FloridaJetsFan Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Pretty funny open letter to the Jets from The Round Mound of Touchdown. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2546777-jared-lorenzen-makes-his-pitch-to-qb-the-jets-after-geno-incident Jared Lorenzen Makes His Pitch to QB the Jets After Geno Incident Dear New York Jets, I have started my campaign on social media and figure now is the time to write you in person. I feel as though you may not be taking my pitch to join the team seriously, so this is my attempt to convince you that I should be a member of the J-E-T-S Jets Jets Jets. Let’s start with a simple fact: I used to play in New York City. I understand what it takes to handle day-to-day life in this city. Be honest—don’t you want a guy who knows his way around? You don’t want to have to tell your quarterback which restaurants are good and which to stay away from. Oh, and I have a Super Bowl ring! Granted, I was the backup and didn't see the field after Week 3. But, nevertheless, I have a Super Bowl ring! 1968. That’s all I have to say. And I’m pretty sure I can wear No. 11. I know everyone will wonder, “Why not rock No. 22, which has served you so well in years past?” Well, the NFL probably won't accommodate that number for a quarterback. But beyond that, the real reason I want to wear No. 11? Say it with me, big guys! Vertical stripes are slimming! It’s a busy time, Jets, so I’m guessing you haven’t been online lately. And you mustn’t have a smartphone because I haven’t received a direct-message response to my proposal. But I just want you to know that I can still throw the ball a little bit. Check out the tape—I’ve recently played for the Horsemen, the Rage and even a team called the River Monsters. I have/can still split the webbing on my receiver's hands. On hitch/slant routes, I have thrown it so hard that the spin on the ball has split the webbing. It’s pretty gross but a hell of an accomplishment. Clearly, you’re missing out here. The final reason why I need to be a Jet: heart and love for the game. I will give you everything this 6’4”, XXX-pound body has. I mean, when was the last time you saw a quarterback do this in a game? I’ll answer that for you...never! Throw in that I have a clean track record in not punching teammates and that I can step it up by eating all of the food Geno Smith won’t consume over the next six to 10 weeks, and this is a no-brainer. I look forward to your call/email/DM/snapchat/Facebook message/Instagram post in reply to my proposal. Thanks again for your consideration, Jared Lorenzen AKA: Hefty Lefty, Pillsbury Throwboy, Quarter(got)back, Abominable Throwman, Round Mound of Touchdown, Lord of the Ring Dings, He Ate Me, Butterball, Battleship Lorenzen, JLoad, Jello, J-Lo, Tubby Gunslinger, BBQ (Big Beautiful Quarterback) P.S. We can begin negotiations at Tao in downtown around 10 p.m. this Friday night. Don’t worry about reservations. They know me. Ask for Sammy. I’ll be at my regular table with my sampler appetizer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFJF Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Good stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJ Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 As a nose tackle?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Please let this happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerfish Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 We need a competition between him and Jamarcus Russell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nyjunc Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 he was the key to that '07 Giants SB run so maybe he can help us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sperm Edwards Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Please please please please please Plus he can provide depth along the DL while Richardson's suspended. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyCarl40 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Craft Services: "Please no." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 The Round Mound of Touchdown Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#27TheDominator Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 The Round Mound of Touchdown Actually, they had that one. They missed: QBese Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drdetroit Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 It's an insult from the Giants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spoot-Face Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I'd support this for the laughs. I could use a good pick-me-up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ex-Rex Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 Can this guy even take a center snap. I mean you have to bend at the waist and he hasn't seen his own pecker in years unless in a mirror. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joewilly12 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 I was the first one to make a post about Lorenzen and it was a joke and still should be. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack48 Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 send him a nice "Thank you but no" card Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Il Mostro Posted August 14, 2015 Share Posted August 14, 2015 They are constructing another lane in the Jet's buffet as we speak. Going double-wide. I would love JL on the team, even he were just holding a clipboard -- or a 4 foot sub. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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