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I'll post one.  Then the next person posts one.  And you don't have to be a Dad to enjoy them.  I'm not, but I'm well prepared to embarrass my future kids and set a new record for eye rolls caused.  My wife has only been married to me for a little over a year and is already pretty over it, lol.

 

A man in his 50s pulls over at a gas station to add air to his tires.  He notices that the machine charges 75 cents.  

He asks the attendant "Hey man, I remember when air used to be free.  Now its 75 cents.  What happened there?"

The attendant thinks about it, then responds, "Well, you know........inflation."

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I hate when I'm in an elevator and someone farts.  That's just wrong on so many levels.

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Did you hear about the award they gave the man who invented the “knock-knock” joke?

He was honored with the No-bell prize.

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Why do chicken coops only have two doors?

Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans.

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I'm the biggest joke my dad has ever made.

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I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.

But then I turned myself around.

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Dad, mom told me you were granted a wish by a Jeannie in a bottle to have the largest penis or the greatest memory, is that true???

 

I can't remember son.

 

 

 

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Watching the weather channel,  ask me what the forecast is...

 

"The forecast is always hot when Felicia Combs is on..."

 

Works with any hot Weather Lady, but yes, I like Felicia. Girl is Thick AF.

 

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I've got the greatest knock knock joke.

 

You start it.

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Someday, I think I’d like a job cleaning mirrors........

yeah, it’s just something I could really see myself doing.

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My wife just completed a 40 week body building program this morning

It's a girl and weighs 7lbs 12 oz.

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7 hours ago, Jetsfan80 said:

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

"Aye matey."

What's a pirate's favorite musical note?  High C.

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My alphabet has only 25 letters.

I don’t know Y.

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37 minutes ago, munchmemory said:

What's a pirate's favorite musical note?  High C.

I saw a great Pirate flick the other day.

It was rated Rrrrrrrrr.

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An elderly couple is sitting in Church. The wife turns to her husband and says, “I just let out one of those silent farts. What should I do?”

Her husband says, “Change the batteries in your hearing aid”.

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What's Forrest Gumps facebook password? .... 1Forrest1

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I've been telling Dad jokes since I was a kid, and wayyy before the internet turned dad jokes and puns into something cool. I was that nerd that you knew in your own school.

The dad joke that started it all for me back when I was in elementary school: 

7 or 8 y.o. GreenwichJetFan: (hand raised) "Can I go to the bathroom?"
Mr. Callahan (RIP): "I don't know, can you?"

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2 hours ago, greenwichjetfan said:

I've been telling Dad jokes since I was a kid, and wayyy before the internet turned dad jokes and puns into something cool. 

You hipster you!

 

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

By sipping his coffee before it was cool.

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41 minutes ago, Jetsfan80 said:

You hipster you!

 

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

By sipping his coffee before it was cool.

True hipsters would know it was actually a fat burning alcoholic kombucha tea derived from the Kava plant. Not some Boomer Bean Water. 

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On 6/20/2020 at 11:29 PM, Happy Clouds said:

A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor tells him, “they’re benign”.

The pirate replies, “no doc, there be 11. I counted them myself earlier”.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on the front of his pants.

Bartender says "Hey man, you know you've got a steering wheel on the front of your pants?"

Pirate says "ARRRRR... it's drivin' me nuts!"

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