sirlancemehlot Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It has come to my attention that Jif is concerned for my psychological well-being and gradual but steady decline in my hopes for this football team. I don't like worrying Jif. So I had to make a decision. I will refrain from bashing Tannebaum's drafts, FA aquisitions, FA losses, inability to patch the offensive line, wasteful spending of draft picks and complete disregard for depth, and instead focus on the positives this team has to offer. #1. We have a beautiful new stadium that looks green if you stand back far enough. Like, say, Weehawkin. That's cool. #2 We have a franchise Quarterback who is very handsome and has openly stated, "Schotty, you suck". Love that moxie. #3. Our 3rd tound draft pick is bound to start playing any game now. And the word is, he probably won't even go to jail! #4. We have two pro-bowlers on our offensive line! Pro Bowlers! #5. Plaxico Burress is 6'5" tall. Now that, my friends, is tall. And tall is good. #6. Sanchez may get a lot of balls batted...but those are balls that never get picked off. Never! #7. We will host the Super Bowl in 2014. So....you know. Super Bowl in NY. Or Jersey. That's neat, no? #8. The Dolphins are a laughingstock amirite? #9. Ducasse is still brimming with upside! He is loaded with it! He is all upside, all the time! #10. Maybin rushes like a spider-monkey on crystal meth. He may not tackle you, but he'll run laps around you while doing cartwheels. And that's very distracting. So there you have it, some reasons to take heart. I feel better already. And I owe it all to a friend who showed compassion and concern. Yes, I said friend. I am a choosey person when it comes to those I consider friends. And in my opinion, choosey people choose Jif. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sirlancemehlot Posted October 6, 2011 Author Share Posted October 6, 2011 ps. people sometimes get pissed at me when I single them out. Its all in fun. No insult intended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slowmoe57 Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Using Maybin and Monkey in the same sentence may brand you a racist. It did not do well for Howard Cosell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiFtheOracle Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Changing your opinion on something because JiF disapproves of it is like chopping off your cock because you're afraid a chihuahua is going to break into your house and bite it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugg Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 It has come to my attention that Jif is concerned for my psychological well-being and gradual but steady decline in my hopes for this football team. I don't like worrying Jif. So I had to make a decision. I will refrain from bashing Tannebaum's drafts, FA aquisitions, FA losses, inability to patch the offensive line, wasteful spending of draft picks and complete disregard for depth, and instead focus on the positives this team has to offer. #1. We have a beautiful new stadium that looks green if you stand back far enough. Like, say, Weehawkin. That's cool. #2 We have a franchise Quarterback who is very handsome and has openly stated, "Schotty, you suck". Love that moxie. #3. Our 3rd tound draft pick is bound to start playing any game now. And the word is, he probably won't even go to jail! #4. We have two pro-bowlers on our offensive line! Pro Bowlers! #5. Plaxico Burress is 6'5" tall. Now that, my friends, is tall. And tall is good. #6. Sanchez may get a lot of balls batted...but those are balls that never get picked off. Never! #7. We will host the Super Bowl in 2014. So....you know. Super Bowl in NY. Or Jersey. That's neat, no? #8. The Dolphins are a laughingstock amirite? #9. Ducasse is still brimming with upside! He is loaded with it! He is all upside, all the time! #10. Maybin rushes like a spider-monkey on crystal meth. He may not tackle you, but he'll run laps around you while doing cartwheels. And that's very distracting. So there you have it, some reasons to take heart. I feel better already. And I owe it all to a friend who showed compassion and concern. Yes, I said friend. I am a choosey person when it comes to those I consider friends. And in my opinion, choosey people choose Jif. That, mt dear friend, is some God-damn-phukin'-tastic Jets fan gibberish. Carry on sir! The Ducasse stuff might be slightly...incorrect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Changing your opinion on something because JiF disapproves of it is like chopping off your cock because you're afraid a chihuahua is going to break into your house and bite it. You really chopped your cock off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I like the old Lance - revert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JiFtheOracle Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Changing your opinion on something because JiF disapproves of it is like chopping off your cock because you're afraid a chihuahua is going to break into your house and bite it. You wish you had one to bite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity28 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Changing your opinion on something because JiF disapproves of it is like chopping off your cock because you're afraid a chihuahua is going to break into your house and bite it. Surprise, surprise... someone starts a thread about JIF and within 5 posts T0mshame is talking about cock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jet Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I like the old Lance - revert Yeah, same here. Although the new Lance also brings the wit, homer wit just doesn't work as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 I like the old Lance - revert I like the old Lance - prevert Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoicsentry Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 "Mr. Johnson, Lance says you should fire Mike Tannenbaum." Woody looks up. "Oh... why?" "Well, sir, he has some clever arguments about mid-level draft prospects not starting in their rookie years..." "Uh, yeah, we have been to the AFC championship game in back to back years. Why would we have rookie 3rd rounders starting?" "Yes, sir, but his point is this... what has the team done in the past two years besides that?" "Besides getting to the championship game both years? GTFO of my office." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BornJetsFan1983 Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Maybin does run around alot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Crusher Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 It has come to my attention that Jif is concerned for my psychological well-being and gradual but steady decline in my hopes for this football team. I don't like worrying Jif. So I had to make a decision. I will refrain from bashing Tannebaum's drafts, FA aquisitions, FA losses, inability to patch the offensive line, wasteful spending of draft picks and complete disregard for depth, and instead focus on the positives this team has to offer. #1. We have a beautiful new stadium that looks green if you stand back far enough. Like, say, Weehawkin. That's cool. #2 We have a franchise Quarterback who is very handsome and has openly stated, "Schotty, you suck". Love that moxie. #3. Our 3rd tound draft pick is bound to start playing any game now. And the word is, he probably won't even go to jail! #4. We have two pro-bowlers on our offensive line! Pro Bowlers! #5. Plaxico Burress is 6'5" tall. Now that, my friends, is tall. And tall is good. #6. Sanchez may get a lot of balls batted...but those are balls that never get picked off. Never! #7. We will host the Super Bowl in 2014. So....you know. Super Bowl in NY. Or Jersey. That's neat, no? #8. The Dolphins are a laughingstock amirite? #9. Ducasse is still brimming with upside! He is loaded with it! He is all upside, all the time! #10. Maybin rushes like a spider-monkey on crystal meth. He may not tackle you, but he'll run laps around you while doing cartwheels. And that's very distracting. So there you have it, some reasons to take heart. I feel better already. And I owe it all to a friend who showed compassion and concern. Yes, I said friend. I am a choosey person when it comes to those I consider friends. And in my opinion, choosey people choose Jif. I understand your being a funny and I do enjoy you and this post. That being said... I think you should keep this from getting personal.. After all what Sanchez in his personal life is his own business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Surprise, surprise... someone starts a thread about JIF and within 5 posts T0mshame is talking about cock. I had always assumed T0m put Jif on his cock because dogs like peanut butter and he has three. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
THE ILK Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 The end of the world is coming, again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Perrone_Jets Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 It has come to my attention that Jif is concerned for my psychological well-being and gradual but steady decline in my hopes for this football team. I don't like worrying Jif. So I had to make a decision. I will refrain from bashing Tannebaum's drafts, FA aquisitions, FA losses, inability to patch the offensive line, wasteful spending of draft picks and complete disregard for depth, and instead focus on the positives this team has to offer. #1. We have a beautiful new stadium that looks green if you stand back far enough. Like, say, Weehawkin. That's cool. #2 We have a franchise Quarterback who is very handsome and has openly stated, "Schotty, you suck". Love that moxie. #3. Our 3rd tound draft pick is bound to start playing any game now. And the word is, he probably won't even go to jail! #4. We have two pro-bowlers on our offensive line! Pro Bowlers! #5. Plaxico Burress is 6'5" tall. Now that, my friends, is tall. And tall is good. #6. Sanchez may get a lot of balls batted...but those are balls that never get picked off. Never! #7. We will host the Super Bowl in 2014. So....you know. Super Bowl in NY. Or Jersey. That's neat, no? #8. The Dolphins are a laughingstock amirite? #9. Ducasse is still brimming with upside! He is loaded with it! He is all upside, all the time! #10. Maybin rushes like a spider-monkey on crystal meth. He may not tackle you, but he'll run laps around you while doing cartwheels. And that's very distracting. So there you have it, some reasons to take heart. I feel better already. And I owe it all to a friend who showed compassion and concern. Yes, I said friend. I am a choosey person when it comes to those I consider friends. And in my opinion, choosey people choose Jif. Amazing post!!!!! Thread Of The Week!!! ahsuah!!! Sorry...i can't missed this! Lance...good to know you will change...but how many? Changes are good...in some point. Don't change if is necessarily to do it. Period. Another thing: I don't expect the peoples will understand me....we don't understand no body at all dude!!! So...if you think is necessarily to change...so change, if not, why spent sometime with those toughts?? God bless you in all areas man!!! God bless you all!!! P.S.: i am a Jesus Christ follwer...i'm a believer!!! And don't waist your time...do the same. Be a Jesus follower!!! Love you all!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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