onemanswarm Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Every Tuesday morning, I wake up an hour early so that I can sit on the floor of my shower and meditate on the current state of the NFL until the water runs cold. This morning, through the power of prayer, the following rankings were revealed to me: 1. San Diego Chargers (13-2): Are Chargers fans at all worried about Phrivers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bob Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 1. San Diego Chargers (13-2): Are Chargers fans at all worried about Phrivers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boozer76 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Thank god, I was afraid you weren't posting the shower rankings this week. As always, POTW NOM. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 Thank god, I was afraid you weren't posting the shower rankings this week. As always, POTW NOM. Hahaha. Thanks, man. Just out of town for the holidays. Next week might be a day or two late, as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gainzo Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 32. Detroit Lions (2-13): What happened to the walkout? Did someone shoot Cyrus just as everyone was getting ready to mobilize? Can you count to 8:57, sucka Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Green DNA Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 7. The trophy will probably go on his mantle next to the NFL Come-on-My-Back Player of the Year awards he has won each year since 1999. 11. Cincinnati Bengals (8-7): Brad St. Louis will go down as the second most criticized snapper of 2006 (B. Spears). /quote] My two personal favorites Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NJ Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I literally was on my way to The Nation to see if you had logged in this week thinking you might be out of town. Another fine Shower Rankings. Don't get too close to the Cheezers when you're up there - they ain't right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theinlawjosie Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 4. New England Patriots (11-4): With 7:07 remaining, Tom Brady scrambled for a first down, and took a monster hit from Clint Ingram, which left the Patriots’ quarterback writhing on the field. Before CBS could even run the first replay, Heaven was mobbed by 13 million incoming requests, each beginning with “Deah Goaahd.” Priceless. 23. Miami Dolphins (6-9): The loss to the Jets ensures that Nick Saban will experience his first losing season as a head coach. Once official, the ‘no-losing-seasons’ distinction will be removed from the ‘trivia’ heading of Saban’s Wikipedia biography. This, in turn, will enhance the visibility of the factoid that Saban’s grandfather was named Stanko. Stank-O sounds like he could be a halfway decent Thundercat. He could spray urine on his enemies and refuse to bury his stools. I almost lost it with this one. Excellent job with the rivals....the Jay Cutler thing was hilarious as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theinlawjosie Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 4. New England Patriots (11-4): With 7:07 remaining, Tom Brady scrambled for a first down, and took a monster hit from Clint Ingram, which left the Patriots’ quarterback writhing on the field. Before CBS could even run the first replay, Heaven was mobbed by 13 million incoming requests, each beginning with “Deah Goaahd.” Priceless. 23. Miami Dolphins (6-9): The loss to the Jets ensures that Nick Saban will experience his first losing season as a head coach. Once official, the ‘no-losing-seasons’ distinction will be removed from the ‘trivia’ heading of Saban’s Wikipedia biography. This, in turn, will enhance the visibility of the factoid that Saban’s grandfather was named Stanko. Stank-O sounds like he could be a halfway decent Thundercat. He could spray urine on his enemies and refuse to bury his stools. I almost lost it with this one. Excellent job with the rivals....the Jay Cutler thing was hilarious as well. You should compile a book of these and sell them at the end of the season. I could probably push a few for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boozer76 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Hahaha. Thanks, man. Just out of town for the holidays. Next week might be a day or two late, as well. I don't know what bothers me more about the fact that the offseason is getting closer aznd closer-the fact that there is no more football for a while or the fact that I won't get to read your rankings. You know what, come the offseason I want you to find something that you can rank on a weekly basis and keep writing this. i don't care what it is, frog racing, ethnic driving, vaginal ping pong hurlers, just please keep ranking something. PLEASE!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 8. New York Jets (9-6): The Jets came away with an enormous win in an unwatchable game that earned votes for the worst holiday television since Carrie Fisher serenaded Chewie, Malla, and Lumpy with her rendition of Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raffyD Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 10. Denver Broncos (9-6): Did you hear on CBS that Jay Cutler is from Santa Claus, Indiana? Not sure if you had heard that or not, because it seems somehow fitting that a quarterback from Santa Claus, Indiana would perform well and earn a victory on Christmas Eve. You know, because of the connection between Christmas and Santa Claus? Turns out that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 Holy crap. I was certain I was the only one who remembered seeing that thing. Han & Chewie coming home from "work" (work = shooting tie fighters). All I remembered was Han giving Chewie's wife a big wookie-hug, and saying "Maaaaaaallaaaaaa," like old friends rekindling after years. But I didn't remember anything else like the kid's name; let alone a song Carrie Fisher sang - and less still the NAME of it. Cool - a bigger nerd than I am does exist. I can rest easy now. Awesome job as usual. Man, you HAVE to get your hands on a copy of it somehow. There's a lifetime of comic gold buried in that turd. Particularly if you find a copy with the original commercials. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 On these two I did lose it! Thanks swarm, f@cking hilarious. My pleasure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shutout Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Man, you HAVE to get your hands on a copy of it somehow. There's a lifetime of comic gold buried in that turd. Particularly if you find a copy with the original commercials. fighting the frizzies at 11 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Man, you HAVE to get your hands on a copy of it somehow. There's a lifetime of comic gold buried in that turd. Particularly if you find a copy with the original commercials. aaaaaaaaaaaah - I found it on YouTube mxgcjrs_jIA Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreenBeans Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 16. New York Giants (7-8): Eli Manning threw two passes on his opening drive, completing both for 55 yards and a touchdown. Over the next 57 minutes and 43 seconds, he completed 7 of 23 for 19 yards and an INT. What Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 aaaaaaaaaaaah - I found it on YouTube mxgcjrs_jIA Ugh. Even worse than I remembered! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Ugh. Even worse than I remembered! at like the 6:30 mark, Chewie & his family are sitting around the table. In the background you see bookshelves with BOOKS on them. Books??? Aaarrrgghhh!!! Vols I-IV back there? Chapter 1: Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!... Chapter 2: Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!... lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PFSIKH Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Excellent Patriots review!!! You nailed it. I think it is spelled gawd though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 at like the 6:30 mark, Chewie & his family are sitting around the table. In the background you see bookshelves with BOOKS on them. Books??? Aaarrrgghhh!!! Vols I-IV back there? Chapter 1: Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!... Chapter 2: Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!! Aaarrrggghhh!!!... lol Bwahahaahahaaha! I never noticed that. Anyone have a clip of Bea Arthur singing to the patrons at the Cantina? You won't know whether to laugh or off yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 Excellent Patriots review!!! You nailed it. I think it is spelled gawd though. My bad. I never realized how tough it can be to spell an accent. I think I wrote that about twelve different ways before I stuck with one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Bwahahaahahaaha! I never noticed that. Anyone have a clip of Bea Arthur singing to the patrons at the Cantina? You won't know whether to laugh or off yourself. I saw that too. It's in one of hte other youtube clips. Outrageous. MAAAAAAUDE!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
124 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 How could 9 (Dallas) not be the best of the bunch? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bugg Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 Quote: Originally Posted by onemanswarm 8. New York Jets (9-6): The Jets came away with an enormous win in an unwatchable game that earned votes for the worst holiday television since Carrie Fisher serenaded Chewie, Malla, and Lumpy with her rendition of Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thor99 Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 What, no love for the Primal Fear reference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onemanswarm Posted December 29, 2006 Author Share Posted December 29, 2006 What, no love for the Primal Fear reference? Nice pick up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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