benshpigel Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 This is Ben Shpigel with the New York Times. I'm looking for fans who drove to the Jaguars game last Saturday night -- or who plan to drive tomorrow night -- and arrived within the first 90 minutes of kickoff or so. I'd love to chat with you. If you could please e-mail me at shpigel@nytimes.com, I'd appreciate it. Thanks, Ben Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
T0mShane Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I always though that the only way a New York Times reporter would ask anyone here for a comment would be after GOB's mass-murder/suicide. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kay_gee Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I always though that the only way a New York Times reporter would ask anyone here for a comment would be after GOB's mass-murder/suicide. play nice, T0m. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor99 Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 "Tom? We all knew he was a little nuts, but we never thought he'd be running a dog fighting ring in his basement." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeC36 Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 This is my game day experience: 10:00-10:17 AM: Get in car, fill tank ($44), buy road snacks ($9). 10:17-11:00 AM: Drive south, cross George Washington Bridge, start wait in turnpike traffic. 11:00-11:50: Endure 50 minutes of traffic to travel remaining five miles. 11:50 AM-12:23 PM: Wait in line to pay $50 to park. 12:23-1:00 PM: Look for parking spot far enough away from Jagermeister-crippled bros desperate to bounce a football off of, then piss on my car. 1:00-1:26: Make the three mile walk from non-premium parking area to entry of giant air-conditioning unit/Cell Block D-inspired stadium. 1:26-1:35: Pay $48 for two non-carbonated warm beers and cold hot dog. Cringe at sight of working fireplaces in luxury boxes populated by JP Morgan execs who think Joe Willie Namath was the name of the guy who killed John Lennon. 1:35-1:45 PM: Climb stairs to seats, undoubtedly next to entitled daddy's-boy wearing a brand-new Santonio Holmes jersey, who smells like weed and Rumplemintz and vomit. 1:45-1:48: Having missed eight minutes of game action, quickly determine that I missed four Mark Sanchez incompletions. Regardless, Jets' PA announcer screams "And that will be a Jets...," and some in the crowd celebrate a FIRST DOWN, because that's what title contenders do. 1:48-1:49 PM: Listen to drunk, stoned entitled daddy's-boy next to me declare that if he hears anyone booing Mark Sanchez, he's gonna "kill 'em yo." 1:49-1:50 PM: Attempt to determine what the foreign solid entity that I just swallowed while sipping my $12 beer was. Convince myself it's a peanut shell. 1:50:36-1:50:48 PM: Pray it was a peanut shell. 1:51-1:56 PM: Entitled daddy's boy begins booing Sanchez. 1:57 PM-1:58 PM: Begin process of pretending I don't have to piss. 1:59-2:06 PM: Focus on game action. Wonder what Matt Slauson thinks he's doing out there. Wonder if Mark Sanchez blocks out sounds of booing by reminding himself that he banged some really hot chicks recently. Wonder why Shonn Greene acts like he stepped on a land mine after every run. Reminisce about the glory days of the Glenn Foley Era. 2:07-2:12 PM: Consider to what extreme the escalating hostilities between the entitled daddy's boy and the angry Hispanic Sanchez fan seated behind me will reach. 2:12-2:13 PM: Entitled daddy's boy uses the words "faggot mexican" to describe Sanchez. Elect to find bathroom. 2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door. 2:56-3:17 PM: Need to buy food product to get the taste of uncarbonated beer out of my mouth. Decide on pretzel ($6). Pretzel is frozen and wet. Paradox? 3:18-4:12 PM: Find seat, watch rest of game, stadium empties, entitled daddy's boy bleeding from right eye. Angry Hispanic Fan escorted out. Wonder why Tebow is fist-pumping after a three-yard gain. Consider that a portion of Jets fanbase will consider this particular Jets loss "no big deal" because "the Bills lost, too." Gain new understanding as to why Jets' business model succeeds despite lack of success. Paradox? 4:13-5:23 PM: Stare at line for bottlenecked elevator. Gain new understanding as to why every posited zombie apocalypse scenario begins with 99.7% of human race perishing within first 12 hours. Make trek across parking lot. Fans puking behind cars, throwing footballs at each other, cursing Parcells. Get to car, admire football-shaped dent in door; pool of piss around front tire. 5:24-6:17 PM: Wait in giant traffic melange to get on turnpike. Listen to postgame show. Bob Wischusen declares that loss, really, was a win. Listen to Rex consciously attempt to sound glum. Listen to Sanchez describe how well he played on the 48% of plays in which he completed a pass. 6:18-8:34 PM: Drive home. Wonder what I was thinking. Curse life. Credit T0mShane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kay_gee Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 lol guys, this is why JetNation can't have nice things! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kleckineau Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Welcome to JN. I thoroughly enjoy your Mets coverage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dbatesman Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I can't decide which would be funnier: if this were the real Ben Shpigel, or if it were just some elaborately constructed mult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeC36 Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I can't decide which would be funnier: if this were the real Ben Shpigel, or if it were just some elaborately constructed mult. I can confirm that this is the real Ben Shpigel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faba Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Why would anyone doubt this? And yes believe everything Tom said in his piece Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I can confirm that this is the real Ben Shpigel First time, long time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeKlecko Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 play nice, T0m. What fun would that be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointman Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 I read the Times, and go to the games. Only soundbite I can give starts with "Getter done Tanny.." and ends with "F Manish". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeKlecko Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 Why would anyone doubt this? And yes believe everything Tom said in his piece Me too, and like Seinfeld, that's what makes it so funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GKnight83 Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 That was pretty good Tom S. Thanks for sharing JoeC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kay_gee Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 What fun would that be? if you scare off the no0bs, who will you make fun of!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeKlecko Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 if you scare off the no0bs, who will you make fun of!? I'll find someone, even if it's just myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larz Posted August 23, 2013 Share Posted August 23, 2013 so the times is doing a football piece on the fact that driving to the stadium sux and is expensive hey, at least it snot about idzik rigging the QB competition Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peebag Posted August 24, 2013 Share Posted August 24, 2013 Hi, My name's Peebag. Anyone want to relate on how this franchise has boned it's fans for 40+ years? Just start another thread. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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