Jetsfan80 Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 I'll post one. Then the next person posts one. And you don't have to be a Dad to enjoy them. I'm not, but I'm well prepared to embarrass my future kids and set a new record for eye rolls caused. My wife has only been married to me for a little over a year and is already pretty over it, lol. A man in his 50s pulls over at a gas station to add air to his tires. He notices that the machine charges 75 cents. He asks the attendant "Hey man, I remember when air used to be free. Now its 75 cents. What happened there?" The attendant thinks about it, then responds, "Well, you know........inflation." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 "Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton!'" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry McCockinner Posted June 17, 2020 Share Posted June 17, 2020 You know the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? One you see later, one you see after a while. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 18, 2020 Author Share Posted June 18, 2020 I hate when I'm in an elevator and someone farts. That's just wrong on so many levels. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 "What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN Posted June 18, 2020 Share Posted June 18, 2020 "What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta." 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post JetPotato Posted June 18, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted June 18, 2020 Jamal Adams 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Clouds Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Did you hear about the award they gave the man who invented the “knock-knock” joke? He was honored with the No-bell prize. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 I'm the biggest joke my dad has ever made. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey. But then I turned myself around. 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southparkcpa Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Dad, mom told me you were granted a wish by a Jeannie in a bottle to have the largest penis or the greatest memory, is that true??? I can't remember son. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 19, 2020 Author Share Posted June 19, 2020 Are you cold? Go sit in the corner. It's 90 degrees. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 My boss told me to have a good day. So I went home! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN Posted June 19, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted June 19, 2020 A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. The judge asks her, "First offender?" She says, "No, first a Gibson! Then a Fender!" 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 Be careful standing near those trees. They look shady. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jet_Engine1 Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Watching the weather channel, ask me what the forecast is... "The forecast is always hot when Felicia Combs is on..." Works with any hot Weather Lady, but yes, I like Felicia. Girl is Thick AF. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 I've got the greatest knock knock joke. You start it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Clouds Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 Someday, I think I’d like a job cleaning mirrors........ yeah, it’s just something I could really see myself doing. 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 20, 2020 Author Share Posted June 20, 2020 What did the pirate say when he turned 80? "Aye matey." 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arsis Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz. 1 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
munchmemory Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 7 hours ago, Jetsfan80 said: What did the pirate say when he turned 80? "Aye matey." What's a pirate's favorite musical note? High C. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slowmoe57 Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 My alphabet has only 25 letters. I don’t know Y. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 21, 2020 Author Share Posted June 21, 2020 37 minutes ago, munchmemory said: What's a pirate's favorite musical note? High C. I saw a great Pirate flick the other day. It was rated Rrrrrrrrr. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Happy Clouds Posted June 21, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted June 21, 2020 A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor tells him, “they’re benign”. The pirate replies, “no doc, there be 11. I counted them myself earlier”. 1 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 I'm watching a show about beavers right now. Best dam show ever. @Beaver @Spoot-Face @Eaton Beaver 1 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post greenwichjetfan Posted June 22, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted June 22, 2020 Dad on the phone: “Hello? Doc? My wife’s going into labor!” Doc: “It’s ok, calm down. Tell me, is this her first baby?” Dad: “no, it’s her husband!” 2 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 22, 2020 Author Share Posted June 22, 2020 I gave away all my dead batteries today.... Free of charge. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Clouds Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 An elderly couple is sitting in Church. The wife turns to her husband and says, “I just let out one of those silent farts. What should I do?” Her husband says, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”. 1 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thai Jet Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 What's Forrest Gumps facebook password? .... 1Forrest1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenwichjetfan Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 I've been telling Dad jokes since I was a kid, and wayyy before the internet turned dad jokes and puns into something cool. I was that nerd that you knew in your own school. The dad joke that started it all for me back when I was in elementary school: 7 or 8 y.o. GreenwichJetFan: (hand raised) "Can I go to the bathroom?" Mr. Callahan (RIP): "I don't know, can you?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 23, 2020 Author Share Posted June 23, 2020 2 hours ago, greenwichjetfan said: I've been telling Dad jokes since I was a kid, and wayyy before the internet turned dad jokes and puns into something cool. You hipster you! How did the hipster burn his tongue? By sipping his coffee before it was cool. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenwichjetfan Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 41 minutes ago, Jetsfan80 said: You hipster you! How did the hipster burn his tongue? By sipping his coffee before it was cool. True hipsters would know it was actually a fat burning alcoholic kombucha tea derived from the Kava plant. Not some Boomer Bean Water. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jetsfan80 Posted June 24, 2020 Author Share Posted June 24, 2020 I'm reading a book on the history of glue. I can't put it down. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JetPotato Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 On 6/20/2020 at 11:29 PM, Happy Clouds said: A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor tells him, “they’re benign”. The pirate replies, “no doc, there be 11. I counted them myself earlier”. A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants. Bartender says "Hey man, you know you've got a steering wheel on the front of your pants?" Pirate says "ARRRRR... it's drivin' me nuts!" 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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