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This post deserves its own thread....T0mShane's Game Day Experience

JonEJet

By JonEJet
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JonEJet

JonEJet

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T0mShane, on 07 October 2012 - 05:02 PM, said: This is my game day experience:

10:00-10:17 AM: Get in car, fill tank ($44), buy road snacks ($9).

10:17-11:00 AM: Drive south, cross George Washington Bridge, start wait in turnpike traffic.

11:00-11:50: Endure 50 minutes of traffic to travel remaining five miles.

11:50 AM-12:23 PM: Wait in line to pay $50 to park.

12:23-1:00 PM: Look for parking spot far enough away from Jagermeister-crippled bros desperate to bounce a football off of, then piss on my car.

1:00-1:26: Make the three mile walk from non-premium parking area to entry of giant air-conditioning unit/Cell Block D-inspired stadium.

1:26-1:35: Pay $48 for two non-carbonated warm beers and cold hot dog. Cringe at sight of working fireplaces in luxury boxes populated by JP Morgan execs who think Joe Willie Namath was the name of the guy who killed John Lennon.

1:35-1:45 PM: Climb stairs to seats, undoubtedly next to entitled daddy's-boy wearing a brand-new Santonio Holmes jersey, who smells like weed and Rumplemintz and vomit.

1:45-1:48: Having missed eight minutes of game action, quickly determine that I missed four Mark Sanchez incompletions. Regardless, Jets' PA announcer screams "And that will be a Jets...," and some in the crowd celebrate a FIRST DOWN, because that's what title contenders do.

1:48-1:49 PM: Listen to drunk, stoned entitled daddy's-boy next to me declare that if he hears anyone booing Mark Sanchez, he's gonna "kill 'em yo."

1:49-1:50 PM: Attempt to determine what the foreign solid entity that I just swallowed while sipping my $12 beer was. Convince myself it's a peanut shell.

1:50:36-1:50:48 PM: Pray it was a peanut shell.

1:51-1:56 PM: Entitled daddy's boy begins booing Sanchez.

1:57 PM-1:58 PM: Begin process of pretending I don't have to piss.

1:59-2:06 PM: Focus on game action. Wonder what Matt Slauson thinks he's doing out there. Wonder if Mark Sanchez blocks out sounds of booing by reminding himself that he banged some really hot chicks recently. Wonder why Shonn Greene acts like he stepped on a land mine after every run. Reminisce about the glory days of the Glenn Foley Era.

2:07-2:12 PM: Consider to what extreme the escalating hostilities between the entitled daddy's boy and the angry Hispanic Sanchez fan seated behind me will reach.

2:12-2:13 PM: Entitled daddy's boy uses the words "faggot mexican" to describe Sanchez. Elect to find bathroom.

2:13-2:55 PM: Find bathroom, wait in line, bottleneck at door, ponder how a sports arena installs bathrooms containing only three urinals. Piss. Bottleneck at exit door.

2:56-3:17 PM: Need to buy food product to get the taste of uncarbonated beer out of my mouth. Decide on pretzel ($6). Pretzel is frozen and wet. Paradox?

3:18-4:12 PM: Find seat, watch rest of game, stadium empties, entitled daddy's boy bleeding from right eye. Angry Hispanic Fan escorted out. Wonder why Tebow is fist-pumping after a three-yard gain. Consider that a portion of Jets fanbase will consider this particular Jets loss "no big deal" because "the Bills lost, too." Gain new understanding as to why Jets' business model succeeds despite lack of success. Paradox?

4:13-5:23 PM: Stare at line for bottlenecked elevator. Gain new understanding as to why every posited zombie apocalypse scenario begins with 99.7% of human race perishing within first 12 hours. Make trek across parking lot. Fans puking behind cars, throwing footballs at each other, cursing Parcells. Get to car, admire football-shaped dent in door; pool of piss around front tire.

5:24-6:17 PM: Wait in giant traffic melange to get on turnpike. Listen to postgame show. Bob Wischusen declares that loss, really, was a win. Listen to Rex consciously attempt to sound glum. Listen to Sanchez describe how well he played on the 48% of plays in which he completed a pass.

6:18-8:34 PM: Drive home. Wonder what I was thinking. Curse life.

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JustInFudge

JustInFudge

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It must be exhausting to be that ****ing miserable every minute of the day.

Right? Could you imagine doing anything with that guy that wasnt as easy as sitting on the couch and flipping on the TV? sh*t, he'd probably bitch and moan about the fabric of the couch and the effectiveness of the remote.

Miserable cuss that guy.

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HessStation

HessStation

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And appropriately enough, they both stopped being funny about 5 years ago.

It must be exhausting to be that ****ing miserable every minute of the day.

Right? Could you imagine doing anything with that guy that wasnt as easy as sitting on the couch and flipping on the TV? sh*t, he'd probably bitch and moan about the fabric of the couch and the effectiveness of the remote.

Miserable cuss that guy.

Obviously part of The Establishment. These guys^.

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