awful. In 8 games he has 6 TD's (incl 2 rushing) & 11 turnovers. Plus another 4 fumbles - one every other game - that weren't turned over but I'm certain didn't help the Titans at all.

This with a team around him that has provided 1000 rushing yards from its halfbacks, the #7 NFL defense in points-allowed, #3 in yards, and is top-10 in (defensive) 3rd & 4th-down conversions. Blame his receivers all you want, but one way of looking at it is that no receiver has come into his own with Vince throwing the ball. He may have finally gotten that completion percentage over 60% (barely), but his ypa is an embarrassing 5.8 yards despite that completion %age.

Someone with such awful passing #'s should be making a LOT more plays with his feet to offset it. He's on pace for like 430 yds & 4 TD's. He would need double that to even consider being acceptable. NO's best game offensively came when Young wasn't even on the field.

He seems like a great kid. But I'm plenty happier with Clemens at QB at this point. At least if he sucks as badly as Young does we won't be stuck with him for 5 years due to all the media ballwashing Young gets.

(Editor's Note: Good, old-fashioned solid post, Spermy. I hope, however, you are not insinuating that Kerry "DeWee" Collins could also be 6-3 with the supporting cast around him. Young has got that certain something as a leader that helps the Titans go - at least that's what I think.)

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Topic: The "real" reason why Clemens has replaced Pennington...

Originally Posted by NIGHT STALKER

Of course this is just my opinion and I could be wrong...wouldn't be the first time in my life I was wrong. Pennington to me is the same player he was a few years ago...same arm, maybe a hair slower making some throws if that's possible. But, our O line really sucks and if Pennington doesn't have an average to above average line giving him time, he becomes a below average QB because he can't overcome the line deficiencies to make certain throws.

In comes Clemens, he was needed because of the O line...the coaching staff is hoping he can overcome the short comings of the O line, where Pennington cannot. Guaranteed if we had an O line like we had a few years ago, Pennington would still be behind center.

Originally Posted by afosomf

the real reason

(Editor's Note: NoodleRoni Parmigiana from beautiful It-tal-lee! )

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Runner-up of the Week Sponsored by BlueBird

Topic: Herm Hurry Up, Your Bus Is Leaving

Originally Posted by Max

I just found this Ebay listing! hahaha, Herm's bus is pulling out of town. I guess it is safer that way.

Originally Posted by Panzer Division Marduk

Wasn't safe for poor Larry though.

(Editor's Note: I am officially starting a PDM fanclub - more news to come...)

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Originally Posted by Garb

Speaking of wolverines (and way off topic).....a friend of mine went to Michigan State - as did her mom and two of her brothers. Her dad went to Michigan - as did her sister and oldest brother. They would go to the Michigan/Michigan State game and sit on opposites side of the stadium. She said that nothing beat that atmosphere. I'm envious. I have never attended a big-time college rivalry game at a big, traditional site. Fla versus Fla St must be cool....Clemson versus So. Carolina.....Alabama versus Auburn......

Originally Posted by afosomf

how about Salem vs Beverly??

Actually i am taking my son to Tuscaloosa next year to watch my Tide

in person for the 1st time ever. I would love for it to be Awbun but I seriously

doubt i can afford that game. It is one of the must things for me to do

before i croak. It doesn't look like Jests will make it again to SB in my lifetime.

Must go to Dreamlands and while i'm there play a little golf on the Bobby Jones Trail.

My top 3 bucket list

1. Play Augusta National golf course

2. See My Tide in Tuscaloosa

3. 3 way with Scarlet and Halle barre

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

1. Play Augusta National golf course

Only way u get on that course is in White Overalls and a number on your back

2. See My Tide in Tuscaloosa

Could happen, vs Middle Western Southeastern Tenn Tech A&T

3. 3 way with Scarlet and Halle barre

Ya, Scarlett and haile are just dying with anticipation for that love-fest with the ASSMOP

Originally Posted by afosomf

heh i could give them a good 2 minutes!!!!!!!!!

Going to Ole Miss game

(Editor's Note: Well, you could give them 2 minutes...)

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Originally Posted by onemanswarm

22. Philadelphia Eagles (4-5): Brian Westbrook deserves a cool nickname. I nominate Ajax because he's coarse, all-purpose, and burns the skins.

"Plus, he runs through wimps. Not from them."

(The Nomination: "A Warriors reference is going to get a POTW NOM!! from me every time." - Alk)

(Editor's Note: pgZCjcFBBJU "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle." - Ajax)

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Topic: So you are the GM

Originally Posted by Deb

You just won the lottery.......you bought the team...........what moves are you going to make in the next 48 hours? Just curious.

Originally Posted by faba

Hire the flight crew girls to a personal service contract.

(Editor's Note: Forget about the contract, I'd just want them to move in with me and call me "Heff".)

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Topic: POLL FOR WOMEN

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

we've gotten a lot of flack on this board for only catering to the purient male interests of sex, getting drunk, and having sex after getting drunk. maybe this is deserved, maybe it is not. but before calling us all misogynists and superficial, let me put a poll to our female members:

Assuming identical personalities, would you prefer a hot guy who works hard to scrape by or an ugly rich guy who would provide a life of luxury to you?

the poor guy would be very attractive (not movie star but close) while the rich guy would be ugly but not hideous (not deformed). on a 10 pt scale, the poor guy would be an 8 and the rich guy would be a 3. (5 being average, 10 brad pitt, 1 sloth from Goonies).

put up ladies! (max you can answer, too)

Originally Posted by Boozer76

Johnny, first let me welcome you to the world of marriage. I have been in this world for over 4 years now. While you have certainly heard what I am going to tell you, you have yet to experience it yourself in your married life. It happens around year 3. Women are 100% impossibly indecipherable. You are fighting a losing battle. While every man who read this would easily relate the question to what they are familiar with (simply change man to woman for most of us who are not moderators) and then answer it immediately. Women will question it 100's of times over and never actually answer the question, simply creating more and more scenarios that will only further complicate the question.

You will go through a period of time where you feel the urge to understand this way of thinking, usually lasting about 3 years of marriage. After that, you come to just accept it and not ask questions anymore. This only leads to a feeling of defeat that will last for many many years. Usually a lifetime. Let me help you help yourself; Stop now!! Give up!! Trying to get a direct answer from a woman is about as sensible as putting your testicles in a vice grip. Neither makes sense, and while each one could possibly bring some sort of intrigue in the beginning (ie...."hmmm I wonder what this woman's thoughts are" vs. "hmmm, I wonder if testicles explode under pressure") they will only bring unbearble pain later. No my friend, end your journey down that path as soon as you can. Heed my advice! Many before you did not have the benefit of someone telling them. Use the power of this knowledge and save yourself years of anguish. I bestow this knowledge to you early on at the risk of my own life. Man law states that we must allow youngling men to experience first hand the horrors within the mind of women since we oursleves had to deal with it, but I can not stand by idly any more and watch this suffering. I will risk my well being for your conscious well being. God speed!

(Editor's Note: Ahhhh, but you forget - young johnny is a "shark" and can break down any unfriendly witness with at a snap of his fingers and a toss of his hair. In this case, worry about the bride. You're statements are true for the rest of us mere mortals...)

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Topic: PATRIOTS SHOULD FEAR JETS THE MOST

Originally Posted by chadharmamoon

The jets have a habbit of destroying lives.

(Editor's Note: One weekend at a time, in good times (1998) or bad (Rich Kotite)...)

And this (bye) week's winner:

Topic: The perfect example for JGB's learning journey in marriage

Originally Posted by Boozer76

This is a true story:

My wife and I were at the Home Depot. I needed some grass seed to fill in some bare spot in the lawn. She decided she wanted to tag along:

Rule #1-Never let her tag along when you are on a mission to quickly buy a product you need!!

Anyway, we go into the HD and I find the grass seed that I want. She immediately questions why I opted for the sun and shade variety that costs $2 more per bag. After explaining that this is the one I need for what I am doing, she says "well what about this X brand rye grass variety?" I explain that it is not good for the purpose I need, prompting her to then look at every other bag and question each, I finally just cave in and tell her the one she picked is the right one (even though I know that it is not going to work and I'll be back to buy the right bag that is already in my hand the next weekend. That is if I go alone!). She sees the look of irritability on my face and explains that she is just trying to learn and "help out". I tell her she's right and made the right decision (a lie) just so I don't have to hear about it anymore. She then says to me "hey, that was quick, do you mind looking at some paint samples with me!!" Since I broke rule number one, I must now endure the consequence. Of to the paint department we go.

She picks out 3 different paint samples for the living room. Mind you I just painted the entire living room 3 months earlier in the color she chose, but she's not happy with it.

Rule #2-Always find out which choice your wife likes most before telling her the one you like. Agree with her no matter what!!

She shows me the 3 samples and asks which I like. I say the green shade. She then says "hmmm, I think I like the blue one best". Immediately recognizing the horrific mistake I just made, I immediately recanted my choice of green and said "blue is best!” Too late. She said that I chose green first and wanted to know why I preferred green. I said "I don't know, I just like it best of these choices".

Rule #3-When trying to back out of mistakes previously made in breaking rules 1 and 2, NEVER introduce the idea more choices!!

She did not hear "I like it best", she heard "I like it best OF THESE CHOICES", obviously indicating that I must not like ANY of her choices and clearly the best choice in my mind was not presented. Suddenly she turns to the paint displays and introduces more shades and more colors, asking my opinion of every one she picks up. After almost 1.5 hours in Home Depot I say "you know, I really like the blue one youOriginally showed me". She smiles a satisfied color as if this entire debate of choice finally made me see the light that her decision was the right one all along. But it doesn't end there. She takes the blue sample to bring home but questions me on why IOriginally thought green was better. She then felt the need to tell me why blue was best. "It matches the detail in the rug, and it complements the patterns in the furniture", she says. I tell her that's fine-but she wants me to give my presentation and opinion on how the green would work with this rug detail and furniture. I tell her that I didn't even know there was a rug in the living room.

Rule #4-While to you that stupid rug in the living room is nothing more that something to wipe the mud off your feet when your wife is not looking, to her it was the perfect complement to the furniture, which matches the chotchkies on the end table, which matches the accents in the pictures, which are complimented by the dress she decided to wear that day. She feels like you not noticing that means you don't notice her, and if she thinks you don't notice her YOU WILL PAY DEARLY!! No matter what it is, if she makes reference to something always act as if you noticed it and appreciated the effort that went into it.

Now I am being yelled at because I "don't appreciate the effort" and "shouldn't be able to give an opinion on wall colors if I can't appreciate all the other decorations". Now I'm relieved because she won't ask me anything about the pint color anymore, but mind you it's now dark and I can't finish planting the seed in the yard until the next weekend, when I'll need to go back to Home Depot and get the right grass seed in the first place.

So here's how I handle it today as a wiser, happier man:

#1-When she asks to go to Home Depot with you, you say "I'd love it if you came dear, but I really have to hurry and get back to start working in the yard. It could really take me hours Walk briskly to the car and simply say "maybe next weekend" as you peel the f$&@ out of the driveway.

#2-if you broke #1, when she asks to go look at the paint chips simply say "sweetie, I really think I need to get home. I feel a bout of diarrhea coming on. Whoa, we gotta leave right now!” Summon a fart for effect.

#3-If you blew #2 and are given choices, say "I'm really undecided, they're all such good choices. Which one do you like?" When she tells you, strongly agree with her! Try summoning another fart and retry example #2.

#4-If you screwed up this far and now revealed you didn't notice all her planning that went into the color she chose (i.e. the rug), it's time for drastic measures. Simply say "sweetie, I'm sorry. I know the rug is there, but I really am not thinking straight with this horrible stomach ache, you are right. Please let me make it up to you after we get home and I take some Imodium". Summon another fart, pray it's a shart for serious effect and make it well known that you now sharted and REALLY need to get home.

If, by chance she remembers your promise in example #1 the following weekend, you will be ready to learn rules 5-9. For now, head this advice and use it wisely.

Congratulations to Boozer76 for his winning post! This post was easily the winner of POTW for this (bye) week - it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me suffer all over again, but most importantly, it made me laugh. Thank you Booze, I can now answer "Yes!!!" when Robert Plant asks me "Does anyone remember laughter?". Wear the POTW badge with pride this week:

Assist of the Week goes to young Mr.greenballs, ESQ. Without johnny's marriage, I'm not so sure that Boozer shares his nuggets of wisdom with us this week. Thanks for getting hitched, johnny! PS - when are we going to be able to start calling SJ "Gramps"? He's not getting any younger, you know.

That's the end of the line for this week, tune in next week for more POTW stupidity. One last thing - my prediction for this week:

Pitt - 31

Jets - 10

And it will not actually be that close...

gb

[JetCane]

Great job again, GB. Nice way to slip in some Dead lyrics.

Congrats Boozer76

[johnny green balls]

good job buddy!

ps: i told my wife that my name on here is "faba."

[afosomf]

good job buddy!

ps: i told my wife that my name on here is "faba."

haha POTW

[faba]

Congrats Boozer- well deserved and again Greenbeans for all the work he puts into this.

[GreenBeans]

Great job again, GB. Nice way to slip in some Dead lyrics.

Congrats Boozer76

It was the time and the place for it, JC. I've been trying to fit that in there for a long while.

good job buddy!

ps: i told my wife that my name on here is "faba."

Good choice - faba is the man. When you comin' to visit the old man?

Congrats Boozer- well deserved and again Greenbeans for all the work he puts into this.

Thanks faba - it's a labor of love.

[BP]

Thanks Beans!

And don't forget, Booz has a custom made POTW sig!

Congrats Booz!

[SouthernJet]

great job,,see ya sunday...

[Jet27]

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Topic: Sad Stat of the Week

Originally Posted by CobraVerde

Stat of the Week

It is almost mathematically impossible after nine weeks for a team to be eliminated from division title contention, but that's what happened in the AFC East this year.

After nine weeks, the Dolphins were 0-8, the Jets 1-8 and New England 9-0. That meant that even if Miami or New York won their remaining games and the Patriots lost their last seven, neither the Dolphins nor Jets could finish first in the AFC East.

Originally Posted by i remember shea

so, what you're saying is we can still hope for a wildcard?

(Editor's Note: Sweet! And here I was thinking that the season was over and that the Jets had nothing left to play for in 2007. Thanks for making the season relevant for me again, irs!)

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Reggie Bush > MJD

Originally Posted by blackout806

last year was an illusion

Originally Posted by Irish Jet

MJD had a 90+ yrd kick return TD today.

Originally Posted by blackout806

well reggie had the two Tds

Originally Posted by The Troll

So, that makes him better?

I believe the career tub count is still 20-12 in favor of the bowling ball with butcher knives.

Let's see what happens when Fred Taylor finally gets injured. Bush is working as the feature back right now, MJD isn't. Yet MJD has more 100 yard games this season.

Originally Posted by shutout

Hey troll,how about that Vince Young huh? I noticed you don't get as much crap for ripping him anymore

Originally Posted by blackout806

6-3 vince young?

Originally Posted by Sperm Edwards

That's like saying Lawrence Maroney & Sammy Morris have been a great HB tandem because the Pats are 9-0.

The Titans haven't won too many games because of Vince Young's alleged superiority to other qb's. He's awful. In 8 games he has 6 TD's (incl 2 rushing) & 11 turnovers. Plus another 4 fumbles - one every other game - that weren't turned over but I'm certain didn't help the Titans at all.

This with a team around him that has provided 1000 rushing yards from its halfbacks, the #7 NFL defense in points-allowed, #3 in yards, and is top-10 in (defensive) 3rd & 4th-down conversions. Blame his receivers all you want, but one way of looking at it is that no receiver has come into his own with Vince throwing the ball. He may have finally gotten that completion percentage over 60% (barely), but his ypa is an embarrassing 5.8 yards despite that completion %age.

Someone with such awful passing #'s should be making a LOT more plays with his feet to offset it. He's on pace for like 430 yds & 4 TD's. He would need double that to even consider being acceptable. NO's best game offensively came when Young wasn't even on the field.

He seems like a great kid. But I'm plenty happier with Clemens at QB at this point. At least if he sucks as badly as Young does we won't be stuck with him for 5 years due to all the media ballwashing Young gets.

(Editor's Note: Good, old-fashioned solid post, Spermy. I hope, however, you are not insinuating that Kerry "DeWee" Collins could also be 6-3 with the supporting cast around him. Young has got that certain something as a leader that helps the Titans go - at least that's what I think.)

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Topic: The "real" reason why Clemens has replaced Pennington...

Originally Posted by NIGHT STALKER

Of course this is just my opinion and I could be wrong...wouldn't be the first time in my life I was wrong. Pennington to me is the same player he was a few years ago...same arm, maybe a hair slower making some throws if that's possible. But, our O line really sucks and if Pennington doesn't have an average to above average line giving him time, he becomes a below average QB because he can't overcome the line deficiencies to make certain throws.

In comes Clemens, he was needed because of the O line...the coaching staff is hoping he can overcome the short comings of the O line, where Pennington cannot. Guaranteed if we had an O line like we had a few years ago, Pennington would still be behind center.

Originally Posted by afosomf

the real reason

(Editor's Note: NoodleRoni Parmigiana from beautiful It-tal-lee! )

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Runner-up of the Week Sponsored by BlueBird

Topic: Herm Hurry Up, Your Bus Is Leaving

Originally Posted by Max

I just found this Ebay listing! hahaha, Herm's bus is pulling out of town. I guess it is safer that way.

Originally Posted by Panzer Division Marduk

Wasn't safe for poor Larry though.

(Editor's Note: I am officially starting a PDM fanclub - more news to come...)

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Originally Posted by Garb

Speaking of wolverines (and way off topic).....a friend of mine went to Michigan State - as did her mom and two of her brothers. Her dad went to Michigan - as did her sister and oldest brother. They would go to the Michigan/Michigan State game and sit on opposites side of the stadium. She said that nothing beat that atmosphere. I'm envious. I have never attended a big-time college rivalry game at a big, traditional site. Fla versus Fla St must be cool....Clemson versus So. Carolina.....Alabama versus Auburn......

Originally Posted by afosomf

how about Salem vs Beverly??

Actually i am taking my son to Tuscaloosa next year to watch my Tide

in person for the 1st time ever. I would love for it to be Awbun but I seriously

doubt i can afford that game. It is one of the must things for me to do

before i croak. It doesn't look like Jests will make it again to SB in my lifetime.

Must go to Dreamlands and while i'm there play a little golf on the Bobby Jones Trail.

My top 3 bucket list

1. Play Augusta National golf course

2. See My Tide in Tuscaloosa

3. 3 way with Scarlet and Halle barre

Originally Posted by SouthernJet

1. Play Augusta National golf course

Only way u get on that course is in White Overalls and a number on your back

2. See My Tide in Tuscaloosa

Could happen, vs Middle Western Southeastern Tenn Tech A&T

3. 3 way with Scarlet and Halle barre

Ya, Scarlett and haile are just dying with anticipation for that love-fest with the ASSMOP

Originally Posted by afosomf

heh i could give them a good 2 minutes!!!!!!!!!

Going to Ole Miss game

(Editor's Note: Well, you could give them 2 minutes...)

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Originally Posted by onemanswarm

22. Philadelphia Eagles (4-5): Brian Westbrook deserves a cool nickname. I nominate Ajax because he's coarse, all-purpose, and burns the skins.

"Plus, he runs through wimps. Not from them."

(The Nomination: "A Warriors reference is going to get a POTW NOM!! from me every time." - Alk)

(Editor's Note: pgZCjcFBBJU "I'll shove that bat up your ass and turn you into a popsicle." - Ajax)

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Topic: So you are the GM

Originally Posted by Deb

You just won the lottery.......you bought the team...........what moves are you going to make in the next 48 hours? Just curious.

Originally Posted by faba

Hire the flight crew girls to a personal service contract.

(Editor's Note: Forget about the contract, I'd just want them to move in with me and call me "Heff".)

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Topic: POLL FOR WOMEN

Originally Posted by johnny green balls

we've gotten a lot of flack on this board for only catering to the purient male interests of sex, getting drunk, and having sex after getting drunk. maybe this is deserved, maybe it is not. but before calling us all misogynists and superficial, let me put a poll to our female members:

Assuming identical personalities, would you prefer a hot guy who works hard to scrape by or an ugly rich guy who would provide a life of luxury to you?

the poor guy would be very attractive (not movie star but close) while the rich guy would be ugly but not hideous (not deformed). on a 10 pt scale, the poor guy would be an 8 and the rich guy would be a 3. (5 being average, 10 brad pitt, 1 sloth from Goonies).

put up ladies! (max you can answer, too)

Originally Posted by Boozer76

Johnny, first let me welcome you to the world of marriage. I have been in this world for over 4 years now. While you have certainly heard what I am going to tell you, you have yet to experience it yourself in your married life. It happens around year 3. Women are 100% impossibly indecipherable. You are fighting a losing battle. While every man who read this would easily relate the question to what they are familiar with (simply change man to woman for most of us who are not moderators) and then answer it immediately. Women will question it 100's of times over and never actually answer the question, simply creating more and more scenarios that will only further complicate the question.

You will go through a period of time where you feel the urge to understand this way of thinking, usually lasting about 3 years of marriage. After that, you come to just accept it and not ask questions anymore. This only leads to a feeling of defeat that will last for many many years. Usually a lifetime. Let me help you help yourself; Stop now!! Give up!! Trying to get a direct answer from a woman is about as sensible as putting your testicles in a vice grip. Neither makes sense, and while each one could possibly bring some sort of intrigue in the beginning (ie...."hmmm I wonder what this woman's thoughts are" vs. "hmmm, I wonder if testicles explode under pressure") they will only bring unbearble pain later. No my friend, end your journey down that path as soon as you can. Heed my advice! Many before you did not have the benefit of someone telling them. Use the power of this knowledge and save yourself years of anguish. I bestow this knowledge to you early on at the risk of my own life. Man law states that we must allow youngling men to experience first hand the horrors within the mind of women since we oursleves had to deal with it, but I can not stand by idly any more and watch this suffering. I will risk my well being for your conscious well being. God speed!

(Editor's Note: Ahhhh, but you forget - young johnny is a "shark" and can break down any unfriendly witness with at a snap of his fingers and a toss of his hair. In this case, worry about the bride. You're statements are true for the rest of us mere mortals...)

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Topic: PATRIOTS SHOULD FEAR JETS THE MOST

Originally Posted by chadharmamoon

The jets have a habbit of destroying lives.

(Editor's Note: One weekend at a time, in good times (1998) or bad (Rich Kotite)...)

And this (bye) week's winner:

Congratulations to Boozer76 for his winning post! This post was easily the winner of POTW for this (bye) week - it made me laugh, it made me cry, it made me suffer all over again, but most importantly, it made me laugh. Thank you Booze, I can now answer "Yes!!!" when Robert Plant asks me "Does anyone remember laughter?". Wear the POTW badge with pride this week:

Assist of the Week goes to young Mr.greenballs, ESQ. Without johnny's marriage, I'm not so sure that Boozer shares his nuggets of wisdom with us this week. Thanks for getting hitched, johnny! PS - when are we going to be able to start calling SJ "Gramps"? He's not getting any younger, you know.

That's the end of the line for this week, tune in next week for more POTW stupidity. One last thing - my prediction for this week:

Pitt - 31

Jets - 10

And it will not actually be that close...

gb

Boozer, nice...very nice, but I think you left out #5, isn't that when we should have taken a dump on the blue carpet right then and there???? I just want to get it right for the future.

[Bob]

Wait a minute...why the hell does BPs PM box hold 500 messages while mine holds only 100?

Man, if I had $55 bucks, I'd be outt of here.

[Boozer76]

Sweet! That's my 4th win! I think I now hold the record. Kneel before Booz!

[BP]

Sweet! That's my 4th win! I think I now hold the record. Kneel before Booz!

Well, where's the custom sig BZ made for you?

[Boozer76]

Well, where's the custom sig BZ made for you?

I can't find it

[bitonti]

congrats Booz you deserved it

but some of these nominees made my night

see ya later, jamokes