POTW Bot Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 Topic: Promising singers/bands who never lived up to your expectations... jenna jameson.........not really a singer but she got me into pounding the skins The Nomination: ":rl: Awesome JW!" PFSIKH Editor's Note: Yeah, something about the phrase "the man who got me into pounding the skins" just doesn't sound right... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 Topic: ORIOLES SUCK afeaewffeawfeaw!! The Nomination: "Simply brilliant." JohnnyHector Editor's Note: Good call, Blackout. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 7, 2009 Author Share Posted April 7, 2009 Topic: D dept. : " Memo to Jets: Keep Taylor from Pats, give Gholston mentor " ~ ~ ~ That's funny... I heard those were the terms for you to have your ban lifted at the other site.. The Nomination: "fantastic" EY Editor's Note: That's before Sooth hears that bringing back Klecko will drive JI's post counts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 8, 2009 Author Share Posted April 8, 2009 Topic: how to get out of boring stuff with your wife/fiance/gf i just made an amazing discovery. last night my fiancee said she wanted to get up at the asscrack of dawn to go to the italian market before work to get some things for dinner tonight. of course the last thing i wanted was to be out in the cold (-10 with windchill this morning) carrying bags of produce at 7am when i could get an extra hour of sleep. when we were watching tv last night and i was contemplating a good excuse to bail on the market trip, i was eating raisins and i went a little overboard, consuming perhaps four big handfuls of the little suckers. fast forward to 4am. i was awoken by a thunderous roar that i at first assumed was the 47 bus zooming up 7th street. however, my nostrils soon informed me that this noise was no bus. thinking it was an aberration, i started dozing back off when without warning, my arsehole parted again to let out a long whine that sounded like a bottle rocket shooting high into the sky. this woke up my fiancee who mumbled something about me being a disgusting pig. 10 minutes later, my poor butthole let forth a demonic gurgling that sounded like boiling mud sending my fiancee into a screeching rage. frighteningly, i checked my underwear but thankfully this hellacious fart was all sound and no brown. the stench however had a not-pleasant bouqet that reminded me of soggy woodchips with undertones of toasted oak, giving it a sharp, almost burned smell. the volume of air that escape from my colon the rest of the night could have easily filled the hidenberg and the stench grew more and more noxious as my poor colon relentlessly churned the half a pound of raisins i had foolishly consumed. the next morning, my fiancee got into the shower and the cacophony of ass air continued unabated. when she returned to the bedroom, she was overcome by the horrific strench and began yelling about how she was never buying raisins ever again. i cannot overestimate how legendary this gas was, i could barely shove one man overboard and the next was already on the plank ready to jump. my girlish giggling only served to further enrage my fiancee. feeling a slight lull in my ass symphony, i curled into the fetal position to better coax the trapped methane and sulfuric gas out of the escape hatch. like a standing ovation, my ass let forth a thunderous applause that sent the dog barking and a curling iron at my head. "you're just showing off now." i insisted in between laughing uncontrollably that this was scaring me and that i would never do this on purpose when suddenly, i knew that the next expulsion would be more than mere air. i ran to the toilet and as soon as i got there, i was an upside-down geyser, pressurewashing the inside of the porcelin bowl with a vile rocket of ass grease. i was overcome with abdominable pain and the smell of cream of wheat when my fiancee said "no way am i bringing you to the market with farts like that. you're such an *******." at that moment i realized what a momentous occasion this was-- no other excuse ever got me out of anything so easily as horrific, uncontrollable flatulence. for some unexplainable reason that i will never pretend to understand, women detest farts and powerful is the man who discovers how to harness and control the vast power of the rectal airhorn god has bestowed on him. if a couple handfuls of raisins could succeed where no other excuse couldn't, it was worth ****ting through a screen door for 15 minutes to get out of market trips, shopping, birthday parties for her friends, dinner with her parents, walking the dog, and household chores. after she left i crawled into bed and slept for another full hour, warmed by the green haze that now filled the room and the knowledge that i had finally outsmarted her and it only cost me 2 pairs of boxers. The Nomination: "Sweet Jesus Mother of God!" T0mShane Editor's Note: What happened to the gay guy that you let go shopping with your fiancee in your place? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Topic: hey guys. Last time I checked the Yankees haven't won since 2000, how would that make you a bandwagoner? The Nomination: "Yankee slam +1 :rl:" PFSIKH Editor's Note: There's finally a time when becoming a Yankee fan isn't bandwagoning?? Damn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 9, 2009 Author Share Posted April 9, 2009 Topic: hey guys. fixed.... The Nomination: "Yankee slam +1 :rl:" PFSIKH Editor's Note: Maybe that entitlement thing is true after all... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 10, 2009 Author Share Posted April 10, 2009 Topic: A Father hammers away at daughter's text messaging phone bill. Trait #154 that Max shares with a 13 year old girl. The Nomination: ":rl:" PFSIKH Editor's Note: #154? Geez, we've missed a few. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 11, 2009 Author Share Posted April 11, 2009 Topic: Receivers taken in Round 2 since 2001 What do you mean? The Nomination: "Hilarious, and Ghost was none the wiser. Hats off to Sperm! Tip, top!" Ryno the Jet Editor's Note: I don't think I'm following you here, Ghost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 12, 2009 Author Share Posted April 12, 2009 Topic: What do people think of Seneca Wallace? LMFAO. Nothing to see here people, move along! *exits thread quickly* The Nomination: "Best response ever" PatriotsSuck17 Editor's Note: You could've just said that lancemehl made the thread. (Just kidding, lance. ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 14, 2009 Author Share Posted April 14, 2009 Topic: What is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you? And I would have gotten away with it too; if it weren't for those meddling kids. The Nomination: "Winnah!!" Thor99 Editor's Note: Too bad there was no stupid dog to go along with the meddling kids. Someone beat me to the blast with that one. Great story and response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
POTW Bot Posted April 16, 2009 Author Share Posted April 16, 2009 Topic: Thank you bitches what the phuck/fukk does this have to do with football?? put it in the right forum, bitch. The Nomination: "AWESOME!" T0mShane Editor's Note: Ooh, Greengal's getting feisty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war ensemble Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 And for the winner... Topic: The silly game of Love Thread Spent ten years in a marriage that ended up with my ex wife having an affair and after a slight disagreement with her scumbag, I did a little less than a year in the joint. I literally went from being a professional with 3 kids, a wife I thought loved me, a house, and just about anything you think might make you happy to a jail cell. Got out and spent the next year getting re-credentialed and seeing my kids only on weekends. Horrifying actually. Didn't date for two years, kinda hated everybody. Fortunately a good friend of mine helped me get back into business and I was blessed to get myself a home and a second chance. Started dating but soon found out I was worse than most of the ex-husbands the woman I had dinner with left. I wasn't abusive, but was a work-aholic and was raised very traditionally and pretty set in my ways. I get a call from a friend of mine who I haven't seen and we decided to have lunch and shoot the ****. As we're eating I see this beutiful little petite blonde with a black smock on, she sorta looked like the worlds sexiest butcher, but actually was a hairdresser. She got some take out and left. My boy immediately started telling me she didn't have a ring on. I was like so, no confidence, and quite honestly felt like ****. We go to leave and my boy looks into the window of the hairshop next store and starts carrying on about this doll being in their. I looked in, but being 300 pounds and bald I've never been in a hair salon. I always went to a barber and actually bet on football as I got a hiarcut and hot shave. So my boy volunteers to go in and get his haircut. I was like no ****ing way, but he went in and I followed. Not so much to see the lady, but the stupid dick was driving. We get in their and she is cutting someone elses hair and my boy gets into the chair with some dude hairdresser. I'm looking around and everybody in this place is pretty, men moreso than the woman, if you catch my drift. Again, Crusher felt very out of place but found a SI under all the cosmopolitan magazines and started reading. All a sudden she walks up to me and asks me if I needed a perm. Man she was beutiful, goreous eyes, and a smile that made me feel warm and fussy. I would have let her burn her name in my forehead at the point if I got a chance to talk to her. Just as I was about to anwser my boy came over and told her she needs to go out with me because it's be kind to animals week. At first I was picturing how funny he would looked toothless, but when she smiled and said yes, I forgavve him. I took her to a nice little Italian Restaruant that a friend of mine owned. He hooked us up with the best table in the joint and started serving us without ordering. The thing that impressed me about her is she was more into enjoying the food with me than trying to make me try and seem interesting. Not my thing. I like to eat. We dated for about 2 years and at the same table we had out first date I asked her to marry me. She said yes. The one challenge I had is she told me she didn;t like sports, so like any gentlemanI said me either. Problem was I lived and breathed football. Played in college and coached youth league football. Even practiced sports medicine which she always thought was funny, considering I didn't like sports. As time went on I fessed up and brought her to her first Jets game. It was the Thursday night season opener againt the Redskins after the Jetskins fiasco. We hung out and tailgated with other Jet fans for about 8 hours. Got hammered taught her beer pong and how to make jello shooters. She was cute as hell during the game. She was so tanked she kept cheering when Washington scored because everyone else in the stadium did and she didn't know no better. I just watched her and smiled as I gave the evil eye to any Skin fans that looked at me. While planning our wedding she knew two things, I don't like to wear ties, having a 20 1/3 inch neck and all, and I love Joe Namath. I own 23 signed pices by Joe Willy. 14 I got for myself the rest where gifts or late nights up on the PC buying stuff. The girl that didn't like sports bought me a wedding gift and gave it to me about 4 weeks before our day. I though it was weird but I like getting stuff. I opened it and it was an authentic Namath jersy in white. She looked into my eyes with those baby blues and told me she wanted to wear it for the wedding. I know it sounds silly but let me tell you this, I knew I found the right one at that point. We have now been married for 6 years and have a dughter of our own and custody of all my kids. She had an older daughter from her first marriage. Everyday of my life since then has been a blessing. I thank the Lord everyday for putting my wife in my life. This has brought Crusher great peace. The Nomination: "Great story" SouthernJet "Great Story" Montreal Jet "Great story--if this doesn't win, the POTW Bot deserves to be castrated." war ensemble (It's funny how things turn out...) "awesome story crusher. so glad you now have someone to share this hell we call life with." joewilly Congrats to The Crusher on the great post, the awesome wedding, and for winning this week's (err, month's) edition of Post of the Week! You seemed to have the popular vote so I'm not going to deny the people that. Wear the badge with pride for hopefully only a week: Assist of the Week goes to all those who kept sending in POTW's, hopefully more nominations start coming in when this goes weekly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 WHO PUT A 12 YEAR OLD IN CHARGE OF THIS THING? THIS SITE HAS JUMPED THE SHARK. I AM OUT OF HERE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Hey War -- thanks for doing this. Hey Crusher -- you the man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenBeans Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Hey War -- thanks for doing this. Hey Crusher -- you the man! Congrats to both War Ensemble and The Crusher - one for the class to pick the right winner in his first day as the new POTW guy, the other for the life he now leads. Two thumbs up, y'all, I liked it better than "Cats". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irish Jet Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Great job War. Well done Crusher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war ensemble Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Hey War -- thanks for doing this. Hey Crusher -- you the man! You bastard wanted the runner-up to win, but Crusher would not be denied. I was afraid I lost the thread for a few minutes. Apparently not, thanks for the kind words everyone. The unkind ones are pretty awesome too if they come. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gg Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 excellent.. just what we need a PG-13 potw thread. OY! good job stick bug! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Bit Special Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CTM Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Great Job War! Congrats Crusher.. Been jealous of you since you first posted those weeding pictures of you and the little crushers in Jets Jersey's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GangGreen Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I win...ban Max. /thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Jet Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Yeah! POTW is back! Awesome job, War! Max, you better have given Beans a darn good severance package!!!! Chrusher, lovely story. Congrats! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maxman Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Yeah! POTW is back! Awesome job, War! Max, you better have given Beans a darn good severance package!!!! Chrusher, lovely story. Congrats! What? C'mon Beans gets to do other fun stuff, he isn't retired just reassigned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Crusher - you da'man! Great job War! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Panzer Division Marduk Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 He's not Beans, but I guess he'll do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gg Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 by the way crusher, beautiful story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Borgoguy Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Congratulations Crusher on a well deserved win. Thanks to War for resurrecting POTW. Its importance to the members of JetNation should not be underestimated. I hope POTW will, once again, become a weekly must read under your stewardship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faba Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Good job War and post by Crusher. I knew the "kid" could do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 awesome winning post by a great poster. good call war & keep up the good work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenBeans Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 What? C'mon Beans gets to do other fun stuff, he isn't retired just reassigned. Just waiting on a group... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alk Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 WHO PUT A 12 YEAR OLD IN CHARGE OF THIS THING? THIS SITE HAS JUMPED THE SHARK. I AM OUT OF HERE. Hey War -- thanks for doing this. Hey Crusher -- you the man! Max's multiple personality disorder revealed in just two posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vudu Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Topic: Why do we hate the Pats? Let us count the ways The Nomination: "Funny and truthful.." PFSIKH Editor's Note: I hate reality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war ensemble Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 Just a note: Although the POTW will go as weekly as possible, I don't have any definite date for when it will be done like Greenbeans did with Thursday. I'll try and keep it regular, but school's pretty unpredictable at times. It'll probably be a bit easier than this week's though because there will be less nominations. I might end up having the POTW's done over the weekend because that's when I usually have the most free time. We'll see, I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lil Bit Special Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 I'll try and keep it regular This should help: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
war ensemble Posted April 16, 2009 Share Posted April 16, 2009 This should help: I don't know if that'll help with my homework though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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