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Still hurting …..


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20 hours ago, joewilly12 said:

Been living to survive brother … 

You've been getting a ton of great advice from a bunch of guys here, but my two cents is you need to figure out what makes you happy and start living to thrive, not living to survive. There's no good in looking backwards, you have to start looking forward and making a new life, or you're going to be stuck in this dark hole forever.

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On 5/11/2023 at 1:13 PM, BeaconJet said:

You've been getting a ton of great advice from a bunch of guys here, but my two cents is you need to figure out what makes you happy and start living to thrive, not living to survive. There's no good in looking backwards, you have to start looking forward and making a new life, or you're going to be stuck in this dark hole forever.

Stuck in this hole ….. 

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3 minutes ago, joewilly12 said:

I tried therapy…… 

Try it again.  Different therapist.  You have not been able to pull yourself out of this depression.  You need help.  What do you have to lose by giving it another shot.

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16 hours ago, derp said:

This was your description of trying therapy last page:

”does therapy bring her back the money she took thepersonal belongings she destroyed..how about my home"

None of that is the point of therapy, and you’re right therapy won’t fix those things. But that being your takeaway makes it seem like you didn’t give therapy a fair shot or go in trying to work on things therapy can help with - figuring out how to put the past behind you, break out of this depression, enjoy your life, etc.

Unfortunately it seems like he'd prefer to be miserable because that's the mode he's been stuck in for so long.  

Changing the neural pathways in the brain is really difficult, especially as you get older.  Your brain gets stuck in "how I've always done it" mode.  It's like a field of tall grass with a pathway through it that has been walked over for decades.  Going off that path to cut a different one takes way too much effort, so why try?

That analogy came from one of my counseling sessions from years ago, btw....Only a small piece of a larger discussion but I remember the analogy.

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1 hour ago, Jetsfan80 said:

Unfortunately it seems like he'd prefer to be miserable because that's the mode he's been stuck in for so long.  

Changing the neural pathways in the brain is really difficult, especially as you get older.  Your brain gets stuck in "how I've always done it" mode.  It's like a field of tall grass with a pathway through it that has been walked over for decades.  Going off that path to cut a different one takes way too much effort, so why try?

That analogy came from one of my counseling sessions from years ago, btw....Only a small piece of a larger discussion but I remember the analogy.

Absolutely reasonable, and I’m sure it’s terrifying to have change forced upon you that late in life. There have also been continuous cries for help mixed in with lots of irrational thinking. Seems like there’s a desire to be happy and a path to reframe thought processes too. But that said I don’t think there’s a readiness for actual change at this point, and I guess don’t know if there will be. I do hope something clicks eventually and there’s an effort to take a step back and look at things a little differently though.

I think it’s so easy to get stuck on something and struggle to move because of it. I’ve experienced it myself and witnessed it in people I care for. At least from personal experience, if you can change perspective a little and get through whatever you’re stuck on then things get a lot easier. Life kind of goes from swimming against the current to swimming with it.

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On 5/23/2023 at 12:20 PM, derp said:

Absolutely reasonable, and I’m sure it’s terrifying to have change forced upon you that late in life. There have also been continuous cries for help mixed in with lots of irrational thinking. Seems like there’s a desire to be happy and a path to reframe thought processes too. But that said I don’t think there’s a readiness for actual change at this point, and I guess don’t know if there will be. I do hope something clicks eventually and there’s an effort to take a step back and look at things a little differently though.

I think it’s so easy to get stuck on something and struggle to move because of it. I’ve experienced it myself and witnessed it in people I care for. At least from personal experience, if you can change perspective a little and get through whatever you’re stuck on then things get a lot easier. Life kind of goes from swimming against the current to swimming with it.

Until I read that post I did not realize that the dancing at a Dead show was just an attempt to swim with the current. 

On 5/23/2023 at 1:21 PM, SAM SAM HE'S OUR MAN said:

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On 5/10/2023 at 2:00 PM, joewilly12 said:

Divorce I can handle … manipulating my kids against me stealing money wrecking my stuff most in a dumpster offering me chump change alimony pension 401k settlement I can’t and I won’t … she locked down on my pension years ago while she was planning all this … not to mention the cash money she took from out home … equitable distribution she agreed on was worse she packed up everything anything she wanted of value the movers took it away …. Then my lawyer says are you going to pay me $25k to get back $25k worth of stuff ….. if she wants to be with someone else good for her and him/her whatever she will never change her ways … devils daughter 

Your best revenge is to live well and enjoy your life. She's LAUGHING at your misery. She and her lawyers probably have nicknames for you. And if your grown children can't stand you, send tons of stuff to your Grand Kids. 

 

Move to Hilton Head or Cape Coral, make new friends,  and have fun. It'll drive her nuts.

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On 5/6/2023 at 6:02 PM, joewilly12 said:

Thanks …. Mine is nasty ugly … not afraid to admit it my life sucks all I do is it seems anymore is cry … 

Dude this is a new chance at having fun.  I  have had a blast since my divorce in 2020.  It’s freedom and quit with dating.  Hookups are amazing!!!

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